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Emotional Pain

Emotional Pain

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Published by Marcus Mottley
This article explains how to heal emotional pain.
This article explains how to heal emotional pain.

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Published by: Marcus Mottley on Jan 06, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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 ==== ====Fear of Public Speaking? This article is very helpful!www.speakandtrain.com ==== ====You're already a public speaker. When you talk to two or more people at the same time, you arepublic speaking. When you introduce yourself at a party, you are public speaking. When you shareyour elevator pitch, you are public speaking. Everybody starts out awfully. Either you don't know what to say or you are nervous. You can getover it with practice and coaching. You can become competent, and you will find thatuncomfortable situations become more comfortable. Recently at a speech, I presented the SWOTAnalysis to 28 people and received very positive feedback afterward. Twenty years ago, it wouldhave been a different story. You will find yourself gracefully presenting your elevator pitch with no advance notice, smoothlysummarizing a project to a customer, and competently sharing your ideas with a networking group.Public speaking will become easy. Overcome glossophobia. It's a tough road. Most beginners have glossophobia, the fear of publicspeaking. Even when someone looks comfortable on the outside, they may be a nervous wreck onthe inside. Jerry Seinfeld shared his thoughts on glossophobia when he said, "...people's numberone fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right?This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doingthe eulogy." To conquer glossophobia, I recommend finding a local speaker's club. I know of one that is a non-profit organization that helps members develop their public speaking and leadership skills throughpractice and feedback in a local club. This organization has more than 260,000 members in morethan 12,500 clubs in 113 countries. Since 1924, it has helped people of all backgrounds becomemore confident in front of an audience. It has more than 1,300 clubs in California. Meetings are notfree; however, I think the low cost is certainly justifiable. I was in this organization twice. The first time, I completed 10 speeches and earned theCompetent designation. I moved to a different zip code and found another club within walkingdistance. I completed another 15 speeches and achieved the Able designation. I understand thedesignations have different names now, but the point is I completed 25 speeches. Meetings are fun and educational. Members give a 30-second introduction. They also participatein TableTopics, a part of the meeting when the leader calls on members at random to take thepodium and speak for two minutes on a given topic. Imagine having the meeting leader look at youand say, "Here is your TableTopic: how do you know when your next career step is self-employment and not just another job?" The time you have to prepare is the time it takes you torise from your chair and walk to the podium.
 Meetings also have featured speakers. Two members present prepared speeches as lessons intheir curriculum. If you are early in your speaking training, you may find yourself presenting a four-to-six-minute speech on something you are passionate about. I was passionate about scubadiving and gave some of my best speeches on the subject. When the featured speakers finish, their evaluators take the podium. Evaluators compare thespeech presented to the objectives in the speaker's curriculum. Evaluators usually follow thesandwich cookie approach: say something nice, say something that has to be improved, saysomething nice. I found this feedback very valuable. Where else can you go for valuable feedbackpresented in an open and friendly environment? Evaluators are not the only members taking notes. One member per meeting volunteers to be the"Ah, Ummm, and And counter." Yes, I typed that right. Yes, ahs, ummms, and ands are a big deal. When speakers interject ahs, ummms, and ands into their speeches, they dilute the potency oftheir message. They do not do this on purpose. Rather, they search for the right words, and in themeantime issue an inadvertent ah, ummm, or and. Everybody does it. Politicians are the biggestoffenders. The next time a TV reporter asks a politician a big question, wait for the response. If therespondent is a good speaker and has a solid answer, you will hear it. If not, you will get someahs, ummms, and ands. Going through the experience of having somebody count your ahs, ummms, and ands can helpyou become a stronger speaker. It takes time to remove these inadvertent space fillers from yourspeaking, but it is a mandatory step. I can demonstrate how ahs, ummms, and ands dilute the message. Suppose you walked into theroom right now and asked, "Mark, what are you writing today?" I could respond: "I am writing about overcoming glossophobia, the fear of public speaking. I am including a funnyquote from Jerry Seinfeld. I am encouraging readers to find a local speaker's club," OR"Ummm, I am writing about overcoming ah...glossophobia, the fear of public speaking and...I amincluding a funny quote from Jerry Seinfeld. I ummm am encouraging readers to find a ah localspeaker's club and ummm go." Tough to read? Yes, I agree. It's even tougher paying attention to speakers who issue inadvertentahs, ummms, and ands. They put their audience to sleep. Suppose you bought a book in audio format (on a CD) and I read a random paragraph for you. Itcould sound like this: "Let Your Light Shine. Don't let anybody take it away. I know a woman who worked at anarchitect's office. It was a strict environment and the owner ruled with meanness. Staff wasunhappy. People complained constantly. The office had a negative energy, and even though thiswoman had significant seniority there, she was almost as unpleasant as the owner," OR"Ummm Let Your Light Shine and don't let anybody take it away. I know a woman ummm who
worked at an architect's office and ah it was a strict environment. The owner ah ruled with ummmmeanness and staff was ah unhappy and people complained constantly. The office had ahnegative energy and ummm even though this woman had significant ah seniority there, she wasalmost as ummm unpleasant as the owner." I have one more example for you. This one comes from President Obama. Guess which one thepresident said: "Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the oneswe've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek," OR"Ummm change will not come if we ah wait for ummm some other person or ah some other time.We are the ones we've been waiting for and we are the change that we ummm seek." The organization I found is not the only organization out there that can help you improve yourpublic speaking. You can probably find a nearby club that meets on a day and time that fits yourschedule. Very few people are great public speakers. You don't have to become great. You justhave to become competent. With training, everybody can become competent. Be strong. Defeatglossophobia. Let's visit with my friend, Daphne the Dancer. Daphne and I meet at a coffee shop. She walks upto the counter and loudly declares, "I will order a ah triple cappuccino and ummm my friend therewill take a ah slice of chocolate cake, and it's funny that he runs these ah meetings in a coffeeshop but ummm ah he doesn't drink coffee." She turns to me and laughs. She continues, "HeheMark, just kidding. I read your public speaking sermon on your blog. My employer sponsors achapter for that organization, and I've seen the logo a hundred times, but I did not know what theydid." "That's great, Daphne. You have a chapter at work. Will it fit in your schedule?" "Somewhat. I know they meet every week. Sometimes I will be able to attend and sometimes not.I do want to improve my speaking. I really notice when I issue ahs, ummms, and andsinadvertently. How can I break that habit when I go to the meetings only once a week, if that?" "Try this. Tell your coworkers you are seriously monitoring your ahs, ummms, and ands. If theycatch you issuing one, they can stop you and charge you a dime. This will help you identify whenyou use any ahs, ummms, and ands. It will become very obvious, and you will also learn to reduceoccurrences of ahs, ummms, and ands. Within a few weeks-or days-you will have killed that habit.You may find people pay more attention to you. You may also notice your coworkers' use of ahs,ummms, and ands. Make it fun. It could become fun for everybody involved. Maybe your employerwill pay for your membership. It's great training...it won't run $1,000 per day like mine does." You have many forums where you can improve your public speaking. You have many moreoptions: You can become more vocal at your Mastermind group.You can write a proposal at work and present the Executive Summary verbally instead of merely

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