Who I Am Today: The Reflections of a Wife & Mother

Who I Am Today: The Reflections of a Wife & Mother Georgia D. Drought Ottawa University

Who I Am Today: The Reflections of a Wife & Mother Introduction I grew up in Lake Mary, a somewhat affluent suburb of Orlando, FL. With that being said, my family was a pretty typical southern family on the outside. I lived with both of my parents. Both worked a typical nine to five type jobs and I attended the local public schools. We ate dinner together every night, went to church every Sunday and went on the occasional family

vacation. The first lesson I learned from a very young age was that appearances are not always as they seem. To everyone who knew us we were a fine example of what a family should be. What they didnt see was the nightmarish dysfunction of a horribly failing marriage and a terribly broken family. My father at best was a borderline alcoholic, clinically diagnosed sexaholic with depression and rage issues. I feel that it is worth mentioning that my father was not always this way. I can recall a time in my life when he was a wonderful loving man who worked hard and in the evening come home and chase me around our living room coffee table. It is sad for me to say that the period of time I can recall my father being that way ended by my 6th birthday. After that a monster was born and my world was never quite the same. My mother was a gentile woman and she loved her family. Despite everything that she went through with my dad, thinking back to my earliest memory, I recall that she was always the peace maker, the one who tried to fix everything, our familys band aid. Now that I am older, I can look back with clarity and see how despite it all, she helped lay the foundation for the woman that I have become today.

Who I Am Today: The Reflections of a Wife & Mother Significant People The women in my family were like a light shining in the darkness. When I look back, there are three distinct women who made the biggest positive influence and impression on me at a young age. In my teenage years I will confess that when I look back I see how much I took them all for granted. Now as an adult, a wife, and a mother, I look back with reflection seeing how my much my life was shaped by each of their special character traits, individual talents and areas of strength. I must start out by stating that my mother is the most genuine, tender hearted, and loving Christian woman I have ever known. Despite the life she was offered by my father and his laundry list of issues, she always managed to keep her head held high. My mother taught me the

two values I hold the dearest: Family first and unconditional love. Its not always easy, but those two traits have served me my entire life. My mothers side of the family is incredible. Like a family seen on a television sitcom; they love to be together, they are each others best friend and are constantly looking for the next fun thing to do together. I grew up living very close to my mother sister, my Aunt Trish. She wasnt the same tender heart that my mother was, but the examples she set are truly second to none. My aunt is the best homemaker and disciplinarian I have ever witnessed While my father turned out to be this utter train wreck of a husband, father and person, his mother, my grandmother was my angel. There are periods in my life where she lived with us when I was growing up, and every time she was there it was like she had come to save the day. She was patient, kind and knew how to make a great meal for her family. These life lessons and traits are the ones that I hold the dearest to my heart.

Who I Am Today: The Reflections of a Wife & Mother Significant Events These women and the lives of example that they led, were perhaps more influential than any of them knew for quite some time. While in my adult years I am in a constant state of gratitude for everything that they did for me. However, I grew difficult in my teenage years and to them and for a time had very little interest in what they had to say or offer. Regardless of background, I believe that every teen experiences some of that.

Looking back on my years growing up, I was always amazed at how my mother managed to save face and maintain her composure for as many years as she did. Looking back I am still amazed at the amount of strength that I saw in my mother back then and still see in her now. I grew up and watched my Aunt raise my two cousins with a firm but very loving hand. No matter what they did or didnt do, no matter how hard she came down on them, they always knew that she did what she did because she loved them. It is my belief that because of this they are two of the most amazing, happy and successful adults I know. She taught me that tough love didnt have to be hurtful and damaging. Now as and mother with my own children, I am able to, when the need arises, discipline my children with the same type of firm but very loving hand. My Grandmother taught me many things, but one of the things that stuck with me was the food she would make. It was like she could bottle up the love in her heart and could literally pour it into the food, you could taste the love. So while she wasnt always the most emotionally expressive woman, I always knew that she loved me, it was in her cooking. Today I cook for my family every night, there is always something fresh baked or made from scratch. I guess that you could say I carry on my Grandmother legacy by cooking with love just like she did. Who knew a slice of chicken pot pie could remind you of a warm hug on a cold day.

Who I Am Today: The Reflections of a Wife & Mother Conclusion

So what I have learned about myself is that like Nelson Mandela, I have been fighting my own nonviolent campaign. In his writing A Long Walk to Freedom (1995) he states, In any nonviolent campaign there are four basic steps: collection of the facts to determine whether injustices exist; negotiation; self-purification; and direct action." I can reflect on my life and see how I have gone through these four basic steps. By watching my parents together I learned what type of marriage I didnt want, and by watching the women in my family I learned the keys to becoming a successful wife and mother. I have learned how to break the cycle of dysfunction by being able to clearly define where the dysfunction was. Sometimes the biggest issues are found in the darkest corners, and sometimes the hardest things to rise above and overcome are the very things that you cant so easily see. There is one thing that I know for sure. Life isnt as complicated as everyone seems to make it out to be. Thoreau said it best, Simplify, simplify, simplify. The trick to it is catching the wave at the right time and being willing to hang on when the wave feels like its going to break. We are the makers of our own destiny and I have taken mine by the horns. I refuse to be the typical product of a troubled upbringing; I choose to set the example of how one can rise above. I am not a victim of circumstances but a champion of overcoming obstacles. As I watch my children grow up, I see them glow with the happiness of their youth. I feel like I have been able to give them everything that I wanted most as a child; a stable home, two loving parents and positive examples of what I believe a family should be. I believe that in the end, what matters most, is the difference that you were able to make in the life of a child. My hope is that I will be the example they need to carry on a new pattern of healthy families

Who I Am Today: The Reflections of a Wife & Mother References Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom, 1995 http://www.stanford.edu/group/King/frequentdocs/birmingham.pdf

Henry Thoreau and Civil Disobedience by Wendy McElroy, 2005, retrieved from http://www.lewrockwell.com/mcelroy/mcelroy86.html