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I, Don Quixote

I, Don Quixote

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Published by Tim Ruane

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Published by: Tim Ruane on Nov 14, 2011
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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01/25/2013

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“I, Don Quixote”By Tim Ruane5001 Seminary Road, Apt. 1408Alexandria, Virginia 22311ta_ruane@yahoo.com703-504-88321.Mommy lay naked on her back in the big brown bed. Daddysat naked on top of her, his skinny buttocks squishing intoher chubby thighs, his knees pinned to her rib cage oneither side. Daddy held his right brown hand high over hishead in the air like a meat cleaver or the hand of aprofessional kung-fu karate black belt or somethin’. Theworld was still then like that for 10 minutes or so. Theroom was silent. All you could hear was the panting of mymother and father. Then, just like a big missile that hasjust blasted off, Daddy swang his arm down toward Mommy’swhite face. He cracked his hand—smacked it, really—againstthe left side of Mommy’s face. A huge crack soundreverberated about the room against the walls and ceilingand floor and big window panes for 10 miutes. Everything
 
was frozen except the sound of my Daddy’s hand crackingagainst my Mommy’s face. Then, like Frankenstein orsomethin’, Poppa lay out on top of Momma. He penetratedher with ease for Momma was all wet. They curled theirarms about each other like four snakes. First they rolledto Daddy’s left, then they rolled toward Daddy’s right.They did this two or three times, like beasts. Then liketwo clowns they rolled to Daddy’s right for the fourthtime, but they rolled too far, and they fell off the bed.Momma issued an ugh sound, for she had hurt her leftshoulder. Daddy grunted and made animal sounds too.Daddy remained on top of Momma, thrusting in and out like abig bear or somethin’. There was a small bathroom attachedto the bedroom which Mommy and Daddy were in, and thetoilet bowl began to gurgle a little. There was noscientific explanation for this gurgle. It was just asound from God, a sound that occurred while I was beingcreated. Daddy eventually climaxed inside Mommy, and whenhe did he snorted like a big brown bull or a big brown bearor somethin’, and then he collapsed on top of Mommy, likean exhausted dog that has been chasing tennis balls allafternoon. It was early in the morning. The sky wasblack, and a half moon hung in the sky like a human liveror somethin’.
 
Mommy and Daddy were on the floor, remember, and 16minutes after Daddy achieved his climax, I was miraculouslyconceived. Daddy’s sperm boys did a good job, and Mommy’seggs or whatever you call them did a good job too. They,Mommy and Daddy, both fell asleep on the floor shortlyafter their dirty coitus, Daddy on top of Mommy. So I wasviolently conceived on the floor of a bedroom just outsidea bathroom whose toilet bowl issued a miraculous gurglingsound during the coitus. I have never been happy or proudabout these facts, but I’ve never held them against Mommyor Daddy.2.Life inside Mommy’s tummy was 10 months of bliss. I grewappropriately in appropriate stages, stages that scientistshave classified, and I had fine hands and feet. I had adisproportionately large head, which might partly explainwhy I am the way I am. I never once dreamed while I was inMommy’s tummy, I just existed, like, in a state of nirvana.Mommy slipped and fell once during my pregnancy, and shelanded on her stomach. This was the only time I ever feltpain in utero.When nine months were up, I chose not leave Mommy’s tummy.Mommy wanted me to leave her, but I wouldn’t. She squishedand squeezed and pushed and wheezed, but I wouldn’t come

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