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ECamarata.FinalDraft (1)

ECamarata.FinalDraft (1)

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Published by Eric Camarata

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Published by: Eric Camarata on Apr 27, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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04/27/2012

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Camarata 1
Eric CamarataMrs. CarusoEnglish 110204/05/2012Street Racer: Proposal
 
The setting is a quiet Friday night in Clearwater, Florida the camera is descending on the
 
land scape of a suburban neighborhood. Our main character Jake Anderson drives by in his 2005Subaru Sti. In this opening scene Jake is only 15, he has been driving for some time now and istrying to make an impact on the racing scene. We follow the main character as he approaches anabandoned warehouse. The warehouse has music and the roars of engines escaping to the outsideair. Jake makes his way into the ware house right as everyone is signing up for the big race
 
tomorrow, we see Jake push his way through the crowd to make it up to the front so he can enter.He exchanges some words with the current champion of Clearwater and pushes him to abreaking point. Jake challenges him to a one on one race tonight at the strip. The race is quicklythe biggest talk of the town, the size of the crowd has doubled, and Jake is getting nervous. Theyare both at the starting line, the blood is pumping the tension is so thick you could cut it with aknife. Everyone is watching both of them; they both know that the winner of this race is going tobe the new champion. The start flag has been raised,
 
this is it Jake looks deep inside andremembers his training, and he slips it in first and gives the engine a rev, the engine is shackinglike a rocket. The flag is on the way down Jake takes one last look at his opponent looks forwardand smiles.The scene that was just described was the first scene in sequence of extravagant wellplanned scenes that you can expect in this movie. Street Racer is a movie set around a family that
 
Comment [BC1]:
Refer to the handout onMoodle for the proper version of MLA.
Comment [BC2]:
Combine these twosentences.
Comment [BC3]:
Transition.
Comment [BC4]:
Separate this into twosentences.
Comment [BC5]:
Conversational.
 
Camarata 2
lived through the Great Recession and lost almost everything. The plot line is there is a smallfamily from Clearwater, Florida that has a mother and father that work in the banking industry.
Jake’s father is the head of marketing for the local Wachovia, a
nd his mother is a teller at a 5/3bank. The Great Recession was the biggest economic depression sense the Great Depression in1930; the Great Recession started in 2007 with the crash of the housing market and the overexhaustion of the loan and mortgage system
 
.(
Clear Finance
1) The US GDP dropped almost 35
 points, a position we haven’t been at sense 2005.
(
 Russell Sage Foundation
3) Some families
weren’t as entangled as the Anderson’s
, but many people did lose everything. These criticalgovernmental and economic flaws are a hazard to average Americans lives.
 
Street Racer is intended for the teen crowd and also the racer enthusiasts. Street Racer hasmany twist and plot thickening scenes
that will have the viewer’s begging for more.
 
The way thisis done is by creating a scene where the information of the historical event is present and themain character meets someone or finds out something that is of shock. This makes the viewerwant to wait and find out more about what has happened. The process of a great movie goesexposition, rising action, climax, falling action, resolution. By following these steps you cancreate an addictive movie.The movie progresses in several different ways to create a complex plot line after theopening scene the main character Jake Anderson runs the underground racing cartel inClearwater for a while until a new challenge with a shadowy past challenges him to a race.During the race Jake is forced off the road by the other racer and loses the race. He is forced togive up his keys. When his parents find out what happened they are in shock. The next dayJake
’s
dad finds out he has to go to New York to begin work on Wall Street. Meanwhile the USgovernment is failing because of the Great Recession.
Jake’s family is forced to move to a small
 
Comment [BC6]:
You seem to begin adifferent idea here. Begin a new paragraphand add a transition.
Comment [BC7]:
Change your citations.
Comment [BC8]:
Transition.
Comment [BC9]:
Italicize the names of books and movies.
Comment [BC10]:
What is this? Be specific.
Comment [BC11]:
Combine these twosentences.
 
Camarata 3
town in Texas when his mom, who is a teller at a local bank, loses her job when the bank goesunder.The story has multiple twists and has potential to be a great feature film. The moviemakes accurate points about the Great Recession and although it is not a historical film it caneducate the viewer about the devastation of the Great Recession. At the same time it is a catchyfamily film that keeps the viewer attached. This movie truly shows the creativity anddetermination that I put into the outline, development, and creation of this movie.
Comment [BC12]:
Eric,You have certainly thought through yourconcept, and I am positive that it would be a
hit with this crowd. As you look to revise, I’d
like you to work on combining the historicalcontent with the plot, since you do not givemuch of each as they relate to each other. Youtend to stay away from specifics of the plot,also. Work to show your reader exactly whatyour vision is. Keep in mind that you haveworked for an entire semester on this project.There is quite a bit to say.Also, you may want to consider a differentstructure for your paper. You seem to includethe marketing ideas in the middle, when youtalk about the plot on either end of it.Continue to work on your transitions andtightening your sentences, as well.
I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ll
revise in the portfolio!-Ms. C

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