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Friday Night at the Wine Bar

Friday Night at the Wine Bar

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Published by Ted Prodromou
While single life has its advantages--none come to mind--it was time for me to start dating again. It was a warm Friday night back in July. I showered, shaved, put on a pair of big-boy pants, and hit the town like it had never been hit before. My destination was a new seafood restaurant near the courthouse called Squid Pro Quo. With any luck I would meet the woman of my dreams--a woman with low self-esteem looking to settle.
While single life has its advantages--none come to mind--it was time for me to start dating again. It was a warm Friday night back in July. I showered, shaved, put on a pair of big-boy pants, and hit the town like it had never been hit before. My destination was a new seafood restaurant near the courthouse called Squid Pro Quo. With any luck I would meet the woman of my dreams--a woman with low self-esteem looking to settle.

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Published by: Ted Prodromou on Dec 14, 2007
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06/16/2009

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Friday Night at the Wine Bar
  by Mike LynchWhile single life has its advantages--none come to mind--it was time for me to startdating again. It was a warm Friday night back in July. I showered, shaved, put on a pair of big-boy pants, and hit the town like it had never been hit before. My destination was anew seafood restaurant near the courthouse called Squid Pro Quo. With any luck I wouldmeet the woman of my dreams--a woman with low self-esteem looking to settle.SPQ was packed with all the right people. Demographically it was mix of upper-middleto middle-upper. The lone lower (me) was offset by six full uppers. I traded the bartender $20 for a glass of wine, and waited for change that would never come. To the left of mestood an attractive, age-appropriate woman drinking a glass of rosé. Her lack of weddingring was an invitation for me to "do my thing.""I once bowled a 237," I opened."You remind me of my father," she countered."Last year I rode in an elevator with William Shatner," I responded."I'm getting married tomorrow," she checkmated.Years ago I realized "my thing" was an uncanny ability to say really stupid things to beautiful women at wine bars.Sensing another potential restraining order, I focused my attention on the woman seatedto my right."Grüner Veltliner," she called out in a loud, confident voice."Grüner Veltliner?" I pursed my lips and whistled to show my admiration at her sophistication."What are you drinking?" she asked pointing at my glass"Chardonnay."She stuck her finger down her throat either to dislodge a large clot of food or indicate her disdain for my selection."You don't approve."
 
"Chardonnay is elevator music for a tone-deaf nation.""I don't understand," I said, not understanding."Chardonnay is fast food. It's daytime TV. It's soylent green.""Soylent green…" Slowly I turned. Step by step.Farther down the bar I paused at a tall blonde."Another Petite Sirah," she shouted at the bartender.I smiled. She smiled back broadly, revealing a mouth full of purple-stained teeth."I have my own wine blog," she announced.Oh God, not a wine blogger. I tried to run. She grabbed my arm."It was recognized as one of the top 10,000 blogs in the wine industry.""Top 10,000?" I mouthed. "The odds of that must be at least one in a million.""I'm meeting some fellow bloggers here in a few minutes. We get together once a week todiscuss wines we've recently tasted.""Isn't that what your blogs are for?" My voice was nothing more than a dog whistle toher.She spotted her friends at a nearby table. They waved. She waved."Follow me." It was not a request.Dutifully I followed. At the table introductions were made. They were Blake, James andElena. The woman I had been talking to was Sonia. I told them my name was Lancelot."What are you drinking, Lancelot?""Chardonnay," I responded.In unison they stuck their fingers down their throats.Over the next 10 minutes, I listened as each of them lectured thin air about theramifications of Biodynamics, alcohol levels in Zinfandel, the price of Bordeaux, Parker,the price of Burgundy, filtration, clones, Parker, terroir, obscure varieties, native yeast,deficit irrigation and of course, Parker.

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