Conditions of Marriage Careful consideration of the Quranic injunctions and the traditions of the Proph et (peace and blessings

be upon him) clearly show that marriage is compulsory (w ajib) for a man who has the means to easily pay the Mahr (dowry) and to support a wife and children, and is healthy, and fears that if does not marry, he may be tempted to commit fornication (Zina). It is also compulsory for a woman who has no other means of maintaining herself and who fears that her sexual urge may pu sh her into fornication. But even for a person who has a strong will to control his sexual desire, who has no wish to have children, and who feels that marriage will keep him away from his devotion to Allah, it is commendable (Mandub). However, according to the Maliki school, under certain conditions it is obligato ry (fard) for a Muslim to marry even if he is not in a position to earn his livi ng: If he fears that by not marrying he will commit fornication (Zina). If he is unable to fast to control his passions or his fasting does not help him to refrain from Zina. Even if he is unable to find a slave girl or a destitute girl to marry. However some jurists suggest that if a man cannot procure a lawful livelihood, h e must not marry because if he marries without any hope of getting lawful bread, he may commit theft, and in order to avoid one evil (his passions) he may becom e the victim of another (theft). The Hanafi school considers marriage as obligatory (fard) for a man: If he is sure that he will commit Zina if he does not marry. If he cannot fast to control his passions or even if he can fast, his fast does not help him to control his passion. If he cannot get a slave-girl to marry. If he is able to pay the dowry (Mahr) and to earn a lawful livelihood. Marriage is forbidden (Haram) to a man, according to the Hanafi school, if he do es not possess the means to maintain his wife and children or if he suffers from an illness, serious enough to affect his wife and progeny. It is not desirable (makruh) for a man who possesses no sexual desire at all or who has no love for children or who is sure to be slackened in his religious obl igations as a result of marriage. In order that problems should not arise after marriage the Prophet (peace and bl essings be upon him) recommended that, in the selection of his bride, a man shou ld see her before betrothal lest blindness of choice or an error of judgment sho uld defeat the very purpose of marriage. But this "seeing" is not to be taken as a substitute for the "courtship" of the West. The man should not gaze passionat ely at his bride-to-be, but only have a critical look at her face and hands to a cquaint himself with her personality and beauty. However, if a man so desires, h e may appoint a woman to go and interview the proposed bride, so that she may fu lly describe the type of girl she is. Since believing men and women are referred to in the Quran, a woman also has the right to look at her potential husband. The special permission for men and women to see each other with a view to matrim ony does not contravene the code of conduct for believing men and women to lower their gaze and be modest which is laid down in the Noble Quran: Prohibited Marriage Partners Under the Shari'ah, marriages between men and women standing in a certain relati onship to one another are prohibited. These prohibited degrees are either of a p ermanent nature or a temporary. The permanently prohibited degrees of marriage a re laid down in the Noble Quran: "And marry not those women whom your fathers married, except what has already ha ppened (of that nature) in the past. Lo! It was ever lewdness and abomination, a nd an evil way. Forbidden unto you are your mothers and your daughters, and your sisters and your father's sisters and your mother's sisters, and your brother's daughters and your sister's daughters, and your foster-mothers and your fostersisters, and your mothers-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your moth er-in-law and your step-daughters who are under your protection (born) of your w omen unto whom you have gone into -- but if you have not gone into them, then it

is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) -- and the wives of your sons from your own loins, and that you should have two sisters together, except what has already happened (of that nature) in the past. Allah is ever-Forgiving, Merciful ." [Noble Quran 4:22-24] From the above verses, it is clear that a Muslim must never marry the following: His mother His step-mother (this practice continues in Yoruba land in Nigeria, where in som e cases the eldest son inherits the youngest wife of his father) His grandmother (including father's and mother's mothers and all preceding mothe rs' e.g. great grandmothers) His daughter (including granddaughters and beyond) His sister (whether full, consanguine or uterine) His father's sisters (including paternal grandfather's sisters) His mother's sisters (including maternal grandmother's sisters) His brother's daughters His foster mother His foster mother's sister His sister's daughter His foster sister His wife's mother His step-daughter (i.e. a daughter by a former husband of a woman he has married if the marriage has been consummated. However, if such a marriage was not consu mmated, there is no prohibition) His real son's wife A great wisdom lies behind these prohibitions on the grounds of consanguinity, a ffinity, and fosterage. No social cohesion can exist if people do not keep these prohibitions in their minds while contracting marriages. Temporary prohibitions are those which arise only on account of certain special circumstances in which the parties are placed. If the circumstances change, the prohibition also disappears. They are as follows: A man must not have two sisters as wives at the same time nor can he marry a gir l and her aunt at the same time. A man must not marry a woman who is already married. However this impediment is removed immediately if the marriage is dissolved either by the death of her form er husband, or by divorce followed by completion of the period of 'iddah (retrea t). A man must not have more than four wives at one time. This impediment is, of cou rse, removed as soon as one of the wives dies or is divorced. A man must not marry a woman during her 'iddah. "Mothers nurse their babies two whole years for those who wish to complete their nursing. Upon the one for whom the baby was born is her food and her clothing i n equitable and proper terms. No soul will be emburdened beyond its ability. No mother may be harmed on account of her child nor any father by his child and the heir is chargeable in the same way. If the two [parents] decide on weaning by m utual agreement and consultation, there is no blame on them. And if you decide o n a wet-nurse for your children, there is no blame on you provided you pay what you offered equitably and properly. And fear Allah and know that Allah sees well all that you do." [Noble Quran 2:233] <left out the verse about having to ask h ubby permission> A Muslim woman also has obligations. All the laws and regulations pertaining to prayer, fasting, charity, pilgrimage, doing good deeds, etc., apply to women, al beit with minor differences having mainly to do with female physiology. Before marriage, a woman has the right to choose her husband. Islamic law is ver y strict regarding the necessity of having the woman's consent for marriage. The groom gives a marriage dowry to the bride for her own personal use. She keeps h er own family name, rather than taking her husband's. As a wife, a woman has the right to be supported by her husband even if she is already rich. She also has the right to seek divorce and custody of young children. She does not return the dowry, except in a few unusual situations. Despite the fact that in many places and times some Muslims have not always adhe

red to all or even many of the foregoing in practice, the ideal has been there f or 1,400 years, while virtually all other major civilizations did not begin to a ddress these issues or change their negative attitudes until the 19th and 20th c enturies, and there are still many contemporary civilizations which have yet to do so. Without doubt, marriage is part of the social agenda of Islam and the objective it to maximize marriage and to combat "single-hood" as much as possible. This me ans that if marriage begins decreasing for whatever reason such as exorbitant do wries, economic injustice, etc. then these evils must be combated in defense of marriage. If polygamy is neglected and not done sufficiently, this will create a number of single women and a situation which requires social effort to correct. Likewise, if polygamy is done to excess by some individuals, it will produce an excess of single men another situation which must be corrected. The raising of children must be done in such a way which promotes marriage and raises both men and women knowledgeable of their roles and duties within the family. All of this can be found in Allah's command to the Muslims as a whole to maximize marriage among us: "And marry off the single among you and the righteous ones among your male and f emale slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrichen them from His bounties and A llah is expansive, knowing." [Noble Quran 24:32] "Marry the loving and the fertile for I will outdo the nations with you [r numbe rs]. (In another version: "...for I will outdo the prophets with you [r numbers] on Qiyama.") http://www.islamswomen.com/marriage/marriage_in_islam.php Afflictions of Marriage Marriage can also represent a test or be afflicted with some harmful situations. The worst of them is failing to seek sustenance from the lawful. If that becomes difficult, the husband may become tempted to reach his hand into the haram. Falling short with regard to the rights of women and being patient with their ch aracter and their annoyances. In that there is a great danger because the man is the "shepherd" in the household and is to be questioned about those under his c are. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Verily, woman was created from a rib and she will never stay for you on a strai ght way. If you get enjoyment from her, you get enjoyment while she still has he r crookedness but if you insist on straightening her you will break her. And "br eaking" of her is divorce." Considerations in Choosing a Wife Beauty. This is something desirable, even if it ranks after religion in importan ce, because it is one of the things which makes the marriage strong and protects the man from wrongdoing. For this reason, the Prophet (peace and blessings be u pon him) ordered men seeking marriage to get a look at the woman before marrying her. Some people used to refuse to consider this nor intend it. It is reported that Imam Ahmad chose a cross-eyed woman over her sister. But this is rare and h uman nature is at odds with it. From Al-Mughira ibn Shu'ba that he sought to marry a woman and the Prophet (peac e and blessings be upon him) said to him: "Look at her for it is more assuring t hat it should last between you." Virginity. Because the Law-giver encouraged that and human nature favors it. Thi s is because she will love her husband more and feel closer to him than a previo usly married woman. Human nature is inclined toward closeness to the first objec t of love or familiarity. It is also more favorable to his love for her because there is something which repels one from she who has been touched by others. Fertility. That she be capable of bearing children. The Prophet (peace and bless ings be upon him) said: "Marry the friendly and fertile, for I will compete with the other nations with your large numbers." To be friendly with one's spouse including playing around with them and joking w ith them. Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) had a foot-race wi

th Ai'shah on more than one occasion and he used to joke with his wives. He said to Jabir upon hearing that he had married a mature woman (because he had been l eft with nine sisters as orphans): "... Choose a [young] virgin that she may play with you and you with her..." Give them a good name. The sunnah is that an individual has only a single name. The rest of his name consists of his father's name which may be followed by his grandfather's name and then by the family or clan name. Nothing but the first na me should ever be changed. If the name has a bad meaning such as "'Abdush-Shams" (slave of the sun), it should be changed, but ONLY if it is the individual's FI RST name. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) changed the names of sev eral of the sahabah because of their negative meanings, but there was never any case where the father's name was omitted or changed even where it has a complete ly reprehensible meaning. Harb ibn 'Abdush-Shams was one such case. His name bec ame 'Abdur-Rahman ibn 'Abdush-Shams. Al-Aqiqah. Sacrifice two lambs for a boy and one lamb for a girl. Prepare the fo od and invite the Muslims to eat. Divorce. Divorce is allowed in Islam but not encourage nor to be taken lightly. Divorce is the sole prerogative of the man. If a woman desires to end the marria ge but the man is unwilling to do so, she must resort to khul'a before the imam or a qadhi. A man should not surprise his wife with a divorce without any misdee d on her part. It is not allowed for the woman to force her husband to divorce w ithout any misdeed or corruption on his part. From Thauban that Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Any woman who asks her husband for divorce without any wrongdoing, forbidden to her is even the scent of Paradise." (This hadith is authentic.) If he must divorce, he must adhere to the following: He must divorce her after her period is complete and before they have been toget her. He should pronounce only one divorce and take advantage of the period of ruj'a d uring which he can easily reverse his decision. Islam has forbidden celibacy, monasticism and castration for such purposes. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) made this clear when he told those com panions who were considering acetic forms of life: "I pray and I sleep; I fast a nd I break my fast; and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my way of life is not from me." The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) not only encouraged marriage but he encouraged marrying those women who are child-bearing. He state d: "Marry the loving, child-bearing women, for I shall have the largest numbers among the Prophets on the day of Resurrection." (Recorded by Ahmad and ibn Hibba n) "And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as we ll as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin" [Noble Quran 17:31] Hence, Muslims should never abort or kill their children out of fear of poverty. It is Allah who provides for them. Based on the above points and numerous others, the scholars who participated in the research on this question came up with the following resolution: It is not allowed to enact a general law that limits the freedom of spouses in h aving children. It is forbidden to "permanently" end a man's or a woman's ability to produce chi ldren, such as by having a hysterectomy or vasectomy, as long as that is not cal led for by circumstances of necessity according to its Islamic framework. It is permissible to control the timing of births with the intent of distancing the occurrences of pregnancy or to delay it for a specific amount of time, if th ere is some Shari'ah need for that in the opinion of the spouses, based on mutua l consultation and agreement between them. However, this is conditioned by that not leading to any harm, by it being done by means that are approved in the Shar i'ah and that it not do anything to oppose a current and existing pregnancy. Ar-rejalu qawwa muna 'alan-nisa'a bima fadhdhallahu ba'dhahum 'ala bi'dhi wa bim a anfaqu min amwalihim. Fas-saliHatu qaintat HafaTHatul-lilghaybi bimaa HafiTHal -lahu, wal-lati takhafuna nushuza hunna fa'iTHuu hunna wa hjuruu hunna fiil-lmad

ha ji'i wadhribu hunna. Fa'in aTa'nakum flaa tabghuu 'alayhinna sabiilan. Innallaha kaana 'aliyaan kabiira(n). One Explanation (tafsir) given of this surahc (chapter 4:34) according to some s cholars is: "Men are the support of women as God gives some more means than others, and beca use they spend of their wealth (to provide for them). So women who are virtuous are obedient to God and guard the hidden as God has guarded it. As for women who are averse in behavior, talk to them suasively, leave them alone in bed and tap them (like a doctor would tap a patient - lightly), if they open out to you, do not seek an excuse for blaming them. Surely God is sublime and great." Meaning of the Words For the three words fa'izu, wahjaru, and wadribu in the original, translated her e 'talk to them suasively,' 'leave them alone (in bed - fi'l-madage'),' and tap lightly (percuss them), respectively, Fa'izu (to use persuasive speech or admonishment) Fa'izu, implies the first step should be to make clear to them using straight ta lk, the position they are in and what is required to comply with the teaching of Islam. This approach may be repeated until it is established she has understood and is willing to comply and come back into line with the proper expected of a Muslim woman. Hajara - Wahjaru (do not touch or molest them) Hajara, he says, means to separate body from body, and points out that the expre ssion wahjaru hunna metaphorically means to refrain from touching or molesting t hem. Zamakhshari is more explicit in his Kshshaf when he says, 'do not get insid e their blankets.' Daraba (tap lightly as 'percuss', not to beat) Daraba lightly tap them (women).' This view is strengthened by the Prophet's aut hentic hadith found in a number of authorities, including Bukhari and Muslim: "Could any of you beat your wife as he would a slave, and then lie with her in t he evening?" There are other traditions in Abu Da'ud, Nasa'i, Ibn Majah, Ahmad bin Hanbal and others, to the effect that he forbade the beating of any woman, saying: "Never beat God's handmaidens." Source: Al-Quran: a contemporary translation by Ahmed Ali, Princeton University Press, 1 988; pp78-79 In the past, some translators of this verse have mistakeningly used the word "be at" to represent the word "dhaaraba" in Arabic. This is not the opinion of all s cholars and those who are well grounded in both Islam understanding and the Engl ish language. Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of t hem to excel the other, and because they spend from their means (to support the women). Therefore the righteous women are devout and guard in the husband's abse nce what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's proper ty, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (f irst), (next), refuse to share their beds, go back to them (in intimacy), if the y return to obedience and do not seek any means of annoyance against them. Certa inly, Allah is Most High, Most Great.[Noble Quran 4:34] Other translators have offered words such as, "tap" and "pat" to represent a phy sical type of admonisment. While definitely coming closer to what might be accep table in many circles than such expressions as "hit" or "beat", this still does not properly demonstrate the position and usage of such terms in relation to the first of the verse and the connection to the following passage, wherein the cle ar instructions deal with the women who do not come into compliance. Therefore, it likely be considered to mean: "tap lightly as a doctor would examine a patien t". We understand from this some of the translations are not properly representing t he spirit of the meaning. Therefore, they cannot be considered to be the represe ntation of what has been intended by Almighty God. Now we can properly understand that Almighty God has commanded the men to provid

e for the women and allow them to keep all of their wealth, inheritance and inco me without demanding anything from them for support and maintenance. Additionall y, if she should be guilty of lewd or indecent conduct, the husband is told to f irst, admonish her and then she should cease this lewdness. However, if she shou ld continue in this indecency, then he should no longer share the bed with her, and this would continue for a period of time. Finally, if she would repent then he would take up sharing the bed with her again. Dr. Jamal Badawi (St. Mary's University, Nova Scotia) is of the opinion these (t hree stages) are necessary steps prior to divorce. Instead of a man saying, "I d ivorce you" three times in a row, he should follow this procedure before acting hastily and thereby doing something unwise and displeasing to Allah. The first s tep would be as mentioned above, to give her a "good talking to" and then if she continued in such unpleasing behavior, to leave the bed (not have intercourse w ith her) for a period of time and then finally, the last straw would be to "pat" her on the arm (as you would stroke a sheep or animal) to signify to her this i s the final straw and then if she still persisted in her bad way, he could divor ce her. Regardless of the various positions and opinions, there is no permission establi shed through the teachings of the Quran or the Sunnah (way) of Muhammad, peace a nd blessings be upon him, wherein one person could "beat" another person at thei r own discretion. The Truth About the Age of Ayshah and Her Marriage to Muhammad (peace and blessi ngs be upon him). by Yusuf Estes He did not accept the first offer of marriage to Ayshah when her father had come to him with the proposal, instead he married an older, large woman named Sawdah . Ayshah had been offered in marriage and engaged prior to being offered to the pr ophet, peace and blessings be upon him. That marriage never took place. When Ayshah was older, again her father offered her in marriage and the proposal was accepted. The whole family was happily involved and most elated in having the prophet of G od as their close relative through marriage. Ayshah herself was very happy with this marriage as is evidenced by the hundreds of teachings she later related after his death (peace and blessings be upon him ). Details of Clear Proofs and Evidences What is the truth behind of the age of prophet's wife, Ayesha? Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) did not go to Ayesha at all. There was only the offer of marriage, never anything less than this - and the of fer was not from the prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) to Ayesh a - it was from her father to the prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) never had sex outside of marr iage. First of all, let us be crystal clear about a very important subject. The prophe t Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) never had sex at all, until after b eing married, at the age of 25, to a widowed woman, Khadijah, who was 15 years o lder than he was. When his wife Khadijah died a number of people tried to encourage the prophet (p eace and blessings be upon him) to take another wife and get married again. Aysh ah's name was mentioned, but he chose to marry Sawdah, who was known for her big size. All of this is well documented and preserved in the annuls of Muslim scholars fo r fourteen centuries. How was Ayesha viewed by others at the time and throughout the history of Islam? She was highly respected as the daughter of Abu Bakr, a man known as "As-Siddiq" (The one who verifies truth). Abu Bakr was the life long friend of the prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and the first man to accept Islam aft er revelation of Quran started.

What was Ayesha like? Ayesha was very intelligent and brilliant in her mind and excellent in treatment of her parents. She was known to give full respect to her husband, Muhammad, pe ace and blessings be upon him. She was once accused by some hypocrites of immora lity, but in her innocence she did not even know what she was being accused of u ntil her mother explained it to her. And it was Allah who cleared her name forev er, by mentioning her purity and innocence in the Quran (Surah An-Nur chapter 24 ). She became the first of women scholars and teachers of Islam. No other woman narrated as many hadiths as Ayesha. Marriage offer first came from who? Khawlah (a Muslim companion woman), suggested the marriage of Ayesha to the prop het Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). He did not accept it. Who next offered her hand in marriage to the prophet (peace and blessings be upo n him)? Abu Bakr had offered his daughter in marriage to someone else prior to the offer made to the prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. Abu Bakr sent hi s wife out to bring in his daughter to offer her in marriage to the prophet (pea ce and blessings be upon him) and then she returned back outside to play. The pr ophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did not accept even though it was very m uch the custom of the time to accept such an offer of marriage from someone as c lose as Abu Bakr was to the prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. There is a n ayah in the Quran related to this topic, in Surah An-Nisa', chapter 4, verse 1 9 - telling us women cannot be inherited against their will. This was the first time for such a ruling in favor of women and it came about to protect women from the very thing people are now trying to accuse our religion of supporting. The truth bears out over the falsehood, in this case very clear. What did Allah reveal in the Quran about forced marriages and child brides (not old enough to be married)? How long before the next offer of marriage by her father to the prophet (peace a nd blessings be upon him)? When Ayesha was a few years older, her father Abu Bakr, again had the mother bri ng her into the house to offer her in marriage to the prophet, peace and blessin gs be upon him. The prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did accept this of fer made some years later, when Ayesha was old enough according to Islam (able t o bear children). Was she now considered by Allah to be old enough for marriage? Yes. This time is was accepted and plans for the marriage were set in place. She tells us of the excitement, preparation and wonderful experience of her being o ffered and accepted in marriage to the prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and their closeness and intimacy. All of this is described in the most beautifu l context with nothing left out and yet nothing disgusting - only beauty and enj oyment as described in her own words. The lessons she taught have helped married couples in Islam to know what the limits are and how to share the most pleasure between a married couple in both physical and spiritual ways. What was the "norm" regarding the subject of marriage at the time of Prophet Muh ammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and Ayesha? Actually, the people of Arabia had the custom of marrying off any of their girls at the age of the beginning of their monthly cycles. Even the Arch Bishop of Canterbury would not have been blamed for marrying a you ng girl back one hundred years or so as this was still accepted at that time. Consider the Catholic Church claims that Mary, may Allah's peace be on her, was married to Joseph before having Jesus (peace and blessings be upon him) and her age was just a year or two older than Ayshah's age, but Joseph was mentioned as being in his 90's! (we do not have this story in Islam, because Mary is consider ed a true virgin and never married and never had other children except for Jesus Christ (peace and blessings be upon him). The marriage of Ayesha to Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) is nothing less than the best love story ever written. Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet leaves much to be desired by comparison. Consider the contrast and be honest in your conclusion:

Romeo and Juliet both were running around behind their parents back - with someo ne whom they did not approve of at all - their families were fighting each other in a feud and they forbid them to be together at all. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) was being offered the hand of the daughter of his best friend, Abu Bakr in a marriage environment. All of the family members were happy about this and had approved of the marriage. Romeo and Juliet had their affair in secrecy without the benefit of clergy (not married). Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and Ayesha waited until after marriage and even after a courtship period described in beautiful details by Ay esha herself. Romeo and Juliet both committed suicide. According to Judaism and Christianity a s well as Islam - anyone who commits suicide will go to Hell forever. Ayesha and Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) both believed in One God the God of the Jews and the God of Christ (peace and blessings be upon him) and they both preached a message of salvation through direct repentance to Almighty God. Above all, they will be together in the Paradise where they will live - happily ever after. Monogamy illogical. If a man wishes to have a second wife whom he takes care of and whose children carry his name and he provides for he is considered a crimina l, bigamist, who may be sentenced to years in jail. However, if he has numerous mistresses and illegitimate children his relation is considered legal. http://www.islamswomen.com/marriage/islams_position_on_polygamy.php It is not permissible for him to hit his wife in a way that causes her to bleed or hurts her. This is sinful aggression and enmity, because the basic principle is that the Muslim's blood, honour, wealth and skin are sacred and protected, an d it is not permissible to strike him except in cases where the Lawgiver has all owed striking that is not severe and does not cause harm, if there is the fear o f wilful defiance (nushooz) on the part of the wife, and exhorting and shunning have not been to any avail. http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/149359