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Reinvigorating the Dialectic Volume Two

Reinvigorating the Dialectic Volume Two

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A publication for subversive political satire and the promotion of counter-hegemonic discourse
A publication for subversive political satire and the promotion of counter-hegemonic discourse

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Published by: reinvigoratingthedialectic on Mar 18, 2012
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07/10/2013

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After weeks of theorem busting
a teamled by Doctor Hermans from our own highlyesteemed Mathematics Department haveconclusively been able to demonstrate that 107does constitute a majority of 26,073. Themethod began by using the fact that bothnumbers are non complex positive integers inthe real plane, it then employed the basicprinciples of Boolean computational analysiswhich state that close integers statisticallysimilar can hold the same variable (A*=107,A^=26,073). When compared to B, when B=419,000=£astwood, Hermans saw that A*=(1/2)A^ and that therefore A* is a subset of A^consisting of more than half of its members.Therefore 107 is a majority of 26,073.
THE DIALECTICREINVIGORATING 
Volume Two
A publication for subversive political satire and the promotion of counter-hegemonic discourse
1.
SILENT MAJORITY SPEAKS
have inadvertently been forced in to the wideopen, The group originally founded by noneother than Phil Coombes (admin) as a hub forthe effective protection of President MarkHarrop – who had said this to say about thegroup
“We do things very well, but we can, we must and we will do better, not being blindsighted by trivial and meaningless little snippits, but LISTEN to the students and encourage the voice of the silent majority.” 
This group wield such power in part becausethey have, as they put it themselves at theirmeeting on the
22nd January 2012 
,
at The Bristol Pear 
“good organisation – this hascaused surprise and panic”. So good in factthat the Editor was able to discover the 'secret'group on a computer left logged on in theMason Lounge. As well as outlining a complexdefence strategy for a
president who lies
 the group has been used throughout theelection period. Rob the Builder was delightedat not winning his election for VPDR
“I'm glad I don't have to get paid a pittance to work with them in an organisation whose method of  selecting candidates is unlike every single real company in the world.” 
That Rob hasspent years
“living and breathing democracy” 
doesn't seem to have stopped him wishingthat it didn't exist. The group also liaised withSabbs to give them adequate time to preparefor censures that were ceremonially given toshow the group was
“”open 
to criticism and the improvement of the Guild by acceptingthat the Sabbs sometimes make mistakes” 
 F
ormed by the same Clique that hold and runfor the majority of Guild positions this groupis not representative of you the student body.
Don't let them tell you they are.
The group holds a strong belief in students notbeing responsible enough to ever make anydecisions on anything even slightly important.
 
2.
How I found the other in the urinal
Whilst I was working in the MainLibrary,
the pressures of deadlines for thesubmission of a final year dissertationbrought the more material aspects of ourdisjointed human existence back intofocus: I needed to pee.Once at the urinal, a spectral bodyunexpectedly brushed the swinging door,and swiftly entered the toilet. Who or what was this ‘stuff’ that was making meuncomfortable, unable to urinate, andforcing me to ponder my own existence insuch dark times?As I reflected upon this majestic event, Icouldn’t help but trace every moment backto when I was in my seat. Anotherunexpected event, this time the request ofthe bladder whilst working, constitutedanother unknowable Other. For example,one cannot know how much urine thebladder holds, how much foam it willproduce once in the urinal, let alone how warm it will be and how much vapour andheat it will emanate. The Other is aspectral flow, unpredictable and irreducibleto quantities or speculations.
One might well say that I found theOther in the urinal!
But there is more. At a later date, in theBarber Institute, I was surprised onceagain. My own entry into the Art Decobuilding’s toilets made the room haunting,as my gaze chased the reflection of myown body in the tall black marble wallsfrenetically.There, whilst standing in front of the urinal,I noticed the black wood barrier separatingthe two excreting bodies from each other,held by hinges that kept it two inches fromthe wall.Upon glancing at this gap, this terriblerupturing lack in the confined rectal spaceof the humid toilets, I witnessed the -apparition of a spectral authoritativePhallus. “It’s bigger than mine!”, Ithought to myself. This spectral,unexpected Other, was just ashaunting and transparent as the last,only this time it had constituted itsdominance on me! It undermined anddiminshed my masculinity as aconstituting element of my subjectivity!
Oh NO! Am I THE OTHER?! AREYOU THE OTHER?!
Is it there, insidethat neatly tucked-away laundrybasket? Or is it that smelly old sock,buried deep under the dirty laundrypile?The theme of the story really rotatesaround Derrida's conceptualisation ofthe Other as a spectral non-entity,paired up with Deleuze's concepts ofFlows and the Rectum. The messageis that a seemingly 'degrading' textregarding well establishedphilosophies (I am referring here to therecurring 'toilet humour') actually doesthem justice, reiterating thatPhilosophy cannot be contained in aPlane of Consistency. Just like thevery material objects of our social world present in the story, oftenforgotten and obscured by our gaze,the discussion of Derrida andDeleuze's concepts 'flows' like urine.
DUCHAMP
 
3.
In short, the story reminds us that thespectral Other can be found anywhere,and perhaps especially, in the neglectedlocations of our daily experience. This, inturn, sparks an important reflection onthe constituting factors of oursubjectivities, undermining our identityand opening up a radical space for thedeconstruction of our own selves.
Women's Officer electcalls for topless Mermanstatue in the Guild
David Eastwood - Prime Cuts!This week Dave helps us throughthe stages of his finest dish - TheBratworst Sausage.
1. Buy (ine)quality ingredients. Irecommend sourcing EU battery meat -pigs taste so much better knowing theyscreamed until the end.2. Be sure to get you Chauffeur to pickthem up in your outrageously niceJaguar - and certainly don't waste anyof your OWN money purchasing them.A nifty accounting trick to use in thesecircumstances is to write it off asstudent-funded expense.3. Grind down the meat usingoppressive injunctions and mix them with well pulped Sociology text books -ignore any Marxists texts however -they're difficult to digest, especially ifyou've used meat from asupermarketised institution.4. Sell them at triple the price, and justify it by claiming that you need to'remain competitive'.5. Yum! Exploitation never tasted sogood.
Page three misogynyAfter being atsea for manymonths,Leanderhunts aroundfor a Johnnyhe can use...
On 7th March, in an act of censorshipfrom Redbrick
editor Glen ‘Khamenei’Moutrie, the newspaper withdrew the mostinsightful paragraph from a valiant exposé onthe Guild’s systemic oppression of white men.Drawing upon complex statistical data, SarahPullen’s article ‘Can a man run for Women’sOfficer?’ revealed that “55 per cent of University of Birmingham students arefemale… male students have technicallybecome a minority group.” It’s high-time thatmore of the loony-Left’s closet-skeletons cameout in full view. Indeed, after reading theexaggerated figures often cited by loud andopinionated women at Birmingham, you wouldbe forgiven for not realising that in fact, sinceat least 2001, few women suffered injury fromhitting glass ceilings. Men, on the other hand,are filling wards across the city with complaintsof scuff-marks on trainers – the case for actionhas never been so clear.Not content with their ability to brainwash the89% male Sabb-team, local Femi-Nazi groupsare now attempting to cover their tracks byemploying the newly-elected W.O., KristinaIlieva, to make illogical arguments in favour of a Men’s Officer. Ilieva recently wrote that“implying there should not be a Men's Officersimply because men are 10% less than Womenwould also mean you think there should not bean LGBTQ Officer.” Lads the end is nigh.

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