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Would that thin slave become a jovial and fat Senator within XII
Epicurean months? Would the former Senator's heart be broken
within a month of plying his trade as a piss-collector? as a "eunuch"
[SPADO] to some eastern goddess? Or would the still-honourable
Senator just carry his new burden stoically? How would that pretty
"little wife" [UXORCULA] pay for her household supplies now---now
that the daughter of a fuller, or a farmer, or "an innkeeper" [CAUPO]
has to actually earn her bread and wine, all by herself? I would bet
that at least half of these ladies would succeed quite admirably, rise
to the challenge with terrible untested resources.
That "suburbanite" [SUBURBANUS] there. How would he ever enjoy
sleeping in the space above his master's tannery? Living and working
in the same room until he was too old to be of any further use to
anyone? How will that former Knight, so easily virtuous, proud, pious,
resolute, and charitable, face his new world as a naked man, "alone"
[SOLUS], "hungry" [IEIUNUS], "sickly" [INFIRMUS], "unknown"
[INCOGNITUS], and "soaked" [ELIXUS]? Would the charity still flow
as easily? Would his patriotism still move him to fine speeches and
generous civic acts? Would he thank the gods every day for one
more sweet breath of life? Would there even be an ounce of virtue
accessible to help him resolutely face the uncaring world, when
morning came, this time?
[date unknown]
"A new friend is a new spring." [AMICUS RECENS VER RECENS.]
A part of anything born in the springtime must be offered back to the
giving gods. Cuparius
I'm sorry to write that Petrus died a few months back. He was walking
to visit his son's family early in September when he just disappeared.
He was found dead about a month after he had set out. I think that
his back went out and he got stranded in the woods. He was
complaining about his "bad back" [TERGUM MALUM] viciously just
before his trip. I checked into the story "personally" [CORAM], just in
case. Romans are not loved dearly everywhere, you know, especially
near a border. XXIV years of hard army service! He gives them the
prime of his life, they reward him with a Roman citizenship, "and now
what" [ET NUNC QUID]? I guess that he was one of the few people in
this dusty old world who could stand up proudly and say: "I am a
Roman Citizen." [EGO SUM CIVIS ROMANUS.] Not only proud, but
free and exclusive! I can still hear him as he faced any problem with
that silly grin of his: So, where's the problem---and where's my
sword? May his shadow fade slowly in his holy Hell.
I've been hanging around an old Celt who lives nearby. His name is
Votaretorix and he speaks Latin poorly. I think that RIX is their
version of our REX. He wears "the twisted wire necklace"
[TORQUES]. He must be a hundred with this long long moustache
and his silver-white hair swept back as if he's forever facing into a
secret wind. He lives alone as if he were left there as a beacon. He
claims that he's not just a Druid but "a Prophet" [VATES] which
apparently women weren't allowed to be. He belonged to the same
class as the Druids though. He's hard to understand sometimes and
hard to believe most of the time. He lived quite the life though, he
says---no taxation, no soldiering, no slaving away for someone. The
Druids and Fighters were "The Masters" [DOMINI] and all the rest of
the Celts were "the Slaves" [SERVI] on the bottom. And there were
lots and lots of Slaves "at the bottom" [APUD RADICE].
As we walk around, he kicks the leaves and other dead things so that
they end up underneath a passing tree. He also has this pointed
walking stick and every once in a while he stops under a tree and
pokes as many holes as he can in the ground under the branches
before he moves on. He has vines all over his little house and his
gardens. But the names he uses for the oak, birch, elm, and yew! He
would say: A birch tree loves a good strong wind! "An oak tree"
[QUERCUS] has different names depending on the height, the acorn-
size, the color, the season, or what is being celebrated. I asked him if
the oak was his favourite tree and he answered: No. He said that his
favourite was the big river-willow that cries in the summer and, in the
winter: It's simply the ugliest tree in the world.
"An ancient screech owl" [STRIX PRISCA] was watching us for the
longest time. It reminded me of those scary children's tales about "the
owl-headed creatures" [STRIGAE] who attack children in their sleep
and drink their blood. Which reminded me of stories about men
turning into wolves or myths about half-creatures-half-men. Which
reminded me of an old statue of a god with two horns on his head,
back in the Druid's dark hut. He keeps mentioning a Mother-Goddess
of the Underworld quite often. This was the end of his year at
sundown, but the new year didn't begin until sunrise. Meanwhile, for
this special evening, we were in no-time. He'd step into the
tremendous fire every so often to rearrange the huge logs: a sight to
behold as he emerged out of the fire with his head hooded, like some
unearthly creature that fire couldn't even touch! I pointed out the
constellations PERSEUS and TAURUS above us in the middle of the
night and tried to explain their importance. He would point out some
constellation of his.
Sometimes we would fight about where the center of our feelings is:
he would then point
stubbornly to the head
and I would point
logically to the heart. I
can still hear the little
bells stitched to his
cloak of many shapes
and colors. I asked
once if the bells were to
keep away the dead
and he whispered out a
no. They were there to remind him that he was still alive and well, and
still in this world. I'm sending your dear wife some amber beads,
which better arrive with this letter "or else" [AUT]! Where are the
youthful days, my friend, when we used to take up the whole sidewalk
just as some rich old pudgy wined-up Senator came rolling by within
accidental striking distance? Once a centurion, always a centurion.
Legion XIII GEMINA is as strong as ever. Their IUPPITER and lion
emblems are comforting to behold. But not all of us got out on X
years service like you did. "Too bad" [MALE] my brother wasn't smart
enough to become a consul like yours. "Anyhow" [QUOQUOMODO],
I'm sure that an old soldier like you is still fighting for his place in line
and for a better life. The 25th of December will soon be here once
more: "The Unconquered Sun!" [SOL INVICTUS.] This "Persian"
[PERSES] wishes you: "Peace!" [PAX.] And "stay away from
redheads" [VITA RUFAE]! "Good-bye." [VALE.] On the 18th day of
December. In 4 A.D.. MURSA, PANNONIA.
"He lived by handfuls and mouthfuls of time."
[BUCCELLIS MANIPULISQUE TEMPORIS VIXIT.] Cuparius
The widespread rumour was that, on the 15th day, the Senate would
be asked to make Caesar king. He was already dictator-for-life. On
the 18th day, Caesar was to leave for PARTHIA to conquer her and
put more provinces under the power of ROMA. The assassins waited
with daggers, little swords, razors, and hidden knives. He entered the
Theater of Pompeius escorted by their man, Decimus Brutus, to
attend the Senate and they flocked around him as the statue of his
dead enemy Pompeius looked on and on. Pompeius had had the
misfortune to be assassinated V years earlier on a foreign shore.
Caesar must have been shocked to recognize Marcus Brutus and
Gaius Cassius, as he fell to the ground. There were rumours that
Marcus Brutus was really Caesar's son, but neither one of them ever
stepped forward and said anything in public. They say that Casca
struck the first of XL blows. He says so "proudly" [SUPERBE]
anyway. They say that LX of the Senators were originally in the plot.
All the Senators then scurried to the safety of their homes "like rats"
[UT MURES], too scared to declare for Democrats or Patricians,
overwhelmed by the assassination. It looked like civil war, again. An
amnesty was declared on the 17th day, but "mobs" [VULGI] were
forming and rioting. "He was very popular." [VALDE POPULARIS
ERAT.]
Maybe you're right: the Republic was a combination of monarchy,
democracy, and aristocracy that worked. The consuls and dictators
were kings, the upper-class were senators in power, and the other
people were democrats with their elected tribunes and their little
votes. The Republic as a three-way balance! But there seems to be a
natural progression there: one man-king to a group of senators to all
the democrats. And without violent force, it's hard to get a king or a
senator to share the wealth and power. Although like Titus says: Most
people in a democracy are not virtuous. What would happen if
everyone got an equal vote? Murderers and thieves voting equally
with bakers and philosophers! Drunks and pimps deciding who
should run the city! Petty criminals and mixed-up liars weighing the
issues carefully and with intent!
In his will, he had left every Roman citizen CCC SESTERTII. Always
a politician that man, even in death. When it was declared that his
adopted son and heir was to be his eighteen-year old grandnephew if
Caesar didn't have a legitimate son of his own by then, I think that
Antonius became embittered---after his initial rage wore off. The will
was made back in September, last year. Decimus Brutus was the
back-up heir---Caesar must have been a little surprised to see his
knife among the assassins. Marcus Antonius was the trustee of the
will. In the middle of April, Cleopatra packed up and left ROMA as
quickly "as an Egyptian in the night" [UT AEGYPTUS NOCTE]. I'll
miss those red fingernails. And those blue-and-green eyes. And her
royal stiff insolent manner.
What would the soldiers say? Caesar's elite Tenth Legion? A huge
crowd of people wouldn't leave his burning funeral bier in the FORUM
throughout the night of the 20th day. Gradually they threw everything
moveable in the FORUM onto the angry fire. It was very ugly: a slow
wild fury. Helvius Cinna was in the crowd when someone started
attacking him, yelling: "Assassin!" [SICARIE.] It was the wrong Cinna
however! Cornelius Cinna was the one that they wanted in their
righteous hands. Murdered for another man's crime! The innocent
guy was a poet, wasn't he? They literally tore him apart. I stayed
there watching and thinking throughout the night. We were
overwhelmed by the funeral incense and spices in the air. The
FORUM used to be an ancient cemetery long ago in our historical
past, didn't it? Someone was making a political point, now. The mob,
the next day, erected a XX-foot column of Numidian marble on his
funeral spot inscribed neatly with: "To The Father of The Country"
[PARENTI PATRIAE]. Someone had been well prepared.
After the civil war, Caesar had only really ruled for about a year
without a major war on his hands somewhere. All governments are
run by the few: army, heredity, wealth, priests, race, or business.
Caesar was more democratic, more cosmopolitan though. More
citizens were admitted and also more citizens were created from
barbarians, soldiers, and slaves. Roman colonies were integrated,
new colonies were set up, and even new-citizen Gauls were installed
into the Senate. More barbarians were made gladiators. Land was
given to soldiers and to proletarians. The recolonizing of CARTHAGO
and CORINTHUS was a personal political symbol. Everything he did
and said was a political declaration of war. He had "the daily records"
[ACTA DIURNA] put out in the FORUM for all to see and sent to the
legions and provinces: a remarkably open precedent.
ROMA was his home and he was her father now; only a god was
higher, more dignified. He beat the nobility politically and militarily, but
he was lenient. He'd lie treacherously to a Celtic or German tribe and
then massacre them down to their last woman and child. He always
travelled with bodyguards in foreign lands, but not in ROMA. He was
always lenient to a fellow Roman and his fellow Romans were the
ones who got him in the end. But then, even the wise Socrates wasn't
killed by strangers.
Old "Ninety-Nine" [IC] married "five times" [QUINQUIES], but his only
legal son died early and his only legal daughter died a young woman:
that would be a kinder summation of the man. When he stood up too
quickly he was grabbed by dizziness, so he was mortal and
vulnerable like any other man. His dreams scared him to death. He
was bald and vain about it. He loved himself and he loved ROMA. His
chair of gold at his Temple of VENUS is empty now. A spectacular
"Julian comet" [SIDUS IULIUM] is seen in the skies for VII nights and
people cry: It's an omen of Caesar! As if he were still in the city!
Some, whose eyes are better than mine, see a bloody-red comet. I
just nod my head.
[44 B.C.]
"The more cats, the more mischief."
[PLUS FELIUM PLUS MALEFICII.] Cuparius
[248 A.D.]
Don't let "what-they-say-you-are" [QUOD DICUNT TU ES] become
"what-you-are" [QUOD TU ES]. Cuparius
Uncle will have to look after the books and accounts himself, while I'm
away. He and I met with the new Roman administrators. Octavianus
is still here getting ready finally to return to ROMA. He wears a ring
with the head of a SPHINX on it. He seems like a simple sort of man.
It's a good thing that busts don't show height (or the lack of it). They
say that they can hold AEGYPTUS with III Roman legions. The plan
is definitely not to include any Egyptians in the armies. The Egyptians
may not be surprised to see all the soldiers, but they will be stunned
when they see all the legions of tax collectors that follow behind the
soldiers! There must be well over a half million taxable-people in
ALEXANDRIA. But then again, maybe they're used to it by now after
centuries of over-taxation. C.Cornelius Gallus will certainly command
AEGYPTUS well. He is famous both as a poet and as a soldier.
That's different anyway! He gave me a copy of his book "Loves"
[AMORES]. His elegies are powerful, although it's not my favourite
style of writing.
Near the middle is the temple of ISIS. Her priests are bald, chaste,
and bare-foot. They worship the cow, but refuse to eat sheep or pig.
The luxurious temple of SERAPIS, an underworld bull-man-god, is
magical. It is full of wonderful paintings, great columns, and huge
majestic statues. There is also a Sanctuary to PAN. There is a small
wild statue there with two horns on its head, two goat ears, two goat
legs and goat feet, and a huge Star on its chest: a fear-inspiring PAN
and yet a thoughtful silly PAN. Maybe it's that we feel odd about our
animal parts and our animal parts feel very odd about our non-animal
parts. I'm not sure if he appears very old to me or very young. I could
have stayed for years in the Library and the Museum with its lectures,
gardens, theater, zoo, and observatories. Ever since I first read
Euclides, I've been in love with ALEXANDRIA and "numbers"
[NUMERI].
They love to eat their bread, lentils, and beans here. Also onions,
cucumbers, pomegranates, grapes, watermelons, figs, dates, and
olives. They also eat things like crane, "pigeon" [COLUMBA], hippo,
ostrich, gazelle, and all kinds of seafood. Usually, I have coarse
Egyptian bread with some sesame or poppy seed in it and Egyptian
beer. But to eat one of their huge lobsters with some terrible Egyptian
wine: that's my lingering memory of ALEXANDRIA. Cleopatra doesn't
need it anymore! I don't think that she'll ever get a pyramid of her
own, now. Cleopatra liked to dress up and call herself ISIS and
parade through the streets or on the NILUS. Alexander is buried here
but others say that he's really buried in BABYLON, MACEDONIA,
OASIS, or even in MEMPHIS. They're hiding his body somewhere. I
would bet on where he actually died, myself. His gold sarcophagus is
long gone: "Times are tough all over." [TEMPORA UNDIQUE SUNT
DURA.]. Was he Macedonian, Greek, or eventually Persian? They
tell me that he was a god. They tell me that his body was mummified
in white honey! People say a lot of things. There's what-they-say and
there's what-they-think. And there's always also what-is-real-and-true:
the Source of the other two!
[29 B.C.]
He said: "Don't eat your heart!" [NOLI EDERE COR.] And I knew then
that I wasn't alone. At the end of the day, you can add up, for
yourself, all the people who might have whispered your name today
for some reason or other---but you'd be wrong---it was many more
people than that. Cuparius
"They might in the end have been nothing more than a project to
keep all the poor people occupied. Some pharaohs built pyramids
and some built wars. They say that there are a hundred pyramids in
all, but no one has bothered to count all the wars up. The Egyptian
stones are marvellous: limestone, granite, sandstone, and marble.
But they're for the city-people. The other people use mud-bricks.
Even their homes come from the River. They take the mud out of
their River and throw in some straw before they give it a quick bake.
Why straw? They don't know why, or so they tell me. They lay a wall
with these dull bricks, then thatch or tile it for a nice flat roof. It never
rains here so they are free to enjoy the outside world. The straw-part
still has me wondering. The straw is such weak stuff---unless you
push on the end of it---ouch!" [THIS WHOLE PART IN GREEK]
Mud-bricks are good enough for me anyway. The poor man’s barley-
beer is good enough for me too. Unlike ALEXANDRIA, mainly, I see
farms and villages. Oh, yes, lots of mosquitoes and flies. They have
these stone gauges that measure the height of the floods---whether
there will be a famine that year. They measure here in cubits, palms,
and digits. My friends chew "the papyrus" [PAPYRUS] and then spit
out the pulp. "Strange customs" [MORES MIRI] in strange lands!
They have three seasons: Spring, Summer, and Flood. They even
start their New Year with the flood, just after the Ides of July, when
the star SIRIUS, which they call SOTHIS, first rises. Their four-
thousand-year-old calendar is simple: XII months of XXX days, plus V
feast-days, plus one-quarter day.
To manage the precious liquid, there are canals and dikes all along
the river. Whoever controls the water, controls the people. Just before
THEBAE we took a canal to COPTUS, then a camel-caravan for XIII
nights of torture. You can notice hyenas, jackals, and vultures on the
edges, waiting for a camel to fall. The days are so hot and the nights
cold. Sleep and rest were all we can barely endure at some well-
placed station on this ancient route. The wind in "the desert"
[ARENAE] blows constantly against you---you're always fighting it---
which is an odd complaint from a sailor. One tremendous sandstorm
was a deadly disaster. The air became hotter and hotter just before
the sandstorm hit. The flying sand is so hot that you have to hug a
nearby camel for protection and shelter. Drowning in the sand, I felt
so helpless. This world may struggle against terrible floods and
earthquakes and plagues, but it will surely someday finally end by
drought. And then, there will be no more sailors.
They told me that some poor tribes live out here all the time, in the
hill-caves. XXXXVIII camels and me, soberly moving through the
Egyptian desert-night---not exactly the stuff of poetry, I know, but
there we were! They told me to watch out for snakes and scorpions.
The sand-fleas are everywhere. The smell of camels is something
that I will never forget, though I've tried! These animals are not just
horses with a hump. They're one-humped monsters! They can carry
five hundred pounds easily, so they have their value. They go for XX
to XXV miles a night. The front feet of the camels are tied loosely
when they're not loaded down by business. There are II or III camels
to each human-handler. My friends insisted that I ride on a camel, so
I obliged at times, but I preferred walking because it seemed more
real to me.
They milk them, burn their dung, and eat them. Camel-meat is too
tough for me and the smoked hump---I didn't even want to look at it. I
liked the camel-liver. They told me: You haven't lived until you've had
"camel-heel soup" [IUS CALCIS CAMELI]. Well, they're wrong! My
friend said that if we're lucky, we'll taste some hyena. But it doesn't
sound too lucky to me, never mind for the hyena and his family. Let
me tell you though, if ever a male camel is frothing at the mouth,
then, well, just stay out of its way! Move quickly and calmly in the
opposite direction! Their milk is whitish. These animals drink and
drink rivers of water if you let them and nothing if they can't find
water! Fresh water is constantly a problem in my life, whether I'm at
sea or in the desert.
The tents are of camel-hair. The camels are like super-mules, or like
dragons that some dragon-goddess somewhere had personally
created...but she forgot the wings and claws, had a hump added, and
had the legs stretched, in a drunken fit of humour. The proof they
offered me was that camels (and cats) move their feet the same way
as dragons when they walk: they move the back leg just before the
front leg on the same side, then the same pattern on the other side,
and so on. Did I mention that a camel's stink could kill? Flies have
been known to drop dead if they innocently passed too close to a
camel's breath!
[29 B.C.]
"She listened gently to his stories and he listened respectfully to hers
---a kindness in return for a kindness."
[EA CLEMENTER FABULAS EIUS AUDIVIT ET IS REVERENTER
FABULAS EIUS AUDIVIT.GRATIA PRO GRATIA.] Cuparius
It's about the seventh hour; my lunch was superb but a bit too much! I
never buy any meat on the streets, just a drink now and then. Just
because they call it chicken or pig doesn't mean that it hasn't been
called rotting pigeon or alley-cat previously. People are funny with
their words: Of course, I was in the CIRCUS all day, honey! And
inwardly: After all, life is a CIRCUS and an hour does seem like a day
sometimes (and honey does come from stinging bees, you nosey
old....).
I could set up a booth here and tell them their fortunes: You were
injured in the war, have XII SESTERTII in your pocket and have no
future prospects.
You're worth sixty thousand SESTERTII and your wife is unfaithful
(what are the odds!).
Your back is very sore.
You just lost your best friend.
You think you've got happiness by the privates.
And: You over there, you love to eat.
You stand ready to die for love.
You live for your children.
I could talk away nonchalantly about their health, luck, love, virtue,
money---and make them all a little bit happier.
I pass a pregnant girl, with face bloated and feet splayed out for a
better balance in an unsure world. They say that a pregnant woman
has a certain glow. Well, the mystery of motherhood does have a
wonderful glow to it, but her fragile body is sure taking a beating. This
one seems to be walking, breathing, and eating for two! Perhaps
she'll find some time in her busy schedule to smile for two. A mean
little adolescent deliberately goes out of his way to step on a wayward
beetle as it tries to cross the hot littered sidewalk. He'll make for a
good soldier someday. Wherever he's headed to, he doesn't want to
go there. But he's going anyway because somebody gave him an
order. And orders make life easier for him. I avoid a couple of
begging Egyptian priests with their little cymbals and also step around
a dead little carcass in my way (probably a squirrel).
Where are the truly classless people? There are millions of citizens
throughout the Empire and who knows how many other slaves,
barbarians, and foreigners! Where are the ones like me? "I really
need the company." [PROFECTO SOCIETATIS EGEO.] Sometimes,
I feel like "I'm hanging by a thread" [PENDEO FILO]. Once in a while
though, you meet someone who is not weighted down by his wealth
or his poverty and who is not blinded by his birth or position. I don't
much like the god I picked this year. Next year I think that I'll live "à la
BACCHUS" [AD BACCHUM]. "Women and wine!" [VENUS ET
VINUM.] Those are the two streets that you'll find me on, my friend,
for all of next year!
Is it my impression only or are there a lot of old people out and about,
lately? I like being polite in public: "Ladies first" [PRIMUM DOMINAE],
and all that. But these old people! You try to act "deferentially"
[REVERENTER]. But there comes a point where you treat them all
the same---male or female has no consequence. They even start
looking alike. They're almost a third sex. You're forced to treat them
with a strict politeness (until they mouth off too much and then "all's
fair in self-defence" [IN DEFENSIONE OMNIA AEQUA]).
Now's a good time for a pause from all my sketching and for some
"hot wine, watered-down and spiced-up" [CALIDUM]. Sometimes I
dress up and sometimes I dress down, carry a bag full of money or
go about without a coin in my pocket. I like to feel what it's like for all
these different people, to see a little of what they might see.
Sometimes we feel that a bucketful of coins is necessary for a strong
sense of security and at other times we feel independently poor---
truly a feeling of real freedom. Today, I have a few small coins with
me. Just another poor man in the big city. ROMA offers many
different perspectives, if we care to grab a taste. She has many
wonderful buildings and people and many terrible "temptations"
[PROBRIPERLECEBRAE]. But no dinner for me today. I've been
over-indulging lately. Most people fast only one day per month, but I
fast twice per month. I have to lose a little weight; I've made up my
mind. It seems to be getting harder to keep the weight off as we get
older, though. This "over-stuffed belly" [SAGINA] has been too
faithful and constant a companion; I've made up my mind!
I prefer the new parts of the city. The old parts have their charms.
And they have a way of putting the rest of the city into a longer
meaning. But they're generally run-down and the fix-ups are poorly
done. They're such "a mess" [SQUALOR]. Some of the new buildings
are even a worse mess. Buildings have a life-span like people and
words. Then they just don't work well anymore. Some of them never
did work right or well in the first place. But some go on and on. Some
buildings seem shy and some seem bold, just like people. But
shyness in a person, to me is so boring, just a sign of their self-
centered preoccupation. And boldness is also a boring sign of a
person's extreme selfishness. We have to skilfully rope-dance
between these ugly extremes of ourselves.
When I was younger, I assumed the best. People with more money
worked harder and were smarter than the rest. People in love lived
happier and forever. People with culture and manners were just
better people. But now, "I simply call them as I see them" [MODO
EOS VOCO UT EOS VIDEO]: Greed kills, "love lies" [AMOR
MENTITUR], and learning is sophistry. My old father-in-law used to
tell me: The more educated they become, the ruder they become! If
you assume the best, you're only hurt and surprised when the worst
shows up repeatedly, again and again. But if you assume the worst,
well then you're only pleased and surprised when the best shows up
occasionally, once in a while.
Number One:
"Everything's a clue (to a certain extant)!"
[OMNIA INDICIUM QUADAM TENUS.]
Number Two:
"Everyone's a liar (to a certain extent)!"
[OMNES MENDAX QUADAM TENUS.]
And Number Three:
"There are no more rules."
[NON SUNT PLURES LEGES.]
So, I went to work. These two slaves spoke innocently and poorly. All
their clues pointed to true conditions and all their lies pointed only to
their private little fears. They feared discovery of their "love affair"
[AMORES], and they feared their probable torture and possible
slaughter as the slaves of a murdered Roman master. They have co-
operated, so far. For some reason, according to the secretary, the
former Senator had deposited his will with the Vestal Virgins in
ROMA. If you could check that out, it might prove interesting. Not for
what's in the will, but for when he last rewrote it. The Senator was
healthy, they all said, and he looked all right to me, considering.
While here, a cohort of soldiers arrived in town with the looting and
spoils of Q.Servilius Caepio, a name I'm sure that your friend Manlius
Maximus would recognize. They had gathered all their many Celtic
treasures at TOLOSA, armied their way to here, and were on their
way to MASSILIA in C ox-carts and on CCC army mules like a huge
"wooden caterpillar" [ERUCA LIGNEA]. It made me wonder if Greeks
were secretly hiding somewhere inside. For some reason, it was very
neatly divided up: gold in the carts and silver on the mules, C and
CCC. "Very neat!" [VALDE MUNDUS.] And only the five hundred
soldiers! They arrived here on the 2nd day of October. At, say, three
hundred pounds per mule and a thousand pounds per cart, that
would work out to roughly one hundred thousand pounds of gold and
the same of silver.
And that's when I've learned to apply your Rule Number Four:
"There are always more rules (see Rule Number Two)".
[SUNT SEMPER PLURES LEGES.VIDE LEGEM NUMERUM DUO.]
The story? Well, the Senator was here to meet some people. They
killed him. They were very good at what they did. Soldiers or perhaps
politicians. Probably Romans. He was in some dirty business with
them or he found out something about them and he wanted a share.
He wanted more than his fair share, so they killed him. The knife was
left as an obvious clue. It looks like a false clue to me, although it
remains an effective warning to others. And the whole thing was
about money, of course. They weren't desperately fighting over
whose turn it was to feed the many orphans of NARBO---I feel quite
confident on this point. I don't think that we'll ever find out who did it
unless someone from the other side starts talking to us. But I do know
that someone will be hung with this crime because of the Senator's
position and name. There will have to be a person, an assassin, a
name that can be delivered to the Senate.
I know that I've had some success in my career, but this political
world is not for me, my friend. "I'm a simple man" [VIR SIMPLEX
SUM] with very strong honest tastes. This is not what I call living.
"Life is too short." [VITA NIMIUM BREVIS.] Sometimes, now and
then, because of all your hard work, an opportunity presents itself.
You're very good at what you do, and success is forced to give you a
little taste of itself. I want to retire from politics to the brick-business
on my wife's side of the family, on the outskirts of VEII. I feel that an
opportunity waits for me there. It's time that their operations were
expanded anyway. And I'm just the man for the job! XXXI is a ripe
enough age.
It's the only sane answer sometimes! You're stuck with a handful of
hypothetical guesses in a sea of incomplete doubtful information.
You're trying to walk on swampy wet land. You take your best shot,
but you know that it's just not good enough this time. And still, you
have to try to win some little victory or you lose by default!
Unfortunately, you never get the truth, sometimes. There is just not
enough information! And there's nothing you can do about it. A lot like
life itself, no?
That's my report, but knowing you as well as I do, I figure that you
have more rules that you haven't told me about yet in Nero's Jury
School. I should be in
ROMA on the 12th day
of October, if you have
any questions. I have
some unfinished and
personal business here
that's almost wrapped
up. On the 3rd day of
October. In 106 B.C..
NARBO.
And if the horse is nearly dead to this busy little world, well, pepper
and a little cheap wine will still sell "that old horse" [ILLE EQUUS
SENEX]. Cuparius
Don't just stand there and wait for it all to come to you! The fish won't
come unless you bait the hooks---and with the right bait. According to
"two stooges" [DUO SCURRAE] of Caepio who arrived yesterday,
that simplistic Legatus, M.Minucius Flaccius, was not given command
of the cohort, but was the second-in-command. Another Legatus,
Castrus, was given the over-all command by Caepio himself. Castrus
and Flaccius apparently had a bitter and argumentative history. The
stooges say that Castrus was also found with a sword through his
back just outside of TOLOSA, so they are here to investigate. My
brother in NARBO sent me a letter. He mentioned a local Celtic tribe
and their odd method of execution: one Celt distracts you in front
while another thrusts a sword into your back, straight through your
heart. They call it the "Hello-And-Good-Bye" [AVE ET AVE].
You might also like my rule Number Seven:
"Who's got the money?"
[QUIS PECUNIAM HABET.]
Money always leaves a trail and money, as you know very well, is
merely the language of power. By the way, we're still waiting for the
treasury to sail into port. It's only a few days late. I say that Caepio's
got the money---and I say that proving it will be very difficult. That
man is plain "dangerous" [PERICULOSUS]---he plans everything:
fighting, loving, eating, talking, breathing. Those two assassin-slaves
of yours, of course, are obviously not here either. I've ordered some
ships to start searching: one backwards to NARBO, two northwards
and one southwards. But if it were me, I would have headed for life
and liberty---and straight for AFRICA.
They had the choice to show up here and tell their story, trusting in
Roman justice, or to make a run for it. Anyone who resisted would
have been thrown overboard, onion-head or not. They were in too
deep, they were playing with the big-money boys and they didn't even
know that they were playing in a deadly game until it was far too late.
I always feel some pity for innocent people who don't even know what
serious games they're playing in. Every game needs some "pawns"
[LATRONES]. But I may be wrong---they may show up yet.
Rule Number Nine is:
"Who's zooming whom?"
[QUIS QUEM FACIT.]
Take a long look at all the actors and dancers and picture them with
different roles and histories. It was I who placed you in NARBO on
the 1st day of September to bring my brother there some important
letters and supplies, wasn't it? So what do you say? "Are we on the
same team?" [SUMUSNE IN FACTIONE EADEM.] I don't mind
people on my team belonging to other teams as well---that is an
unavoidable fact of life. Ahh, my young friend, one of my many
pleasures in life is watching the young run around joyfully and get
constantly, relentlessly surprised by life. I notice that your lovely wife
has ordered, on credit, some very expensive dresses and also an
emerald necklace to match her eyes.
Ahh, yes, I almost forgot my last and final rule, Rule Number Ten:
"Be very careful whenever you say yes
---and be very, very careful whenever you say no."
[ES VALDE CAUTUS QUANDOQUE AIS
ET ES VALDE VALDE CAUTUS QUANDOQUE NEGAS.]
On the 11th day of October. In 106 B.C..
"I prefer yours." [MALO TUAM.] Cuparius
A good woman never lost a good man. :as our blessed mother used
to repeatedly tell us. Well, two husbands later, I'm thinking of him
again! "My quack-doctor" [PHARMACOPOLA MEUS] tells me that
"my way of life" [VICTUS MEUS] has been killing me slowly. No more
meats for a while and I must exercise more and drink less wine!!!
More "leeches" [HIRUDINES] and less excitement are in my future.
I say to the quack: What about beans?
He quickly nods: Yes.
And lots of water? :I suggest.
He says: "Yes, indeed." [IMMO.]
And maybe some peas with my water? :I joke.
Soups are the best thing for you, my dear. :he says, as serious as an
undertaker.
Doctors have their little ways of acting serious and all-knowing. But if
they really knew it all, they certainly wouldn't tell anybody. I know that
I wouldn't.
So, I think back on Dalmatius. And I go calling on his sister, Crispina,
in BENEVENTUM. They should change the name of this little village
back to MALEVENTUM, as far as I'm concerned. She has plenty of
wrinkles, but still a young girl's big bright eyes. She says that he's
fine. Just became a widower as a matter of fact! (As if I hadn't heard!)
"By Castor!" [ECASTOR.] You know how black and white that witch,
Terra, is about everything, well, "this little honey is even worse"
[HAEC MELLILLA ETIAM PEIOR EST].
So, she suggests a dinner some night for some of my family and
some of hers. "I nod discreetly." [PRUDENTER ANNUO.] I feel like
we're playing this game so well, like experienced gladiators, this
woman and I. I suggest a vegetable-bean combination as part of the
menu.
Well, my sweet sister Orbia certainly doesn't need that "little bitch"
[CANICULA] for a sister-in-law. You wouldn't like her, I'm sure. Her
hair's burned and twisted, with powder on her face, and she smells of
roses, but I don't think that she was born that way! Her dress is folded
to cover-up, not to honestly advertise. And her underclothes hold her
breasts in such a position that the goddess of breasts herself couldn't
honestly vouch for their authenticity.
Perhaps, I'll just lie low for a few months and let this "diet-and-
exercise" [INEDIA EXERCITATIOQUE] nonsense do its worst. The
gladiator's diet: beans and barley! Barbara now highly recommends
the bath-diet: eat a little and bath a lot. Have we really progressed so
little in all these years---we might as well live on a barbarian farm
eating beans and chasing the sheep all day long. Once I'm down to
my hunting weight, well, then we'll jump back into the Games. I have
my pride and at my age, I know what I want. I'm no "jumper"
[DESULTRIX]. I've never been "an easy woman" [FACILIS]. And I
won't start now.
I realize that marriage is a lot like business: everything's fine until the
tough lean times come scraping along. Or until the rich fat years
come rolling along. Then, in either case, everything is tried and tested
to new limits.
But I like marriage. Marriage is "a chain of pleasures" [CATENA
DELICIARUM]. Passion should be constant: a fire that won't
completely satisfy and a fire that refuses to burn out. "Passion is very
nice." [CUPIDO VALDE EST BELLA.] But the added taste of love
makes everything cook even better. Love is the fruit of life itself. Like
you've always told me: "A fruit's a fruit and everything else is just
another vegetable." [FRUCTUS FRUCTUS EST ET RELIQUUM EST
MODO ALIUD HOLUS.] "So, act accordingly." [AGE IGITUR ITA.]
So, here I am---not very eager or happy to enjoy this diet that I find
myself on. "Please, no more." [SIS NON MAGIS.] Cold baths! All the
water that I could ever desire! Uncooked vegetables sprinkled with a
dash of vinegar! I see beans covering me, drowning me, and laughing
at me in my restless dreams. I walk around all day, as if I had a wolf
by the ears---and so now, what do I do?
Zeno: The more virtue---then the happier, the human spirit. Evil
people are very unhappy.
(Someone in the crowd: They look pretty happy to me!)
Epicurus: Evil people are fearful. They fear death, the gods, witches,
the wife...
Zeno: Evil people are ignorant. They don't know any better.
Reason is all!
Epicurus: Pleasure is all!
Zeno: Ignore all the things you can't control. Submit to Nature and
your beautiful little soul will be free. "With inner peace!" [CUM PACE
INTERIORI.]
Epicurus: My personal constitution does not recognize your laws,
your politicians. Animals are natural. Children are natural. You adults
are not. Don't you remember your youth? Free yourselves, again!
Pleasure is my freedom. The only freedom. Be like little children
again!
Zeno: Virtue is freedom and virtue is the proof of god. Be free
from the outside world that you cannot control and accept your
destiny. Animals are ignorant. Children are too. A real adult man
seeks happiness in virtue. The freedom of a peaceful spirit. A spirit
striving constantly for excellence, while surrounded by vices that can
only destroy your precious freedom and happiness.
Epicurus: The only happy man is a free man. The only beauty is
pleasure!
Zeno: The only healthy man is a wise man. The greatest beauty is
virtue.
Epicurus: Stop wasting your time here! How much time do you think
you have left? What are you idiots doing here? Go have some fun
while you can!
Zeno: Didn't you ever have the feeling that you carried a piece of
the gods deep inside you---deep inside you somewhere, just waiting
to be fed?
Epicurus: Didn't you ever feel "The Emptiness" [VANITAS]. The
Emptiness of this crazy world---and The Emptiness inside you?
Zeno: It's all "destiny" [FATUM].
Epicurus: It's all "an accident" [CASUS].
Zeno: "I take what the world presents." [CAPIO QUOD MUNDUS
DONAT.]
Epicurus: I take what the world presents.
I'm not the lowest slave there is: a mining slave without a family life,
sleeping underground, eating food that pigs wouldn't touch, working
hard for as long as he’s awake, wearing a rough worn tunic. Yes, I'm
a slave, but I'm better off than that soldier-slave with his "uniforms"
[SAGA], under constant orders, with his XX to XXX years of
encagement. Or that free woman who is "chained" [CATENATUS] for
life to her tyrant-husband. Or that poor man, heckled and nagged to
an early grave by his over-bearing loud wife and then grateful for the
welcome relief of silence. Or those emperors with their half-year or
two of power before they're butchered by the next slave-to-be. Or that
drunk: "the jug" [CADUS] gives simple elegant "orders" [MANDATA].
Who wouldn't prefer being a rich slave rather than a destitute citizen
or an ignorant barbarian or a hungry animal?
Yes, there have been chains in all the ages and in all the cities, but
some of us prefer to be blind and maybe
don't like to have a couple of our chains
pointed out to us so harshly. Some
slaves are forceful and violent, but some
of us are forceful and subtle. And some,
like your friend from ATHENAE, don't
mind being slaves as long as they have
a few slaves under their power. In the
end, nobody that I've ever met has ever
been even close to owning complete
freedom. I have never met a free man! I
have never been introduced to a free
woman. We can never shake off all the
masters that we might have. "Everybody
has a master." [OMNES DOMINUM
HABENT.] Some of them are very nice.
It's a lonely dangerous world out there,
Carbo. VALE.
[81 A.D.]
"Half-free is like half-dead."
[SEMILIBER EST QUAM SEMIVIVUS.] Cuparius
These Romans may have won the war, but new battles always await.
I want to start life over again, a new fresh day, but first I want to go
see what's left of my home, my city. Thankfully, I have your letters to
read and write back to. I've really polished up my Latin here and now
my Greek and Latin are better than anyone's in this whole backward
stinking "household" [FAMILIA].
That fire last year was a terrible omen. Their holiest temple went to
ruin. I didn't drop a tear. In fact, I slept a little easier. The year before,
VESUVIUS erupted and their Emperor died. Last month the new
Emperor died. I can't stay here, in this accursed prison. "Freedom!"
[LIBERTAS.] These Romans sure value their own freedom. But even
the master whispers that name as some pretty young thing smiles his
way---and how many other daughters sob silently, like Antonia, into
their blankets in the middle of the night: "I want to be free!" [VOLO
LIBERA ESSE.]
Slaves aren't the best workers anyway: a little resistance here and
there, some insubordination, minor sabotage, some well-chosen spit
in the soup, a fly in the wine, theft, laziness, lying, vandalism, playing
dumb, savouring his best wine, pissing on her violets, and so on.
When they buy slaves, they joke: "Yes, she cost MD sesterces" [MD
ETIAM SESTERTIIS CONSTAT], but the elm rods were extra!
[81 A.D.]
"Every politician has his own gang."
[OMNIS CANDIDATUS CIVILIS TURBAM SUAM HABET.] Cuparius
The Emperor Galba collected the taxes efficiently but he didn't spend
it very freely for himself, the Legions, the People, the Senate, or the
Praetorian Guard. The son of an old upper-class family, he should
have been satisfied as the Governor of HISPANIA and should not
have listened to his ambitious troops. If he became the Emperor, then
they surely were in for some new wealth and power. I then went into
one of my taverns for some wine and to hear the latest "gossip"
[GERRAE], "opinions" [SENTENTIAE], and "rumours" [FAMAE] first-
hand. It was breaking news and red-hot history that we had just
witnessed. We heard graphically how Senator Piso, the adopted son
of Galba, was dragged out of hiding in the sacred Temple of VESTA
and forced to eat the swords of Otho's soldiers.
Otho, who was a close dear friend to Emperor Nero, came from
mighty Etruscan ancestors. On the 20th day of April, he committed
suicide, after the troops of the new Emperor Vitellius defeated the
troops of the old Emperor Otho. No, Otho and his toupee didn't last
very long on top of the Roman Pyramid.
Vitellius was the general of the Lower German Legions, the best and
finest troops in the Empire. When they voted for an Emperor, or for
anything else, others listened softly. The man, himself, was quite
simply "a drunk" [EBRIOSUS] and "a glutton" [HELLUO]. Every meal
was another fantastic feast: "eat" [EDE], "drink" [BIBE], "vomit"
[VOME]...eat, drink, vomit...and so on. To really, really celebrate, he
would gobble down 1000 (silver) plates of chicken!
Vitellius had entered the city in civilian clothes as a gesture. And a
new gang of bureaucrats and non-Roman soldiers followed him in. I
recognised Germans and Gauls, but there were plenty of strange
soldiers too. There were also new soldiers not in uniform--milling
about in taverns and FORUM's, collecting information and hearsay.
This year's emperors will make their friends very rich and make their
allies citizens. The army is a shining example of democracy. Each of
the sides had named their own senators, generals, governors,
judges, priests, accountants, whores, street-cleaners. There were 4
different ROMA's this year. And each side claims to be cleaning up
the old city and getting rid of the cheats and liars and incompetents. I
wonder if other cities have these problems? One man, Roscius,
lasted as Consul for one whole day before they dragged his
disinterested carcass away.
Some of the eastern Legions had cast their precious votes for
Mucianus, the Governor of SYRIA. He declined and suggested
Vespasianus instead. On the 1st day of July, Vespasianus was
elected Emperor by the eastern Legions. Vitellius expelled all the
magicians and witches and astrologers out of ROMA on the 1st day
of October. Luckily, you and I have never had any use for emperors
and witches and such things. Eventually the troops of Vespasianus
stormed the troops of Vitellius in ROMA.
The armies of Vitellius and Vespasianus had earlier raced for the
strategic city of CREMONA. The army of Vitellius won and the
citizens whole-heartedly welcomed the first army that they saw. The
slower army coiled around the city. My uncle said that the besiegers
had one legion from PANNONIA, another from MOESIA, another
was Celtic, and there were others that he didn't recognize. He told me
that the fields around the city walls were full of the attackers' dead
friends and fallen comrades, but the army of Vespasianus maintained
their siege.
When the city was finally forced to give in, the victors had to pass by
the heaps of their own dead, as they made their victorious march into
CREMONA---the massacre started slowly. It was not meant to
happen at first. Fifty thousand armed men entered the city and for IV
days and nights there were no laws, no gods, no defence. The only
resistance was when two soldiers saw the same thing that they both
wanted. CREMONA had seen many years of Roman life since
becoming a colony in 209 B.C., but never anything like this.
The city's only crime was being caught between two armies. My uncle
guessed that there were at least fifty thousand dead Roman people.
One per soldier. That's what happens when you live in a town on a
border. They took what they wanted and they left the blood. It was a
rich city as I, myself, remember it. I imagine that the ghosts of the
former Gaul inhabitants of CREMONA from long ago would not have
enjoyed being invaded again and displaced by so many new Roman
spirits, again. He keeps repeating softly and absent-mindedly:
"CREMONA's burning." [CREMONA ARDET.] And I keep echoing to
my inner self: "ROMA's burning, too." [ROMA QUOQUE ARDET.]
The Emperor Vitellius was finally captured and dragged from street to
busy street as some sort of lesson. They beat him "as an animal" [UT
ANIMAL] would be flogged and in the FORUM, they ended up
beating him to death. They hacked off his head and threw the rest of
him into the TIBERIS. I saw this "with my own eyes" [MEIS OCULIS].
long vowels
In the long-lost letters, long vowels are underlined: ROMA
nouns + adjectives
In the long-lost letters, if a word or phrase is translated out of
context (not as a complete sentence), then it is usually just
translated in a nominative to simplify things.
word order:
The final word in a series is very emphatic:
The dog the cat in the kitchen bloody saw.
CANIS FELEM IN CULINA CRUENTUS VIDIT.
You start stringing words out in a line and in the end you arrive at
the final word (verb) that puts the puzzle together for you
(hopefully).
The verb "to be" is an exception and is used like in English.
Normal word order is: subject object verb.
Girls songs sing.
PUELLAE CANTUS CANTANT.
Helping words: subject+helper object+helper helper+verb.
girls songs sing.
Girls pretty songs Roman slowly sing.
PUELLAE PULCHRAE CANTUS ROMANOS TARDE CANTANT.
finally:
If you ever get into trouble with any of these rules (or any other
rules): just go for it---it's better to have talked and lost than never to
have ET CETERA. The people who use a language, define a
language. A language will have variations; jazz, punk, southern,
cockney, sign-language, pidgin, low, or high Latins can all exist (as
in any other language) for a free person in a free country with a free
soul (as long as the intent is a common human meaning).
There are also other legitimate Latins today with their own
pronunciations: church, botanical, zoological, medicinal, scientific,
legal, literary, gangs, and others. VALE.