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Elephant Juice

Written by Jess Young, Zoe Chapple and Effie Robinson

1 1. EXT. HIGHTOWN LAKES, SUNRISE BECCA (Sigh) Relationships, which insecure and self-incapable tortured soul would have ever initiated one? Whose own life is so unfulfilling that they need someone elses to revolve theirs around. Which Saint out there has the patience and ability to cope with the endless, eye-gauging faults which inevitably are possessed by all of their kind (sigh) MEN. (Angrily) Its just those constant little habits that tug on your last exhausted nerve. Take wearing socks in bed for example, acceptable on those cold winter nights, however, totally not justifiable when their pathetic excuse is pure laziness. That moment when youre busting for the toilet, walk in to the bathroom only to witness, (surprised) oh, wait, seats down for once,(smug) ah, and there we goPISS ON THE SEAT! You know what its like in the morning, just woke up, havent had your coffee a bit disorientated, AND YOU WALK INTO A CUPBOARD! Much like, your need for a deserving pick-me-up after sobbing over Marley and Me, only to find (sarcastic) the contents have disintegrated in to think air. Can someone please reassure me that I am not the only one to have received a horrendously vile item of clothing, made from the most irritable type of cotton knowing my skin is prone to eczema, and forcing yourself to be falsely appreciative. And if that hasnt convinced you enough, consider these: Channel flicking; eating with wings, as if theyre about to take off; man flu- and missing the bin everytime!; Fondling downstairs and contaminating everything they touch like your face; getting on better with your own Mum; the lads weekly night in, and apparently Im the maid; when you innocently peer over their shoulder, to find, them PRIVATE messaging, not just any girl, their bloody EXgirlfriend However, in their attempt to show their love, they end up making you think youre being mugged by unleashing THE PINCH. (uplifting) But, hey, whats Eve without Adam?