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Barnacle 10-9-11

Barnacle 10-9-11

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Published by Cma Barnacle

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Published by: Cma Barnacle on Jan 22, 2012
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01/22/2012

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Good Morning Keelhaulers!
The Barnacle is
CMA’s very own pirate newspaper! It’s
less politically correct than ourbig sister the Binnacle and hopefully shit-tons more fun, to cite the internationalMerchant Marine standard of measure. This paper is published anonymously to protectthe innocent and guilty alike. Well, mostly the innocent. Class of 2015: WELCOME!! Theeditors hope you find great success and even greater friends here in our own
‘lil world.
If you freshmen (or non-freshmen!) wish to create your own Barnacle article, picture,comic, poster or wish to make a comment, good or bad, email us atcmabarnacle@gmail.com .
Captain Badass or Captain Baloney?
At a recent junior/ senior MT meeting,Captain Bolton sure gave us an earful. But was itan earful of sweet sugar or nasty cod liver oil?The Barnacle investigates.According to Captain Bolton, soon wewill probably have a special ship cleaning detailfour days a week to clean ship. On the one hand,
that’s definitely going to be an extra burden on
cadets, the majority of whom are taking 1.5times the credits of a normal university student.
But unlike last year, we’re at least getting a tiny
bit of advanced warning. Also, for those of youlucky enough not to have been on the GoldenBear after 8 months at the pier, it gets prettyfilthy. A hundred sorry freshmen crammed intotiny compartments like so many humanchickens? Yuck.The details are sparse, but here they areso far. The cleaning crew (CC) detail will last from1800-2100, and be every Monday, Tuesday,Wednesday, and Thursday. It will consist of about six 4/C, four 3/C, two 2/C, and a 1/C. Thecaptain may be looking into getting us sea timefor that detail. [Continued on page 3]
Inside This Barnacle YouMight Find
Page 1: Good MorningKeelhaulersCaptain Badass/BaloneyThe Rotten CorpsPage 2: Restaurant ReviewMPM PerspectiveMad-LibPage 4: CommanD
on’ts Corner
 Page 5: New CommandantCite the AuthorPage 6: CreditsPage 7: The Bilge
The Corps? Rotten? Could It Be?
The following article waswritten and published without theinfluence or knowledge of CadetSweeney or others who directlywitnessed the incident referencedherein.It is with upmost appreciationthat this paper has the opportunity tohonor a cadet who, without concern forhis disciplinary standing and possiblefuture at this school, has shed lightupon the shortcomings of ourCommandant. Cadet Kevin Sweeney,our hats are off to you. It is not often, if ever, that you see a cadet bring up suchtopics so openly and directly.The fact of the matter is thestory that cadet Sweeney, as told in TheBinnacle, has published is all but tootrue. It is not the first time theaforementioned XO has slandered theinnocent, and it is with great regretthat our leadership finds it acceptableto let a civil rights issue like this slide byand at the same time spend tenminutes telling cadets what horriblehuman beings they are for not wearinga cover.[Continued on page 4]
 
A BARNACLE?
WARNINGThis paper includes written and visual material that may be construed as crude, rude and offensive. If you mayPOTENTIALLY take offense to any material of such a nature, PLEASE read NO further.This paper is not intended to be a work of great literature; it is intended for a specific target audience of thecadets at CMA.
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Ever Wondered What It Would Be Like to Get Engaged?Find Out Here
Dear Mr. and Mrs. [ ] [ ],Will you let me [ ] your [ ]? Ever since I have laid [ ] on[ ], I have [ ] madly in love with her. I wish that she will be the[ ] of my [ ] and that someday we will [ ] happily ever after. I have a [] as a/an [ ] that pays $[ ] each month. I promise to [ ] with kindness andrespect.Sincerely,[ ] [ ]NOUN (PLURAL):VERB:NOUN:OCCUPATION:NUMBER:VERB:SILLY WORD:SILLY NAME:SILLY NAME:SILLY WORD:VERB:NOUN:BODY PART (PLURAL):FEMALE NAME:VERB ENDING IN "ED":NOUN:
The Restaurant Review
This month’s reviews will be an overview of some
favorites close to CMA.
Gracie’s BBQ 
 
Gracie’s is located conveniently close, right off Sonoma
Boulevard and Virginia Street across the street from theequally famo
us Victory’s Army Navy store. The friendlystaff and good ‘ol bbq will certainly fill the old ballast
tank for a fair price. Top pick goes to the Family StyleSampler Platter, complete with ribs, chicken, hot linksand a plate of sides including green beans, potato salad,cole slaw, macaroni salad, and corn bread. For $35 andthe ability to feed four hungry sailors (four normalpeople will have leftovers) it sure is a hefty meal. Thego-to drink is the swamp juice: half sweet tea, half lemonade served in a mason jar for $2.50. It sure helpsthe meat fest (pun intended) go down![Continued Page 3]
An MPM Perspective at CMA
This is to the engineers and deckies who are… oh why sugar coat
it. The engineers and deckies who are annoyed with thepresence of global and business students. You may not like us
because we don’t seem to be involved with the maritime
industry as much as you think, or because you think this schoolshould go back to being what it was once before: an institutionfilled with only the engineering and marine transportationmajors. GET OVER IT!!
We are here, and we are here to stay. If it weren’t for the state
 stepping in and providing what funding this school gets on thecondition the GSMA and IBL majors be put in, this school would
not be open to you and instead you’d have to put up with thefolks at KING’S POINT MERCHANT MARINE ACADEMY (who arefrom what I’v
e heard nothing but a bunch of assholes). Also, weare the people who defend and make the policies that provideyou your jobs.
If it weren’t for the JONES ACT, there would be
no U.S. MERCHANT MARINE.
We make sure that stays in placefor you. The business people are also the ones who write and
sign your paychecks and balance your ship’s checkbooks. So
while you may one day become captains or chief mates of shipslater on in the future, the fact of the matter is we will be theremaking sure this industry is still kept as one of the backbones tothe U.S. Ultimately, who would you prefer make the policies andgive you your checks? Some Ivy League graduate who laterbecomes your future politician or banker without a clue or careas to how the merchant marine worl
d works? Wouldn’t it be a
better feeling to know graduates from the same maritimeacademy as you, who have seen at least a little of the industry,were in those positions of power? So let us do our job so youcan do yours.
A Thought from a Captain
After a long summer cruise and a near mutiny experienceaboard the Golden Bear, the president sent the captain to apsychiatrist. The psychiatrist said,
“How about you start fromthe beginning.” The captain replied
,
“Well okay it started off 
in the beginning when I created
he
aven and earth…”
 
Hope your ship has a better name than
this!
 
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Captain Badass or Captain Baloney
[Continued from page 1]
Also the captain vented his frustration on the3/C and 2/C not knowing what the tides and currents aredoing at a given time. To be sure this is pretty shocking.Not as shocking as finding out that Capt CMA was therichest man in Sun Valley, Idaho, but still. The editorsagree with the good (sorry, great) captain that knowingwhat the tides are doing is basically important. But the
reason they’re so useful on real ships is because when a
shi
p is in port loading/discharging cargo, the ship’s
freeboard changes. Combine that with tides, and youneed to tend lines frequently. So on the training shipwhich never moves and rarely messes with ballast, youcan see why it would be so imperative to know the tidesand currents to the very second.Beyond that, the captain mentioned newsecurity measures that could be put in place, including
putting a gate at the pier… and moving poor Aadit from
his cozy quarterdeck office into a stuffy, poorly-ventilated shack by the donkey boilers. There would also
be a TWIC card reader, which would be “periodicallyused” for “training purposes.”
Finally, the captain mentioned that the shipwould be brought to ISM standards for the deck andengine logs. For those WEs and CWOs who are
perpetually worried about what does and doesn’t go in
the logbook, standardizing these entries should be a
welcome change. … Assuming they tell us beforehand
precisely what they want in it, and that the mates andengineers who evaluate the log everyday are consistentin what they want to see. So the log entries will probablybe about as standardized as the shoes of thecommandant
s.At least the persistence of the captain has resulted incraptons of money being poured into that tiny,overcrowded ship. Which makes it better than the otheracademies at least. Merchant Marine Academy and
Great Lakes Academy don’t even have real training ships.
Mass and SUNY have crappy ancient cargo steam ships,and virtually nobody gets a stateroom (howevercrowded). And Maine? They have the sister ship of theTSBS, minus much of the engine room equipment and allof the simulator equipment... But it still has lounges. Ok,so maybe we have the second-best training ship. But at
least we don’t go to school in freakin’
Maine! So, isBolton a badass or does he just
 
spout boloney? Here atthe barnacle, we think his statements speak forthemselves.
Restaurant Review
[Continued from page 2]
Princess GardenFor fans of Mongolian bbq, this restaurant is guaranteed to satisfythe appetite. It is located in the Target shopping center, next to theStarbucks. At a reasonable price of only $13.00 per person, you canengorge yourself in as many helpings as you want, plus you can callyourself the sauce BOSS by mixing and matching all the sauces. Astellar appetizer plate is provided as you sit down; now would be agood time to order drinks. For those of you of age to consumealcoholic beverages, the Tsingtao, (pronounced Ching-Dao), is a
great beer. As soon as you’re settled in, grab a bowl and start piling
on the meats, veggies and sauces and bring it to the person grillingbehind the counter. The best part about the grill is that you canhelp yourself to as many servings as you can handle. At the end of this fancy feast, read your fortune and eat your cookie, (rememberto always read your fortune first, and then eat the cookie, as doingthis in the opposite order is considered to be bad luck). Whateverthe cookie says, y
ou’ve been fortunate to eat at Princess Garden.
 Double Rainbow CaféA small ice cream shop on 1
st
street in Benicia with a big surprise:
$1 WEINERS!! These ‘lil wieners make the Dub
-Bow the doublewiener deal of the month (not unlike some other place we know).The often youthful and friendly staff provides top notch serviceand some of the tastiest ice cream around. The Wicked HazelnutSundae will set you back more than a couple dollars, but the tasteof the rainbow makes it worth the dough.
What Grinds Your Barnacles?Fill in the blank
o
 
Shaving on the [ W ]
o
 
[N ] having a Division Commander
o
 
Corps [W s ]
o
 
[ ]
o
 
[ ]
o
 
[ ]
 
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