BILLIONAIRE JOKES
Before You Meet With God
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A billionaire died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gatesof Heaven and said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you -- we've looked at your life, and your really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you didthat can help us make a decision?"The billionaire thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was drivingalong in my ferrari and came upon a woman who was being harassed by agroup of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to theleader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all overhis body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring outof his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!""I'm impressed," St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?""About two minutes ago," came the reply.
Heaven Cafeteria
A billionaire dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and checks him in. After he's registered, St. Peter says to him, "Look at the time: you must behungry! Heaven Cafeteria is serving lunch, why don't you get yourself something to eat?"The billionaire goes to the cafeteria and notices the long line. Heimmediately cuts in at the front, only to hear loud protests. "I'm a billionaire" he says, "I'm a busy man, I don't have time to wait in line."The others say, "You're in heaven now, we're all the same here, get to the back of the line and wait your turn!" A few weeks later, waiting patiently on line for lunch, the billionaire noticesa man come dashing in wearing a 3 piece suit and accompanied by a 6 manentourage. He butts in at the head of the line and no one utters a peep.
"Hey," he says to the guy in front of him, "Who does that guy think he is?""Oh, that's God," says the guy, "He likes to play billionaire."
Genie With A Catch
A guy found a bottle on the beach. He rubbed it and, sure enough, outpopped a genie."I will grant you three wishes," said the Genie. "But there's a catch." "Whatcatch?" he asked.The genie replied, "Every time you make a wish, every politician in the world will receive double what you asked for.""Well, I can live with that! No problem!" replied the elated man."What is your first wish?" asked the Genie. "Well, I've always wanted aFerrari," he said. POOF! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. "Now,every politician in the world has two Ferraris," said the genie."Next wish?" "I'd love a billion dollars," replied the man. POOF! One billiondollars appeared at his feet. "Now, every politician in the world has two billion dollars," said the genie. "Well, that's okay, as long as I've got my billion," replied the man."What is your final wish?" asked the genie. The man thought long and hard,and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."
VW v. Rolls Royce
A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a billionaire in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the billionaire, "Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?"The billionaire says, "Yes, of course I do."
"I got one too... see?” the Texan says.
"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice.""You got a fax machine?" asks the Texan."Why, actually, yes, I do.""I do too! See? It's right here!" brags the Texan.The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says,"So, do you have a double bed in back there?"The billionaire replies, "NO! Do you?"
"Yep, got my double bed right in back here," the Texan replies.The light turns and the Volkswagen takes off. Well, the billionaire is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goesto a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of hisRolls. About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his Rolls anddrives all over town looking for the Volkswagen beetle with the Texasplates. Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so the billionaire pullshis Rolls up next to it.The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up ...(it's OK to continue ... it's a clean joke.)... and he feels somewhat awkward about it, but the billionaire gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen.The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.The billionaire says, "Hey, remember me?""Yeah, yeah, I remember you," replies the Texan, "What's up?""Check this out...I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."The Texan exclaims, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL METHAT!"
Be Nice To Your Nurse
A billionaire had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royalpain in the butt to the nurses because he bossed them around just like hedid his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do withhim.The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came intohis room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, the billionaire finally settled down,crossed his arms and opened his mouth.
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BILLIONAIRES JOKES FOR THE POOR
Billionaire Jokes for the Poor
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