Dead Lawyer on Trial: Only in Moscow
As if the Trojan Rock in a Moscow park wasn’t bizarre enough, the Ghost Post hasrecently learned that Russian investigators may go ahead with plans to prosecute adead lawyer.Despite being dead since November 2009, Sergei Magnitsky will still face trial fortax fraud (no, we didn’t make that up, which proves that life is more creative thanfiction). Fortunately for all concerned, he is not obliged to physically attend the trial,nor will he be cross-examined by the prosecution.Previously, a defendant such as Mr Magnitsky could always plead ‘Dead’. In suchcircumstances, the charges would normally be dropped and the case dismissed. Now,even that flimsy excuse will not hold back the long and rather twisted arm of theRussian law. Courts have been authorized to conclude all cases, even if no one isactually still alive by the time the verdict is passed.“This case creates a new precedence that is… well, unprecedented,” one lawyer (whois still alive) explained. “Just think of all the dead people we can sue or charge withvarious crimes. No one is immune. Conversely, dead victims are now free to take theliving or another dead person to court. It’s brilliant!”A gypsy who specializes in séances told the Ghost Post, “I’m booked solid for thenext few months, reaching across the grave to contact the dead.” When pressed fordetails about her customers, all she would say was, “It’s these lawyers trying to signup ghost clients.”As if in anticipation for this influx of cases, a new courthouse where dead people canbe judged is being constructed next to a Moscow cemetery, not very far from theTrojan Rock. (Coincidence? We think not). The proposed motto: ‘Death is no defence’.In response, a group of human rights lawyers have formed an organization called‘Defending the Dead’.
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From our Legal Department: Any similarity to persons living or dead might not be coincidental. But if you plan on suing us, then the similarity is totally coincidental.