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A Story of Hope

A Story of Hope

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Published by Rose
This is a story that may not seem so hopeful. A description of the life of an individual suffering from a particularly treatment-resistive and painful mental illness.
This is a story that may not seem so hopeful. A description of the life of an individual suffering from a particularly treatment-resistive and painful mental illness.

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Published by: Rose on Nov 25, 2008
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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05/15/2014

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A Story of Hope 
Janie (not her real name) died a long time ago. She had an illness (301.83)and she died from complications of that illness. A self-inflicted gun shotwound to the head. Recently, I found a diary she had left with me, written 3years before her death. It seemed important to her that I understood how shefelt. Maybe I did. Sometimes I get it …The illness develops sometimes when a child doesn’t experience thatunconditional love and acceptance, never finds the safety and self-worth thatevery person needs.The illness causes a person to be like someone drowning who becomes sooverwhelmed with panic that they fight against their rescuers, putting boththeir lives in danger. The name of that illness has become a label,identifying an individual as a hopeless trouble maker.
 
But how much real human suffering is behind the words of The Book (DSMIV). “Frantic efforts to avoid … abandonment”, “A pattern of unstable andintense interpersonal relationships”, “Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures,or threats”, “Chronic feelings of emptiness”, “Intense anger”.Maybe the suffering is more apparent in Janie’s words. “as soon as I leave[the hosp] I am going to kill myself. Why did I even come back here whenthere is no hope … I won’t eat because I don’t deserve to. I am the lowestform of shit. All I really want is to Die”.But still … who is really comprehending? Janie was not my friend, not arelative, not a nice person. But I grieved for her for a long time. Her mother said, “Janie never had a job, never bought a house or a car. She just reallydidn’t belong in this world”.The world, I suppose, was relieved to be rid of her. She and many otherswith the illness present a problem for the system. A problem that can’teasily be solved with medications or other treatments. We are soimpatient… wanting instant cures and solutions.The illness Janie had is one of those where the person suffering gets blamedfor their own symptoms. People say things like – “Don’t get sucked into her games”, “She’s just doing that for attention”, “She doesn’t really want help”.I never did believe much in blame. Blaming others, blaming one’s self, blaming the victim. I wonder now, though, if blaming is a way of seekinghope. If there’s someone to blame, then maybe someone can takeresponsibility, take control, and fix it. If no one is to blame, then there is noresponsibility, no control, no fixing it, no hope …But I don’t believe much in hopelessness either. I believe in miracles of God. But I think that when it comes to emotional healings, even miraclestake time. And I think that if there are people in the system who knowthings like what I was reading recently, then there is hope. I read thattreatment needs to begin with creating safety, building trust, forming analliance, validating, and showing respect. Fighting against a person doesn’twork.There are more effective treatment approaches now days that treat a person’stotal being and draw upon Buddhist practices and other spiritual resources. I

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renata_prodanovic added this note
"She and many otherswith the illness present a problem for the system. A problem that can’teasily be solved with medications or other treatments. We are so impatient… wanting instant cures and solutions." Definition "Problem for the system" - so true and so cruel...
Thaddeus DeLuca added this note
Rose, Nice butterfly; I too have experienced loss of those close to me, due to suicide. It is not an easy thing to let go of, but know this: they were in a very dark place with seemingly no other way out. A permanent solution to a temporary problem; the act of an irrational mind. Pray for their eternal souls.
Rose added this note
I was thinking of drawing a rose for one of my new stories, but I drew a butterfly instead. And the butterfly needed a place to be, so it found its place of belonging right here with one of my very first SCRIBD stories from 2008.
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