if you had felt it outwardly. I knew it almost right away. And then there was between us a different contact from the one we have here, and it expressed ... whatshall I call it?
A lack of adaptation.
Is it a weakness?
It was very pronounced, very pronounced. And there was in you an intensity
(gesture of clenched fists),
a need for things to change.
Ah, yes! It’s pure hell. It’s Falsehood in every detail.
Yes, that’s right.
There was this sudden death of Shastri.
To me it was obvious. Strangelyenough, I was told (long ago) that they were to meet in Russia, and when I wastold that, I spontaneously answered, "If he goes there, he will die." (I never knewwhy, but that’s how it was.) Then it went out of my mind, and this time, I was toldthat the conference would take place, but I didn’t hear or they didn’t tell me (Idon’t know which of the two) that it would be in Russia, and so ... In between,someone met Shastri about my message
and he answered that for him it was theexpression of the truth, but ...
"What can I do about that? I am a small man."
That’s what he said. After that I kept quiet, and when I was told about theconference, I thought, "We should at least get the ‘best’ out of it" – I "charged"him to the full. But I "charged" him as if he were a powerful man.... That’sdangerous!
But I knew the time at which they were in conference, and all of a sudden, inthe middle of the night, I was woken up with a start by someone calling for help – it was him.The next day, early morning, I was told he was dead. It didn’t strike me as"news"! I said, "But of course! It goes without saying, that’s how it is." And itseems (I heard all the details afterwards – long afterwards, in the course of theday), it seems the going was very tough and when the talks ended in what heconsidered to be a success (it was obviously the "best" (!) that could happenthere), he was exultant and quite happy
; then he went into his room and after afew minutes, opened the door and called for a doctor, and in no time it was over.That’s probably when he called. But it was decided a very long time ago.
There was nothing to be "exultant" about! They lost what littleadvantage they had gained during the war.
(Mother shakes her head).
It seems that was the best they could conceive.
I find it sad.