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The Morning After

The Morning After

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Published by glynis rankin
This is what I felt the morning after my world changed from a dream to reality
This is what I felt the morning after my world changed from a dream to reality

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Published by: glynis rankin on Jan 17, 2012
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01/17/2012

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The morning after…
The morning after…….the sun rouse slowly like a bright orange ball, its brillianceintruding on the amethyst night sky and my darken room. The smell of laundered linensheets, sweat, cologne and sex permeated the air while I lay in bed, terrified, thinking of what I should say or if I should say anything. It is the morning after the night before…and I have no idea what is coming next.The memories of last night’s fun plays on my body like physical phantoms. I havedreamed of this morning for years only to have it denied me. Now I can’t tell if I’minside the dream or daydreaming within this reality. I can hear the man lying beside mesoftly breathing, his hot breath wafting against my warm skin that’s still pockmarked byhis touch. His strong arm securely around me comforting me and yet I’mterrified…..because it’s the morning after.I’ve stared at his handsome face throughout the night in wonderment, trying toremember every detail of his long black lashes that nearly touches his high cheek boneand the soft black beard that tickled me as well as his warm thick lips that touched everyinch of my overheated skin and I will never forget the dark sultry eyes that watch mesurrender over to him what I’ve always wanted him to have.This feels like a dream, this morning after...The man lying next to me in my bed is my best friend and I’ve wanted him in theworst kind of way almost from the first moment we meet. Whenever he spoke my name Igot a warm tinkling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I often wondered if we could bemore than just friends while I watched him over the years and listen to him talk about hisconquest. It broke my heart that he never saw the love my eyes or felt its pull. My mindand body believed that he would see me. See the love I’ve held inside, but that was thedream, not the reality.The night before, the morning after…My crew and I hung out parting at my place. Lovers and friends all, but it was gettinglate. The crew dispersed but my best friend stuck around to talk. He seat too close to me,his spicy and sweet cologne lingered in the air like a miasma while his easy breathingserenaded me. My heart raced as his eyes watched me needing and I could see, wantingme.My friend leaned in close his breath smelling of Royal Crown Black and peppermint.I swallowed hard when he placed his hand on my thigh, a jester not meant to be friendly.It was getting late and I didn’t want him to leave.I’ve been thinking about this moment for while playing it out in my mind. I’ve never wanted to cross a line that might cost us a friendship. Confused, I wanted to push himaway and hold him close all at the same time. Afraid that this was going end us, afraid Iwas going to get hurt, afraid that his feelings weren’t genuine, afraid that this was all playing out in my dream because my feelings for him were so strong; but the fear I wasfeeling transformed its self into deep desire after a kiss that was soft sweet and tender yetso full of deep blistering passion the likes I’ve never felt.It was our first kiss.I had been drinking, but the time was right and I was feeling right and I wasn’tthinking about putting up a fight or thinking too much because I’ve been waiting to get
 
here all of my life. Desire held me in its tight grab, so I wasn’t thinking about themorning after.“I want you.” I said too quickly while the searing passion rocked me.He smiled a seductively half smile and quickly said, “Yeah.”I let him do his thing and his thing was tight. When he broke me off what he hadalways denied me, every touch he made on my impassioned skin, my body respondedwith whispers cries and deep moans. I didn’t deny what I was feeling letting my mindand body float to the paradise of his making. He made me feel so desired, so wanted thatI freely released all of my inhibition so that I too, could please him. We did more thanhave sex, the night before the morning after….we made love.It’s the morning after… how will he feel about last night, will he feel bad ithappened, mad; sad or indifference and how do I feel? What if our friendship is over,could one night of passion cost us everything? What if he doesn’t want to see me again,or doesn’t want me anymore? These questions and more played out in my mind while Ifelt him stirring next to me.He’s waking to this morning after…. and I’m terrified that things will changecompletely between us. I know his history, he’s told me often enough of his walk of indifference and her moment of shame. Perhaps last night was just a thang for him, arelease, or could it be something worst. He might not care for me at all, perhaps he never have. He might not care that we made love just considered it, and me, a friendship with benefits thing. Now it’s the morning after… and my thoughts are what he might think of me andwhat do I think of myself? Will he think I was just a cheap trick, a quick thrill, someoneeasily used because of my feelings for him? Perhaps I should have thought of all of thisthe night before the morning after….Out of my fear, I thought to pretend I was still asleep when he woke or just turn awayfrom him to give him a chance to snick out of bed and leave without my questioninggaze, but before my decision was made he turn to me and gave me his half smile and my body hummed. He could do that to me with his smile.“Good morning.” He said not even trying to move his arm from around me.“Good morning.” I respond feeling a deep desire to pull him even closer within me.He kissed my lips and looked into my eyes.At times like this I think about the things I love like soft puppies, ice cream, warmsummer days and hot air-balloons, but this morning after… I thought about how I willknow what we did was right and what if I want more and other questions that work themselves in my head throughout the early morning hours.I wanted to know the answers to them all and I wanted them right now, so I asked.“Where do we go from here?”He looked at me with his half smile and a raised brow before he answered.. “Well,” he started moving to seat up in bed. “We could take a shower, have some breakfast and talk about it over coffee for hours and still not know for sure.”I did the same so that it didn’t appear that he held the advantage over me.He continued “But the truth is that I can’t promise you love nor can I promise youme. What I can promise you is that I will tell you the truth.”I stare into his dark pools staring back at me with a broken heart.

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