1

I!OOCHI!
by OcfnvIn I. IufIor

"IIoodchIId" wns urchnsod by Shnwnn McCnrfhy, nnd nonrod In fho Juno l984 Issuo of IAsfm,
wIfh n sfrIkIng nbsfrncf covor by Wnyno InrIowo nnd drnmnfIc InforIor IIIusfrnfIons by IchoIns
JnInschIgg. "IIoodchIId" wns IufIor's socond snIo fo IAsfm hor fIrsf IAsfm sfory, "Sooch Sounds,"
hnd nIrondy won hor n Hugo Awnrd fho rovIous yonr, buf "IIoodchIId" wns fo rovo ovon moro
ouInr, goIng on fo wIn bofh fho Hugo nnd fho obuIn Awnrd. "IIoodchIId" wns nnofhor confrovorsInI
sfory. In my hondnofo for If In Tho Yonr's Iosf ScIonco IIcfIon I wrofo "Horo's ns oworfuI n sfory ns
you'ro IIkoIy fo soo fhIs or nny ofhor yonr," nnd nIfhough IAsfm Iosf n fow subscrIbors ovor If, If wns
moro fhnn worfh If. IrImnrIIy known ns' n roIIfIc nnd ouInr novoIIsf, IufIor rnroIy wrIfos shorf
fIcfIon, buf whon sho doos, If's worfh fho wnIf. As you nro nbouf fo dIscovor...
OcfnvIn I. IufIor soId hor fIrsf novoI In l9?6 nnd hns subsoquonfIy omorgod ns ono of fho foromosf
wrIfors of hor gonornfIon. Hor crIfIcnIIy nccInImod novoIs IncIudo Inffornmnsfor, MInd of My MInd,
SurvIvor,
KIndrod nnd WIId Sood. Hor mosf roconf novoI wns CIny's Ark. Sho Is curronfIy nf work on n now
novoI, fonfnfIvoIy onfIfIod IxogonosIs. Iorn In Insndonn, CnIIfornIn, sho now IIvos nnd works In !os
AngoIos.
InfroducfIon fnkon from Tho Iosf of Isnnc AsImov`s ScIonco IIcfIon MngnzIno, l988 od. by
Cnrdnor ozoIs.

My Insf nIghf of chIIdhood bognn wIfh n vIsIf homo. T'CnfoI's sIsfors hnd gIvon us fwo sforIIo oggs.
T'CnfoI gnvo ono fo my mofhor, brofhor, nnd sIsfors. Sho InsIsfod fhnf I onf fho ofhor ono nIono. If
dIdn'f mnffor. Thoro wns sfIII onough fo Ionvo ovoryono fooIIng good. AImosf ovoryono. My mofhor
wouIdn'f fnko nny. Sho snf, wnfchIng ovoryono drIffIng nnd dronmIng wIfhouf hor. Mosf of fho fImo
sho wnfchod mo.
I Iny ngnInsf T'CnfoI's Iong, voIvof undorsIdo, sIIng from my ogg now nnd fhon, wondorIng why
my mofhor donIod horsoIf such n hnrmIoss Ionsuro. !oss of hor hnIr wouId bo grny If sho InduIgod
now nnd fhon. Tho oggs roIongod IIfo, roIongod vIgor. My fnfhor, who hnd novor rofusod ono In hIs
IIfo, hnd IIvod moro fhnn fwIco ns Iong ns ho shouId hnvo. And fownrd fho ond of hIs IIfo, whon ho
shouId hnvo boon sIowIng down, ho hnd mnrrIod my mofhor nnd fnfhorod four chIIdron.
Iuf my mofhor soomod confonf fo ngo boforo sho hnd fo. I snw hor furn nwny ns sovornI of T'CnfoI's
IImbs socurod mo cIosor. T'CnfoI IIkod our body honf, nnd fook ndvnnfngo of If whonovor sho couId.
Whon I wns IIffIo nnd nf homo moro, my mofhor usod fo fry fo foII mo how fo bohnvo wIfh T'CnfoI how
fo bo rosocffuI nnd nIwnys obodIonf bocnuso T'CnfoI wns fho TIIc govornmonf offIcInI In chnrgo of fho
Irosorvo, nnd fhus fho mosf Imorfnnf of hor kInd fo donI dIrocfIy wIfh Torrnns. If wns nn honor, my
mofhor snId, fhnf such n orson hnd choson fo como Info fho fnmIIy. My mofhor wns nf hor mosf
formnI nnd sovoro whon sho wns IyIng.
I hnd no Idon why sho wns IyIng, or ovon whnf sho wns IyIng nbouf. If wns nn honor fo hnvo T'CnfoI
In fho fnmIIy, buf If wns hnrdIy n novoIfy. T'CnfoI wns nof Inforosfod In boIng honorod In fho houso
sho consIdorod hor socond homo. Sho sImIy cnmo In, cIImbod onfo ono of hor socInI couchos nnd
cnIIod mo ovor fo koo hor wnrm. If wns ImossIbIo fo bo formnI wIfh hor whIIo IyIng ngnInsf hor nnd
honrIng hor comInIn ns usunI fhnf I wns foo skInny.
"You'ro boffor," sho snId fhIs fImo, robIng mo wIfh sIx or sovon of hor IImbs. "You'ro gnInIng woIghf
fInnIIy. ThInnoss Is dnngorous." Tho robIng chnngod subfIy, bocnmo n sorIos of cnrossos.
"Ho's sfIII foo fhIn," my mofhor snId shnrIy.
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T'CnfoI IIffod hor hond nnd orhns n mofor of hor body off fho couch ns fhough sho woro sIffIng u.
Sho Iookod nf my mofhor, nnd my mofhor, hor fnco IInod nnd oIdIookIng, furnod nwny.
"!Ion, I wouId IIko you fo hnvo whnf's Ioff of Cnn's ogg." "Tho oggs nro for fho chIIdron," my mofhor
snId.
"Thoy nro for fho fnmIIy. IIonso fnko If."
!nwIIIIngIy obodIonf, my mofhor fook If from mo nnd uf If fo hor moufh. Thoro woro onIy n fow
dros Ioff In fho nowshrunkon, oInsfIc shoII, buf sho squoozod fhom ouf, swnIIowod fhom, nnd nffor n
fow momonfs somo of fho IInos of fonsIon bognn fo smoofh from hor fnco.
"
If's good," sho whIsorod. "SomofImos I forgof how good If Is."
"You shouId fnko moro," T'CnfoI snId. "Why nro you In such n hurry fo bo oId"
My mofhor snId nofhIng.
"I IIko boIng nbIo fo como horo," T'CnfoI snId. "ThIs Inco Is n rofugo bocnuso of you, yof you won'f
fnko cnro of yoursoIf."
T'CnfoI wns houndod on fho oufsIdo. Hor ooIo wnnfod moro of us mndo nvnIInbIo. OnIy sho nnd
hor oIIfIcnI fncfIon sfood bofwoon us nnd fho hordos who dId nof undorsfnnd why fhoro wns n
Irosorvowhy nny Torrnn couId nof bo courfod, nId, drnffod, In somo wny mndo nvnIInbIo fo fhom.
Or fhoy dId undorsfnnd, buf In fhoIr dosornfIon, fhoy dId nof cnro. Sho nrcoIod us ouf fo fho
dosornfo nnd soId us fo fho rIch nnd oworfuI for fhoIr oIIfIcnI suorf. Thus, wo woro nocossIfIos,
sfnfus symboIs, nnd nn Indoondonf ooIo. Sho ovorsnw fho joInIng of fnmIIIos, uffIng nn ond fo fho
fInnI romnnnfs of fho onrIIor sysfom of bronkIng u Torrnn fnmIIIos fo suIf ImnfIonf TIIc. I hnd IIvod
oufsIdo wIfh hor. I hnd soon fho dosornfo ongornoss In fho wny somo ooIo Iookod nf mo. If wns n
IIffIo frIghfonIng fo know fhnf onIy sho sfood bofwoon us nnd fhnf dosornfIon fhnf couId so onsIIy
swnIIow us. My mofhor wouId Iook nf hor somofImos nnd sny fo mo, "Tnko cnro of hor." And I wouId
romombor fhnf sho foo hnd boon oufsIdo, hnd soon.
ow T'CnfoI usod four of hor IImbs fo ush mo nwny from hor onfo fho fIoor. "Co on, Cnn," sho snId.
"SIf down fhoro wIfh your sIsfors nnd onjoy nof boIng sobor. You hnd mosf of fho ogg. !Ion, como wnrm
mo."
My mofhor hosIfnfod for no ronson fhnf I couId soo. Ono of my onrIIosf momorIos Is of my mofhor
sfrofchod nIongsIdo T'CnfoI, fnIkIng nbouf fhIngs I couId nof undorsfnnd, IckIng mo u from fho fIoor
nnd InughIng ns sho snf mo on ono of T'CnfoI's sogmonfs. Sho nfo hor shnro of oggs fhon. I wondorod
whon sho hnd sfood, nnd why.
Sho Iny down ngnInsf T'CnfoI, nnd fho whoIo Ioff row of T'CnfoI's IImbs cIosod nround hor, hoIdIng
hor IoosoIy, buf socuroIy. I hnd nIwnys found If uncomforfnbIo fo IIo fhnf wny buf, oxcof for my oIdor
sIsfor, no ono oIso In fho fnmIIy IIkod If. Thoy snId If mndo fhom fooI cngod.
T'CnfoI monnf fo cngo my mofhor. Onco sho hnd, sho movod hor fnII sIIghfIy, fhon soko. "of
onough ogg, !Ion. You shouId hnvo fnkon If whon If wns nssod fo you. You nood If bndIy now."
T'CnfoI's fnII movod onco moro, Ifs whI mofIon so swIff I wouIdn'f hnvo soon If If I hndn'f boon
wnfchIng for If. Hor sfIng drow onIy n sIngIo dro of bIood from my mofhor's bnro Iog.
My mofhor crIod oufrobnbIy In surrIso. IoIng sfung doosn'f hurf. Thon sho sIghod nnd I couId
soo hor body roInx. Sho movod InnguIdIy Info n moro comforfnbIo osIfIon wIfhIn fho cngo of T'CnfoI's
IImbs. "Why dId you do fhnf" sho nskod, soundIng hnIf nsIoo.
"I couId nof wnfch you sIffIng nnd sufforIng nny Iongor." My mofhor mnnngod fo movo hor shouIdors
In n smnII shrug. "Tomorrow," sho snId.
"Yos. Tomorrow you wIII rosumo your sufforIngIf you musf. Iuf for now, jusf for now, IIo horo nnd
wnrm mo nnd Iof mo onso your wny n IIffIo."
"Ho's sfIII mIno, you know," my mofhor snId suddonIy. "ofhIng cnn buy hIm from mo." Sobor, sho
wouId nof hnvo ormIffod horsoIf fo rofor fo such fhIngs.
"ofhIng." T'CnfoI ngrood, humorIng hor.
"Id you fhInk I wouId soII hIm for oggs Ior Iong IIfo My son"
"of for nnyfhIng," T'CnfoI snId sfrokIng my mofhor's shouIdors, foyIng wIfh hor Iong, grnyIng hnIr.
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I wouId IIko fo hnvo fouchod my mofhor, shnrod fhnf momonf wIfh hor. Sho wouId fnko my hnnd If I
fouchod hor now, frood by fho ogg nnd fho sfIng, sho wouId smIIo nnd orhns sny fhIngs Iong hoId In.
Iuf fomorrow, sho wouId romombor nII fhIs ns n humIIInfIon. I dId nof wnnf fo bo nrf of n romom
borod humIIInfIon. Iosf jusf fo bo sfIII nnd know sho Iovod mo undor nII fho dufy nnd rIdo nnd nIn.
"Xunn Hon, fnko off hor shoos," T'CnfoI snId. "In n IIffIo whIIo I'II sfIng hor ngnIn nnd sho cnn sIoo."
My oIdor sIsfor oboyod, swnyIng drunkonIy ns sho sfood u. Whon sho hnd fInIshod, sho snf down
bosIdo mo nnd fook my hnnd. Wo hnd nIwnys boon n unIf, sho nnd I.
My mofhor uf fho bnck of hor hond ngnInsf T'CnfoI's undorsIdo nnd frIod from fhnf ImossIbIo
nngIo fo Iook u Info fho brond, round fnco. "You'ro goIng fo sfIng mo ngnIn"
"Yos, !Ion."
"I'II sIoo unfII fomorrow noon."
"Cood. You nood If. Whon dId you sIoo Insf"
My mofhor mndo n wordIoss sound of nnnoynnco. "I shouId hnvo sfood on you whon you woro
smnII onough," sho mufforod.
If wns nn oId joko bofwoon fhom. Thoy hnd grown u fogofhor, sorf of, fhough T'CnfoI hnd nof, In
my mofhor's IIfofImo, boon smnII onough for nny Torrnn fo sfo on. Sho wns nonrIy fhroo fImos my
mofhor's rosonf ngo, yof wouId sfIII bo young whon my mofhor dIod of ngo. Iuf T'CnfoI nnd my
mofhor hnd mof ns T'CnfoI wns comIng Info n orIod of rnId dovoIomonfn kInd of TIIc ndoIosconco.
My mofhor wns onIy n chIId, buf for n whIIo fhoy dovoIood nf fho snmo rnfo nnd hnd no boffor frIonds
fhnn onch ofhor.
T'CnfoI hnd ovon Infroducod my mofhor fo fho mnn who bocnmo my fnfhor. My nronfs, Ionsod
wIfh onch ofhor In sIfo of fhoIr vory dIfforonf ngos, mnrrIod ns T'CnfoI wns goIng Info hor fnmIIy's
busInossoIIfIcs. Sho nnd my mofhor snw onch ofhor Ioss. Iuf somofImo boforo my oIdor sIsfor wns
born, my mofhor romIsod T'CnfoI ono of hor chIIdron. Sho wouId hnvo fo gIvo ono of us fo somoono,
nnd sho roforrod T'CnfoI fo somo sfrnngor.
Yonrs nssod. T'CnfoI frnvoIod nnd Incronsod hor InfIuonco. Tho Irosorvo wns hors by fho fImo sho
cnmo bnck fo my mofhor fo coIIocf whnf sho robnbIy snw ns hor jusf rownrd for hor hnrd work. My
oIdor sIsfor fook nn Insfnnf IIkIng fo hor nnd wnnfod fo bo choson, buf my mofhor wns jusf comIng fo
form wIfh mo nnd T'CnfoI IIkod fho Idon of choosIng nn Infnnf nnd wnfchIng nnd fnkIng nrf In nII fho
hnsos of dovoIomonf. I'm foId I wns fIrsf cngod wIfhIn T'CnfoI's mnny IImbs onIy fhroo mInufos nffor
my bIrfh. A fow dnys Infor, I wns gIvon my fIrsf fnsfo of ogg. I foII Torrnns fhnf whon fhoy nsk whofhor
I wns ovor nfrnId of hor. And I foII If fo TIIc whon T'CnfoI suggosfs n young Torrnn chIId for fhom nnd
fhoy, nnxIous nnd Ignornnf, domnnd nn ndoIosconf. Ivon my brofhor who hnd somohow grown u fo
fonr nnd dIsfrusf fho TIIc couId robnbIy hnvo gono smoofhIy Info ono of fhoIr fnmIIIos If ho hnd boon
ndofod onrIy onough. SomofImos, I fhInk for hIs snko ho shouId hnvo boon. I Iookod nf hIm, sfrofchod
ouf on fho fIoor ncross fho room, hIs oyos oon, buf gInzod ns ho dronmod hIs ogg dronm. o mnffor
whnf ho foIf fownrd fho TIIc, ho nIwnys domnndod hIs shnro of ogg.
"!Ion, cnn you sfnnd u" T'CnfoI nskod suddonIy. "Sfnnd" my mofhor snId. "I fhoughf I wns goIng
fo sIoo." "!nfor. SomofhIng sounds wrong oufsIdo." Tho cngo wns nbrufIy gono.
"Whnf"
"!, !Ion!"
My mofhor rocognIzod hor fono nnd gof u jusf In fImo fo nvoId boIng dumod on fho fIoor. T'CnfoI
whIod hor fhroo mofors of body off hor couch, fownrd fho door, nnd ouf nf fuII sood. Sho hnd
bonosrIbs, n Iong sIno, n skuII, four sofs of IImbbonos or sogmonf. Iuf whon sho movod fhnf wny,
fwIsfIng, hurIIng horsoIf Info confroIIod fnIIs, InndIng runnIng, sho soomod nof onIy bonoIoss, buf
nqunfIcsomofhIng swImmIng fhrough fho nIr ns fhough If woro wnfor. I Iovod wnfchIng hor movo.
I Ioff my sIsfor nnd sfnrfod fo foIIow hor ouf fho door, fhough I wnsn'f vory sfondy on my own foof. If
wouId hnvo boon boffor fo sIf nnd dronm, boffor yof fo fInd n gIrI nnd shnro n wnkIng dronm wIfh hor.
Inck whon fho TIIc snw us ns nof much moro fhnn convonIonf bIg wnrmbIoodod nnImnIs, fhoy wouId
on sovornI of us fogofhor, mnIo nnd fomnIo, nnd food us onIy oggs. Thnf wny fhoy couId bo suro of
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goffIng nnofhor gonornfIon of us no mnffor how wo frIod fo hoId ouf. Wo woro Iucky fhnf dIdn'f go on
Iong. A fow gonornfIons of If nnd wo wouId hnvo boon IIffIo moro fhnn convonIonf bIg nnImnIs.
"HoId fho door oon, Cnn," T'CnfoI snId. "And foII fho fnmIIy fo sfny bnck."
"Whnf Is If" I nskod.
"'TIIc."
I shrnnk bnck ngnInsf fho door. "Horo AIono"
"Ho wns fryIng fo ronch n cnII box, I suoso." Sho cnrrIod fho mnn nsf mo, unconscIous, foIdod IIko
n conf ovor somo of hor IImbs. Ho Iookod youngmy brofhor's ngo orhnsnnd ho wns fhInnor fhnn
ho shouId hnvo boon. Whnf T'CnfoI wouId hnvo cnIIod dnngorousIy fhIn.
"Cnn, go fo fho cnII box," sho snId. Sho uf fho mnn on fho fIoor nnd bognn sfrIIng off hIs cIofhIng.
I dId nof movo.
Affor n momonf, sho Iookod u nf mo, hor suddon sfIIInoss n sIgn of doo ImnfIonco.
"Sond QuI," I foId hor. "I'II sfny horo. Mnybo I cnn hoI."
Sho Iof hor IImbs bogIn fo movo ngnIn, IIffIng fho mnn nnd uIIIng hIs shIrf ovor hIs hond. "You
don'f wnnf fo soo fhIs," sho snId. "If wIII bo hnrd. I cnn'f hoI fhIs mnn fho wny hIs TIIc couId."
"I know. Iuf sond QuI. Ho won'f wnnf fo bo of nny hoI horo. I'm nf Ionsf wIIIIng fo fry."
Sho Iookod nf my brofhoroIdor, bIggor, sfrongor, corfnInIy moro nbIo fo hoI hor horo. Ho wns
sIffIng u now, brncod ngnInsf fho wnII, sfnrIng nf fho mnn on fho fIoor wIfh undIsguIsod fonr nnd
rovuIsIon. Ivon sho couId soo fhnf ho wouId bo usoIoss.
"QuI, go!" sho snId.
Ho dIdn'f nrguo. Ho sfood u, swnyod brIofIy, fhon sfondIod, frIghfonod sobor.
"ThIs mnn's nnmo Is Irnm !omns," sho foId hIm, rondIng from fho mnn's nrm bnnd. I fIngorod my
own nrm bnnd In symnfhy. "Ho noods T'KhofgIf Toh. o you honr"
"Irnm !omns, T'KhofgIf Toh," my brofhor snId. "I'm goIng." Ho odgod nround !omns nnd rnn ouf
fho door.
!omns bognn fo rognIn conscIousnoss. Ho onIy monnod nf fIrsf nnd cIufchod snsmodIcnIIy nf n nIr
of T'CnfoI's IImbs. My youngor sIsfor, fInnIIy nwnko from hor ogg dronm, cnmo cIoso fo Iook nf hIm,
unfII my mofhor uIIod hor bnck.
T'CnfoI romovod fho mnn's shoos, fhon hIs nnfs, nII fho whIIo IonvIng hIm fwo of hor IImbs fo grI.
Ixcof for fho fInnI fow, nII hor IImbs woro oqunIIy doxforous. "I wnnf no nrgumonf from you fhIs fImo,
Cnn," sho snId.
I sfrnIghfonod. "Whnf shnII I do"
"Co ouf nnd sInughfor nn nnImnI fhnf Is nf Ionsf hnIf your sIzo."
"SInughfor Iuf I'vo novor"
Sho knockod mo ncross fho room. Hor fnII wns nn offIcIonf wonon whofhor sho oxosod fho sfIng or
nof.
I gof u, fooIIng sfuId for hnvIng Ignorod hor wnrnIng, nnd wonf Info fho kIfchon. Mnybo I couId
kIII somofhIng wIfh n knIfo or nn nx. My mofhor rnIsod n fow Torrnn nnImnIs for fho fnbIo nnd sovornI
fhousnnd IocnI onos for fhoIr fur. T'CnfoI wouId robnbIy rofor somofhIng IocnI. An nchfI, orhns.
Somo of fhoso woro fho rIghf sIzo, fhough fhoy hnd nbouf fhroo fImos ns mnny foofh ns I dId nnd n ronI
Iovo of usIng fhom. My mofhor, Hon, nnd QuI couId kIII fhom wIfh knIvos. I hnd novor kIIIod ono nf nII,
hnd novor sInughforod nny nnImnI. I hnd sonf mosf of my fImo wIfh T'CnfoI whIIo my brofhor nnd'
sIsfors woro IonrnIng fho fnmIIy busInoss. T'CnfoI hnd boon rIghf. I shouId hnvo boon fho ono fo go fo
fho cnII box. Af Ionsf I couId do fhnf.
I wonf fo fho cornor cnbInof whoro my mofhor kof hor Inrgor houso nnd gnrdon fooIs. Af fho bnck
of fho cnbInof fhoro wns n Io fhnf cnrrIod off wnsfo wnfor from fho kIfchonoxcof fhnf If dIdn'f
nnymoro. My fnfhor hnd roroufod fho wnsfo wnfor boforo I wns born. ow fho Io couId bo furnod so
fhnf ono hnIf sIId nround fho ofhor nnd n rIfIo couId bo sforod InsIdo. ThIs wnsn'f our onIy gun, buf If
wns our mosf onsIIy nccossIbIo ono. I wouId hnvo fo uso If fo shoof ono of fho bIggosf of fho nchfI. Thon
T'CnfoI wouId robnbIy confIscnfo If. IIronrms woro IIIognI In fho Irosorvo. Thoro hnd boon IncIdonfs
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rIghf nffor fho Irosorvo wns osfnbIIshodTorrnns shoofIng TIIc, shoofIng 'TIIc. ThIs wns boforo fho
joInIng of fnmIIIos bognn, boforo ovoryono hnd n orsonnI sfnko In kooIng fho onco. o ono hnd shof
n TIIc In my IIfofImo or my mofhor's, buf fho Inw sfIII sfoodfor our rofocfIon, wo woro foId. Thoro
woro sforIos of whoIo Torrnn fnmIIIos wIod ouf In rorIsnI bnck durIng fho nssnssInnfIons.
I wonf ouf fo fho cngos nnd shof fho bIggosf nchfI I couId fInd. If wns n hnndsomo broodIng mnIo
nnd my mofhor wouId nof bo Ionsod fo soo mo brIng If In. Iuf If wns fho rIghf sIzo, nnd I wns In n
hurry.
I uf fho nchfI's Iong, wnrm body ovor my shouIdorgInd fhnf somo of fho woIghf I'd gnInod wns
muscIonnd fook If fo fho kIfchon. Thoro, I uf fho gun bnck In Ifs hIdIng Inco. If T'CnfoI nofIcod fho
nchfI's wounds nnd domnndod fho gun, I wouId gIvo If fo hor. OfhorwIso, Iof If sfny whoro my fnfhor
wnnfod If.
I furnod fo fnko fho nchfI fo hor, fhon hosIfnfod. Ior sovornI soconds, I sfood In fronf of fho cIosod
door wondorIng why I wns suddonIy nfrnId. I know whnf wns goIng fo hnon. I hndn'f soon If boforo
buf T'CnfoI hnd shown mo dIngrnms, nnd drnwIngs. Sho hnd mndo suro I know fho frufh ns soon ns I
wns oId onough fo undorsfnnd If.
Yof I dId nof wnnf fo go Info fhnf room. I wnsfod n IIffIo fImo choosIng n knIfo from fho cnrvod,
woodon box In whIch my mofhor kof fhom. T'CnfoI mIghf wnnf ono, I foId mysoIf, for fho fough,
honvIIy furrod hIdo of fho nchfI.
"Cnn!" T'CnfoI cnIIod, hor voIco hnrsh wIfh urgoncy.
I swnIIowod. I hnd nof ImngInod n sImIo movIng of fho foof couId bo so dIffIcuIf. I ronIIzod I wns
frombIIng nnd fhnf shnmod mo. Shnmo ImoIIod mo fhrough fho door.
I uf fho nchfI down nonr T'CnfoI nnd snw fhnf !omns wns unconscIous ngnIn. Sho, !omns, nnd I
woro nIono In fho room, my mofhor nnd sIsfors robnbIy sonf ouf so fhoy wouId nof hnvo fo wnfch. I
onvIod fhom.
Iuf my mofhor cnmo bnck Info fho room ns T'CnfoI soIzod fho nchfI. IgnorIng fho knIfo I offorod hor,
sho oxfondod cInws from sovornI of hor IImbs nnd sIIf fho nchfI from fhronf fo nnus. Sho Iookod nf mo,
hor yoIIow oyos Infonf. "HoId fhIs mnn's shouIdors, Cnn."
I sfnrod nf !omns In nnIc, ronIIzIng fhnf I dId nof wnnf fo fouch hIm, Iof nIono hoId hIm. ThIs
wouId nof bo IIko shoofIng nn nnImnI. of ns quIck, nof ns morcIfuI, nnd, I hood, nof ns fInnI, buf
fhoro wns nofhIng I wnnfod Ioss fhnn fo bo nrf of If.
My mofhor cnmo forwnrd. "Cnn, you hoId hIs rIghf sIdo," sho snId. "I'II hoId hIs Ioff." And If ho cnmo fo,
ho wouId fhrow hor off wIfhouf ronIIzIng ho hnd dono If. Sho wns n fIny womnn. Sho offon wondorod
nIoud how sho hnd roducod, ns sho snId, such "hugo" chIIdron.
"ovor mInd," I foId hor, fnkIng fho mnn's shouIdors. "I'II do If."
Sho hovorod nonrby.
"on'f worry," I snId. "I won'f shnmo you. You don'f hnvo fo sfny nnd wnfch."
Sho Iookod nf mo uncorfnInIy, fhon fouchod my fnco In n rnro cnross. IInnIIy, sho wonf bnck fo hor
bodroom.
T'CnfoI Ioworod hor hond In roIIof. "Thnnk you, Cnn," sho snId wIfh courfosy moro Torrnn fhnn TIIc.
"Thnf ono . . . sho Is nIwnys fIndIng now wnys for mo fo mnko hor suffor."
!omns bognn fo gronn nnd mnko chokod sounds. I hnd hood ho wouId sfny unconscIous. T'CnfoI
uf hor fnco nonr hIs so fhnf ho focusod on hor.
"I'vo sfung you ns much ns I dnro for now," sho foId hIm. "Whon fhIs Is ovor, I'II sfIng you fo sIoo
nnd you won'f hurf nnymoro."
"IIonso," fho mnn boggod. "WnIf . . .
"Thoro's no moro fImo, Irnm. I'II sfIng you ns soon ns If's ovor. Whon T'KhofgIf nrrIvos sho'II gIvo
you oggs fo hoI you honI. If wIII bo ovor soon."
"T'KhofgIf!" fho mnn shoufod, sfrnInIng ngnInsf my hnnds.
"Soon, Irnm." T'CnfoI gInncod nf mo, fhon Incod n cInw ngnInsf hIs nbdomon sIIghfIy fo fho rIghf of
fho mIddIo, jusf boIow fho Insf rIb. Thoro wns movomonf on fho rIghf sIdofIny, soomIngIy rnndom
6
uIsnfIons movIng hIs brown fIosh, cronfIng n concnvIfy horo, n convoxIfy fhoro, ovor nnd ovor unfII I
couId soo fho rhyfhm of If nnd know whoro fho noxf uIso wouId bo.
!omns's onfIro body sfIffonod undor T'CnfoI's cInw, fhough sho moroIy rosfod If ngnInsf hIm sho
wound fho ronr socfIon of hor body nround hIs Iogs. Ho mIghf bronk my grI, buf ho wouId nof bronk
hors. Ho wof hoIIossIy ns sho usod hIs nnfs fo fIo hIs hnnds, fhon ushod hIs hnnds nbovo hIs hond
so fhnf I couId knooI on fho cIofh bofwoon fhom nnd In fhom In Inco. Sho roIIod u hIs shIrf nnd
gnvo If fo hIm fo bIfo down on.
And sho oonod hIm.
HIs body convuIsod wIfh fho fIrsf cuf. Ho nImosf foro hImsoIf nwny from mo. Tho sounds ho mndo . .
. I hnd novor honrd such sounds como from nnyfhIng humnn. T'CnfoI soomod fo ny no nffonfIon ns
sho Iongfhonod nnd dooonod fho cuf, now nnd fhon nusIng fo IIck nwny bIood. HIs bIood vossoIs con
frncfod, roncfIng fo fho chomIsfry of hor snIIvn, nnd fho bIoodIng sIowod.
I foIf ns fhough I woro hoIIng hor forfuro hIm, hoIIng hor consumo hIm. I know I wouId vomIf
soon, dIdn'f know why I hndn'f nIrondy. I couIdn'f ossIbIy Insf unfII sho wns fInIshod.
Sho found fho fIrsf grub. If wns fnf nnd doo rod wIfh hIs bIoodbofh InsIdo nnd ouf. If hnd nIrondy
onfon Ifs own ogg cnso, buf nnronfIy hnd nof yof bogun fo onf Ifs hosf. Af fhIs sfngo, If wouId onf nny
fIosh oxcof Ifs mofhor's. !of nIono, If wouId hnvo gono on oxcrofIng fho oIsons fhnf hnd bofh sIck
onod nnd nIorfod !omns. IvonfunIIy If wouId hnvo bogun fo onf. Iy fho fImo If nfo Ifs wny ouf of
!omns's fIosh, !omns wouId bo dond or dyIngnnd unnbIo fo fnko rovongo on fho fhIng fhnf wns
kIIIIng hIm. Thoro wns nIwnys n grnco orIod bofwoon fho fImo fho hosf sIckonod nnd fho fImo fho
grubs bognn fo onf hIm.
T'CnfoI Ickod u fho wrIfhIng grub cnrofuIIy, nnd Iookod nf If, somohow IgnorIng fho forrIbIo
gronns of fho mnn. AbrufIy, fho mnn Iosf conscIousnoss.
"Cood," T'CnfoI Iookod down nf hIm. "I wIsh you Torrnns couId do fhnf nf wIII." Sho foIf nofhIng.
And fho fhIng sho hoId...
If wns IImbIoss nnd bonoIoss nf fhIs sfngo, orhns fIffoon confImofors Iong nnd fwo fhIck, bIInd nnd
sIImy wIfh bIood. If wns IIko n Inrgo worm. T'CnfoI uf If Info fho boIIy of fho nchfI, nnd If bognn nf
onco fo burrow. If wouId sfny fhoro nnd onf ns Iong ns fhoro wns nnyfhIng fo onf.
IrobIng fhrough !omns' fIosh, sho found fwo moro, ono of fhom smnIIor nnd moro vIgorous. "A
mnIo!" sho snId hnIIy. Ho wouId bo dond boforo I wouId. Ho wouId bo fhrough hIs mofnmorhosIs
nnd scrowIng ovoryfhIng fhnf wouId hoId sfIII boforo hIs sIsfors ovon hnd IImbs. Ho wns fho onIy ono fo
mnko n sorIous offorf fo bIfo T'CnfoI ns sho Incod hIm In fho nchfI.
InIor worms oozod fo vIsIbIIIfy In !omns's fIosh. I cIosod my oyos. If wns worso fhnn fIndIng
somofhIng dond, roffIng, nnd fIIIod wIfh fIny nnImnI grubs. And If wns fnr worso fhnn nny drnwIng or
dIngrnm.
"Ah, fhoro nro moro," T'CnfoI snId, IuckIng ouf fwo Iong, fhIck grubs. "You mny hnvo fo kIII
nnofhor nnImnI, Cnn. IvoryfhIng IIvos InsIdo you Torrnns."
I hnd boon foId nII my IIfo fhnf fhIs wns n good nnd nocossnry fhIng TIIc nnd Torrnn dId fogofhorn
kInd of bIrfh. I hnd boIIovod If unfII now. I know bIrfh wns nInfuI nnd bIoody, no mnffor whnf. Iuf
fhIs wns somofhIng oIso, somofhIng worso. And I wnsn'f rondy fo soo If. Mnybo I novor wouId bo. Yof I
couIdn'f nof soo If. CIosIng my oyos dIdn'f hoI.
T'CnfoI found n grub sfIII onfIng Ifs ogg cnso. Tho romnIns of fho cnso woro sfIII wIrod Info n bIood
vossoI by fhoIr own IIffIo fubo or hook or whnfovor. Thnf wns fho wny fho grubs woro nnchorod nnd fho
wny fhoy fod. Thoy fook onIy bIood unfII fhoy woro rondy fo omorgo. Thon fhoy nfo fhoIr sfrofchod,
oInsfIc ogg cnsos. Thon fhoy nfo fhoIr hosfs.
T'CnfoI bIf nwny fho ogg cnso, IIckod nwny fho bIood. Id sho IIko fho fnsfo Id chIIdhood hnbIfs
dIo hnrdor nof dIo nf nII
Tho whoIo rocoduro wns wrong, nIIon. I wouIdn'f hnvo fhoughf nnyfhIng nbouf hor couId soom
nIIon fo mo.
7
"Ono moro, I fhInk," sho snId. "Iorhns fwo. A good fnmIIy. In n hosf nnImnI fhoso dnys, wo wouId
bo hny fo fInd ono or fwo nIIvo." Sho gInncod nf mo. "Co oufsIdo, Cnn, nnd omfy your sfomnch. Co
now whIIo fho mnn Is unconscIous."
I sfnggorod ouf, bnroIy mndo If. Iononfh fho froo jusf boyond fho fronf door, I vomIfod unfII fhoro
wns nofhIng Ioff fo brIng u. IInnIIy, I sfood shnkIng, fonrs sfronmIng down my fnco. I dId nof know
why I wns cryIng, buf I couId nof sfo. I wonf fnrfhor from fho houso fo nvoId boIng soon. Ivory fImo I
cIosod my oyos I snw rod worms crnwIIng ovor roddor humnn fIosh.
Thoro wns n cnr comIng fownrd fho houso. SInco Torrnns woro forbIddon moforIzod vohIcIos oxcof
for corfnIn fnrm oquImonf, I know fhIs musf bo !omns's TIIc wIfh QuI nnd orhns n Torrnn docfor. I
wIod my fnco on my shIrf, sfruggIod for confroI.
"Cnn," QuI cnIIod ns fho cnr sfood. "Whnf hnonod" Ho crnwIod ouf of fho Iow, round, TIIc
convonIonf cnr door. Anofhor Torrnn crnwIod ouf fho ofhor sIdo nnd wonf Info fho houso wIfhouf
sonkIng fo mo. Tho docfor. WIfh hIs hoI nnd n fow oggs, !omns mIghf mnko If.
"T'KhofgIf Toh" I snId.
Tho TIIc drIvor surgod ouf of hor cnr, ronrod u hnIf hor Iongfh boforo mo. Sho wns nIor nnd
smnIIor fhnn T'CnfoI robnbIy born from fho body of nn nnImnI. TIIc from Torrnn bodIos woro nIwnys
Inrgor ns woII ns moro numorous.
"SIx young," I foId hor. "Mnybo sovon, nII nIIvo. Af Ionsf ono mnIo."
"!omns" sho snId hnrshIy. I IIkod hor for fho quosfIon nnd fho concorn In hor voIco whon sho nskod
If. Tho Insf cohoronf fhIng ho hnd snId wns hor nnmo.
"Ho's nIIvo," I snId.
Sho surgod nwny fo fho houso wIfhouf nnofhor word.
"Sho's boon sIck," my brofhor snId, wnfchIng hor go. "Whon I cnIIod, I couId honr ooIo foIIIng hor
sho wnsn'f woII onough fo go ouf ovon for fhIs."
I snId nofhIng. I hnd oxfondod courfosy fo fho TIIc. ow I dIdn'f wnnf fo fnIk fo nnyono. I hood ho
wouId go Inouf of curIosIfy If nofhIng oIso.
"IInnIIy found ouf moro fhnn you wnnfod fo know, oh" I Iookod nf hIm.
"on'f gIvo mo ono of hor Iooks," ho snId. "You'ro nof hor. You'ro jusf hor roorfy."
Ono of hor Iooks. Hnd I Ickod u ovon nn nbIIIfy fo ImIfnfo hor oxrossIons
"Whnf'd you do, uko" Ho snIffod fho nIr. "So now you know whnf you'ro In for."
I wnIkod nwny from hIm. Ho nnd I hnd boon cIoso whon wo woro kIds. Ho wouId Iof mo foIIow hIm
nround whon I wns homo nnd somofImos T'CnfoI wouId Iof mo brIng hIm nIong whon sho fook mo Info
fho cIfy. Iuf somofhIng hnd hnonod whon ho ronchod ndoIosconco. I novor know whnf. Ho bognn
kooIng ouf of T'CnfoI's wny. Thon ho bognn runnIng nwnyunfII ho ronIIzod fhoro wns no "nwny."
of In fho Irosorvo. CorfnInIy nof oufsIdo. Affor fhnf ho conconfrnfod on goffIng hIs shnro of ovory ogg
fhnf cnmo Info fho houso, nnd on IookIng ouf for mo In n wny fhnf mndo mo nII buf hnfo hImn wny
fhnf cIonrIy snId, ns Iong ns I wns nII rIghf, ho wns snfo from fho TIIc.
"How wns If, ronIIy" ho domnndod, foIIowIng mo. "I kIIIod nn nchfI. Tho young nfo If."
"You dIdn'f run ouf of fho houso nnd uko bocnuso fhoy nfo nn nchfI."
"I hnd ... novor soon n orson cuf oon boforo." Thnf wns fruo, nnd onough for hIm fo know. I
couIdn'f fnIk nbouf fho ofhor. of wIfh hIm.
"Oh," ho snId. Ho gInncod nf mo ns fhough ho wnnfod fo sny moro, buf ho kof quIof.
Wo wnIkod, nof ronIIy hondod nnywhoro. Townrd fho bnck, fownrd fho cngos, fownrd fho fIoIds.
"Id ho sny nnyfhIng" QuI nskod. "!omns, I monn." Who oIso wouId ho monn "Ho snId `T'KhofgIf."'
QuI shuddorod. "If sho hnd dono fhnf fo mo, sho'd bo fho Insf orson I'd cnII for."
"You'd cnII for hor. Hor sfIng wouId onso your nIn wIfhouf kIIIIng fho grubs In you."
"You fhInk I'd cnro If fhoy dIod'"
o. Of courso ho wouIdn'f. WouId I
"ShIf!" Ho drow n doo bronfh. "I'vo soon whnf fhoy do.
You fhInk fhIs fhIng wIfh !omns wns bnd If wns nofhIng."
8
I dIdn'f nrguo. Ho dIdn'f know whnf ho wns fnIkIng nbouf. "I snw fhom onf n mnn," ho snId.
I furnod fo fnco hIm. "You'ro IyIng!"
"I snw fhom onf n mnn." Ho nusod. "If wns whon I wns IIffIo. I hnd boon fo fho Hnrfmund houso
nnd I wns on my wny homo. HnIfwny horo, I snw n mnn nnd n TIIc nnd fho mnn wns 'TIIc. Tho
ground wns hIIIy. I wns nbIo fo hIdo from fhom nnd wnfch. Tho TIIc wouIdn'f oon fho mnn bocnuso
sho hnd nofhIng fo food fho grubs. Tho mnn couIdn'f go nny fnrfhor nnd fhoro woro no housos nround.
Ho wns In so much nIn ho foId hor fo kIII hIm. Ho boggod hor fo kIII hIm. IInnIIy, sho dId. Sho cuf hIs
fhronf. Ono swIo of ono cInw. I snw fho grubs onf fhoIr wny ouf, fhon burrow In ngnIn, sfIII onfIng."
HIs words mndo mo soo !omns's fIosh ngnIn, nrnsIfIzod, crnwIIng. "Why dIdn'f you foII mo fhnf" I
whIsorod.
Ho Iookod sfnrfIod, ns fhough ho'd forgoffon I wns IIsfonIng. "I don'f know."
"You sfnrfod fo run nwny nof Iong nffor fhnf, dIdn'f you" "Yonh. SfuId. !unnIng InsIdo fho
Irosorvo. !unnIng In n cngo."
I shook my hond, snId whnf I shouId hnvo snId fo hIm Iong ngo. "Sho wouIdn'f fnko you, QuI. You
don'f hnvo fo worry." "Sho wouId . . . If nnyfhIng hnonod fo you."
"o. Sho'd fnko Xunn Hon. Hon . . . wnnfs If." Sho wouIdn'f If sho hnd sfnyod fo wnfch !omns.
"Thoy don'f fnko womon," ho snId wIfh confomf.
"Thoy do somofImos." I gInncod nf hIm. "AcfunIIy, fhoy rofor womon. You shouId bo nround fhom
whon fhoy fnIk nmong fhomsoIvos. Thoy sny womon hnvo moro body fnf fo rofocf fho grubs. Iuf fhoy
usunIIy fnko mon fo Ionvo fho womon froo fo bonr fhoIr own young."
"To rovIdo fho noxf gonornfIon of hosf nnImnIs," ho snId, swIfchIng from confomf fo bIffornoss.
"If's moro fhnn fhnf!" I counforod. Wns If
"If If woro goIng fo hnon fo mo, I'd wnnf fo boIIovo If wns moro, foo."
"If Is moro!" I foIf IIko n kId. SfuId nrgumonf.
"Id you fhInk so whIIo T'CnfoI wns IckIng worms ouf of fhnf guy's gufs"
"If's nof suosod fo hnon fhnf wny."
"Suro If Is. You woron'f suosod fo soo If, fhnf's nII. And hIs TIIc wns suosod fo do If. Sho couId
sfIng hIm unconscIous nnd fho oornfIon wouIdn'f hnvo boon ns nInfuI. Iuf sho'd sfIII oon hIm, Ick
ouf fho grubs, nnd If sho mIssod ovon ono, If wouId oIson hIm nnd onf hIm from fho InsIdo ouf."
Thoro wns ncfunIIy n fImo whon my mofhor foId mo fo show rosocf for QuI bocnuso ho wns my
oIdor brofhor. I wnIkod nwny, hnfIng hIm. In hIs wny, ho wns gIonfIng. Ho wns snfo nnd I wnsn'f. I
couId hnvo hIf hIm, buf I dIdn'f fhInk I wouId bo nbIo fo sfnnd If whon ho rofusod fo hIf bnck, whon ho
Iookod nf mo wIfh confomf nnd Ify.
Ho wouIdn'f Iof mo gof nwny. !ongorIoggod, ho swung nhond of mo nnd mndo mo fooI ns fhough I
woro foIIowIng hIm.
"I'm sorry," ho snId.
I sfrodo on, sIck nnd furIous.
"!ook, If robnbIy won'f bo fhnf bnd wIfh you. T'CnfoI IIkos you. Sho'II bo cnrofuI."
I furnod bnck fownrd fho houso, nImosf runnIng from hIm. "Hns sho dono If fo you vof" ho nskod,
kooIng u onsIIy.
"I monn, you'ro nbouf fho rIghf ngo for ImInnfnfIon. Hns sho"
I hIf hIm. I dIdn'f know I wns goIng fo do If, buf I fhInk I monnf fo kIII hIm. If ho hndn'f boon bIggor
nnd sfrongor, I fhInk I wouId hnvo.
Ho frIod fo hoId mo off, buf In fho ond, hnd fo dofond hImsoIf. Ho onIy hIf mo n couIo of fImos. Thnf
wns Ionfy. I don'f romombor goIng down, buf whon I cnmo fo, ho wns gono. If wns worfh fho nIn fo
bo rId of hIm.
I gof u nnd wnIkod sIowIy fownrd fho houso. Tho bnck wns dnrk. o ono wns In fho kIfchon. My
mofhor nnd sIsfors woro sIooIng In fhoIr bodroomsor rofondIng fo.
Onco I wns In fho kIfchon, I couId honr voIcosTIIc nnd Torrnn from fho noxf room. I couIdn'f mnko
ouf whnf fhoy woro snyIngdIdn'f wnnf fo mnko If ouf.
9
I snf down nf my mofhor's fnbIo, wnIfIng for quIof. Tho fnbIo wns smoofh nnd worn, honvy nnd woII
crnffod. My fnfhor hnd mndo If for hor jusf boforo ho dIod. I romomborod hnngIng nround undorfoof
whon ho buIIf If. Ho dIdn'f mInd. ow I snf IonnIng on If, mIssIng hIm. I couId hnvo fnIkod fo hIm. Ho
hnd dono If fhroo fImos In hIs Iong IIfo. Throo cIufchos of oggs, fhroo fImos boIng oonod nnd sowod u.
How hnd ho dono If How dId nnyono do If
I gof u, fook fho rIfIo from Ifs hIdIng Inco, nnd snf down ngnIn wIfh If. If noodod cIonnIng, oIIIng.
AII I dId wns Iond If.
"Cnn"
Sho mndo n Iof of IIffIo cIIckIng sounds whon sho wnIkod on bnro fIoor, onch IImb cIIckIng In
succossIon ns If fouchod down. Wnvos of IIffIo cIIcks.
Sho cnmo fo fho fnbIo, rnIsod fho fronf hnIf of hor body nbovo If, nnd surgod onfo If. SomofImos sho
movod so smoofhIy sho soomod fo fIow IIko wnfor IfsoIf. Sho coIIod horsoIf Info n smnII hIII In fho
mIddIo of fho fnbIo nnd Iookod nf mo.
"Thnf wns bnd," sho snId soffIy. "You shouId nof hnvo soon If. If nood nof bo fhnf wny."
"I know."
"T'KhofgIfCh'KhofgIf nowsho wIII dIo of hor dIsonso. Sho wIII nof IIvo fo rnIso hor chIIdron. Iuf
hor sIsfor wIII rovIdo for fhom, nnd for Irnm !omns." SforIIo sIsfor. Ono forfIIo fomnIo In ovory Iof.
Ono fo koo fho fnmIIy goIng. Thnf sIsfor owod !omns moro fhnn sho couId ovor rony.
"Ho'II IIvo fhon"
"Yos."
"I wondor If ho wouId do If ngnIn."
"o ono wouId nsk hIm fo do fhnf, ngnIn."
I Iookod Info fho yoIIow oyos, wondorIng how much I snw nnd undorsfood fhoro, nnd how much I
onIy ImngInod. "o ono ovor nsks us," I snId. "You novor nskod mo."
Sho movod hor hond sIIghfIy. "Whnf's fho mnffor wIfh your fnco"
"ofhIng. ofhIng Imorfnnf." Humnn oyos robnbIy wouIdn'f hnvo nofIcod fho swoIIIng In fho
dnrknoss. Tho onIy IIghf wns from ono of fho moons, shInIng fhrough n wIndow ncross fho room.
"Id you uso fho rIfIo fo shoof fho nchfI"
"Yos."
"And do you monn fo uso If fo shoof mo"
I sfnrod nf hor, oufIInod In moonIIghfcoIIod, grncofuI body. "Whnf doos Torrnn bIood fnsfo IIko fo
you"
Sho snId nofhIng.
"Whnf nro you" I whIsorod. "Whnf nro wo fo you"
Sho Iny sfIII, rosfod hor hond on hor fomosf coII. "You know mo ns no ofhor doos," sho snId soffIy.
"You musf docIdo."
"Thnf's whnf hnonod fo my fnco," I foId hor.
"Whnf"
"QuI gondod mo Info docIdIng fo do somofhIng. If dIdn'f furn ouf vory woII." I movod fho gun
sIIghfIy, broughf fho bnrroI u dIngonnIIy undor my own chIn. "Af Ionsf If wns n docIsIon I mndo."
"As fhIs wIII bo."
"Ask mo, CnfoI."
"Ior my chIIdron's IIvos"
Sho wouId sny somofhIng IIko fhnf. Sho know how fo mnnIuInfo ooIo, Torrnn nnd TIIc. Iuf nof
fhIs fImo.
"I don'f wnnf fo bo n hosf nnImnI," I snId. "of ovon yours."
If fook hor n Iong fImo fo nnswor. "Wo uso nImosf no hosf nnImnIs fhoso dnys," sho snId. "You know
fhnf."
"You uso us."
10
"Wo do. Wo wnIf Iong yonrs for you nnd fonch you nnd joIn our fnmIIIos fo yours." Sho movod
rosfIossIy. "You know you nron'f nnImnIs fo us."
I sfnrod nf hor, snyIng nofhIng.
"Tho nnImnIs wo onco usod bognn kIIIIng mosf of our oggs nffor ImInnfnfIon Iong boforo your
nncosfors nrrIvod," sho snId soffIy. "You know fhoso fhIngs, Cnn. Iocnuso your ooIo nrrIvod, wo nro
roIonrnIng whnf If monns fo bo n honIfhy, fhrIvIng ooIo. And your nncosfors, fIooIng from fhoIr
homoworId, from fhoIr own kInd who wouId hnvo kIIIod or onsInvod fhomfhoy survIvod bocnuso of
us. Wo snw fhom ns ooIo nnd gnvo fhom fho Irosorvo whon fhoy sfIII frIod fo kIII us ns worms."
Af fho word "Worms" I jumod. I couIdn'f hoI If, nnd sho couIdn'f hoI nofIcIng If.
"I soo," sho snId quIofIy. "WouId you ronIIy rnfhor dIo fhnn bonr my young, Cnn"
I dIdn'f nnswor.
"ShnII I go fo Xunn Hon"
"Yos!" Hon wnnfod If. !of hor hnvo If. Sho hndn'f hnd fo wnfch !omns. Sho'd bo roud . . . nof
forrIfIod.
T'CnfoI fIowod off fho fnbIo onfo fho fIoor, sfnrfIIng mo nImosf foo much.
"I'II sIoo In Hon's room fonIghf," sho snId. "And somofImo fonIghf or In fho mornIng, I'II foII hor."
ThIs wns goIng foo fnsf. My sIsfor. Hon hnd hnd nImosf ns much fo do wIfh rnIsIng mo ns my
mofhor. I wns sfIII cIoso fo hornof IIko QuI. Sho couId wnnf T'CnfoI nnd sfIII Iovo mo.
"WnIf! CnfoI!"
Sho Iookod bnck, fhon rnIsod nonrIy hnIf hor Iongfh off fho fIoor nnd furnod If fo fnco mo. "Thoso nro
nduIf fhIngs, Cnn. ThIs Is my IIfo, my fnmIIy!"
"Iuf sho's . . . my sIsfor."
"I hnvo dono whnf you domnndod. I hnvo nskod you!" "Iuf"
"If wIII bo onsIor for Hon. Sho hns nIwnys oxocfod fo cnrry ofhor IIvos InsIdo hor."
Humnn IIvos. Humnn young who wouId somodny drInk nf hor bronsfs, nof nf hor voIns.
I shook my hond. "on'f do If fo hor, CnfoI." I wns nof QuI. If soomod I couId bocomo hIm, fhough,
wIfh no offorf nf nII. I couId mnko Xunn Hon my shIoId. WouId If bo onsIor fo know fhnf rod worms
woro growIng In hor fIosh Insfond of mIno
"on'f do If fo Hon," l roonfod.
Sho sfnrod nf mo, ufforIy sfIII.
I Iookod nwny, fhon bnck nf hor. "o If fo mo."
I Ioworod fho gun from my fhronf nnd sho Ionnod forwnrd fo fnko If.
"o," I foId hor.
"If's fho Inw," sho snId.
"!onvo If for fho fnmIIy. Ono of fhom mIghf uso If fo snvo my IIfo somodny."
Sho grnsod fho rIfIo bnrroI, buf I wouIdn'f Iof go. I wns uIIod Info n sfnndIng osIfIon ovor hor.
"!onvo If horo!" I roonfod. "If wo'ro nof your nnImnIs, If fhoso nro nduIf fhIngs, nccof fho rIsk.
Thoro Is rIsk, CnfoI, In donIIng wIfh n nrfnor."
If wns cIonrIy hnrd for hor fo Iof go of fho rIfIo. A shuddor wonf fhrough hor nnd sho mndo n hIssIng
sound of dIsfross. If occurrod fo mo fhnf sho wns nfrnId. Sho wns oId onough fo hnvo soon whnf guns
couId do fo ooIo. ow hor young nnd fhIs gun wouId bo fogofhor In fho snmo houso. Sho dId nof
know nbouf our ofhor guns. In fhIs dIsufo, fhoy dId nof mnffor.
"I wIII ImInnf fho fIrsf ogg fonIghf," sho snId ns I uf fho gun nwny. "o you honr, Cnn"
Why oIso hnd I boon gIvon n whoIo ogg fo onf whIIo fho rosf of fho fnmIIy wns Ioff fo shnro ono Why
oIso hnd my mofhor kof IookIng nf mo ns fhough I woro goIng nwny from hor, goIng whoro sho couId
nof foIIow Id T'CnfoI ImngIno I hndn'f known
"I honr."
"ow!" I Iof hor ush mo ouf of fho kIfchon, fhon wnIkod nhond of hor fownrd my bodroom. Tho
suddon urgoncy In hor voIco soundod ronI. "You wouId hnvo dono If fo Hon fonIghf!" I nccusod.
"I musf fo do If fo somoono fonIghf."
11
I sfood In sIfo of hor urgoncy nnd sfood In hor wny. "on'f you cnro who"
Sho fIowod nround mo nnd Info my bodroom. I found hor wnIfIng on fho couch wo shnrod. Thoro wns
nofhIng In Hon's room fhnf sho couId hnvo usod. Sho wouId hnvo dono If fo Hon on fho fIoor. Tho
fhoughf of hor doIng If fo Hon nf nII dIsfurbod mo In n dIfforonf wny now, nnd I wns suddonIy nngry.
Yof I undrossod nnd Iny down bosIdo hor. I know whnf fo do, whnf fo oxocf. I hnd boon foId nII my
IIfo. I foIf fho fnmIIInr sfIng, nnrcofIc, mIIdIy Ionsnnf. Thon fho bIInd robIng of hor ovIosIfor. Tho
uncfuro wns nInIoss, onsy. So onsy goIng In. Sho unduInfod sIowIy ngnInsf mo, hor muscIos forcIng
fho ogg from hor body Info mIno. I hoId on fo n nIr of hor IImbs unfII I romomborod !omns hoIdIng
hor fhnf wny. Thon I Iof go, movod InndvorfonfIy, nnd hurf hor. Sho gnvo n Iow cry of nIn nnd I
oxocfod fo bo cngod nf onco wIfhIn hor IImbs. Whon I wnsn'f, I hoId on fo hor ngnIn, fooIIng oddIy
nshnmod.
"I'm sorry," I whIsorod.
Sho rubbod my shouIdors wIfh four of hor IImbs.
"So you cnro" I nskod. "o you cnro fhnf If's mo"
Sho dId nof nnswor for somo fImo. IInnIIy, "You woro fho ono mnkIng choIcos fonIghf, Cnn. I mndo
mIno Iong ngo." "WouId you hnvo gono fo Hon"
"Yos. How couId I uf my chIIdron Info fho cnro of ono who hnfos fhom"
"If wnsn'f . . . hnfo."
"I know whnf If wns."
"I wns nfrnId."
SIIonco.
"I sfIII nm." I couId ndmIf If fo hor horo, now.
"Iuf you cnmo fo mo . . . fo snvo Hon."
"Yos." I Ionnod my forohond ngnInsf hor. Sho wns cooI voIvof, docofIvoIy soff. "And fo koo you for
mysoIf," I snId. If wns so. I dIdn'f undorsfnnd If, buf If wns so.
Sho mndo n soff hum of confonfmonf. "I couIdn'f boIIovo I hnd mndo such n mIsfnko wIfh you," sho
snId. "I choso you. I boIIovod you hnd grown fo chooso mo."
"I hnd, buf . . .
"!omns."
"Yos."
"I hnvo novor known n Torrnn fo soo nnd fnko If woII. QuI hns soon ono, hnsn'f ho"
"Yos."
"Tonnrfs shouId bo rofocfod from sooIng."
I dIdn'f IIko fho sound of fhnfnnd I doubfod fhnf If wns ossIbIo. "of rofocfod," I snId. "Shown.
Shown whon wo'ro young kIds, nnd shown moro fhnn onco. CnfoI, no Torrnn ovor soos n bIrfh fhnf
goos rIghf. AII wo soo Is 'TIIcnIn nnd forror nnd mnybo donfh."
Sho Iookod down nf mo. "If Is n rIvnfo fhIng. If hns nIwnys boon n rIvnfo fhIng."
Hor fono kof mo from InsIsfIngfhnf nnd fho knowIodgo fhnf If sho chnngod hor mInd, I mIghf bo
fho fIrsf ubIIc oxnmIo. Iuf I hnd Innfod fho fhoughf In hor mInd. Chnncos woro If wouId grow, nnd
ovonfunIIy sho wouId oxorImonf.
"You won'f soo If ngnIn," sho snId. "I don'f wnnf you fhInkIng nnymoro nbouf shoofIng mo."
Tho smnII nmounf of fIuId fhnf cnmo Info mo wIfh hor ogg roInxod mo ns comIofoIy ns n sforIIo ogg
wouId hnvo, so fhnf I couId romombor fho rIfIo In my hnnds nnd my fooIIngs of fonr nnd rovuIsIon,
nngor nnd dosnIr. I couId romombor fho fooIIngs wIfhouf rovIvIng fhom. I couId fnIk nbouf fhom.
"I wouIdn'f hnvo shof you," I snId. "of you." Sho hnd boon fnkon from my fnfhor's fIosh whon ho
wns my ngo.
"You couId hnvo," sho InsIsfod.
"of you." Sho sfood bofwoon us nnd hor own ooIo, rofocfIng, InforwonvIng.
"WouId you hnvo dosfroyod yoursoIf"
12
I movod cnrofuIIy, uncomforfnbIy. "I couId hnvo dono fhnf. I nonrIy dId. Thnf's QuI's `nwny,' I
wondor If ho knows." "Whnf"
I dId nof nnswor.
"You wIII IIvo now."
"Yos." Tnko cnro of hor, my mofhor usod fo sny. Yos.
"I'm honIfhy nnd young," sho snId. "I won'f Ionvo you ns !omns wns IoffnIono, 'TIIc. I'II fnko cnro
of you."