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Are You Having an Affair- Without Knowing It

Are You Having an Affair- Without Knowing It

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Published by betterrelationships
To know more about Dr. Karen visit, http://drkarengaillewis.com and for more tips on relationship advice visit, http://relationshipadvicecafe.com. In this document you will learn how to know if you are having an affair even without you knowing it.
To know more about Dr. Karen visit, http://drkarengaillewis.com and for more tips on relationship advice visit, http://relationshipadvicecafe.com. In this document you will learn how to know if you are having an affair even without you knowing it.

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Published by: betterrelationships on Apr 10, 2012
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05/13/2014

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Are You Having An Affair- Without Knowing It?
 
Are you having an affair?Do you even know?
Sounds silly, doesn’t it?
 Of course you know if you are having sex with someone other than your spouse? And,
you may even know if you are having an emotional love affair, one without sex. But it’s
not really a silly question.There are many other types of affairs.
Stereotypically men’s affairs are with work or alcohol, or with hobbies such as golf or 
boats.
Stereotypically, women’s affairs are with the children or hobbies such as horse
dressage or volunteer work. In recent years, women have begun affairs with theircareers, too.An affair, as used here, means investing your emotional energy and time in lieu of, notin addition to, your spouse.When Tom and Lois married, they agreed she would be a stay-at-home mom, and hewould devote whatever necessary to build his law practice.This way he could provide a comfortable lifestyle and give Lois relief from having tohave another
a paid
job.Most emotional affairs start slowly after a couple has been together long enough for theinfatuation to wear off, for their children to convert them from lovers to parents, and fromthe hecticness of their daily routine to envelope their lives.Tom and Lois find fulfillment in their separate jobs. She finds satisfaction in giving her
children the kind of attention she hadn’t received from her parents.
 
For Tom, changing diapers, playing Barbie, talking with Lois doesn’t give him the same
emotional rush he gets from work. They begin drifting apart.
 
Are You Having An Affair- Without Knowing It?
 
Lois resents Tom’s lack of in
terest in her day.After spending her time nurturing the kids, in the evening, she wants nurturing
 –
 cuddling from Tom, but she feels he is only interested in sex.To protect herself from the pain of his rejection, she throws herself more into thechildren.
Tom resents Lois taking him and what he is doing for the family for granted; he doesn’t
understand her withdrawing from him sexually.Tom protects himself from the pain of her rejection; he throws himself even more intowork.On the surface, Tom and Lois live together relatively comfortable as roommates and co-parents.Their lost romance becomes a cherished memory. Their separate affairs in the earlier
years of their marriage didn’t interfere with their closeness.
 Over time, though, the loss of the intimacy they once knew leaves an emotional voidthat needs to be filled
 –
if not be each other, than by something or someone else.This is a dangerous point in marriages.By the time the children have left home, Lois has less distraction from her affair and ismore aware of what she is missing in her marriage.Around the same time, Tom is feeling dissatisfied with his life.He has a large international practice with enough lawyers working for him that he canback off, somewhat. The pull of his work affair has weakened.But he feels something is missing in his life.Often, life happens without specific plans.
 
Are You Having An Affair- Without Knowing It?
 
Tom was flying back from a business trip and struck up a conversation with the womannext to him on the plane. They had a drink together during their layover. Tom took herphone number.Lois is now ready to turn back to him but he is already turned to his next affair.With less attention necessary at work, he now has more energy for a love relationship.It fills the void he has been feeling.It also disrupts his entire family.Lois is in turmoil. Does she fight for him?Her children, now married with their own children, are pulling her in different directions.She was never really satisfied with her marriage, but she hates to think about all thefami
ly events that he won’t be part of, that she will attend alone.
 Lois and Tom are in a familiar spot.Many couples weather their non-sexual affairs during the early and middle years of theirmarriage.But come retirement, children leaving home, sixtieth birthday looming ahead
 –
theemptiness becomes so apparent and painful that people look for ways to fill the space.Men stereotypically find another woman. Women often become depressed, calling itEmpty Nest Syndrome.
But it’s more than that.
 
It’s empty hea
rt syndrome.
If you find yourself in this position, here are some tips:
 
1. Men, before starting a new relationship, end your marriage
.In the process of ending the marriage, men often re-discover how much they want their
wife and their life together, it’s
 just become empty.

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