1
Morons Guide to Oxymorons
Oxy
As told by Oxy to Barry J. Lipson
2
Preface
“Howdy Dowdy diddle um
-day,
1
”
folks I’
m
Oxy
, not Peter, Paul & Mary’s playful little
Leatherwing Bat
, but a
Sharp
(
OXY
) &
Dull
(
MORON
) bovine eater of hay, and slurpper (not author) of allchewy concepts that have a devilish tang of
contradiction, conflict, inconsistency, incongruity, irony,
‘
Double Entendre’
&/or
opinion.
Indeed
“Oxymora”
are mighty magnets for dastardlydisagreements,
words & phrases with internal/external contradictions!
But beware, I find, themightier the
quip,
the tastier the slurp! As my bully scribe, the self-professed aspiring
Smith of Words
, Barry, the Jay of the Lipson clan, has written in his
“OxyMorons, Ho! Ho!”
):
“I have always liked the word ‘
oxymoron,
’ a word which according to Webster could describe ‘theresults of the combination of oxygen and stupidity;’ or a ‘man endowed by his Creator with
emasculated bovine feeb
lemindedness;’ or ‘the combining of contradictory or incongruous words.’Stated otherwise, an ‘oxymoron’ is "the product of an
oxygen crazed bovinic moron's combination of
words,’ or, more succinctly, ‘feebleminded hot air.’
‘Military Intelligence,’
in popular punningparlance, is considered to be a prime example of an oxymoron. Another prime example would be
‘Jumbo Shrimp
’ [what of
“Jambalied Shrimp”?
].
”
Perchance you noted from my cover photo that to vary my diet of words & vegetation, I also slurpthe occasional hamburger.
“Please don’t be shocked!”
It is not like you eating “long pig.” I eat only
HAM
burgers
, not
BEEF
burgers
or
OX
burgers
, or so I believe, though your euphemizing of “long pig” does give me a moment’s pause. Does the English language m
ake me an
unintentional
cannibal?
No!
My intent is just to
figuratively
sharply & dully “cannibalize” English by slurping in & sp
ittingout prime tasty tidbits, at times chewed down, paraphrased and/or edited for fit, flow or
flabbergastation, for:
"What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it
[Dr. Who]?”
This
Guide
contains an extensive listing of the
Oxymorons, Double Entendres, One-Liners
&SUCH,
slurped up by me over the years. As up to date as “
Slurpee Summit”
and
“Toxic Assets;”
asclassically classy as
“Military Intelligence;”
as misguided as
“Mission Accomplished;”
and as
“
Double Entendrey”
as
“Killer Pussy.”
And now we’re
“Fashionably Oxymoronic?”
I dare say,oxymorons
& such
contain wisdom to ruminate on, and to live, laugh and cry by!
Thus, there are such as Isaac Bashevis Singer's universal revelation: "
We must believe in free will, we have no choice
." Clara Barton's realization: "
I can distinctly remember forgetting that
." WoodyAllen's retrospective: "
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small
." And then SarahPalin: "
'Refudiate
,
2
’
‘
misunderestimate,
' '
wee-wee'd up
.'
English is a living language,”
she statescorrectly
, “Shakespeare liked to coin new words too [but intentionally]. Gotta celebrate it!'"
Now, now,
I, Oxy,
do not stand hostage for the quality, obviousness, quip-free nature or actual
scholarly classifications of the listed items. That’s yours to chew through and muddle over. Some may be shown here to “showcase” others and/or for “completeness.”
Enjoy!
And please forgive anyimbalances in oxymorons with sexual or worldly innuendos. But, unlike you and my scribe, as aeunuchized
Ox,
not provided with a harem to guard and/or udders to suck and chat up, I know little of such matters. Perhaps, that is why I find words, instead of cows, so
TIT
illating, so sexy . . . .
Butt
enough
“B.S.”
(or is that
O.S.
?)! Let’s sink our teeth into this moronic
meat
loaf and get to the
jugular
of the matter, so all of my
vain
slurping shall not have been in, or miss the,
vein
!
1
From Peter, Paul and Mary’s
“
Leatherwing Bat
,”
whose
"500 Miles"
has been identified as being taken from an old Rosh
Hashanah “Areshes Sifaseinu …
Litvish niggun
,” [Lithuanian Jews religious “humming tune”],
"an oxymoron.
”
2
Palin’s
Refudiate: Oxford American Dictionary's
Word of the Year for 2010
–
So, yes, you can
still
coin new words!
3
Moron’s Guide to Oxymorons
A
A & K Lick-A-Chick Restaurant [Nova Scotia, Canada]A Bit Too ExpensiveA Bird In The Hand Is DeadA Bird In The Hand Is Worth Two In The BushA Cappella With MusicA Definite No!A Difference Which Makes No Difference Is No DifferenceA Fail SafeA Fine MessA-Flat Miner Produced By Piano Falling Down Mine ShaftA Foot AheadA Just War*A Justified War*Just A War*Just WarA Little Ambiguity Never Hurt AnyoneA Little BigA Little Bit PregnantA Little Humility Is ArroganceA Little Inaccuracy Sometimes Saves A Ton Of ExplanationA Little Ignorance Can Go A Long WayA Little Ignorance Can Go A Long Way In The Direction Of Maximum HarmA Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous ThingA Little Learning Is A Dangerous Thing, A Lot Can Blow Up The WorldA Little Learning Is A Dangerous Thing, But Little Learning Is More DangerousA Little Of What You Fancy Does You GoodA Little Of What You Fancy Does You Good, & If You Fancy Fanny ...?A Little Pain Never Hurt AnyoneA Little PregnantA Little Song, A Little Dance, A Little Seltzer Down Your PantsA Lot Of What Appears To Be Progress Is Just So Much Technological RococoA Man Is As Faithful As His Options [Chris Rock]A Man Is Only A Man, But A Good Bicycle Is A RideA Man Is Only A Man, But A Good Horse Is A RideA Man Should Be Greater Than Some Of His PartsA Moment's Thinking Is An Hour In Words [Thomas Hood]A New ClassicA Penny Saved Is A PennyA Penny Saved Is A Penny EarnedA Pretty Face Is A Punishment [Estonia]
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Morons Guide to Oxymorons 71 by Barry J. Lipson
71st Edition - Sublime To The Ridiculous - Nearly 425 Finger Lickin' Good Pages of UNIQUE FACTS & UNIVERSAL WISDOM of OXY slurped Oxymorons, Double Entendres, One-Liners, Paronomasias, Uniquities, Factoids and the like & unlike, both SALIENT & SALACIOUS!!! These Tasty Tidbits contain wisdom to ruminate on, and to live, laugh and cry by!
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