Initiating Relationships with
Openness, Honesty, and Directness
January 21st, 2009 by Steve Pavlina
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I’ve never resonated with the usual dating and courtship process.Traditional dating is actually one of our society’s most ineffective inventions. The mainreason it gets so much attention is the commercial engine that drives it. Restaurants, movietheatres, jewelers, etc. want you to believe that spending money on their products andservices equals romance. If you’ve swallowed this belief system, I assure you that you’ve been duped. This belief system stems from marketing, not truth. It has virtually noconnection to the realities of human relationships.Erin and I were already boyfriend-girlfriend before we ever went on a typical date. Mostof the time we got together, we went straight to each other’s homes, where we could talk one-on-one for hours. Our first face-to-face meeting happened at my apartment, not at a“neutral” public place. From the very beginning, we established high trust. Worrying aboutsafety or second-guessing each other’s intentions wasn’t a concern — our thoughts simplyweren’t at that level. We invested our time in getting to know each other on a very deeplevel, declining to fill our interactions with public distractions.If you really like someone, aim to spend lots of one-on-one time together with nodistractions. Talk about your lives, and unearth each other’s interests. Share your hopesand dreams. Bypass small talk, and dive into what’s really important to you. Speak soulfully and listen attentively. This way you can create an amazing connection in a matter of hours that would take weeks to accomplish with traditional dating.
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