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Energy Takers vs Energy Givers

Energy Takers vs Energy Givers

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Published by Psycholex
Good analysis to use on people. Are you an energy taker? Enjoy
Good analysis to use on people. Are you an energy taker? Enjoy

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Published by: Psycholex on Dec 18, 2008
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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01/27/2012

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Energy takers VS Energy givers
How do you know that YOU are not a burden to your friends ??When I was younger I used to have a friend whose name was James. James was a simple buteasy going guy. He was intelligent, he loved reading and he was handsome. He used to be amember of a larger group of friends that had stayed together from high school. Even duringour university years, where our social circles exploded, we still continued to go out together and consider our group as an active one. But slowly, slowly the other guys started to getcolder with him. It took me some time to pinpoint the source of awkwardness. James was the guy that wouldnever talk too much. For example he would never initiate the conversation and he wouldnever say what he had in mind. But still he would call you almost everyday and he would ask you 'What's up ? What news, man ??? '.As years passed, everyone in the group seemed to evolve to a new, more colorful character.Some passed the point of being interesting and entered the domain of being 'strange' but stillthey could not pass unnoticed when you had them in front of you. All except one. James.When he was out for a beer with us, he would never offer something to the group. He keptrepeating something that someone else had already said, he never shared any stories and henever held our attention for longer than a minute. He was just sitting there, waiting to beentertained. Then one day I realised that if I didn't make an effort for the conversation, our interaction was doomed to fade out: He was too bored. Many years have passed since then andI am still a good friend with almost everyone in that group. All except one. James. He is nolonger a member of the group and now
I know WHY
.
 
 You see when someone is in a group he can only be doing one of two following things: a) Hecan either be offering energy to that group or b) He can be stealing energy from that group.You offer energy by being positive and by provoking positive feelings to the rest of the group.You steal energy by sitting there passively and wait to be entertained ( EVEN WORSE youcould be offering negative energy).
People like you because of the way you make them feel.
So let's picture this. Imagine that you are a part of group of seven friends that are sitting in a bar and they are having a cool beer. In that group one or two persons will be doing the talking.He and the persons that are actively participating in the conversation are the ones that offer  positive energy. The others, the ones that are just listening - they are the absorbers. In a goodgroup of friends, persons will be alternating roles all the time. You cannot talk all the time.The ways to offer energy in an interaction can be counted with the fingers of a hand that has been playing with firecrackers:
'Thou cannot believe what happened to me lazt week when I went to get mytongue pierzed...'
2 - Humour.
Any use of humour ( canned or improvised ) is a great way to make people in thegroup feel happy. '... So the hippie grandson gets back to the house and asks his grandmother."Hey granny have you seen my LSD stickers ???". Then his granny answers: "Forget thestickers my grand son. Can you tell me what on earth will we do with the dragons that wehave in the kitchen ??".
3 - Positive thinking.
Just be positive and enthusiastic (to a certain extent..).
4 - Participate in the conversation
even if you don't feel that the subject is interesting. Learnhow to have a small talk and how to chat about things that don't seem very important. "... and personally I love lager beer because the taste reminds me the first day I licked a...".
5 - Have a positive non verbal language
AKA boooooooody language. This is a bit of a longchat but remember that your body language influences the others subliminally. So if you havea grumpy body language they will start to feel strange and it won't be long since they willanchor that feeling with the boring guy sitting next to them.
6 - Listen actively.
Make the other feel that you are listening to what they are saying. Thengive your opinion.
7 - Engage the mind
of your friends with tricks, magic, logic games or interesting news thatyou've picked up from somewhere. If on the other hand....
1
- You sit back without making any of the above, if you don't give a damn about theinteraction or if you wait like a prince for 'something interesting to happen' ...

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