Are you having an affair?Do you even know?
Sounds silly, doesn’t it?
Of course you know if you are having sex with someone other than your spouse? And,
you may even know if you are having an emotional love affair, one without sex. But it’s
not really a silly question.There are many other types of affairs.
Stereotypically men’s affairs are with work or alcohol, or with hobbies such as golf or
Stereotypically, women’s affairs are with the children or hobbies such as horse
dressage or volunteer work. In recent years, women have begun affairs with theircareers, too.An affair, as used here, means investing your emotional energy and time in lieu of, notin addition to, your spouse.When Tom and Lois married, they agreed she would be a stay-at-home mom, and hewould devote whatever necessary to build his law practice.This way he could provide a comfortable lifestyle and give Lois relief from having tohave another
job.Most emotional affairs start slowly after a couple has been together long enough for theinfatuation to wear off, for their children to convert them from lovers to parents, and fromthe hecticness of their daily routine to envelope their lives.Tom and Lois find fulfillment in their separate jobs. She finds satisfaction in giving her
children the kind of attention she hadn’t received from her parents.
For Tom, changing diapers, playing Barbie, talking with Lois doesn’t give him the same
emotional rush he gets from work. They begin drifting apart.