High Quality
Open the downloaded document, and select print from the file menu (PDF reader required).
1
THE HOLLYWOOD ASSISTANTS HANDBOOK
INTRODUCTION
BASED ON A TRUE STORY . . .
We were you. Yes, just a few years ago, we were you. We had graduatedfrom college, the real world upon us, and our friends were heading off to a variety of bright futures—med school, law school, Peace Corps,consulting firms, Capitol Hill, a year in Europe . . . But then there wasus, packing up our family’s old Volvo wagon for the glitz and glamourof the Movie Business. If only we knew then what we know now.Our early days in Hollywood can only be described as a series of misadventures. Crashing on friends’ sofas, e-mailing resumes fromKinko’s, begging for interviews at the temp agencies . . . “Can you roll15 calls at once?” the lady asked. “Roll?” we choked. Back then,“nightlife” consisted of going out with this guy that was the son of ourmom’s hairdresser. While he and his friends from the studio allordered round after round of drinks, we worried how we’d pay for thatone $12 mojito we downed an hour ago. Apartments fell through,roommates ended up being crazy, and the good jobs eluded us. For thefirst time in our lives, we realized, the paved road had suddenly crum- bled. We pondered packing it up. “Maybe grad school’s not such a badidea . . .”Instead we stayed, eventually using those friends of friends to get jobs in a mailroom (minimum wage now seemed extravagant), whichled to the floater assistant gig at the studio, which led to the produc-tion company . . . all leading up to the two of us having our “meet cute”on the studio lot. Working as assistants 12 hours a day together—answering phones, fetching coffees, copying scripts that were bound toturn into turkeys onscreen—the two of us became good friends. Weshared stories of how we arrived at these jobs, laughing at our naïveexpectations, cringing over our biggest embarrassments, and alwaysreminding each other not to take it all so seriously.The lessons contained in this book are a result of these many years we’ve worked as assistants. We’ve seen it all: big companies, smallcompanies, amazing bosses and, well, not so amazing bosses. We mas-tered the phones, memorized the schedules, and put up with theabuses because we knew that in order to make it in this business wehad to
learn by doing.
So that’s what we did. We stepped into the mudpit that is Hollywood, rolled around in it, and let it soak into every pore. Now it’s your turn to learn from our mistakes.Trust us, we would have killed for a book like this to read on the rideout to L.A., or on our friend’s futon in Beverlywood adjacent.Eventually we figured it out though, and you will too. Hell, in just a few years you’ll even have your
own
assistant. Just don’t, whatever you do,touch the celebrities.
2
FADE IN
FADE IN
Welcome, friends, and congratulations. You are about to embark on a journey of incredible wealth, international fame, and record-breakingsuccess. It won’t be long before you’re jet-setting to St. Tropez withcelebutantes and accepting back-to-back Best Picture Oscars. Don’tforget to thank Mom . . .Okay, that’s a lie. If only it were that easy. The real? Starting off any new job is hard. Whether selling widgets in Wisconsin or politicking inD.C. or answering phones in Hollywood, you are going to need helpnavigating the shark-infested waters that are the real world. What bet-ter way to prepare than to learn the lessons needed to make it in the
most
shark-infested industry—the movie business.Now some of you’ve bought this book because you know deep within your soul that you’re the next Steven Spielberg. Others are read-ing this because
US Weekly
is your bible and you’re dying to know what Julia Roberts’ assistant’s life is like behind the glossy photos.Then there’s the last group of you—those who have no desire whatso-ever to work in Hollywood but know that the lessons learned here can be applied anywhere. (It was either buy this or that book on
How to Be an Accounting All-Star,
and well, this seemed a bit more interesting.)No matter what your reason may be, you are to be congratulated fornow being one step ahead of the game. Nicely done, friend. Butenough with the self-congratulatory pats on the back. There’s work todo . . . What you’re about to read is more than a book. It’s a way of life. Thefollowing pages contain every frothy tidbit and dirty secret you’ll needto survive—
and
thrive—in Hollywood. Think about it as your very ownextreme career makeover. By embracing the whole new attitude, per-sonal mantra, and holy religion we’ve mapped out here, we’re going tomold you into one successful Future Power Player, my friend. Why is all of this necessary? Because without paying attention toand then implementing everything you’re about to learn in this book, you will end up a failure, more likely to work the counter at theCineplex than have your own movies watched there. “Would you like toupgrade that popcorn to a jumbo and add a frosty beverage for a dol-lar more?” There. Did we scare you? As you’re about to learn, in the movie business, as in all business, whom you work for is as important as who you are. In order to get any- where as an assistant—that is to say, a future executive, agent,producer, etc.—you will be forced to buy into this system. So, yes, you were once the go-to auteur at Uni and won Best Short at your local filmfestival. But now you’re a professional secretary, spending every wak-ing hour of your life slaving away for the sake of someone else’s career.
Add a Comment
lalakojakleft a comment