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Published by: 5jd33 on Mar 29, 2012
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'-,,0''The.simp-1-e,sr.ay9put itiq ikgthis:calieisagirlwhohasa rirdktoo.m-uc,h$al,9.hormone.._We._w.anfo'coqrgctthati,NeitherMiltonnorTessiesaida word.Theywerenltfollo*,rngeverythinghedoctorwas sayingbut,aspeopledowithd.octors,irm-wereattentivetohismanner)ryrngto seehowserioushingsu.erc,,Luceseemedoptimistic,confident,andTessieandMiltonb.g*wbe filledwithhope.'llhacsthebiology.Icsavery raregeneticcond.ition,by thervmTheonlyotherpopulationswhereweknowof thismutationexpre$-ing itselfareintheDominicanRepublic,papuaNewGuinea,dsoutheasternTurkey.Not thatfar fromthevillageyourparenrscafilsfrom.Aboutthreeh'ndredmiles,infact."Luceremovedhis silrrrglasses.Doyouknowof anyfamilymemberwhomayhavehadasimilargenitalappearanceo yourdaughtet'sf',"Notthatweknowo{,,saidMilton."Whendidyourparentsmmigratel','T.{ineteen wenty-two.,'"Doyouhaveanyrelativesstill livinginTurkeyf,','T.{otanyrnore."Lucelookeddisappointed.Hehadonearmof hisglassesnhismouth,andwaschewingonit.possiblyhewas imaginingwhatirwouldbe liketodiscoverawholenewpopulationofcarriersofthrS-alpha-reductaseutation,F{ehadtoconrenthimselfwithdiscov-
-'::i*s,me'
IH"puthisglassesbackon.,1lhetrearmentIdrecommendfor:yourdaughterstwofold.First,hormoneinjecrions.second,cos-imeticsurgery.Thehormonerreatmenrswillinitiatebreastdevelop-,'*[mentandenhanceher fema]esecondarysexcharacteristics.hert!surgerywillmakecallielookexacdyikethegirlshe eelsherselfoibe.In fact,shewillbethat girl.Heroutsideandinsidewi-llconforrn.\ fn..ynto9\utcea normalgirl.Nobodywillbe ableote[a thing.\AndthenCalliecango onandenjoyherife.,,*-Milton'sbrowwas stillfurrowedwithconcenffationbutfromhiseyesherewas ightappearing,aysof reliefHeturnedtowardressieand patredherleg.Butina timid,breakingvoiceTessieasked,willshebeabletohavechildrenl"Lucepausedonlya second.I'mafraid.not,Mrs.stephanides.Calliewillnevermensrruatei,"Butshe'sbeenmenstruatingforafewmonthsnowi'Tessieob-;iected...I'mafraidthat'simpossible.Possiblytherewassomebleedingfrom anothersource."Tessidseyesilledwithtears.Sheookedaway'..Ijustgotapostcardroma flormerpatientl'Lucesaidconsol-;ngty.SftJada conditionsimilarto yourdaughtefs'She'sma*iedtt":*.Sfr.andherhusbandadoptedt'wokidsandthey'reas happyascanbe.Sheplaysn theClevelandOrchestra'Bassoonl'Therewasasilence,untilMiltonasked,Isthatit,DoctorlYoudothisonesurgeryandwecanakeherhomel"..Wemayr'uv.todoadditionalsurgeryatalaterdate'Buttheim-mediateansweroyourquestionis yes'Aftertheprocedure,shecangohome,""I{owlongwillshebein thehospitalf""Otrlyovernight.",*sw*Itwas,rot"difii.oltdecision,especiallyasLucehadframedit.Asinglesurgeryandsomenjectionswouldendthenightmareandgive-/p"tttlbacktheirdaughter,theirCallicpe,intact'Thesameen-ti..rrr.ntthathadedmygrandparentsodotheunthinkablenowof-feredtselftoMiltonandTessie.Noone-"***g1)::*ffit"t"*.evernow.,,"I,,,f,.,\,:."Arr"rr-(,S4rilemyparentswerebeinggivenacrashcoursen gonadogenesis'I-still"in.i"UyCalliopewas doingsomehomeworkmyself'In theReadingRoomoftheNewYorkPublicLibraryIwaslookingup,om.th!,'ginthedictionary.Dr.Lucewascorrectn thinkingthathisconversationswithcolleaguesandmedicalstudentswereovermyhead.didnt knowwhat "5-alpha-reductase"meant,or"gynecomas-tial'or"inguinalcanal."ButLucehadunderestimatedmyabilities,too.IIedidnlttakentoconsiderationherigorouscurriculumatmyprepschool.Hedidn'tallowformyexcellentresearchandstudy,mL.Uot.ofall,hedidn'tfactorinthepowerof myLatinteachers'MissBarrieandMisssilber.sonoqasmywallabeesmadesquish-ing soundsbetweenhereadingtables,aslfewmenlookedupfromtheirbookstoseewhatwascomingandthenlookeddown(theworldwas.nolongerfirllofeyes),heardMissBarrie'svoicein myear.Infants,definethiswordforme:bypospadias'seyourGreekorLatinroots.t'*
ii,l
i:
i
428429
 
Thelitdeschoolgirlin myheadwriggredinherdesrghandraipdhigh."Yes,Calliopel"MissBarriecalledonme."Hypo.Beloworbeneath.ike.hypodermic.,,"Brilliant.Andspad,iasl,,"IJmum...""Cananyonecometoour poormuse'saidl,,But,intheclassroomofmybrain,noonecould.sothatwaswh*I washere.BecauseknewthatIhadsomethingbeloworbenear{xbutIdidn'tknowwhatthatsomethingwas.I hadneverseensuchabigdictionarybefore.ThewebstelsatthrNewYorkPublicLibrarystoodinthesameelationtootherdictio-lariesofmyacquaintanceas heEmpireSrareBuildingdidtootherbuildings.Itwasanancient,medievar-lookingthirig,boundinbrownlearherhatbroughttominda farconet'sg"u"tlei.ThepagerweregildedliketheBible's.Flippingpageshroughthealphabet,pxtcantabihoeryngqpastfond.angoofnvnicata(that'swithnm),pasthyper.toniainypii*;_tivity,andhereitwas:hypospadiasNewLatin,fromGreek,manw.ithhlpospad_iasfr.hypo-+probfuomspadnn,unuch,fr.spa,n,otear,pluck,pull,draw-Anabnormalityofthepenisinwhichtheurethraopensonitsundersurface.raynonymstEUNUcH.I didasnstructedandgoteunuch-1.Acastratedman;especially,neofthosewhowereemployedas haremaffendantsorfunctionariesncertainOrientalcourts.2.Amanwhoseesteshavenotdeveloped.SaasynonymstTTEMApHRODTTEpeoplethinking,writing.Thepaintedceilingbelliedoverheadik3au"if,*adownbelowth.gt".ttdesklampsglowed,rll-uminatingfacesbentoverbooks.I wasstoopingovermine,myhairfallingontothepages,coveringupthedefinitionofmyself'Myli*tgree:c?at*"rtrJtgitgop.of hadanappointmentwithLucelaterin the{aV*a*y-n"itwaswashed,myunderpantsfresh'MybladderwasfirllandI irossedmylegs,puttingoffatriptothe bathroom'Fearwasstabbingme.I longedtob"h.ld,caressed,ndthatwasmpossible'Ilaidmy-handon th.dictionaryandookedat it.slender,eaFshaped,ithad abraidedroperingononefinger,agiftfromtheObject'Theropewasgettingdirty'I iookedatmyPrettyhandandthenpulleditawayandfacedhewordagain.ihereit wasiml)nste\inblackandwhite,ina banereddictronaprin asreatciwlibrary.Avenerable,oldbook'theshapeandsizeotahe"ditorr.,withyeliowingpageshatbore-marksofthemultinrdes'-vffitr-alicoiisriltedthe:ftbiforeme.Therewerepencilscrawlsand
*ilf;ffi'r,iiiiiliri"oii,sniikcrudbi;andheeatherindingtself
wassecuredo thelecternbyachain.lerewasa bookthatcontainedthecollecredknowledgeof thepastwhilegivingevidenceof presentsocialconditions.Thechainsuggestedhatsomelibraryvisitorsmighttakeituponthemselveso seehatthedictionarycirculated.Th-ed"ictionarycontainedeverywordintheEnglishlanguagebutthechainknewonlyafew.Itfutewtbiofandstealand,maybe,pwlnined'Thechainspokeofpwerty andmisnryxand,nequolityandd'eca.dence.Callieherselfwasholdingontothischainnow'Shewastuggingonit,windingitaroundherhandsothatherfingerswentwhite,1s.shestareddownatthatword.Moytster.tillthere.Ithadnotmoved'Andshewasn'tread.inghiswordonthewallofheroldbathroomstall.:ii
Therewasgraffitin webstet'sutthesynonymwasn'tpartofit.she
svnon\rynwasfficial,was.Thatwasbeensaying.ItexPlainedso
uP,tOSeertanyonewas
much,really.texplainedhermothercrynngnthenextroom'It ex'plainedthefalsecheernMilton'svoice.It explainedwhyherparents-hadbroughthertoNewYork,sothatthedoctorscouldworkinse-cret.It.ipt"itta thephotographs,too'Whatdidpeopled9whentheycameuponBigfootortheLochNessMonsterlTheytriedto.get"pl*r".Foia secondCalliesawherselfthatway.Asalumbering,rtt"ggycreaturepausingattheedgeof woods'Asahumpedcon-
tl]"'ffi*tt$*su'$RdJll*,,$lp,,J**m**_*,**.
,-O'""*t"rm"pfrroairc-I.Onehavingthesexorgans*O-;;.il;. rtthesecondaryexcharacteristicsfbothmaleandfemare.1o"''\?:Anythingcomprisedofacombinationofd-iverserconrra-,'
W;i#,#mq#g.T*l-:**,********,,:..:.*...*,,r
watching.ThevastReadingRoomthrummeclwithsilentenergy:
431
 
volvulusrearingtsdragon'shead roman cylake. Frereyeswere fill-ingnow,makingtheprintswim,andshe turnedawayand hurrier*outofthe ibrary.Butthesyxonympursuedher.All thewayoutthe dooranddorl,rathestepsbetweenhi stonelions,webstedsDictionarykept calringafterher,Mon*er,Monster!Thebrightbannershangingfromtlrstympanumproclaimedtheword.Thedefinitioninserreditself immbillboardsandtheadsonpassingbuses.on FifthAvenuea cab waspllingup.Her fatherumpedout,smilingandwaving.WhenCa[irsawhim,herheartifted.ThevoiceofWebster,stoppedspeakingxherhead.Herfatherwouldn'tbesmilinglikethatunlesshe nern*fromthedoctorhadbeengood.callie laughedandsprinteddou,nthelibrarysteps,almosttripping.rreremotionssoaredorthe time irtooktoreachhe street,maybeiveor eightseconds.Butcoming;closertoMilton,sheearnedsomethingaboutmedicarreports.Themorepeoplesmile,theworsethe news.Miltongrinnedat her,per-spiringinpinstripes,andonceagainhetragedycuff linkslintediothesun."fl;.e*rcifor JcJ"'I+.i.r.ig,rrn:r"aglift*u*twhi_aJ*fi,:,-t.sqt_r"f_T!:f4.y.$srparents""frnbri.-she"ivas"-ry1g5r-ster.ndyet herewasMilton,openingthe cardoorforher;herewasTessie,nside,smilingascallieclimbedin.Thecabtookthemto arestaurantandsoonthethreeof themwereookingovermenusandorderingfood,Miltonwaiteduntilthe&inl$wereserved.Then,somewhator-mally,hebegan.YourmotherandI hada ittlechatwiththedoctorthismorning,asyouareaware.Thegoodnewssthatyou,llbe backathomethisweek.Youwon'tmissmuchschool.Nowforthe badnews.Areyou readyorthebadnews,Calf,'Milton'seyesweresayinghatthe badnewswasnotall thatbad."Thebadnewssyouhaveo haveaittleoperation.Very minor.'operatiort' isnitreallytherightword. Ithinkthedoctorcalledt a'procedure.'Theyhavetoknockyou outandyou havetostayovernightinthehospital.That'st. There'llbe somepainbuttheycangiveyoupainkillersfor it."Withthat,Miltonresred.TessieeachedoutandpattedCallie,shand."It'llbe okay,honeyj'shesaidna thickenedvoice.lereyeswerewatery,ed."Slhatkindofoperationf"Callieaskedher father."Iusta litdecosmeticprocedure.Likegettinga moleremoved..He reachedoutandplayfullycaughtcallie'snosebetvreenhisknuck-les.Orgeningyournoseixed."Calliepulledherheadaway,angry."Don'tdothat!""Sorryi'saidMilton.Heclearedis throat,blinking'"What'swrongwithmel"-Ccilli,o..paaqkEd*fldgw*hq,f-J,ojfifubroke.Tearswererunningdownhercheeks.Tfhacswrongwithme,Dhddv!,,-_:i^rr*,..c.;r_r,.
""liir;".#ft*H"nd:*ft*,ff.1ffih#ffh*;;#rorim
tosay heword,toquoteS/ebste1s,buthedidnt'Heonlylookedatheracrosshetable,hisheadow,hiseyesdark,warm,sad,andfi:lloflove.Therewassomuchlovein Miltorfseyeshatit wasmpossibletolookfortruth."ICsahormonalthing,whatyou'vegot]'hesaid'"Iwasalwaysundertheimpressionthatmenhadmalehormonesandwomenhadfemalehormones.Buteverybodyhasboth,apparendyi'StillCalliewaited."Whatyou'vegot,see,syou'vegotalittletoomuchof themalehormones'andnotquiteenoughofthefemalehormones'Sowhatthedoctorwantstodoisgiveyouashoteverynowandthentogeteverythingworkingright'"He didn'tsayheword'I didn'tmakehim."It'safu;g;ggglthin-gl'Miltonrepeated.Inthegrandschemeof
,h-S,ffipHHq4m$*
Lucebelievedhatapatientofmyagewascapableof understandingtheessentials.ndso,thatafternoon,he didnotmincewords'Inhismellow,pleasing,educatedvoice,ookingdirecdyintomyeyes'.{*tss.
gsqbredrhar1*wassirlwbg1.-sl*.o:T;5T:tJ14t$*.4-s'
fif-gSSlSSb."Hedrewthe samehartsoi-freashehadtormyPar--tr;.Wh*lpressedhimonthedetailsofmysurgery,hes1{o{Vthis:"We'regoiogtodo anoperationtofinishyourgenitalia'They'renot quitefinishedyet andwewanttofinishthem'"H. o"rr.,mentionedanythingabouthypospadias,andI beganohopethattheworddidn'tapplyrome.M*yb"Ihad takent outof.orra"*a.Dr.Lucemayhavebeenreferringtoanotherpatient.web-stet'shadsaidhathypospadiaswasan abnormaiityofthepenis.ButDr. Lucewastellingme thatI hadaclitoris-I understoodthatboththesehingsgrewootofthesameetalgonad,butthatdidn'tmatter'
432433

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