THE HOLLYWOOD ASSISTANTS HANDBOOK
BASED ON A TRUE STORY . . .
We were you. Yes, just a few years ago, we were you. We had graduatedfrom college, the real world upon us, and our friends were heading off to a variety of bright futures—med school, law school, Peace Corps,consulting firms, Capitol Hill, a year in Europe . . . But then there wasus, packing up our family’s old Volvo wagon for the glitz and glamourof the Movie Business. If only we knew then what we know now.Our early days in Hollywood can only be described as a series of misadventures. Crashing on friends’ sofas, e-mailing resumes fromKinko’s, begging for interviews at the temp agencies . . . “Can you roll15 calls at once?” the lady asked. “Roll?” we choked. Back then,“nightlife” consisted of going out with this guy that was the son of ourmom’s hairdresser. While he and his friends from the studio allordered round after round of drinks, we worried how we’d pay for thatone $12 mojito we downed an hour ago. Apartments fell through,roommates ended up being crazy, and the good jobs eluded us. For thefirst time in our lives, we realized, the paved road had suddenly crum- bled. We pondered packing it up. “Maybe grad school’s not such a badidea . . .”Instead we stayed, eventually using those friends of friends to get jobs in a mailroom (minimum wage now seemed extravagant), whichled to the floater assistant gig at the studio, which led to the produc-tion company . . . all leading up to the two of us having our “meet cute”on the studio lot. Working as assistants 12 hours a day together—answering phones, fetching coffees, copying scripts that were bound toturn into turkeys onscreen—the two of us became good friends. Weshared stories of how we arrived at these jobs, laughing at our naïveexpectations, cringing over our biggest embarrassments, and alwaysreminding each other not to take it all so seriously. The lessons contained in this book are a result of these many years we’ve worked as assistants. We’ve seen it all: big companies, smallcompanies, amazing bosses and, well, not so amazing bosses. We mas-tered the phones, memorized the schedules, and put up with theabuses because we knew that in order to make it in this business wehad to
learn by doing.
So that’s what we did. We stepped into the mudpit that is Hollywood, rolled around in it, and let it soak into every pore. Now it’s your turn to learn from our mistakes. Trust us, we would have killed for a book like this to read on the rideout to L.A., or on our friend’s futon in Beverlywood adjacent.Eventually we figured it out though, and you will too. Hell, in just a few years you’ll even have your
assistant. Just don’t, whatever you do,touch the celebrities.