What Do People Want From a

Relationship?
Individual and Community Interdisciplinary Module
Project Report • Ngee Ann Polytechnic • January 20, 2006

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Introduction

It can be said that the more elusive questions of time has got to be ones with regards to
relationships. So elusive that many people have written books, have theorized and perhaps
have been flustered by questions such as these. For our project, we have decided to undertake
an investigation to answer one of such elusive questions.

“What do people from a relationship?” is perhaps one of the lesser asked but very important
questions that stands out due to its nature of being able to affect those that are in
relationships and those seeking out for one.

Interest

We have taken a great interest in this question due to its supposedly rationale nature. This
sort of encourages people to give textbook and politically correct answers, which are not
representative of the irrational nature of relationships.

On a more personal level, this question is something that everyone would probably ask at
some point of his or her life, whether they are in or out of a relationship. In fact, so powerful
is such a questions that it is depressing to not know what your partner wants, but even sadder
to not know what do you want out of a relationship.

Objectives

Before anything can be done, certain parameters for the investigation of this topic have to be
established to maintain consistency and provide a scientific basis for evaluation of results. In
short, this investigation will be conducted like a mini “Kinsey1” survey.

These parameters are as follows,

• The context of the investigation will be limited to the locals in Singapore.

• Target age group is between 18 - 30.

• Relationship is defined as a heterosexual association between two people be it

emotional or sexual in nature.

• Surveys will be issued in two parts, first for general questions and a second one to
further explore the opinions of those surveyed.

1 Dr Alfred Kinsey was famous for his interviews of the masses for his research in sex, gender

and reproduction. More at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_Kinsey.

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 • Males and females will be surveyed alike.

• Respondents can be of any marital status.

• Assume that the responses are the respondents actual actions.

These parameters have been set to provide some form of limitation so that a certain amount of
control can be established while providing for results. They also provide a certain direction
when reviewing the results.

Humans are generally irrational when it comes to matters of the heart and thus, responses
have to be treated as the actual actions of the respondents should they encounter a situation
where they ask such a question as the topic depicts.

Existing Situation

Locally, there has never been any formal study conducted on the topic. That has not
prevented magazines that cater to both genders from coming up with their own ideas on what
the opposite gender would want out of a relationship.

Books have also went along the same format as their written counter part with great emphasis
being placed on the academic qualifications of the author to determine who knows what’s
what about relationships. There is still however, no specific and formal study on the topic in
its whole. Only specific genders were targeted with regards to what they want from a
relationship.

On the internet, chat-rooms, community forums and the like are filled with opinions of their
users. While this maybe present a rather diverse set of view points, it is by no means an
unofficial record no matter how accurate they might be.

While doing research prior to the survey, it was frustrating to note that most articles written
with a similar context contain very similar textbook responses as well. The responses were
largely based on loose surveys in addition to a large amount of sociological theories and
experiences. As much as such articles are useful in general, they are by no means perfect
indicators of Singaporeans.

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Key Findings

For the purpose of this study, we were lucky to have the assistance of the people from local
social networking site WhoLivesNearYou2. They have a user base that coincides with our
target group and were most helpful in getting our surveys to the masses. In addition, we also
engaged our close friends in completing our survey.

The survey was carried out in two parts. The preliminary survey was designed to gather
general opinions and set the stage and get respondents familiar with the nature of the
questions asked. This was largely to lay the ground work for the second and slightly more
sensitive portion.

However, interesting facts were also gathered from the preliminary survey.

Number of relationships

To lay some ground work and get a feel for our respondents, we actually asked how
many relationships have they been in.

1 or None 2-4 5-8 >8

15%

39%
18%

29%

Interestingly, it can be noted that over 70% of our respondents actually have been
through relationships before. This would hopefully translate to people with
responses which reflect a certain level of experience and certainty of what they want
from a relationship in general.

2 Social Networking site developed to be location sensitive. First deployed in Singapore and

has a massive user base. Site at www.wholivesnearyou.com.

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 Very much younger/older partner

145
150

100

51
50

Yes 0
No

Another interesting fact about Singaporeans is perhaps the perception of having very
much younger or older partners is in fact an acceptable social trait. This presents an
interesting case where age doesn’t seem to affect what people want out of
relationships.

Are Looks Everything

150
111

84 100

50

Yes 2
No 0
Unanswered

The age old question of whether outward appearances matter more than what’s
internal of a person yields an even mix of agreements and disagreements. While this
question may seem cliche, it could affect the results of the survey. This is and the
results of the following question determines the general materialism of the
respondents and thus the results of the survey.

In addition, the results do suggest that the respondents are also pretty much balanced
out in terms of considering external qualities of something of great importance.
Comparing this with the data on the types of respondents with regards to their
experience, it does perhaps seem that as people have more experience, the more they
look to internal qualities instead of external ones.

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 Can Money Buy Love

200
156
150

100
40
50

Yes 0
No

Another cliched question, but used in conjunction with the previous on whether
looks are everything puts perspective to the general level of materialism of the
respondents. From the two graphs, its is perhaps safe to conclude that Singaporeans
are not a materialistic lot, but prefer to see beautiful things.

With regards to gender bias, this question had almost all females responding to
disagree with the statement. Men generally are rather evenly balanced between both
sides.

Long distance Relationships are Okay

150
104
92
100

50

Yes 2
No 0
Unanswered

It is perhaps interesting to note as well that there is about an even mix of people who
agree or disagree to long distance relationships. This could very well imply that what
people do or possibly want out of a relationship could very much be for some things
physical in nature, and yet for the same number, they want the very much opposite.

However it would be wrong to fully conclude such a hypothesis as there is a

possibility that such results are because of the nature of Singaporeans to not want to
leave their country.

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 Love at First Sight

137
140.00

93.33
63

46.67

Yes
0
No

This question is also another cliched one, but its a very good indicator of the
importance of chemistry between partners. Overwhelmingly, it is pretty much evident
that chemistry is a very important factor when it comes to relationships. It is also an
interesting statistic because chemistry is largely something that just happens instead
of being cultivated.

From the results of the preliminary survey, it is evident that that respondents are pretty much
balanced out in their views on relationships. There is a nice diversity amongst the
respondents along with an evidence of perhaps liberal thought with limited regard to dating
partners of a big age gap.

Secondary Findings

The second part of the survey was personalised for the singles and those that are in a
relationship at that present moment. This was due to the more sensitive and in depth nature
of the survey.

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 Suitable Age for Relationships

Preteen 16-20 > 21 Maturity more important

Maturity more important

38%
> 21
18%

Preteen
9%
16-20
35%

People at different ages tend to have different priorities and thus affecting what they
want from relationships. It is interesting to note that a majority of the respondents did
not give a specific age but felt that maturity is far more important than age. While
there is no correct answer, such a response suggests a possibility that respondents
actually know what they want out of a relationship.

There is however a visible trend amongst the other respondents that had them put an
age which is a few years older than theirs. This suggests that maturity is of an
importance to them as well, just that they prefer a more visible indicator of maturity.

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 Why do you want to be in this Relationship?

Love/Feelings Companionship For the sake of having 1

Hard to get a good guy

20%

12%

8%

60%

Amongst the respondents who are in a relationship, and overwhelming percentage of

them cite that they want to feel love or felt that it was right to be in their current
relationship. The other reasons were more practical as the number of respondents
that cite them dropped linearly.

While this data may seem fairly interesting, it s actually very much reflective of a the
percentages within society. Hence, this is a good indicator of some of the things
people want out of a relationship albeit not being of an indicator of an individual.

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 How do you keep a relationship long lasting?

Commitment/Compromise/Mutual Trust/etc. Clueless Sex

93%
6%

1%

This question was asked to all respondents of the secondary survey and is a rephrase
of the topic with regards to the strength of the relationship. The huge percentage of
Singles and couples in relationships putting commitment, compromise, mutual trust
as key factors affirm the fact that there is a consistent trend amongst Singaporeans.

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 What do you want out of a relationship?

Companion/Life Partner/Marriage Love/car/Happiness/Memories

Experience Sex
Nothing/As long as partner alive

6%
57% 1%

11%

26%

Stopping short of inferring anymore, respondents were asked to write about what
they want out of a relationship. As much as it was expected, the results were pretty
much textbook in reply. However this is not a problem as most of the respondents
have shown much maturity in their responses thus far.

Interestingly enough, majority of the respondents did however put down something
that was never foreseen as a textbook answer, namely the want of memories from
relationships. While not groundbreaking, it is a surprise to see that memories
actually matter despite it being bad or good.

Investigation Sources

As mentioned previously, the main bulk of our investigation was though surveys that were
pumped through the WhoLivesNearYou social networking site. The surveys came in two
parts with the first being a primer for the second which was more open ended. This was to
gather general survey data and also to help the respondents feel more at ease with the
questions such that eventually, they will be more receptive to the secondary survey.

To ensure accuracy, unique tags were added to each survey completed by the respondents
such that it was possible to backtrace who they are on the site itself. Contact details were also

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taken so that survey details can later be verified. However, in the interest of protecting the
privacy of the respondents, such information will be kept private and confidential.

In addition to the survey, much research was carried out on the Internet in order to find out
the current trend of things. Statistics and databases with local Singaporean context was
mostly used in order to maintain the objectives of this investigation.

Importance of Investigation

Singaporeans generally know what they want out of a relationship. From the data, it is safe to
say that our society’s view on such a topic is largely the same as people from anywhere else
with the same concerns as to what a relationship should entail. In fact, the data also suggest
that our society has perhaps reached a nice compromise between western and asian values.

As much as this investigation is about what do people want out of a relationship, the
additional questions that prime the respondent also revealed many other insights. It is
comforting to note that on a certain level, we are still retaining our asian values while being
more tolerant to western ones.

Everyone will eventually ask such a question in their lifetime, and it is perhaps helpful to
know what does society think. In fact, some of our respondents came across as being very
bitter about their single status and very much jaded from some bad relationship in the past.
But, overwhelmingly, the problems they complained about actually are not an issue with the
majority which basically means that they just have to look around a lot more before they can
enjoy everything they expect from a relationship.

Ultimately, such information can be of great help to counsellors and even our government
with regards to social development. The avenues where such investigations would prove
useful are numerous as long as there are people involved.

Limitations

This project has been kept to the objectives stated as closely as possible. However, there are
numerous limitations as to how much can be done. It is obvious that such studies are usually
carried out at a higher level with more knowledge on sociology, survey techniques and having
a greater access to respondents.

Other investigation works into this area could very much provide for very specific answers to
questions through greater research into what should be asked. In addition, it can be expanded

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to accommodate the for differences in gender and age and later recompiled to find common
ground.

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