No Bullshit

adesubomi plumptre
U B SH*T
bout life its a
NOLL
v ol.1
From the DC Times best selling author of NOTHING
No Bullsh*t Vol. 1: It's About Life

Adesubomi Plumptre
2008 by Adesub omi Pl All rig umptre hts res erved. a retr No por ieval tion of system this bo electr , or t onic, ok may ransmi mechan be repr tted i except ical, oduced n any for br photoc , store form o ief quo opy, r d in prior w r by a tation ecordi ritten ny mea s in cr ng, sc permis ns itical anning sion of review , or o the pub s or ar ther lisher ticles . , witho ut the Plumpt re, Ade subomi No Bul ls ISBN 9 h*t! Vol. 1: It 789780 s Abou 86-9 t Life/ Adesub Photog omi Pl umptre raphy: Leke A lder Ade Plu m Seyi Bo ptre dy Law son Design : Alder C onsult ing Additi o Opeyem nal Design: i Awoye mi
Copyri
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4 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1
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love and friend To truth, freedom, compassion, It's been an h onour knowin g you.
ion cat di
ship.
5 Adesubomi Plumptre
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Life, O Shos h Life !
I Gotta Do An Intro
11
Disclosure
Older M Novemb
ide To ho's Gu
Feeli
ny In ng Hor s Fr
Lesson
oothp om My T ief
an Nigeri Fr
s In Br
Capit om The
al City
ing Search
For Al
phas e
rria The Ma Thinki n
ge Issu
t Kids g Abou
And So
I Write
17 23 7 2 31 35 43 49 57 61
en er aste Tu be
S.Y.C.D.A
.A ent
Fulfillm
Some Enc
ouragem
67 71
ent
The Day
My Frien
Loneline s And The s, Pigheadedness Dating C onundru m We're Stu ck In A R ut I'm A Col d Hard B itch Forging A With An Relationship Invisibl e Being
dship Di
75 81 85 89 93 99
ed
Frees
tyle
Who Am I? Aching & S orrow
9
ing
Falling I
Possibil
ities
n Love
47
33 41 65
This Is My
Dream ing
Year
79
Stars
97
Lyric
Stand Up
Let The Jo
y Begin
Lessons
Of Life
104 105 106
IG
ott
aD
oA
n tro In
Okay, I admit. I could have used a less incendiary title for my book, but hey! NO BULLSH*T best describes what I have to say - no pretence, no hypocrisy, no gloss over.
It started 10, no, 11 years ago when I took up a miserable looking pencil to capture on paper the thoughts buzzing in my head. Back then, my prose was pretty serious, but eventually the caustic wit and irreverence emerged. A blog soon followed, which served as a sort of catharsis for me, then later evolved into this - the first volume in a series of write-ups chronicling my deepest thoughts about life. I do know this will be boring to some. In fact if I haven't caught
your attention by now, please don't read any further...(smile). Long ago, I learnt that if a book doesn't engage me from the very beginning, there was no point proceeding. There are toooooooo many books and just toooooooo little time. Therefore, I've deliberately segmented this collection of musings into stand-alone chapters that are non-sequential and no longer than a few pages each. God forbid you have to sit down to read it all at once! Begin from the back, middle, front, wherever. The formula for understanding this book is simple - there is no formula. I write what I'm feeling right here and now. Now, as this intro's getting It's all very personal, in no way universal and I reserve the right to change my mind in Vol 2! rather long and I'm not sure how to end it, I just will.
Fre
esty
le
WhWhomAI? I? oA m
queen, Im a Nubian ck beauty, paragon of bla a legance. unbleached e f the epitome o (She laughs!). male. I am a black fe I. A woman am
As I gaze into the swirling mists and maelstrom of the future, I behold forms and shadows in shades of purple and blue; I see clouds that congregate to form tangible shapes in my crystal ball. I behold a woman who will be and become.
Discl
osure
Life, OLifi f Life, Oh h L e! e!

RLD work for Stop trying to make the WO you. It doesn't stop for you to get your without you. act together. It moves on
The TRUTH is the only basis of sensible conversation. You are forced to listen to ignorant people everyday, when you have so much more on the inside. But, they have just one advantage - they know how to express themselves. You don't. Trying to make friends with a know-it-all is the single most frustrating relationship experience. There's nothing as annoying as having to listen to someone talk about himself all the time. And when he does allow you to get a word in, he only does so, so he can catch his breath, promptly forget everything you've said, and continue to monopolise the conversation. We spend our entire lives making friends and then one day realize that we don't really know the people we profess to know and we can only count on one or two.
really enrich us are those we never really searched for. If your greatest joy lies in getting to know people, it'll also be your greatest sorrow, because some people just do not want to be known. But, if your greatest joy lies in knowing God, you won't be disappointed for the knowledge of God is infinite in its depths. Why go on and on about not having any friends. The fact that you don't enjoy your own company means you must be a very boring person. Why lay all of that on someone else? We live in a suspicious world filled with suspicious people. Paranoia and insecurity are rampant. Megalomania and schizophrenia abound. Learn to recognize such in people. It'll help you understand their psyche and better still, avoid them. Why do guys like girls and girls reciprocate? Why do girls hate guys and guys heartily reciprocate? Why do guys after hating girls then fall hopelessly in love with them? Why do guys and girls pretend not to like one another, play the age old cat and mouse game of fencing, and then fall hopelessly in love with one other? What about the dating game? The famous heartbreak scenario? The I love you for what you give/do to me, not for who you are syndrome, not forgetting the nobody loves me (sob! sob!) tearjerker and the timeless all men are dogs assertion. If that's true, then aren't all women bitches?
It would seem that the friends that really enrich us are those we never really searched for.
We give so much to people and then find that the ones who
out sex anyway? What's the big deal ab otional depth, ithout mental and em W ale, that is...Wink!) ly boring (if you're fem it's incredib
Why are guys so beauty conscious and then 10 years later complain they married an airhead? Why are girls so security conscious and then turn around to complain that the guy doesn't have time for them? What's the big deal about sex anyway? Without mental and emotional depth, it's incredibly boring (if you're female, that is...Wink!) What's the big deal about you? You have nothing that wasn't given to you in the first place. Why me? Why the heck not you? You're no different from the 10 million other people it happened to. Stop being a sissy, crying over your problems. If you can't do anything about them, suffer in silence and spare the rest of us.
All talk and no action makes you a grandiose hot air balloon. When people ask what's wrong and you don't say, don't blame them if they don't ask again. A problem shared is a problem halved, so the saying goes. When you do share your problems, people think less of you for it. I don't feel like reading. The importance of studying will be revealed to you in an entirely new light when life's exam questions stare you in the face.
Perfection can never be attained. Contentment can.

Why do you need to get married? Because your parents are waiting for the opportunity to finally get you out of the house. Perfection can never be attained. Contentment can. There's a time in life to sit back, shut up and let others instruct.
In rage I bellow at the elements by which I am proscribed I spit in the face of the inevitables and unmovables I rant, rave and curse the invisibles that mock my pain And I puff in puerile futility at the internal inferno that consumes me In relief I embrace the kisses of the morning I revel in accomplishments old & new I rediscover old forgotten consorts And accept lifes gifts with grudging acknowledgement
Disclosure
Men o lder deTToOOlder Men Shoshos GGui e o' 's uid Shosh
I've got quite a number of male friends who are much older than I am. So I recently decided to do a comparative analysis to identify common traits and characteristics. (Blame it on the scientist in me). I also wanted to do a tongue-in-cheek guide to my sisters out there. Here's what I discovered:
Experience will always be a hallmark of older men. They've heard,
read and seen much more than you have in your shorter life span.
They've also been exposed to many more things than you have. Give
them the respect they deserve. They've usually achieved more, have
more and know more. Bottom-line, you cannot afford to play all those silly, young girly games with them. They'll out-think you while making you think you're in the driver's seat, outwit you and STILL get you into bed with no sweat. Remember, they're much more patient and have more resources than you do. Whats more, YOU have much more to lose. You haven't failed and bounced back as much as they have.
ly, You cant afford to play sil er men. young girly games with old it you and They'll out-think you, outw th no sweat. STILL get you into bed wi
They have a wider circle of influence 'cause they've spent
much more time building it. It's also likely that their peers
are the ones in power at the moment. (You know, the Big
Boys or CEOs Club). Money will quite likely be their primary weapon. But, it's quite heartwarming to keep in mind that they often get confused once they come across that RARE female that isn't moved by it.
As per SEX - they've done it many more times than you have. They're very likely married (even if they swear they're not), divorced or at least have a child or two. Variety and a challenge are key turn-ons. Sex is totally demystified and is now a matter-of-fact topic for discussion and negotiation. It's a practical reality like eating breakfast in the morning, though some may have discriminating
palates. Older guys have wider perspectives. What used to be
important is no longer as important and what was priority is
no longer priority. They're no longer 20-somethings.
I've learnt that kindness and intelligence mean a lot to older guys. They seem to appreciate depth and values too. to realise what really matters.
Maybe it's because they've seen it all and have finally come
They hate to waste time. They know the clock is ticking.
Money will quite likely be their primary weapon. But, it's quite heartwarming to keep in mind that they often get confused once they come across that RARE female that isn't moved by it.
They're not as afraid of rejection as younger guys are, and anyway,
there's less chance of rejection 'cause they have the muscle (financial
and otherwise) to back their moves. It's not all sweet talk baby! But,
they're mature enough to shrug rejection off when they have to. Older guys that aren't too successful have a big chip on the shoulder. got to make it soon 'cause time's running out.
They're largely driven by fear and the fact that they've
I'm usually wary of such men because they may succumb to unsavoury bright ideas. They hate being labelled failures.
9
old.
The successful ones are usually proud and expect to be respected.
Then there are the truly nasty predators who consume whatever they
touch and should never ever be handled even with a 10-foot pole, no
matter how exciting the thought may be. They will eventually destroy themselves and you along with them, unless something prevails. They'll give you a good time, but extract blood as payment. I guess the trick to dating an older man is to know exactly what you're getting into, so you're not surprised by the turn of events. You pretty much know where you stand from the onset. Even the ones that lie are soon found out. But never try to change an older guy. He's already set in his ways and will not abide a woman trying to control him unless he's a fool. He's not about to cede authority to a 20 or 30-something year
All in all though, older guys are a great bunch to learn from. They are great teachers, especially when they have no ulterior motive and they can usually save you from making terribly nave mistakes.
r guy. n olde nd a ange ays a to ch his w try r ng to et in Neve n tryi ady s alre woma fool. He's bide a ss he's a ot a will n l him unle o contr
4 D
c is
su o l
e r
ovember Nvember Ho orn in No Feeling g Hrny y in Feelin

It aint fair! Mama never said there'll be days like this when your body literally screams to be touched, right here, right now in as many ways as can be fathomed by the human imagination. And, she particularly left out the part about the ache going on for days on end till your body becomes one single-minded pulsating organ.
Sigh! I must be going mad! All this because a person's trying to live according to some long forgotten code of conduct? Cmon, there must be an easier way! Heck, I'm only 20-something. Are you saying this is going to go on for an indeterminate period of time? Hell no! I've run out of distractions, meditation tricks, mental and emotional strength. I am very weary and right now all I want, is my very own exclusive dick! Phew!! A few weeks ago, this tirade was a constant refrain. I kept on thinkingthere must be a better way (read easier way), as I searched and searched for a solution to the incessant feeling of sexual desire that plagues me at odd (and sometimes plain crazy) moments. Ignoring it doesn't change it. Meditation doesn't distract me from it. Nothing seems to budge it. It just sits there like the rumble of thunder before a great big storm. Simmering & barely suppressed.
For women, ovulation is a scary time of the month. It's the time when we are most fertile. It's when our bodies scream Copulate! Copulate! It's almost as if nature's lending a big helping hand to Every single egg counts. Why waste 2 in a month?! I wish relief was persuade us to utilise our eggs. After all, nothing must go to waste.
as easy as just going out to get my freak on.
The decision to 'try' the chaste route has perhaps been my hardest
and most unreasonable. My reasons are varied and sometimes
conflicting. The major ones seem to be: Somewhere deep inside me, I wish to live according to
some higher code of conduct and within some moral boundaries.
Only a few guys have gotten past my head (not to talk about my heart), so it's going to take extreme powers of persuasion for a guy to eventually work his way into my bed.
I simply won't sleep with a guy just to scratch a sexual itch. (Although I understand guys do it everyday, maybe it's because their groins, I mean brains, are wired differently). I would like to think that some sense of nobility would restrain me. I am educated enough to know how to prevent STDs, AIDs and unwanted babies, so these things are not much of a issue of sex head-on, without so much as batting an eyelid. This brings me to a further complication. deterrent to me. I am also bold enough to approach the
our bodies scr eam when Copulate! Copulate! t's I
tion is a scary ti ula me of the month. Ov
So you say no to sex, but does that mean you totally throw out your fall-back secondary tension relievers as well? Oh no! Masturbation (manual or mental), pornography (soft or hard) and extended foreplay are mere substitutes for the real thing. category as doing? Damn! So here I am in this very unpopular, lonely and frustrating place. No sex and no substitutes. So what am I supposed to do? Bang my head against the wall? Has anybody figured out exactly how many cold showers a body can take? So what is a girl to do? Practically? Getting married is not the solution. What kind of person marries for sex? When you get tired of doing it, what do you do with the person you're stuck with for the rest of your life? Talking about it helps. It's always great to know that there are other horny people out there. I admit they're hidden from view (and quite personal). Does thinking fall into the same moral
Getting married is . not the solution What kind of person s for sex? marrie
Lately, I've been thinking that perhaps the starting point is gritting my teeth and just making up my mind to stick with this chastity thing. Maybe it's the same way some people deal with drugs - it's a decision you take and you refuse to look back. So, I'm going to dig my feet in and strengthen my resolve. Man, I'm still gritting my teeth! It's going to be a looooong month and I'm not sure how much more a body can take. Is anybody feeling me out there?
Disc losu r
My Lessons From My be ns From Tu Lesso oothpate e ube t T Toothpas s T

It's 9am on a busy Saturday morning and weekends are the only time I get to squeeze out my toothpaste properly, from the bottom up. That's when I smooth and straighten out a week's worth of wrinkles and perfunctory squeezes from the side, front, wherever.
This week was a particularly tiring one. I was kept going by a particularly potent mixture of taurine and caffeine (for the uninitiated, Red Bull in the morning, coffee later in the day).
Eventually, as my body woke up after a few vigorous brushes, my mind shifted to a completely unrelated topic, as rambling minds often do. I ruminated on the subject of integrity. Not the kind commonly associated with moral rectitude, but a certain quality that describes a person whose every part is in sync, a man who lives out what he says and who is who he says he is. A man whose actions follow the logical progression of his desires, dreams and thoughts and who possesses a certain measure of singularity and predictability. I have often found that we are quick to state our position on a matter or express desires, but not as quick to do what it takes to concretise them. A person desires professional success but goes to bed exhausted every night without reading a single material that will advance his cause. That cannot be integrity. It must lie within the realm of something else.
A man desires to marry Miss World but cannot afford to spend the requisite $1,000 a month on cosmetics to maintain her premium visage. He desires a freak in bed, an uninhibited feminine creation but cannot abide confident women who are at the top of their game. He decries his racist treatment in a foreign country but will deny his daughter's right to marry from a tribe not his own. A woman desires only the rich & successful; the tall, dark and handsome but is 30 pounds overweight.
A woman desires only ; the rich & successful the tall, dark and handsome but is 30 pounds overweigh t.
If cause truly leads to effect and sowing begets reaping, perhaps we are all delusional or very very hopeful (translate foolish). Why do we want parts of people and resist accepting the whole -when the seeming undesirables are critical components. working together that produces the whole. totally annihilated, will the pros still subsist? Perhaps I speak from an uninformed, female perspective, for I find that within the context of relationships, men are always hopeful of compromises while women think they can change a man. Pray tell, if God did not succeed in changing a man for 30 odd years, what sort of bottom power does a woman hope to exert to perform this feat literally overnight? I find that it's quite plausible that many times, we do not even see the inconsistencies and lack of integrity. It is every factor The cons provide a
background from which the pros are projected and if the cons are
Many times, we aren't aware anything's wrong.
Is it because our
thinking has been conditioned to believe and live a lie? Or are we too proud to admit that we are lacking? Or is it culture or religion (not faith) that blinds us? I find that culture and religion will make a man irrational. Having been steeped in them since infancy, he has become programmed. In all honesty, he knows no better. It is only when he opens his heart to understanding and wisdom, opens his eyes, receives knowledge, queries his elders, steps away from the known to the unknown, embraces the simple principles of faith, truth, loyalty and such stuff that span cultures and peoples that he can finally become whole.
I find that culture and religio will make a man irrational. since infancy, Having been steeped in them ed. he has become programm
I so much long to meet people who are quite simply who they are. People who strive to be the best they can be, not the best someone else. I long to converse with an individual who will heartily confront the tough questions instead of brushing them aside. Someone who will narrow in on the important and not the fashionable. A Braveheart, a Patriot, an Arthur. If knowledge and environment are the two things that save us from ourselves, then I pray that God (yes I do believe in Him) will continue to grant me the faculty to seek and love knowledge and the strength to escape from every stifling environment. As I grow and mature; as I change and evolve, I wish to be an inspiration to many, to sear with my words and challenge paradigms. May I never, ever lose my way in this undulating journey we call life.
cl is D
re su o
Nigerians In Br ef Nigerians In Briief

Nigerians talk a LOT! Is it because we celebrate everything & anything and are so damn expressive?
Or is it because we're quite scattered in our thinking and our capacity for analytical, singular and focused thought is low? Is that why we ramble on so like I'm doing now? It's so difficult for us to think and talk in bullet-points. Our spoken English is atrocious. We transliterate from our mother tongue and approximate sentences using bodily gestures as illustrations, expecting the listener to just get it! It's like, I don't need to say exactly what I mean, so long you understand exactly what I'm trying to say. Perhaps we are not confident, hence in our nervousness, we go on and on and on and on. Yawn! We seem to have little respect for orderliness and other people's time and once we're on stage, we feel it's our time to shine. In fact, the new motto for Nigerians should be K.I.S.S (Keep it short stupid!) Interestingly, Nigerians also sing with their whole mouths. We just open up and belt it out without regard to breath, microphone or muscle control. It's a wonder we don't damage the props when we sing!
Fre estyle
Sorrow deep. Sorrow wide. Sorrow true. Sorrow full. Dreams unfulfilled. Dreams shattered. Dreams abandoned.
Ah Acching& S ing &Soor rroowin r wing g

Sorrow deep. Sorrow wide. Sorrow true. Sorrow full Dreams unfulfilled. Dreams shattered. Dreams abandoned Hopes gone. Life disillusioned. Strength torn Fire in my belly, extinguishing, languishing, flickering Images assaulting my senses, words challenging my sensibilities A cry of protest from deep within, stifled by propriety & seeming responsibility Aching for young lives wasted & wasting Misdirected, misfired & lying in waiting Headache building, pressure squeezing Outlets missing, expression diminishing Wanting, waiting, praying That somewhere, someday, maybe Victory, change, compassion for another A new day, new time, new world order
cl is D
re su o
y itt lCCiy a l Capita apit T Te C romm hhe F ro F

I was in Abuja (Nigeria's capital city & seat of power) recently for a number of reasons, one of which was to attend a conference of the boring variety. As I sat at the venue, it occurred to me, one always sees the same faces and brands at these business shindigs. I studied the people around me and thought, "people are truly the same everywhere". What distinguishes them are their values and a certain quality of heart. great ideas. Intelligence is important - ideas afterall move a nation forward - but it takes sacrifice and selflessness to implement
My generation MUST succeed. For if our nation is to be left in the hands of false captains of industry and politicians, then we might as well just lie down and die right now!
At the conference, I swore my generation MUST succeed. For if our nation is to be left in the hands of false captains of industry and politicians, then we might as well just lie down and die right now! While we're at it, forget the next generation. If what I see at the cinema is any indication, then that generation is quite simply lost. I noticed an amusing contrast in the capital city. The reason why it's easier for me to speak in front of thousands of people everywhere else but here is everyone's just waiting for you to fail here.
Somehow scepticism, bitterness, competition, superiority, pride, enmity, bad blood and 'bad bele' (envy & malice) have taken root in this beloved city.
Having spent so much time shuttling to and from Abuja, I'm further convinced that environment shapes human thought (and I've become an amateur philosopher!)
In all fairness, I have met some good people in the corridors of power but they are underwhelmingly in the minority. So many times, the people have handled so much money and power and are so exposed that they've become just a tad proud and consider themselves superior. It is a rare phenomenon to meet a civil servant who really understands the concept of service. The norm is a certain MasterSerf ideology. This phenomenon is so deeply ingrained in African culture that I doubt if we'll ever truly shake ourselves free of it. Sometimes, it is demonstrated as a natural capacity to lead & dominate. More often than not, it manifests as blind, ignorant ego. Having spent so much time shuttling to and from Abuja, I'm further convinced that environment shapes human thought (and I've become an amateur philosopher!) I'm also persuaded that a man will never truly know himself until he comes into intimate contact with the 4 Great Temptations- Knowledge, Power, Money and Sex. Black, white, religious or non-religious, the fear of God and nobility of purpose are common denominators in all 'good' people I've come across here. That ability to subordinate oneself to a higher moral authority and the belief that you're a part of something bigger than you.
A sense of values and unfeigned kindness. Unfortunately, the people I know who embody these traits are too few (sigh!). No wonder I'm perpetually depressed! And with the goings-on in the country, who wouldn't be. I desperately wish my generation would stand up to make an impact or at least support those who would. I refuse to believe that we all look out of the window and think that everything's all right with the world. Or maybe I'm the one who's crazy? I will be back in the nation's capital again. As usual, my mental armour will be thick and well burnished or perhaps it will gradually get chipped away by all the nonsense till there's nothing left between me and the monsters out there!
wish my I desperately uld o generation w ke a stand up to m t least a an impact or who would. support those eve that we li I refuse to be the window f all look out o everything's t and think tha e world. th all right with the one Or maybe I'm who's crazy?
Life!
F r e es ty le
Possi bilit Possibilities es

My heart longs to make music from heavenly melodies and spin a tale from intangibility.
But I shall hold my peace and allow the wind to play for me and soothe my soul with its refreshing caress. I'll let the streams cleanse me and wash me as they tinkle like bells tossed about by a soft breeze. I'll surrender to the sun as it bathes my face and incline my ear as the moon and stars tell me of the complexities of their Creator. I shall grow and extend my wings like Cherubim in flight, a sycamore that stretches and extends endlessly to the sky. Impossibilities, though they bewilder, will never confound, for in them I uncover and discover endless possibilities. And though I stumble, I will never fall for I have learnt the principles of love. keep me still. I will live to see another year and tell another tale, see another bright horizon, touch another rainbow and taste new wine. But for now, I yield to experience and with joy submit to the steady pace of time and chance. Faith and belief will
10
Sear chi Searchnng Frr i g Fo o A Alphas lpha s

alphas Yesterday, I whispered a quiet prayer, "Lord, where are the
are those alphas? Where are they? distinct individuals You see, alphas are those distinct individuals who are always at who are the forefront of leadership and change in any organisation or always nation. But I'm not just referring to any group of alphas. I have a at the specific breed in mind; one characterised by a combination of forefront distinct traits. of leadership To this group of alphas, NOTHING is impossible. And they detest and change people who try to tell them something cannot be done. They are in any achievement oriented and very ambitious. organisation or They are intelligent, intellectual and very deep. They exhibit both nation. knowledge AND wisdom.
They have good hearts, are idealistic, possess the fear of God, care about people and give. They are emotionally stable, mature and are not tripped by the trappings of life. They have a certain groundedness. They love life and themselves. They have a very high self concept, are very confident and almost arrogant.
They are powerful, at the forefront of their fields, successful and prosperous. They do not define success in merely monetary terms. For them, money is a means to an end, not an end in itself. They are exposed, cultured, not narrow-minded, parochial or bigoted.
Alphas are rare. I have met thousands of people in my short lifetime. Sadly I have met few alphas. ,
They are leaders NOT bosses. Bosses get the job done. Leaders inspire and make change happen. Finally, they are rare. I have met thousands of people in my short lifetime. Sadly, I can only attest to meeting few alphas. Perhaps it's because the prevailing environment in our nation inhibits initiative, distinctiveness, iconoclasm, excellence, idealism and exposure. In this environment, mediocrity and selfishness (of gargantuan proportions) are enthroned, while chivalry, honour and selflessness are scorned. The things that inspire and reorient e.g. music, poetry, literature and art, are considered trivial 'unnecessaries'. Thankfully, the true hallmark of an alpha is that he/she succeeds against all odds, usually at great personal cost. I've found that many betas occupy alpha roles. Sometimes, they're thrust into such roles because nature abhors a vacuum. Sometimes, they masquerade as alphas, but you can smell the shallowness on them. In their hearts they know the position is much bigger than them. Alphas rarely entertain such second thoughts. Alphas know they were born for leadership without exception.
If we must change the world and our country, we need more alphas.
SO CAN THE
STAND UP!
We need them to get key projects off the ground, transform our nation, house the homeless, give to the poor, execute noble agenda, take on positions of leadership, or make sacrifices so others can advance. I'm currently building a database of alphas. Submissions are highly welcome; cause I'm desperately searching for alphas.
ALPHAS PLEASE
REAL
11
Fr ee
st
yl
Fallin In Love Fallingg In Love

I long to belong to another. One who is exclusively mine. Someone who approves of me totally, doesn't judge me or seek to break me. A man who loves me just the way I am. He wants the best for me, inspires change in me. He's a resting
nd to satisfy rsty a hi I wan t to be filled when I'm t of my stomach and loins. the r umbling ache in the pit
place and when I'm with him, my troubles are a mile away. I'm searching for arms that are a haven, a home. I really want to come home. I want to be filled when I'm thirsty and to satisfy the rumbling ache in the pit of my stomach and loins. I want to experience the absolute peace that sometimes comes with being with another. I desire a friendship that isn't mercurial, but is as constant as still waters. When I'm sad, I want someone who makes me feel better and stronger. Who makes each day exciting, fascinating and uncomplicated. Someone who brings out the best in me, who shows me things that are much greater and higher than I imagined. A man who tells me how things can be done, not how they've always been done. I need someone to chase away my lonesomeness and aloneness. I long for the friend I've always wanted but never found. A strong man, a grown man, my own man.
2 1
scl Di os ur e
Th M Marriag I su u The e arriage e sIsse e

I've been meeting a lot of interesting individuals offline and online. (The beauty of the web is that it allows you to meet people across different countries, gender lines, educational backgrounds and belief systems).
The thought of marriage has been a journey for me. d It began with disillusionment an . nt progressed slowly to wonderme
Invariably, one of the questions I've been asked again and again is this: are you in a relationship OR are you married? (or some other variant of the inquiry). Sometimes I'm amused, other times a bit pissed at the presumptions & assumptions and other times pretty despondent. As I write this, I pause for a while...click, click, clickI tap my fingers as I debate whether or not to proceed with this. There are very few times I share my innermost thoughts, and it's even rarer for me to share my heart. But, writing has always been a very personal exercise (a catharsis) for me. I've never bothered about what people think of me or what conclusions are reached. In my writings, I lay bare my humanity, my frailties and invite others to do likewise...if they dare. Anyway, back to the issue at hand, marriage. progressed slowly to wonderment. The thought of
marriage has been a journey for me. It began with disillusionment and
In the beginning, I was rather confused about why some people got married in the first place. The reasons ranged from loneliness (a need for companionship), sexual need to family/social pressure. More often than not, such couples eventually became settled (translation: bored) in their marriages. This made me do some serious thinking about the concept of and purpose for marriage. At the time, I was 15. Over the years, I've come to a (dare I say) better understanding of the subject of marriage and am pleased to discover it has many positive aspects, it actually is worth doing if done right. Still, I've never really been the marrying and birthing type. Before I proceed any further, I must state that many things in life are relative and may be a function of age or perspective. For example, the subject of marriage takes on different hues at varying ages for both men and women. Younger folks are much more preoccupied with getting a degree, a decent job, catching the eye of a fine babe/bloke or life's other 'introductories'. (In the same vein, I've been reliably informed that my recent preoccupation with sex is a function of my age. Apparently, hormones at this age are naturally in overdrive. But that's an aside). Anyway, as I've mulled over the subject of marriage, I realise just how important it is for me that marriage evolves through friendship. The bond of love that's formed in friendship is the deepest bond I know. A friend knows you inside out and accepts you, not out of obligation, but out of understanding and fondness. A friend can be trusted implicitly. And there's no shame in friendship. You can be yourself (in all ramifications) with a friend and can express any and everything (even to the point of being vulgar).
THAT'S FORMED IN FRIENDSHIP
IS THE DEEPEST BOND I KNOW.
THE BOND OF LOVE
Think about it. What is marriage but friendship in close quarters? If you can't truly connect with someone on intellectual and emotional levels, there's no basis for marriage, in my opinion. (I've never been the "God told me to do it" type). And why marry someone you're not completely free and un-shy with. If you can't fart in front of your boyfriend, then you're sure as hell not going to be free enough to do a strip tease for him when you're married. It's a mental thing.
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If you're the free living and adventurous type and your significant other (S.O) is not, there will be issues, big time! Imagine, you're the type to make love in 57 different positions and your S.O's a missionary school graduate, there's gonna be trouble in paradise on someone's wedding night. There are just some things that cannot be taught or changed (or in the very least are very difficult). Changing a mind set is virtually impossible. Sometimes, marrying for the wrong reasons (or marrying the wrong person and trust me there are wrong people and you ALWAYS know before you take the leap) produces split personalities (especially in guys). For instance, a guy marries a nice, young, nave little thing when he's 27. Unfortunately, he's the ambitious type and by the time he's 35 and begins to be successful, he has a crisis on his hands.
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Suddenly, he's dealing with sophisticated problems. Girls are throwing themselves at him left, right and centre (women can always smell success & money a million miles away). And not cheap girls either. Expensive, sophisticated, mature Delilahs. Suddenly he drives past Prostitute Street and realizes that he can afford any hooker his heart desires. Then he gets home and his wife just can't deal with it all. And it's not her fault really. She was never cut out to be the high pressure type of wife and the man had an inkling BEFORE the wedding day. But, he was focused on the present and didn't chart the progression of his life. Now, his immediate solution is to look outward for a "friend" to satisfy the longings his wife can't. The result - one life at home, another outside- both neatly compartmentalized. It's amazing how many guys have one girl to meet their intellectual needs, one to meet their motherly needs, one to meet their ego needs, another to meet their sexual needs and then "the wife". I'm not judging. and will never presume to. I have no right to
I have my own issues. I have brothers & sisters many, friends few. There are a couple of people I can open my brain to and a few I can open my heart to.
Perhaps expanding my friendship base might be the logical starting point to resolving the marriage issue for me. Interestingly, I've never experienced a dearth of people around me. The nature of my job and life is such that I'm always meeting people. But, I've found that good character & intellectual depth are rarer than silver or gold. Finding both in a single human is a miracle of Red Sea like proportions.
The nature of my sexuality is such that I'm usually attracted to the quality of a man's heart & brain first.
I was going through my wish list (every girl has one) and in it I summarised what I'm basically searching for in a guy:
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3
A good heart & character Intellectual depth Cultural exposure Out-of-the-box/non-traditional thinking
Ambition & the ability to dream noble things
It's funny that on my wish list, I didn't put down the usual suspects: tall, dark & handsome, rich, good job etc. I'll explain why. Firstly, I've never been the type to be particular about physical attributes. The nature of my sexuality is such that I'm usually attracted to the quality of a man's heart and brain first. I admire beauty and order, but from an artistic & creative point of view. It's not the primary turn on for me. I've also discovered that a fine boy on campus quickly begins to sport a weathered look when the realities of life hit him. Also, money can make anybody fine. Secondly, I've never believed in being a freeloader. I work very hard and will never settle for being an expensive accessory. I'm not looking to solve money problems by snagging a rich husband. (Fortunately, life has been good to me and my needs are met).
The issue of a man with a good job is a non-issue. If a man is not ambitious and purposeful in life, there's something wrong with him. Furthermore, I've studied the route my life is taking. I will always be in the foreground in life, and will be called on to take on immense responsibility. It will take a very secure man to deal with that. So in many ways, I'm still on my journey of discovery. The journey will end when I reach my destination. It may be this year or the next, who knows. And when I finally get there, may I love with an open heart and mind. Freely. Completely. Intensely.
May I love wit h an open heart and min d. Freely. Completely. In tensely.
My body likes his body Its comfortable wrapped around his I forget its imperfections and blemishes And revel in pleasurable warmth And blissful, irresponsible abandon My lips adore his lips As we fight the curious battle Of tongue, teeth and liquid fire
1i3cl s D
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Ki Tnkingng out ut ds ds Thi hinki Ab Abo Ki

I've never been the type to dream about having kids someday.
Somehow, my dreams never featured blessed little cherubic bambinos in diapers. At best, in my lucid mome nts, I've imagined a beautiful baby girl unto whom I would bequeath my eyebrows!
Till date, I admit I haven't figured out why people have children. I mean the real reason. On asking a cross section of people why they want kids, I got a variety of responses ranging from posterity to security to "blessing from the Lord". The one I like best is: "Kids are just something you're supposed to have at 28, after you must have gotten married at 26. The key, my dear (read: uninitiated dimwit) is to have all your kids by 30". The problem is I'm very blessed, my legacy is not in question and I'm extremely secure. So what other reason is there? The closest I've come to a compelling one is the fact that since I've been given so much, it would be interesting to deposit that in a young human under my care, kinda like the principle of going to the grave emptied out.
But, I live like that already and quite frankly, I shouldn't impact my biological offspring alone. I'm also firmly of the opinion that this world's going to rot. Why bring another human into it when there are so many waiting to be adopted and loved? However, if I do have a child or am privileged to be responsible for someone else's, there are a few principles I would adopt:
I would like my home to be the sort of place my kids would love to come home to AND bring their friends. somewhere else. I want to have a home theatre, I want my kids to have fun doing karaoke and organising sleepovers (so I can stealthily appraise their friends). I want them to enjoy eating at home. Frankly, if kids aren't proud of where they live and it's no fun, they'll hang out
2 3
I would like my kids to get used to quality & beauty and eschew mediocrity very early. My kids will never realise that MTV isn't the real world or that pop culture is a fad if I don't educate them on the arts. I want them to learn about music, history and culture so they can understand how things evolved. Then, they can make a choice on which way to go.
d out why n. aven't figure eal reaso admit I h ean the r Till date, I . Im e children eople hav p
The media is so insidious.
It shapes modern
4
I would teach my children to be independent in thought but compassionate in heart. I will teach them to give.
culture and thought. FACT. I want my kids to read; Read and Learn. Exposure and intellect should never be underemphasised. My kids should be able to discern right and sift through information, picking the wheat from the chaff, in determining wrong of their own accord. Only older folks seem to suffer from brain drain. With kids, there's little chance of information overload, but their interests must be nurtured not their parents nascent desires.
My children will learn to trust me and feel my love for them. They will learn to ask why. But when I ask that they simply do as I say and trust me, they should have many reasons to.
6 7
8 9
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I will teach my children to be independent in thought but compassionate in heart. I will teach them to give. I will teach them that "God is a personality, not a force" and that while knowing him may be a little freaky, it's a truly rewarding experience. I would like them to learn how to hear God for real. I would like them to forge real relationships. They shouldn't be socially inept or emotionally bankrupt. I would encourage them to start a business or embark on projects. It isn't everyone that's cut out to be an entrepreneur, but everyone should take risks. By 18, I'll start hinting them about striking off on their own. By 21, they are definitely on their own.
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AnAn o I d Sd SoW IrWte te i ri

I wonder if I have a specific mission in life. A calling. A cause. If you had asked me a year ago, (heck! a month ago), I would have answered a resounding yes! But as I study life and its variable currents, as I marvel at the unfathomable depths of humankind's wickedness and misery, I realize that NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING is certain. Things I swore I would never do, I have done (and possibly invented new variants). Things I despise, I'm confronted with each and every day.
Why are we so unhappy with life, job, significant other, country or child yet refuse to forcefully, decidedly and finally do something about it?
I possess no small measure of ambition complemented with razor sharp focus. And I have the drive of an individual who simply cannot stand mediocrity and convention. Yet I'm reminded time and again (short of being beaten over the head with it) that everything proceeds according to the sheer mercy of the Most High. Blind ambition is a killer and ego blinds us to the simple truth that we are human and most frail. Anything can snap us, even the slightest trial. Why do we chase after things? Money, power, possessions, acceptance, redemption, whatever. I thought things were supposed to chase after us and not the other way round.
Why are we so unhappy with life, job, significant other, country or child yet refuse to forcefully, decidedly and finally do something about it? If psychology defines man, then many of us were mentally crippled by the circumstances of our youth or the conditions that encompass us. Or perhaps it was religion that confined us or tradition and culture that defined us. Whatever it is, irreparable damage has been done to the children of our generation and I despair at the specimens that are being cultured to let loose upon our world. We think like donkeys, work like horses and live like monkeys. And so I write. Not necessarily to impact anyone or do the world any significant good, but simply to escape. To escape the misery of it all. The bleakness, the senselessness, the madness, and the cruelty. I write because reality is subjective and the ideal only exists for a few short moments when we choose to allow it to.
keys, ink like don We th work like horses and live like m onkeys. And so I write.
I used to be able to sing the despair away. But I'm learning that praying it away is much more effective and much less painful. Praying places it away from me and not within me. (Singing sort of weaves whatever bleak emotions I'm feeling with the very essence of my soul and I've realised that there are some things better left unsung). Lately, I run away from anything that is too complicated or complex. I believe that God is no longer in the details. He now exists in the sublimely simple. And simple I will become. Simple truths, simple relationships, simple decisions, simple life (yeah riiiiight)! Good luck to all my fellow life travellers. May you stop chasing and running after empty things. May the best of life pursue you relentlessly and may you be happy.
Fr ee st
15
e yl
e My ar ar Is Ye Y y ThIs M This i
I am a free spirit, a new born, birthed between the knees of a divinity I cannot comprehend or obtain. I am a vessel made unto honour, a receptacle of the sweet essence and presence of Omnipotence.
My spirit can never be broken, my soul subdued nor my body desecrated. For in it lies the colour of my skin, hands that can never be bound and eyes that are not cast down to forever watch the ants at play. My history is intertwined with the collective spirits of men and women of ages past, chained and bound by the shackles of slavery. Yet they fought for individuality, uniqueness and the freedom to be, just be. I share in their indomitable spirit - the Spirit of Africa, the Spirit of Liberty, the Spirit of God. Though I cry, my tears are not lost. God collects each one like a precious pearl in the palm of His hand and uses them to water my dreams, hopes and aspirations. As the day of my birth draws near, the year I celebrate is not a token of my age. It is a year of discovery, a year to remember and reminisce and to savour the fruits of seeds planted long ago and forgotten. It is a year of wholeness, completeness and first fruits. It is my year.
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Di
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S.Y.Y.D S C .C.A.A D .A
You're going along your jolly merry way, then life oh life throws you a left hook and tada! You're presented with that thorniest of problems THE SITUATION YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT .
(At this point some consultant would find an apt acronym for this syndrome, perhaps SYCDAA). Well folks, I present to you that blasted problem, SYCDAA - a horrible scenario situated within a time frame that refuses to end. Tears can't change it, great exercise of will can't resolve it, complaining won't move it and money, great wads of dough, won't budge it. seems; absolutely nothing can change it. SYCDAA usually comes in two broad varieties: 1. People (because they have a will and are the most difficult of God's creatures to change). 2. Resounding calamity or adversity When SYCDAA hits you, you discover for the first time in your life what it means to be desperate. You call on God, not because you're particularly devout or on wonderful terms with Him, but simply because you have no alternative. NOTHING it
If trial really produces character, then SYCDAA is the poster-child for adversity.
For in SYCDAA, you learn gut-wrenching humility with a capital H. And so you pray. It's unfamiliar and jerky at first and sporadic at best, but still you pray. A day or 2. A week. A month or 12. You pray. In tears and tenuous belief, you hope that maybe you'll get lucky and one of the numerous prayers will get through. Or perhaps God will take pity on you and answer. But then belief and faith set in, and as the strength that prayer endows begins to course through your veins, a certain peace fills your heart. Waiting becomes a fine art and frustration becomes weary acceptance, while angry outbursts give way to impassioned pleas. If trial really produces character, then SYCDAA is the poster-child for adversity. For in it, you come face to face with your own limitations and realise that you're very, very human. In that quiet place of prayer, your attention shifts from yourself to the overwhelming and wondrous nature of the One to whom you pray. You begin to wonder what He has in mind, what He's planning and what His will is. At that point, when things stop being about you and you begin to focus on the larger picture, you take a step back and it suddenly dawns on you that you don't really care about the situation anymore and you've stopped blaming God (and just about everyone else). The monster has finally grown tame and you slowly move on, continue, progress. Chances are the next time SYCDAA comes knocking on your door, you'll have learnt a thing or two. Or being the hapless being you are, you'll have learnt absolutely nothing and start right from scratch again.
I know a man who lives in sadness Hes built his battlements there An impenetrable faade of okayisms and alrights Battered and bruised by SYCDAA He seeks a window, a reprieve A promise of something beyond the misery I know a man who lives in sadness A strong man, a good man, a lone man I know a man who lives in sadness He is my father, my mentor and friend
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nt Fulfilent lm me Fulfi
I believe that there are lots of people who are unsuited for what they are doing now. Many times it's because the folks that should be doing those things are either unwilling, afraid or see what it's going to take and just give up. Therefore, the reserve has to be drafted
I've been thinking that there are many things I do that I'm not exceptionally talented at nor spectacularly good at nor even particularly enjoy. Yet I do them satisfactorily well. I believe that in those cases, I'm simply the reserve. I'm not complaining (okay, maybe just a teenie weenie bit). I am honoured that I can bridge the gap and perhaps do what needs to be done. Many times in life you HAVE to do the things you don't like doing so you can eventually do what you like. Perhaps it's the principle of being faithful to little in order that much can be entrusted to you; or the principle of first being faithful to the concerns of others.
In the past few weeks, my heart has been longing and thirsting for the things I thrive on, the things I really, really enjoy and am passionate about. Those things I have a natural talent for. The things I can do without striving. However, if that is all I achieve in life then could I say that I picked up anything new or faced and overcame any real challenges? But, I still long for the things I really enjoy. They bring me immense joy. A joy I haven't felt in only God knows how long. In the past few weeks an unnatural sadness and weariness has gripped me. Growing up is hard. Very hard. I sometimes plead for the strength to do what I must. I hope I don't waste time and resources. I am quieter these days and reflective. Loneliness has become a challenging irony and less of an event or something to dwell on. It just is. Friendship has become much more valuable. Right now, my friends are those who are available. If the measure of friendship is availability then a lot of people are just damn horrible friends and should be excommunicated cause they are never there. Can fulfilment ever truly be attained? Is it a journey that has a definite destination? If so, I truly hope to meet you when I get there.
Growing up is hard. Very hard. I sometimes plead for the strength to do what I must. I hope I don't waste time and resources.
There is indescribable peace in this place Peace I have searched and ached for There is knowledge in this place Far beyond my years Insight that refuses to leave me alone Get out of my head or relent in its intensity There is sadness & regret in this place But lessons have been learned
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Been thinking a lot about the events of the past couple of months - the good, the bad & the ugly. The sad, the traumatising and the joyful. These are the lessons I have gleaned:
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Live your life in such a way that if you die today, there will be no regrets. You must be able to critically look at your life and say that you're really doing something meaningful that impacts the world or other people. This year, make those decisions you've been meaning to make. Make them. Give to charity. Help the oppressed. Speak out and speak up. Take that course. Visit that country. Move house. Change jobs. Marry that man or woman. Mend those fences. Say you're sorry. Stop ignoring that person. Go on the offensive, dont take bullsh*t. Study harder. Sleep less. Eat less. Change your wardrobe. Spoil yourself. Whatever it is - stop waiting and planning. Just do it.
Whatever you need to do stop waiting and planning. Just do it
STOP TRYING TO BE. IF YOU'RE TRYING TO BE, YOU'RE NOT.
Personal identity is important. There are too many fakes. The world is looking for originals. Just BE. be. If you're trying to be, you're NOT. Stop trying to Explore the depths of
your personality and strengths. Make a difference in a room when you walk in. Stand out. Look good. As long as man remains man, he will always pay more attention to appearances than content.
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5 6 7 8 9
Talk to people. There are far too many people dying and suffering in silence. It doesn't matter what people think of you. Talk. Spit it out. Seek counsel. Crave good friendships. Be a friend. Someday you'll find someone who adores you. Give. Buy presents. Celebrate people. Compliments matter. Call people. Burn your phone credits. Forgive. Repent. Move on. Whats done is done. You can do it. You can make it. For real. You can.
Things I adore
1 Words a room t streaming into 2 Sunligh 3 A good bear hug
4 Soft kisses 5 R 'n' B slow jams
6 The smell of dust & talc
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Freestyle
n mm g g eaeai in Dr r D
I dream of endless joy, perfect bliss and happiness unfathomable. I dream of an intimacy that's so sweet and of never-ending companionship. I dream of two hearts intertwined irrevocably, kindred spirits, thoughts that align and blend in perpetuity. I dream of arms that surround me, a heartbeat close to my cheek. Sweet smells that hold a promise.
I dream of endless joy, perfect bliss and happiness unfathomable. I dream of an intimacy that's so sweet and of never-ending companionship.
I dream of dances in moonlight that go on and on. I dream of two beings dancing as one. I dream of being held very close. I dream of lips whose fruit is as choice grapes and I want to be the one to harvest the vineyard. I dream of a physical expression of love that is perfect in purity and exquisiteness. But most of all, I dream of you - my one, my complement. And then I wake and realize that a dream so sweet could only be just a dream.
Di
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20
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y yy aDaM eD ThTheMy Friiendsh My Fr endshiip Died p Died

I have lost two friends within the space of six months; One was very dear to me; The other was a "could have been". As I consider what led to the demise of both friendships, two common denominators spring to mind: 1. Neglect 2. A certain amount of taking one another for granted
When you have great friends, somehow, everything you require is just one or two friends away - spare cash, a new job, a shoulder to lean on, just-in-time prayer - you name it.
I have always considered friendship to be God's greatest gift to mankind (next to his love). Life seems a lot easier to bear and burdens much lighter when you have true friends. Days are much more exciting and fun. When you have great friends, somehow, everything you require is just one or two friends away - spare cash, a new job, a shoulder to lean on, just-in-time prayer - you name it.
I've always been of the opinion that since God can't physically come down to earth to intervene in our affairs, he sends people to us in the form of friends. Which makes it a lot harder for me to see a friendship die. The very thought evokes a depth of sorrow as I consider the waste, the ingratitude, the inability to hold on to something so precious. Maybe it's because friendship for me is a RARE phenomenon. So when I lose a friend, it hurts. But back to neglect and taking friendship for granted. Think for a moment -
When was the last time you sat a friend down and asked what was going on in his life (especially the deep internal stuff)? When was the last time you took a friend out and told him the conversation would revolve entirely around him for the day?
When last did you call, write, email or send an instant message? What was the last present you bought, card you sent, poem you composed? The last sleep-over you organised or visit you made? How often are you the last to know when something major happens in the life of a friend of yours? How often do you choose work or school over friendship? And then you wonder why you're so miserable and why the money/degree doesn't mean a thing? How often are you too busy or tired or just damn lazy? How often do you make excuses or tell outright lies when you know you can make it for that event but don't?
I know what killed my friendship and I'm determined NEVER to befriend anyone who doesn't have the balls to do what it takes to maintain a friendship. Friendship is a two way affair. The other person must be committed, involved and willing or the friendship will crash, no matter what you do. I'm increasingly realising that both people must also share ideologies and values almost implicitly. I was trying to explain to a friend of mine the other day what my friends mean to me. They are a group of people I can totally be myself with. No pretence, no facade - just me. They don't prejudge me and at the same time put me soundly in my place when I put on airs. And I can entrust my very life to them. So that's why they mean the world to me. In all this, what's my take on friendship? It's best conducted with someone who believes in you, shares your ideologies and is fundamentally and uncompromisingly committed. Then and only then can you walk together as only true friends can.
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21
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ess eadedn ess rum adedn d rum h igh e eliness Pig ng Conun oneliness,, P ting Conun d L Lon And The Dati The Da And
When loneliness hits you, it's easy to throw high minded, high falutin idealistic concepts out the window and just settle for what's available.
When you're young, 'nailing' a suitor is almost a reflexive action. As you get older and suitors become far and in between, in your desperation, you surprisingly begin to accommodate all sorts of crap. I've had a couple of 'near misses' with love. Somehow, love hasn't
quite been able to hold on to me yet, but I have experienced the pain of 'the end'. In the midst of the end of a relationship, my heart feels like it's going to explode and I literally ache for the object of my desire. So you can imagine my surprise when a few months later the desire cools and I'm right back to normal. It's as if the relationship never burned as hot and it was all a dream. I think that romance is a make-believe phenomenon where everything is a product of fertile imagination and deliberate actions, and things exist simply because you want them to. The relationship eventually sours when the other person stops acting according to a preprogrammed script and begins to 'malfunction'.
Lately, I don't have the reserves of emotional energy to build a relationship with someone that's difficult to communicate with or whose temperament or method of processing information is fundamentally different from mine. I do not desire to speak Latin to someone who's only fluent in Greek. I'm learning that there's a thin line between love and hate called 'perpetual conflict'. unspoken negotiation or p r i d e a n d you begin to argue and anything, even day together. headache, heartache, and friction not who become become g e t simply People otherwise suddenly There are some people that you seem to battle of wits or just plain stubbornness. But about everything always fight with. I'm not quite s u r e how it happens. Maybe it's an
I do not desire to speak Latin to someone who's only fluent in Greek.
after a wonderful The amount of emotional bitterness that ensues is worth it. may good have friends If
sworn enemies.
you're in such a relationship,
out fast! The arguments never
end and eventually, the relationship will break up, with much pain, bitterness and scars. It's obvious that one or both of you are immature, proud and superior and no one wants to give in. Even if someone eventually gives in, it will be grudgingly and with resentment, so just get out and look for someone you can be with without all that 'agro'.
I've been considering the dating conundrum as well.
Unfortunately
(or fortunately), I seem to possess the gift of being able to tell the substance a person is made of within minutes of meeting. Sometimes, I don't even need to speak with them. observation alone. I can just tell by What this means is I can usually tell whether a
relationship with a guy will turn into something serious right off the bat. Strangely, even when I give the guy the benefit of the doubt, ignoring my instincts and allowing for a period to get to know him, the things that eventually break up the relationship are the things I chose to ignore at the beginning. So now, I find myself in a quandary. Is it fair to date a guy when you
know the relationship can never lead to anything meaningful? Doesn't that amount to using him? And how do you parallax that with your needs - loneliness, horniness and the need for male companionship? Sometimes, a body simply longs to be held! I'm not sure what the solution is. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm all ears.
Is it fair to date a guy when you can never now the relationship k lead to anything meaningful? g him? that amount to usin Doesn't
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We S e ck ck We're 'rtuStuIn In A A RutRut

We live according to predefined patterns and rules. Rules that were set long before we ever got here and will remain long after we leave. Rules that no one consulted us about or sought our opinion or consent to. They were just dumped on us and we're expected to live by them wholesale.
We are like soldiers marching to a silent rhythm and if we fall out of line or miss a step, there are punitive measures.
We live by pre-programmed words, patterns and ceremonies. A sort of call-and-response life song. When someone asks: How are you? You respond: Fine, even if you're not. When you're eating, you say: "Come and join me", even if you don't want anyone to. And when you pass by someone a 100 times, you've got to greet them, even if you think it's an absolutely stupid convention. I do admit that there's a thin line between independent thought, freedom and rebellion.
The challenge for me is to live in such a way that I don't impugn on another's freedom to be or beliefs. In like manner, I expect the same from others. I have never understood why one would expect another to live according to their own standards, prejudices, judgment and level of sophistication. Its a bloody waste of time, though I concede it's a different issue entirely if I have to work with, cohabit or marry someone. Then, some sort of compromise or submission must ensue for the sake of peace, order and progress. As time passes by, I wonder just how many things I've done differently or independently. I try to measure my impact on the larger society and my immediate neighbour. Will I be a fleeting cloud and passer-by of no significance or consequence? In the words of Steve Jobs, will I "make a dent in the universe? Perhaps someday my story will be told and an epitaph written. If so, I would like some variation of the following be etched in stone: Here Lies Shosho. The Different One. She Will Always Be Remembered.
sser-by of g cloud and pa e? tin Will I be a flee e or consequenc no significanc teve Jobs, the words of S universe? , Or in dent in the will I "make a
Tyranny & oppression Intellectual laziness Cheap religious/cultural home decorations Being kept waiting Country music Loneliness
Disclosure
3 2
I'm AACold Hard Bitch I'm Cold Hard Bitch

I've been told. I've been warned. I've been threatened and I've been scorned. So now I ask: Is my bitchiness a function of my social dysfunction? A sort of facade to shield me from the cold...cold world? subject myself to lesser mortals? I know that I tend to be more "head oriented" than "heart oriented." It has always been easier for people to appeal to me intellectually than emotionally. But, as I grow older I have come to learn that from the heart come mercy, love, compassion, congeniality, regard, care, softness - all the things people want to be around. I've also learnt that it is the height of humility to accede to the wishes of others even if you know better. Or is it an external manifestation of inner pride? A pride that will not allow me to
Is my bitchiness a function of my social dysfunction ? A sort of facade to shield me from the cold...cold world? I think perhaps I may be afraid .
Sometimes, that's just the way it's gotta be. In a relationship, someone can't just "take a position" and refuse to budge. When that happens, it's a signal of the beginning of the end. I think perhaps I may be afraid. Afraid of people trying to contain me, dominate me or put me in a pre-fabricated box. I detest tyranny and oppression; They are among the few things that make me weep. Furthermore, it also seems that anytime a guy says he's not trying to change me, hes lying. sincere in his deceit. Perhaps, he may not even realise it, being Apparently, it is the nature of man to try to
improve things and the nature of a woman to accommodate and bend. Anyway, I am finally learning to give, especially when it's inconvenient; To stop being afraid. Life is quite simply not only about me. I feel myself thawing...gradually. I may never totally become a heart
person, I'm too analytical for that, but my heart is a much bigger place now and far more accessible than it used to be.
Anyway, I am finally learning to give, especially when it's inconvenient; To stop being afraid. Life is quite simply not only about me.
I am changing in this place Becoming better, kinder, softer I admit my failings in this place The gross inadequacies of the female in me I have tried to be a better woman in this place I keep trying and trying But theres no one to tell me if Im succeeding
F 24
es re
le ty
Stars Stars
Teach me the secret of your haunting bea uty and why you speak . mystery to my soul
As I lay on the hard concrete, gazing up at the heavens and staring into their inky depths, I wondered at that great painting in the sky - The Tapestry of Stars. I beheld awesome splendour; Distinct constellations and configurations; Magnificent cold beauty. I watched as the stars cast soft hues of colour against the night sky and twinkled like precious jewels on rich black velvet. I watched as they giggled and shimmered; pulsated and glowed. With pleasure and anticipation, I made a hurried wish as a shooting star passed by, I imagined God Himself smiling down benevolently at me. As I lay still and content, I spoke to the stars: Teach me the secret of your haunting beauty and why you speak mystery to my soul. Though you burn out with the passage of time, you instruct a thousand generations. As I closed my eyes, I heard them reply: "We have no substance of our own, for we are sustained by the good pleasure of His will. We were created to declare His glory, for we are indeed His handiwork. We speak of His goodness, faithfulness and majesty so that no mortal or creation may deny His existence". As the light of understanding filled my heart, with a huge smile on my face, I considered the work of His hands - created not just to declare His glory, but a direct manifestation of that glory sent forth to testify of His goodness to the world. With joy in my heart, I spoke words of love to my Father. For you see, I was no longer looking at the stars, but at me.
25
sure sclo Di
Forging Relationship Forging aaRelationship g ible B ing sibleBeein vis nvi W th n n WiithAAnII
My musings began at 2am in the middle of a concert. I was intrigued by the fact that Nigerian babes will dress to the nines even in the middle of the night, in poor lighting!
The sheer display of 'bottom power' around me was simply too much to ignore. I was at the concert because I was lonely and needed a potent distraction, hence my flight into the arms of music. At the concert I debated the merits of forging a relationship with an invisible deity! In truth, developing a relationship with God is not strictly a last-ditch effort to cure loneliness. It's a tempting idea that has floated at the back of my mind for years - something I definitely should have done, but never quite got round to doing. Maybe I was afraid of taking the leap. Somehow I figured God wouldn't settle for anything less than all of me and I wasn't quite ready to "surrender all". Then there's the issue of having to constantly maintain some sort of communication link with heaven.
Prayer for me has always been boring at worst, a chore at the mid-point and surprising at best. God. I have always struggled to communicate freely with I have simply stumbled along as much as I could. I admit that there have been some bright spots:
I have n eve been th r religious e type. I really don't thin God rea k s or judge ons s like we mor tals.
The
awesome
display
of
God's
graciousness & loving- kindness. God has been very, very kind to me on a personal level.
2 3
His mercy. I do things that are appalling to me, but He forgives unfailingly and whispers words of encouragement when I least expect them. The sheer power of His word. The word of God is still one of the few things that makes me cry, challenges my intellect and convinces me of the reality & potency of Christianity.
I have never been the religious type. I really don't think God reasons or judges like we mortals. But, in my quiet moments I wonder if a relationship with God isn't the key to my continuing emotional and mental stability - I see a lot of things on a daily basis that strain my ability to maintain a balanced psychological state; So maybe this is the route to peace of heart and mind.
I'm not quite sure how to proceed though. Ordinarily, if I was making a new friend, I would probably go out for drinks. Can you take God out for drinks? And how exactly do you banter with Him? Does He respond in real time? Do I have to begin with some sort of study regime or fast?! One thing I do know is that I see God all around me; In His creations, more specifically, in people. Perhaps as I learn to love His creatures better, I may become better at demonstrating my love and commitment to Him, and He may someday find me faithful.
26yri L
s c
p d oUSingle Stan R ck
Verse One I don't wanna know I don't wanna hear (oh no) And I don't wanna see The things around me Brother fighting brother The children begging for water There's a pain that's deep inside of my mind Verse Two And don't expect that I Will sit quietly by While chaos and disorder Rule my land Chorus Where do we go? What do we do? Cause they don't know What we're going through And what can we say? To whom do we pray? When our hearts can't face the truth That it's up to you and me To find the faith to see us through Instead of standing by and crying out For someone, somewhere To save our people and our land Bridge And I don't wanna be Anything but free And why do I have to fight For the right to live my life In a land where I was born to be Chorus Again Coda Stand up Rise up Don't ever give up Haven't you had enough? Stand up and pray Rise up and move Don't give up on you You've had enough of the pain Stand up and do something Stand up
in Joy BBeginzzy feel Let The R n with a ja e Let Th

Let your joy begin (Yellow is the colour of sunrays) Bridge 'Cause your joy is your strength you know And your joy makes everything alright Cause your joy is there all the time If you look inside, it can be found (Modulation) Cause your joy (oh wey oh) Yes your joy (oh wey oh) Yes your joy (oh wey oh) (Modulation) Cause your joy (oh wey oh) Yes your joy (oh wey oh) Yes your joy (oh wey oh) Refrain Let it begin and let it begin Let your joy begin Let it begin and let it begin Let your joy begin
Verse One I know there are times You don't wanna smile Your world is full of trouble And you ask questions why Don't understand what you see But there's a joy deep within And when you're lost inside And there's no way Know there is shelter From every rain So let your joy begin Chorus x 2 Let your joy begin (Let your joy begin, let your joy begin) Let your joy begin (Yellow is the colour of sunrays) Verse Two I know you want a better life One with no strife And someone to hold and love you But good things come in time And if you wait for a while Then you're finally gonna smile And when you're lost inside And there's no way Know there is shelter From every rain So let your joy begin Chorus x 2 Let your joy begin (Let your joy begin, let your joy begin)
Lessons Of Life Life Lesson Of llad

Soulful Ba
Verse One Isn't all the time, I know where I'm going But if I screw it up then life keeps moving So I move ahead, I don't listen to the people talk And through the hail & storm I'm prepared to walk the path I must Verse Two Sorrow twisting, faces I'm always missing Worrying about the years I've wasted Gotta stop regret; simply focus on the time I've left And though it's hard to say I need a song to mend my brokenness Verse Three So the time is now, I won't look back, no way Packed my bags, because this journey's a long way And when I reach the end Will I be proud to say I've made amends? Or will it be that I Forgot to learn the lessons learned
Chorus Learning all the lessons of life Taking it one step at a time Living one life, one truth Focused on you The lessons of life Just an ordinary life Bridge People say I'm the strong one I pretend I don't need anyone My rules, my game Maybe one day, I'll say I did it my way Chorus Learning all the lessons of life Taking it one step at a time Living one life, one truth Focused on you The lessons of life Refrain Just an ordinary life An ordinary game An ordinary way The lessons of life
Yo You u ank k han T Th

You made me, influenced, loved and helped me. You worked hard, edited, designed, encouraged and inspired me. say thank you. God, The Plumptres, Alder Consulting, Mrs. P.A.Ogundipe, Professor Adebisi Afolayan, Victor Oladokun, Muhtar Bakare, Deji, Adeoye, Andy, Gbolahan, Wole, ELF, Household, Exousia To all the wonderful people & organisations who contributed after the wrap up date, I will never forget your generosity and kindness. With all my heart, I
The Book
A commentary on life, Nigeria and people that is witty, thoughtful and provoking. The author is part social commentator, philosopher and poet. Victor Oladokun, Managing Producer, Turning Point, U.S.A I think it's brilliant. It's a pleasure to read writing by someone who obviously has talent, has something to say, and has the language to say it in. And who writes beautiful freestyle poetry in addition. Mrs. Phebean Ajibola Ogundipe, Renowned Educationist and Author, Brighter Grammar and New Practical English
od writer. A good writer. A very go Prof. Adebisi Afolay an, Bi-Lingual & Mu lti-Cultural Lingui and Professor of En st glish Language
______________
The Author
Adesubomi Plumptre (a.k.a Shosho) is a pretty simple complex soul. A scientist by training, she quickly evolved into a strategy & brand consultant after dumping her certificate in some dark region of her wardrobe, upon graduation. Rumour has it she was terrified of staring down test tubes for the rest of her life. Presently, she works at the best company on earth by her own admission, Alder Consulting, a premier Consulting Firm in Nigeria. For those who are curious, Subomi was born 22/09/78 and hopes to release a new volume of her thoughts every couple of years. May the world be warned!)You may email her at shosho@nobullshitonline.com
I SB N
978978086 - 9
www.nobullshitonline.com
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adesubomi plumptre

From the DC Times best selling author of NOTHING

No Bullsh*t Vol. 1: It's About Life

rria The Ma Thinki n

Who Am I? Aching & S orrow

104 105 106

Life, OLifi f Life, Oh h L e! e!

Perfection can never be attained. Contentment can.

Experience will always be a hallmark of older men. They've heard,

They have a wider circle of influence 'cause they've spent

palates. Older guys have wider perspectives. What used to be

important is no longer as important and what was priority is

no longer priority. They're no longer 20-somethings.

They hate to waste time. They know the clock is ticking.

They're not as afraid of rejection as younger guys are, and anyway,

They're largely driven by fear and the fact that they've

The successful ones are usually proud and expect to be respected.

ovember Nvember Ho orn in No Feeling g Hrny y in Feelin

as easy as just going out to get my freak on.

and most unreasonable. My reasons are varied and sometimes

some higher code of conduct and within some moral boundaries.

our bodies scr eam when Copulate! Copulate! t's I

tion is a scary ti ula me of the month. Ov

My Lessons From My be ns From Tu Lesso oothpate e ube t T Toothpas s T

Many times, we aren't aware anything's wrong.

Nigerians In Br ef Nigerians In Briief

Ah Acching& S ing &Soor rroowin r wing g

y itt lCCiy a l Capita apit T Te C romm hhe F ro F

Possi bilit Possibilities es

Sear chi Searchnng Frr i g Fo o A Alphas lpha s

Fallin In Love Fallingg In Love

Th M Marriag I su u The e arriage e sIsse e

THAT'S FORMED IN FRIENDSHIP

IS THE DEEPEST BOND I KNOW.

THE BOND OF LOVE

ma ine, you're the type to

. adise there's gonn ble in par a be trou

i is s a m t positions and your wife's

Ambition & the ability to dream noble things

Ki Tnkingng out ut ds ds Thi hinki Ab Abo Ki

The media is so insidious.

AnAn o I d Sd SoW IrWte te i ri

E me Enco e r ent nt e Soncouragumageme Som

Whatever you need to do stop waiting and planning. Just do it

STOP TRYING TO BE. IF YOU'RE TRYING TO BE, YOU'RE NOT.

6 The smell of dust & talc

y yy aDaM eD ThTheMy Friiendsh My Fr endshiip Died p Died

I do not desire to speak Latin to someone who's only fluent in Greek.

you're in such a relationship,

out fast! The arguments never

I've been considering the dating conundrum as well.

We S e ck ck We're 'rtuStuIn In A A RutRut

I'm AACold Hard Bitch I'm Cold Hard Bitch

100 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1

101 Adesubomi Plumptre

102 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1

103 Adesubomi Plumptre

104 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1

105 Adesubomi Plumptre

in Joy BBeginzzy feel Let The R n with a ja e Let Th

Lessons Of Life Life Lesson Of llad

106 No Bullsh*t: Vol. 1

107 Adesubomi Plumptre

Yo You u ank k han T Th