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The Eyeopener — Parody Issue

The Eyeopener — Parody Issue

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Published by The Eyeopener
MARCH 21-27, 2012

thegridto.com

I don’t get it Performance art for the rest of us P.10

THE GRUD

Even better than fucking bagels P.6

The Man With The Master Plan Toronto’s freshest
hip-hop revolution P.13
BY BILLY HOESANTRIKS

The city’s best new brewery You’ve never tasted anything like it P.8

Looking for Ryerson news? Find it online this week TheEyeopener.com

2

March 21-March 27, 2012

THEGRUDTO.COM

with valid college or university I.D.
Participating metro stores: College Park Mall, 4
MARCH 21-27, 2012

thegridto.com

I don’t get it Performance art for the rest of us P.10

THE GRUD

Even better than fucking bagels P.6

The Man With The Master Plan Toronto’s freshest
hip-hop revolution P.13
BY BILLY HOESANTRIKS

The city’s best new brewery You’ve never tasted anything like it P.8

Looking for Ryerson news? Find it online this week TheEyeopener.com

2

March 21-March 27, 2012

THEGRUDTO.COM

with valid college or university I.D.
Participating metro stores: College Park Mall, 4

More info:

Published by: The Eyeopener on Mar 21, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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05/13/2014

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thegridto.com
MARCH 21-27, 2012
THEGRUD
The ManWith TheMaster Plan
Toronto’s freshesthip-hop revolutionP.13
BY BILLY HOESANTRIKS
Even better than fucking bagels
P.6
The city’s best new brewery
You’ve never tasted anything like itP.8
Looking for Ryerson news?
Find it online this weekTheEyeopener.com
I don’t get it
Performance art for the rest of usP.10
 
THEGRUDTO.COMMarch 21-March 27, 2012
2
Participating metro stores:College Park Mall, 444 Yonge Street,Ryerson Main Campus, 89 Gould Street
March 9 - April 30. Not valid on purchases of gift cards, lottery tickets,Western Union, transit tickets, stamps, tobacco and prescriptions.
Save 10%on groceries
 with valid college or university I.D.
 
THEGRUDTO.COMMarch 21-March 27, 2012
3
A
city
Trending
Justin Trudeau.
I meanlook at him. Just look
 WE THETWEEPLE
On Sunday, Torontolibrary workers werenot able to reach a newagreement with the cityas talks collapsed overthe issue of job security.During the strike, alllibrary branches andfacilities will be closedand book borrowerswill not be chargedfines on overdue items.Additionally, book dropswill be closed and peopleare asked to hold on totheir borrowed books untilthe strike is over.@Bookworm_4948@doucheymcdoucheLibraries are one of thekey foundations of ourdemocracies.@Bibliophile4948@doucheymcdoucheMagaret Atwoodwould roll over in hergrave #freethelibraries@doucheymcdouche@Bibliophile4948 Who’sMargaret Atwood?Sounds hot@Bookthug4life@doucheymcdoucheI should beat you withmy first edition copy ofThe Handmaid’s Tale#imgonnakillyou@doucheymcdoucheSeriously dudes it’scalled an iPad. Stopcrying about not beingable borrow books#ebooks #$4.99@TorrentzRusI liked libraries. It waslike the Pirate Baybut for books #piracy#SOPA@BlockbusterlessCan I borrow Halo ata library #blockbustercloseddown
2:44
 
p.m.
MONDAY
_CHURCH AND GOULD
 Young vibrant youths enjoy a beauteous sunny afternoon after a laborous day of applyingthemselves in the classroom. Beer, nachos and hamburgers were enjoyed by all and everyonedrank responsibly because they were all totally over the legal drinking age.
Grudlock
The week in animosity.
SHELDONLEVY
VS.
EGGY
Eggy the mascot publicly called outRyerson University President andupcoming rapper Sheldon Levy for nothaving enough street cred. Levy’s music,which talks about growing up in a roughneighbourhood, has already been bannedfrom numerous retailers for being toovulgar. “He’s a hack,” said Eggy. “He don’tknow what it’s like to be an animal.”
BALZACS
VS.
TIMHORTONS
Opening later this year, Balzacs is gettingready to teabag its opponents. It will belocated in the pristine and fully-renovatedImage Arts building and Ryerson studentsare excited that their morning brew will nolonger be a commute away. However, youcan’t help but wonder how Tim Hortonsfeels about the impending turf war. Timewill tell which coffee shop has the biggerBalzacs.
PITMAN
VS.
THEILLC
From the second you set foot on Ryerson’sluscious downtown campus, it becomesapparent that Pitman Hall is the place toparty your face off. Recently, students arefinding Pitman’s apartments too crowded toget sloppy with first years. Becuase of this,more and more of them have turned to ILLCfor all their perverted needs. “Pitman is solast semester,” said one student. ”I partied inILLC before it was cool.”
Rob Ford’s
feelings hurtby journalism “meanies”Have
Ray Bans
becometoo mainstream?
Apples
are the new oranges.Better than pears
Oranges
are the newapples; says new study
@doucheymcdouche Who cares? Doesanyone even uselibraries anymore@Zombrarian4948The Walking Deadfinale was CRAZY#libraries #awesome

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