non compos mentis

CLE

AL NU ER A GUE FEW AWAY SED ST O YEAR FOR S FH ER AS A MAJ EST Y

FO ANI R SALE : NEV NG M ATE E OW R BE RI E N

CADS REPORT
September 2011 Issue No: Four http://cads-amsterdam.org/

UBS $2.5 billion rogue trade suspect was good tenant, but not tidy.
"HE LIVED HERE FOR ABOUT 2-1/2 YEARS. HE WAS A VERY, VERY NICE GUY, BUT...
LONDON

ITS OFFICIAL: NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEFT AND TRADING

Rogue trader Kweku Adoboli arrested in connection with a US$2 billion loss at Swiss bank UBS lived until recently in a 1,000 pound per week apartment, once a Jewish soup kitchen, in London's East End. "He lived here for about 2-1/2 years. He was a very, very nice guy. I have not got a bad word to say about him. He was not the tidiest person but he was a good tenant, although he fell behind a couple of times on the rent, said his landlord.
Dear Nick,PIGEON POST six I can As a mother of wi th yo ur fu lly em path is e ol is m essy disgus t at Adob screaming ro om? Im always ors to get at my little horr but it always them to tidy up, rs. Do yo u falls on deaf ea make go od think they wo uld grow up? traders when they uwantme, Yo urs whenever yo Mrs R. T. Rader.

Nick Leeson: The archetypal rogue trader

ASK OUR NICK

Im upset that Adoboli was so untidy. It gives our trade a bad name
CADS: As a thieving bstard yourself how is it possible to sweep a billion or two under the carpet? Our Nick: While there has been a regulatory clampdown on proprietary trading since the 2008 nancial crisis its hard to distinguish a traders activity from ordinary market making. CADS: So there you have it from the rouges mouth. The regulators cant tell the difference between theft and trading.

CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense about the state of the UK from anonymous news sources.

CADS REPORTE.T. PHONE HOME!

PAGE

Dutch woman 'called boyfriend 65,000 times'

A DUTCH WOMAN WHO CALLED A MAN 65,000 TIMES IN THE PAST YEAR - AN AVERAGE OF 178 CALLS A DAY - IS TO FACE CHARGES OF STALKING.

E HONE HOM ET P
With his wife away on a research trip for the Gates Foundation, Microsoft founder Bill Gates spent $56 million on Amazon in a single marathon session late Wednesday night. "The kids were in bed, and I was thinking about how it had been a long time since I'd heard any Yes, so I bought the MP3 for 'Leave It,'" Gates said as he opened one of the 13,846 boxes that had arrived at his house. "Then I started looking into other songs Trevor Horn produced and bought all the Frankie Goes to Hollywood and Art of Noise CDs they had. I guess that sort of inspired me, because next I purchased Amazon's entire i nve n t o r y o f mu s i c a l i n s t r u m e n t s, equipment, and software, and before I knew it, I somehow ended up with 200 sets of luggage, all their TVs, a bunch of kayaks, that Krakauer book about the Mormons, and I don't even know how many walk-in

The man told police he had been bombarded with calls, texts and emails from the woman. Lawyers say the 42-year-old woman claimed to be in a relationship with the man and denied that her actions were excessive.The 62-year-old man denies that they were in a relationship. The BBC's Anna Holligan in The Hague says a judge at a preliminary hearing granted the woman bail on the condition that she leave the man alone. But just a couple of hours after being released, she allegedly called him again. She has been kept in custody ever since. Question: Why did he wait one year before getting upset?

BILL GATES SPENDS $56 MILLION ON AMAZON IN ONE NIGHT

freezers. Oh, and a dozen chandeliers and a birdbath and pretty much all their watches, too." Gates told reporters he came to his senses at about 5 a.m. after realizing he had nearly purchased a controlling stake in the company.
NUMBER CRUNCHING

CADI-LEAKS

9 MONTHS PRISON SENTENCE FOR

14,000 PARLIAMENTARY EXPENSE FRAUD FROM WHICH LORD HANNINGFIELD HAS BEEN RELEASED AFTER 9 WEEKS, MAINTAINING AT TRIAL THAT I DID NOTHING WRONG

Scotsman with broken arm wins CADs Golf Trophy.

John Donnelly claims to have broken arm playing football with Ajax. CADi-leaks can nd no ofcial record of this event.

6 MONTHS PRISON SENTENCE WHICH

NICHOLAS ROBINSON RECEIVED FOR 3.50 BOTTLED WATER THEFT DURING LONDON RIOTS, DESPITE TELLING COURT HE WAS ASHAMED OF HIS ACTIONS

CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense about the state of the UK from anonymous news sources.

CADS REPORTALL RISE FOR THE CHAIRMAN!

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GREECE TO BAIL OUT BANKRUPT EU WITH EU LOTTERY WIN

CHAIRMANS CORNER
AS THEY SAY, AUGUST CAN BE CHANGEABLE.

Two hours before our August lunch at the Dutch International Cricket Ground, the heavens opened and dumped 15mm of water on the Amsterdamsebos in 30 minutes. Fortunately the superb ground irrigation at the club had cleared nearly all of the water by the time we arrived, and we had a dry afternoon. We enjoyed a little cricket practice, and discovered that Alison can easily outhit the men, despite not playing cricket before. We then had a very pleasant lunch in the club library, and a talk about the club history from groundsman Paul Polak. Economic woes continue to dominate the news this month. I dare not look at my investments, and it seems that the EU will shortly be bankrupt. Unemployment has reached a record high in the UK, and the economy has ground to a halt. Can Mr Cameron show some mettle and turn the situation around, or will we have a winter of discontent followed by an English Spring of riots and civil disobedience? And will the Euro collapse whilst we eat our lunch? On the bright side, Rebekah Wade has left News International, and several senior police ofcers have resigned. The new Chief is a no-nonsense Yorkshireman, with a reputation for effective, good value policing. And perhaps as a result of the poor economic performance, England is doing well on the sports front, with victories in both cricket and rugby although I suspect we may not progress much further in the rugby As for our own sports, the CADS golf competition took place last Friday in good

weather. After a very pleasant and gezellig game we presented the trophy to John Donnelly, who has now won it twice. I hope that Ria will allow it to grace their house for many years to come, as Johns golf is continuing to improve signicantly following his recent involuntary wrist surgery after the presentation, we had a pleasant dinner, and no doubt by the time you read this, some of our antics will have been posted on the website.

PAGE THREE.
COW CORNER WATERLOGGED GREECE TO BAIL OUT BANKRUPT EU WITH EU LOTTERY WIN WORST DUTCH SUMMER SINCE 1906

"Its ofcial: the summer of 2011 was the wettest since 1906."
Next Friday, our guest speaker will be Millicent Odongo, who founded Computers For Development. They refurbish end of life computers donated by Dutch businesses, and send them to schools in Africa to enjoy a secondary career in educaDon. I look forward to her sharing her story with us.

There were only seven summery days in Holland (with temperatures above 25 degrees Celsius)

Mike

CADS Report publishes private, secret, and classified nonsense about the state of the UK from anonymous news sources.