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Treatment of Sex Addiction: Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

Treatment of Sex Addiction: Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

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Published by Dorothy Hayden
TREATMENT OF SEX ADDICTION: Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) NLP is an approach to doing psychotherapy that was all the rage in the 70’s and early 80’s. It is a model of the structure of your inner, subjective experience and how that experience influences behavior. It provides a framework for eliciting the way you experience reality with a focus on reorganizing that experience so you, as a human being, can optimally function in work, love and recreation. NLP is designed to elicit information f
TREATMENT OF SEX ADDICTION: Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) NLP is an approach to doing psychotherapy that was all the rage in the 70’s and early 80’s. It is a model of the structure of your inner, subjective experience and how that experience influences behavior. It provides a framework for eliciting the way you experience reality with a focus on reorganizing that experience so you, as a human being, can optimally function in work, love and recreation. NLP is designed to elicit information f

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Published by: Dorothy Hayden on Jan 20, 2012
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TREATMENT OF SEX ADDICTION: Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
 NLP is an approach to doing psychotherapy that was all the rage in the 70’s and early80’s. It is a model of the structure of your inner, subjective experience and how thatexperience influences behavior. It provides a framework for eliciting the way youexperience reality with a focus on reorganizing that experience so you, as a human being,can optimally function in work, love and recreation. NLP is designed to elicitinformation from the subjective (inner) world, to see the limitations these experiencesimpose on each individual and to direct strategies to the conscious and unconscious processes for the purpose of facilitating change towards a happier, more satisfying life.Addiction, in all its forms, is a social epidemic and certainly represents an obstacle to alife well lived. NLP’s methods, skills, and strategies (too numerous and complex todetail in this paper) allow for the construction of a wider and more effective repertoire of internally generated alternatives to addiction.As is the case with any major dysfunction or illness, sex addiction, or the process of 
being 
a sex addict, erodes your internal repertoire of choices, until life becomesdetermined by basically one primary factor: access to sex and to the “erotic haze” thataccompanies it. Stated in a different way, the acquisition of a sexual “rush” determinesyour lifestyle and imposes severe limitations on your experience of yourself and your life. NLP offers “technology” for therapists to deliberately internally “install” variousstrategies and processes, allowing you the required range of choices needed for you tomove toward an addiction-free, satisfying sense of well being in your life. It bothincreases your awareness of your internal processes in measurable ways and providesspecific methodologies for using information obtained through your conscious/unconscious processes in the manner of one who has “enlightened self-interest.” If internally no new choices or alternatives are generated in you, you will
 
repeat – ad nauseum – choices and behaviors that obviously no longer work in the present, but which at some point in time, appeared to have produced results.One of NLP’s precepts is that all behavior makes sense in the context in which it wasoriginated (called “Positive Intent of Behavior versus the Manifested Behavior).Behavior, no matter how bizarre if may appear to be (I think of fetishes), makes sensewhen it is perceived in the context of the choices generated by the individual’s particular model of himself and the world. Addiction is not a matter of making a wrong choice, butof not having sufficient internal choices – thus you act on old instruction or generallyoutdated information that has no bearing on the present except that the present containsthe trigger that sets the old behavior in motion.The more entrenched the behavior is, the more likely it is to be connected to earlysurvival skills – the need for protection, nurturing, feeling enlivened yet safe, or the needto explore the world as an individual separate from Mother (the sexual need for noveltyand excitement). You can see that, somehow-or-other, things went developmentallyarray in your childhood and the survival-seeking pleasure of existence was not providedin the way you needed it to be provided.The result is that you go to sexual excitement (remember of definition of sex addiction)to get non-sexual, emotional needs met. I suspect that the original positive intent of your  behavior was to feel safe, valued, recognized, wanted and alive. When compared to the“Manifested Behavior” – the addiction with all of its dreaded consequences, you canclearly see that behavior that had an original positive intent in the past now manifests as behavior that doesn’t satisfy your needs in a real, consistent, self esteeming enhancingway, but rather produces most of the distressing internal and external circumstances of your life.One of NLP’s contributions to sexual recovery is that it allows you to access and employyour internal resources in order to have a repertoire of feelings and behaviors that you
 
can refer to which can appropriately take the place of compulsive sexuality by fulfillingsome of your needs in realistic, sustaining ways.“Reframing” is an NLP stalwart strategy. To “reframe” a stimulus (e.g. sexual urges)means to change the meaning of the stimulus and thus to change the way you behavetowards the stimulus.To “reframe” the past means to look at it differently in light of new information andgrowing maturity. When I was in therapy, I could only bemoan growing up in the chaosof life with two alcoholic parents. I would regale the therapist with tales of theHORROR of it all! At some point in my development, I began to have a series of  positive memories about my parents. Although dysfunctional after their illness took over,there were, in fact, many years of togetherness, closeness and fun. I have also come torecognize that they were not bad people, just people with a bad disease. Despite it all,they managed to march to the tune of their own drummer in terms of their lifestylechoices and engendered in me enough love of learning to be able to write this book!So…voila! You
can
change the past, depending on which frame you choose to put on it. NLP uses a “Six-Step Reframe” to work with a variety of unwanted behaviors, thoughts,feelings and attitudes. I encapsulate for the sake of simplicity.1.
Identify the behavior to be changed
. In other words, what do you want andwhat stops you from getting there at this time. You may, for instance, was toenjoy sexuality as an experience shared with a cherish partner that leaves youfeeling enlivened rather than depleted and self-hating. What stops you fromgetting there? Why, your addiction, of course.2.
Establish communication with the part of you that generates the behavior
.This is the part of you that revels in the experience of intense sexual pleasure andcan’t figure out, for the life of you, why you would ever want to stop. You needto understand that the addict part is part of your early survival skills and will only

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