would pay the bills first because my husband seemed more concerned about having foodthan about bills getting paid. He wouldn't use any of his money to pay bills, but hewould buy food if we didn't have much. Lately, though, he wasn't even eating anythinghimself, just drinking.The next day our daughter was upset and said she didn't want to go home after school.We talked about a plan where I would pick her up and take her to my office for a coupleof hours and then we would go to church.But she asked if I thought that was really a good idea, leaving him alone all evening withno one to supervise him. I wondered if that was what she thought she was doing the day before when she was sitting on the couch looking sad and emotionally drained. She was“supervising” him.“It's not our job to supervise your dad,” I said, “and especially, it isn't YOUR job.”I made arrangements for her to spend that night at a friend's house.“Don't let him hurt my puppy,” she said as I was leaving to go back home, “and don't lethim burn the house down . . .”(Based on a journal entry from January 31
, 2009)Update:It took another 10 months for me to finally connect with enough strength from God andsupport from other people to be able to follow through with a separation and eventualdivorce. But even then, I don't think I ever could have done it for me. I did it for her. Ihad to!I worried too much about people disapproving of me getting a divorce and I worried toomuch about people disapproving of me taking so long to finally get it done. And Iwould like to believe I am much stronger now. But I find myself experiencing someguilt for sharing this story at this time, when my exhusband is dying, alone in a nursinghome.I have no animosity toward him. He didn't overcome his weakness, but overcomingweakness is a very difficult thing. His wounds from a lifetime of hurt ran very deep.And he did love us, the best he could. He says I promised to be there, holding his hand,when he dies. The nursing home is a bit of distance from my house, but, if at all possible, I will fulfill that promise!