Why Men Have Affairs

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Decoded: Should You Stay Married?

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by LAURIE WEISS, PH.D.Page 1© Laurie Weiss

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Why Men Have Affairs

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Decoded:Should You Stay Married?

by:

Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.

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Why Men Have Affairs

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Decoded: Should You Stay Married?

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by LAURIE WEISS, PH.D.Page 2© Laurie Weiss

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About The Author

Laurie Weiss, Ph.D.Relationship Communication Expert

Laurie Weiss, Ph.D., is internationally known as an expert who helps otherrelationship consultation professionals develop their skills. She is aCertified Transactional Analysis Trainer with Clinical and OrganizationalSpecialties, a Master Certified Coach, a speaker, the author of five bookson personal and business relationships, a psychotherapist, executivecoach and marriage counselor.Her life revolves around relationships

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to her husband of 51 years andbusiness partner of 40 years, Jonathan B. Weiss, PhD, her two adultchildren, 5 grandchildren, her friends and her clients.Dr. Laurie is passionate about helping people maintain their integrity by having the importantconversations that build great personal and working relationships. She loves helping very smartpeople stop making dumb relationship mistakes and repairing the mistakes they have made, oneconversation at a time.

She says “I have an unshakeable belief, based on over 40 years of experience, that people are

doing the very best they can with the resources they have available to them at any given

moment.”

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Why Men Have Affairs

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Decoded: Should You Stay Married?

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by LAURIE WEISS, PH.D.Page 3© Laurie Weiss

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Why Men Have Affairs

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Decoded:Should You Stay Married?

She caught her husband having an affair and now he wants to save the marriage. Her actualquestion was "If someone cheats, why the hell would he want to save his marriage?" Thequestion could have been asked by anyone whose spouse is begging for forgiveness. Of coursethere are as many reasons for having an affair as there are people having them, but thosereasons fall into only a few categories. Knowing what those categories are can help you decidewhat to do next.

The Narcissist

A narcissist has affairs because he thinks he has a right to them. He has never matured past the

toddler position that “the world should revolve around me and what I need and what I want.”His basic position is “what’s mine

is mine and what’s yours —

or anyone’s —

is mine.” He is the

man who can't understand why his wife is upset because he has a mistress. He wants them bothand is unlikely to change his belief that he should have both.He is contrite and puts on a good show. He looks and sounds charming and often tries to makehis wife look like the unreasonable one. You have several examples of political and religiousleaders in the media whose double lives have been exposed. Think Newt Gingrich and JohnEdwards. Arnold Schwarzenegger might also fall into this category, but might fit better in thenext.

The Old Fashioned Chauvinist

In some cultures having both a wife and mistress was acceptable. The wife was to providestability and children while the mistress was for entertainment. While the mistress was nothidden, the wife generally ignored her. The man provided well for both and the expectationsabout what was acceptable behavior between a husband and wife were very different than theyare now.Some men think they are still living in such a culture. They love their wives and families, don'twant to hurt them and think they can manage their lives this way. Sometimes they can. I thinkthey differ from narcissists in that they can genuinely care about other people.

The Sex Addict

The sex addict lives a double life. He feels compelled to have very frequent brief sexualencounters with many women -- sometimes several in the same day. He may not even knowtheir names. As in any addiction, satisfying his craving for what he thinks he needs, whether it'ssex, alcohol or drugs, takes precedent over anything else in his life.