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Ultimate Mercenary #3 (LNH)

Ultimate Mercenary #3 (LNH)

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Published by Adrian J. McClure
Can UM save the world of the future before the impending crossover completely derails the plot?
Can UM save the world of the future before the impending crossover completely derails the plot?

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Published by: Adrian J. McClure on Apr 26, 2012
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From:lord_soldeed@yahoo.com(TimeWarrior)Subject:[LNH/FWVI]UltimateMercenary#3Newsgroups:rec.arts.comics.creative,alt.comics.lnhDate:22Jan200402:02:08-0000UltimateMercenary#3:"TheGeneticallyEngineeredVegetablesofWrath,"part3AKA"TheEndofHistory"part-1,or-2,orsomething.Anactual(incrediblybelated)FlameWarsVIcrossover!byAdrianMcClureInanalteredtimelineruledbythemadmanApocalisp,everymemberoftheLNHwaskilledexceptone:UltimateNinja.Eventually,evenhewaskilled,butonefansurvivedtocarryonhislegacy.Andthatfanhadason.Andthatsonhadaclone.Andthatclonehadanotherclone,andthatclonehadanotherclone.Finally,thatclonehadason:UltimateMercenary.AfterhelpingtheLNHaverthistimeline,hejoinedtheminprotectingthepresent,moreorlessservingasUltimateNinja'slackeyandbootlicker.Now,however,heisforcedtosurviveonhisown,lostintimeandspace,trappedinamysteriousdestiny...Thestorysofar:Afterfindinghimself500yearsinthefutureduetonoonewantingtowriteabouthimforallthattime,UltimateMercenarydiscoveredthattheworldhadbeentakenoverbygeneticallyengineeredvegetables.Hejoinedanembattledgroupofhumanrebelstofightthevegetables,butdiscoveredthatnoonemuchlikedhimexceptforthemostattractivefemalerebel,Varda,whichcausedpeopletohatehimevenmore.However,hewasgivenaflutewithmysteriouspowersbyamysteriousstrangercalledtheOldMan,whichenabledhimtofightoffsomebullyingrebelsoncetheystolehisweapons.Meanwhile,someothermysteriousstrangersfromanalternaterealityareplottingtokillUltimateMercenaryforsomethinghewilldointhefuture,andyetanothermysteriousstrangercalledMasterplanLadistryingtosavehimfromthem.Oh,andthistitleisstillinvolvedinFlameWarsVI,eventhoughitendedhalfayearago.Gotit?***Vardaenteredhercave-chamberandfinallylayonherroughfurbed.Shewouldhaverealizedthatitwasuncomfortableifshehadanyconceptofwhatcomfortablesleepingwaslike.Ithadbeenanotherdayoffightingandlongtreks,muchlikemostofthoseinherlife,butwithonedifference:shenowhadhope.Thankstothenewherowhohadarrivedfromthepast,therewasachancethathertribecouldenditsendlessstruggletosurvive.What'smore,themanhimselfwasfarmorenobleandkindthanmostofthebrutishmenofhertribe.Shesuddenlyrealizethatintheshorttimeshehadknownhimshehadcometo"Lovehim?God,no."Ahem.Shehadcometolovehim."NoIhaven't.Sure,he'sbetterthenmostmenhere,andhe'stheonlyonewhocansaveusall,andallthat.Buthe'sstillkindofannoying."
 
Look,you'resupposedtobehisloveinterest."Idon'tcare.I'mnotinterestedinhim."Look,who'stheauthorhere,youorme?"Youhavenoconceptofhowrelationshipsreallywork,doyou?"Doyouwantmetodeleteyoufromthestory?"Fine,goahead,deletemefromthestorAlright,let'strythatagain.UltimateMercenary#3:"TheGeneticallyEngineeredVegetablesofWrath,"part3Anactual(incrediblybelated)FlameWarsVIcrossover!AKA"TheEndofHistory"part-1,or-2,orsomethingInanalteredtimelineruledbythemadmanApocalisp,everymemberoftheLNHwaskilledexceptone:UltimateNinja.Eventually,evenhewaskilled,butonefansurvivedtocarryonhislegacy.Andthatfanhadason.Andthatsonhadaclone.Andthatclonehadanotherclone,andthatclonehadanotherclone.Finally,thatclonehadason:UltimateMercenary.AfterhelpingtheLNHaverthistimeline,hejoinedtheminprotectingthepresent,moreorlessservingasUltimateNinja'slackeyandbootlicker.Now,however,heisforcedtosurviveonhisown,lostintimeandspace,trappedinamysteriousdestiny...Thestorysofar:"DoIreallyhavetogothroughallthatagain?"askedKidRecap.Alright,fine.***Meanwhile,UltimateMercenary,whodidhavesomeconceptofwhatacomfortablesleepwaslike,wasnotsleepingwellatall.Thecavewasnotonlycoldanddark,itwasstartingtosmellbad.HerealizedthatUltimateNinjaprobablyneverhadtotakebathsorcleanuphisrooms--thiswasoneNinjaskillhehadn'tmasteredyet.Heprobablyhadn'ttakenabathinquiteawhile,althoughtheothersdidn'tseemaffected.Orwasthateffected?Hewastootiredtokeephisgrammarstraight.Hestillwincedpainfullyasherememberedthelashingshetookforgettingtheanswerswronginhishighschoolyears.NowonderhehadnotreallywantedtoentertheLNHAcademy.Eventually,hehadbecomesotiredthateventhestenchcouldn'tkeephimawakeanylonger,andhefoundhimselfdriftingtowardssleep.Darkness...Hepeeredintothedarkness,alone.Wherewasthis?HewasstandingsomewhereoneofintheLNHsub-sub-sub-gosubbasements.Timeseemedtobetakingforevertopass,orperhapsitwasn'tpassingatall.HefelthisconsciousmindrisingthroughthefloorsoftheLNHQ,
 
althoughhisbodydidnotseemtobemovingatall.HefoundhimselfattheLNHQ--orwasitApocalisp'sCitadel,ortheEvilLNHQ,ortheVegetables'citadel,or...Hewasnotalone.StandingnexttohimwasMasterplanLad."What'sthisallabout?"askedUltimateMercenary."It'stheend,"saidMasterplanLad."Theworldsarecomingtogether,especiallyaroundtheLNHQ.WehavetotakeyououtbeforetheHeadhuntersarrive.""Whataboutthepeopleinthisuniverse?"askedUltimateMercenary.Heshookhishead."TherearegreaterproblemsouttherethantheVegetables.Somethinghascomethatcoulddestroyeverythingandeveryoneandendallourstories.""Andyou'resayingI'mdestinedtostopit?""No,that'ssomeoneelse'srole.You'renotgoingtoappearinthemaincrossover.Butevenifthismultiverseissaved,there'llbeproblems.Historywillbedestabilized,nomatterwhathappens.Withtherearrangementofhistory,authorswillhaveanopportunitytocreateretcons.Someaspectsofthepastwillremain,butotherswillchangedrastically.Ifyou'veeverreadanypost-CrisisDCcomics,thenyou'llknowwhatI'mtalkingabout.Ourenemieswilltakeadvantageofthis.""Wait,whatenemies?Idon'tunderstandwhat'sgoingon.""That'salright,becauseatthispoint,you'renotsupposedto.Butyoumustcomewithme.""Whatdoyoumean,I'mnotsupposedto?""IfItoldyouthereasonyou'renotsupposedtoknowwhatwasgoingon,itwouldmoreorlessdefeatthewholepurpose,wouldn'tit?ButI'vegottensidetracked.Youmustcomewithme.""No,Ican't!Thepeoplehereneedme.AndIhavetokillthosevegetables.""Theydonotneedyou.Thereareothernet.heroesinthisworld,althoughthepeopleofthistribedon'tknowit.Andmanyofthemaremuchmoresuitedtothisthanyouare."UltimateMercenarybowedhishead."Yeah,you'reright.Butwouldn'tthatbeabitanticlimactic?"MasterplanLadfrowned.Heseemedasifhe'dbeentakenoffguard."Isupposeyou'reright.Verywellthen.IwillaidthetribeindefeatingtheVegetables."Hewavedhisumbrellaaroundandtimebegantomoveagain.ThedreamfadedfromUltimateMercenary'smindandhedriftedofftosleep.MasterplanLadshiftedslightlyaheadintime,tothepointwhereUltimateMercenarywouldwakeup.He,ofcourse,didnotneedtosleep.

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