The Miami Winter Music Conference is the annual meet'n'greet for the dance industry'sbiggest players and wannabe superstar DJs. But it's also, as our step-by-step guide explains,an excuse for bad clothes, reckless drug binges and mindless
So let's haue it!
1 Brits abroad
As usual, the Florida holiday massive - sorry, businesspeople - put
quite a display. Zoe Ball broke aten-foot four-poster bod at the Astralwerksparty by hanging off the wooden supports.Norman's response: 'My wife's mad!' Thencame reports a British DJ tag team scoredsome crack, retired to their hotel rooms andproceeded to go a bit 'rock'n'roll', smashing up their TV sets with a setof golf clubs. Worse
a DJ at the Subliminal party had to abandon hisset because the ecstasy he'd taken was making
throw up. Nicegoing,fellasported: Derrick May, both members of Adult., and a stripper wearing athong
which travelled right up her back like a guitar string(3) Southern Fried at Nash Hotel. Norman Cook rocked fellow
Morillo, Darren Emerson, Judge Jules) and goggle-eyed candyravers alike with a bootleg of Prince's 'I Would Die 4 U', Minimal Funk's
Order power-bootleg. No onereally needed the ruinous penthouse afterparty, but somehow theycouldn't resist...(4) Danny
at Space was hot, dark and dirty- and that was just the outdoor terrace. Yoko Ono performed a live andscreechy version of her newly remixed
Open The Box'.Some people's ears were still ringing a week later2 Dealer's choiceMiami 2002 was short on big records and most of the futurepop hits, like Shakedown's 'At Night', had already been signedprior to the conference. However, Robbie Riviera's Rokik track,'Memories' (a
house anthem akin to DBBoulevard's 'Point Of View), was signed to Italian label Airplane for£200,000. UK labels, including Ministry and Credence, are now trying tosign the record worldwide. Going price? £400,000. Meanwhile, intimatemodernist crash palace The Hotel was the place to be seen forwannabe industry players. DJs,
and PRs were often to been seenclustered in 'meetings' over a strawberry daiquiri or two. Or three. Or...
Cook: Everyone keeps coming up to meand saying, "I was dancing with your wife lastnight'"...Tom Middleton: 'I have now learnt theverb, "to Miami".
have been Miami-ed... Taxidriver (after seeing conference-goer picked up inan ambulance): 'Why do people take drugs, man?He was vomiting white stuff... Zero 7: 'Miami is making us realise thatLA has real soul and integrity'... Girl in boilersuit to boy in red studdedT-shirt at the Gigolo party:
your hand up my ass, go on. Don'tpretend it won't feel like butter'3 The tunesSex Pistols
Save The Queen'(Neil Barnes remix)X-Press
Metro Area 4 'Daytime Parties'Tom Middleton 'Take Me With You'Blaze 'I Remember House'Josh One 'Contemplation'-4 Miami styleLooking good: Tiga's pale blue Kangol; Lottie's whitebikini;Jacques Lu Cont, dapper in basket-weaveNorthern Soul shoes. Looking for excuses: Judge Jules in a cycling top;Mr C sporting a peroxide punk haircut, faux barbed wire necklace andsleeveless red vest at the Danny Tenaglia party. Ugh5 Party...... 'til you puke - the best nights out in Miami were:(1) Astralwerks at beachfront hotel
Beach: propersunshine, Jacques Lu Cont (tunes: Playgroup! Peaches!Shakedown!).
tracks fromtheir new album) and Daft Punk (Thomas serene; Guy-Man in a
T-shirt).The letter's set provedstrangely lacklustre, propped up by old-school house anthems.But they did score the coolest musical move of the Conference,opening with the
theme tune(2) International
up at a strip joint called VegasCabaret.
DJ Tiga played his own TBX mix of 'Sunglasses AtNight' and Linda Lamb delivered a trashy, gothic 'Hot Room'. Also7 Spotted!Armand Van
G leaving the Astralwerks party... Househeavyweight Kenny Dope feasting on rice and beans at a Cubanrestaurant...
star Johnny Knoxville partying hard during the
magazine party at the Nash Hotel... So Solid Crew cruisingOcean Drive in Westwood's stretch-jeep... Yoko Ono. Chris Loweand an A-Z of DJs international at the Danny Tenaglia party8 Stats
Number of parties: 109Average temperature (outside): 80 degreesAverage temperature (inside): Hot!Percentage of parties featuring a Radio One DJ:Length of stretch-jeep hired by Tim Westwood,
show: 64 feetDJs whose record box contained Neil 'Leftfield' Barnes's bootleg mix ofGod Save The Queen': 2 (Pete Tong and Darren Emerson)Hours of heavy rainfall during the Radio 1 beach party: 4Price of strawberry daiquiri at The Hotel: £8Preferred ecstasy pills at WMC: The Versace (blue, tastefully imprintedwith a picture of Gianni Versace)
A combination of excessive living, tropical
andclose proximity to hundreds of Brits who have spent yearsplaying fast and loose with their health caused an outbreakof Miami Throat'. Among those who ended up whispering like a brokenmobile phone - Gilles Peterson and
34 THE FACE