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Abuse Exposed - what to do when you are being abused

Abuse Exposed - what to do when you are being abused

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Published by mywire2
For more information on abuse and what to do about it, visit: http://www.smallreports.com/index.php?k=abuse
For more information on abuse and what to do about it, visit: http://www.smallreports.com/index.php?k=abuse

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Published by: mywire2 on Jan 20, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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 ==== ====For more information on abuse and what to do about it, please visit:http://www.smallreports.com/index.php?k=abuse ==== ====Abuse is not a rare problem, it is just rarely admitted as one. It has no boundaries, affecting peopleof all ages, races, gender, culture, religious and economic backgrounds. For the sake of simplicity,reference is made to the one being abused as the female gender, and the abuser as in the malegender, but understand that both male and females can become victims of abuse. The U.S.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention notes that "females suffer significantly more injuriesthan males." Only a few of the different forms of abuse are mention here: physical, financial,sexual, verbal, emotional and psychological abuse. Often, the harm that is inflicted by batterers ismore than physical, so you will find that abuse comes in many forms. Abuse is more than justbeing hit by the person who claims to love or care about you. Emotional and psychological abusewill be grouped together because they are almost synonymous. I am not a doctor, just an abusedwoman who has recovered from many years of subjecting myself to people whom I have allowedin my life to abuse me. I am a woman who has taken a stand and said "Abuse No More!". Afterreading this, and you have identified with one being abused, my goal is to strengthen you as youdeal with the situation at your own pace. I am not here to coax you to leave your mate, neitherpressure you to stay in an abusive relationship when your health, life, and/or spirituality is beingthreatened. So what is abuse? Abuse, simply put, is being treated badly. As humans, we all have a right to betreated with dignity and respect. We all deserve to live our lives free of abuse. There is never anexcuse for abuse and abuse is a very serious problem! When we look at an abusive relationship,one of the patterns that is almost always seen is that there is almost always one person that is theabuser, and the other the abused. The abuser typically has more power in the relationship,because the abuser simply wants to control the abused. The abused, the one with less power inthe relationship, is usually the one who ends up hurting, either emotionally, physically, sexually orfinancially. The abuser does not have to always be the one to initiate the argument, the sexual act,or arrange the financial situation. Even if the abused were the ones to initiate the argument, almostalways the abused is the one who ends up getting hurt. So if you consistently have less power inyour relationship, most likely there is a pattern of abuse there. Your abuser can be anyone: your boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, employer, child, parent, orcaregiver.Please review the checklist below, be honest with yourself as you read it, and ask yourself thequestions. If any of these indicators exist in your relationship, you may be in an abusiverelationship. If you are not currently in a relationship, use these indicators as "red flags" to assist inidentifying a possibly abusive person: -Does your partner monitor what you are doing all the time?-Are you criticized for small things?-Do you feel nervous around your partner?
-Do you have to be careful to control your behavior to avoid their anger?-Does he constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?-Do you feel pressured when it comes to sex?-Are you scared of disagreeing with your partner?-Does he prevent you or discourages you from seeing friends or family, or going to school orwork?-Do you feel uncomfortable being out with your friends or family when he's not around, and feelthe need to explain yourself to him although you were doing nothing wrong?-Does your partner humiliate you in front of others?-Are they always checking up or questioning you about what you do without them?-Does he get angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs?-Does your partner repeatedly and wrongly accuse you of seeing or flirting with other people?-Does your partner's jealousy stop you from seeing friends and family?-Does your partner make you feel like you are wrong, crazy, stupid, or inadequate?-Does your partner control how you spend your money? Or your use of needed medicine?-Does your partner destroy your property or things that you care about?-Does he threaten to hurt you, or the children, or pets, or does he hurt you by biting, pinching,hitting, pushing, shoving, slapping, smothering, kicking, punching, or pulling your hair?-Do you feel with your partner that nothing you ever do is good enough?-Have you ever been scared, or threatened by violent outburst?-Does your partner prevent you from going out doing the things you want to do?-Are you expected to do things to please your partner rather than please yourself?-Do you always feel like you have to "make things right"?-Are you the blame for his violent outburst or bad behavior, is everything always your fault? If you are being abused, you may feel confused, afraid, angry and/or trapped. You may blameyourself for what is happening. You are never responsible for your partners abusive actions, nomatter what others might say. Abuse, is a choice. Abuse is not your fault and you deserve better! Ifyou feel like any of these indicators exist in your relationship, following we will be examining eachform of abuse so that you will have help identifying what kind of abuse you may be experiencing. 1.Physical Abuse: is physical force or violence that results in bodily injury, pain, or impairment. It isinvolving contact intended to cause feelings of intimidation, pain, injury, or other physical sufferingor harm. It can include assault, battery, and inappropriate restraint. This can be hitting, grabbing,biting, choking, throwing things, and assault with a weapon. 2.Financial Abuse: A form of domestic violence in which the abuser uses money as a means ofcontrolling his partner. The abuser may deny his partner money by forbidding his partner to work,or if she does work requiring her to hand her paycheck over to him. Any money that the abusedmay receive has to be accounted for by her to her abuser. The abuser may not allow her to seebank records or bills or credit cards. Some abusers refuse to work putting burden upon the partnerto keep up the household. Financial abuse can also include making you buy things that you cannot afford, taking your savings or retirement, having the abusers name on all your property suchas cars, houses, mobile homes, or apartments, stealing your bank cards, or credit cards, gettingyou evicted, controlling all the money. 3.Sexual Abuse: includes rape, incest, attempted rape, or unwanted touching. The legal definitionof forcible rape varies from state to state. However, it is generally viewed as penetration by force
or threat of force of a body orifice, including the rectum, mouth or vagina. Penetration includesforeign objects and body parts, such as fingers. Most sexual assaults go unreported because theabused feel it was ultimately their fault and they may be viewed differently by friends and family.Men abuse women, women abuse men, sexual assault occur in all types of relationships, marriedand unmarried. Sexual assault is a criminal activity that the abuser uses to seek control and powerin order to humiliate the abused. Whether the abuse is unwanted touching or forcible rape, the endresult is physical and psychological violence to the abused. Directly after an assault, notify thepolice. Do NOT shower, bathe, douche, or destroy clothing, or straightened up the area where theabuse occurred. These acts may alter or destroy important evidence. Go to your nearest hospitalor emergency room. 4.Verbal Abuse: a form of abusive behavior involving the use of language. Oral communication isthe most common form of verbal abuse, but it also includes words in written form. If you areconstantly being compared to others and told you are not good enough, put down or being calledout of your name, you may be experiencing a form of verbal abuse. Other forms of verbal abuseare using words to shame the abused, yelling, swearing, screaming at the abused, using threats tointimidate the abused, blaming the abused, saying whatever it takes to play on the abusedperson's emotions. 5.Emotional and Psychological Abuse: includes all kinds of hurtful behaviors, words, insults, oractions designed to cause fear by manipulating, intimidating, threatening, or isolating the onebeing abused. It occur when one's feelings, thoughts, preferences, desires, needs, appearance orfriendships are made out to be unimportant compared to the abuser's. Tactics may includeputdowns and denial that previous incidents actually happened. It is characterized by a personsubjecting or exposing another to behavior that is psychologically harmful. Emotional abuse is likebrainwashing, it systematically wears away at your self confidence, your self-worth, your trust, andyour self-concept, your self-esteem. This type of abuse does not leave physical bruises but it scarsthe souls of the ones being abused, it cuts the core of a person, it may leave deep emotionalscars, causing feelings of worthlessness. Women who have been emotionally abused say that it iseven more damaging and harder to heal than physical abuse. Emotional abuse is very hurtful andmany women who are being emotionally abused do not realize what is happening to them. Abuse can have very damaging effects on the one being abused. The effects may include: - depression- lack of motivation- confusion- difficulty concentrating or making decisions- a loss of enthusiasm- a loss of self-confidence- low self-esteem- distrust of future relationships- feelings of failure- feelings of worthlessness and/or hopelessness- a growing self-doubt- self-destructiveness- a desire to escape or runaway- self blame

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