Portal 2 Episode 2 By Victor Biancardine

Based on the Portal series of games by Valve. All rights belong to Valve, this is just a derivative, non-profit work.

Valve

victorbiancardine@hotmail.com

INT. ANDROID BREEDING GROUNDS Black screen. Fade in to P.O.V. of ANDROID, inside a breeding tube of genetically designed androids. Everything is blue and she is covered in blue goo. ANNOUNCER (Garbled because of the goo) Good morning. It is now 7:00 AM of day January Five of year ERROR 404 FILE NOT FOUND. You have been created during the course of eighteen years to better serve and enhance the science we build here at Aperture. We shall now commence the Aperture Science Quality Test. Do not be alarmed, the test is perfectly safe. Please note, however, that a feeling of alarmness is not compliant with Aperture Sciences Quality Test. If you do feel alarmness, please neutralize yourself immediately by any means necessary. ANNOUNCER (Still garbled) Commencing test in 3... 2... 1... The glass goo falls extremely cilinders all empty that holds the goo in place opens onto the floor, making a bit of a white and sterile room. There are like the one ANDROID was just in, and devoid of goo. ANNOUNCER (Now coming in clear) Test has been started. Subject N 42, please try to walk. If you cannot remember the correct way to walk, simply throw your body forward and hope that the instincts we installed into you will kick in. If they do not, you will most likely suffer from a broken neck and will expire shortly. On the bright side, however, you have saved us from having to dispose of you ourselves and have helped us make progress in the name of science. ANDROID walks. down, and the mess of the other but they are

(CONTINUES...)

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ANNOUNCER Good. You have passed the first test. Now, we must test your balance. Please jump. ANDROID jumps. ANNOUNCER Excellent. This would be the part of the test where we test your vocal chords and your understanding of the english language (As well as german, french, spanish, mandarin and japanese), however our client has asked of us that your unit not be given vocal chords. Therefore, were just going to assume youre smart. If you do feel smart, however, please report that issue as fast and eloquently as you can to an Aperture Science associate, as feeling smart is very often a symptom of extreme lack of intelligence, as described by the Dunning-Kruger Effect. If you do not feel smart, however, please continue on and make your way to the dressing room. ANDROID walks over to the DRESSING ROOM. INT. DRESSING ROOM As soon as ANDROID enters, ANNOUNCER starts to speak once again. ANNOUNCER Very good. It seems we installed you with extremely sharp instincts for a change. Now, you may not have noticed as you have had an extremely short period of consciousness, but you are naked. Do not be alarmed, nudeness is expected of newborns. It is, however, extremely rude and inconsiderate to our scientists, who are trying to do their jobs without eyesores getting in their way. Please dress yourself. Do not stress over the task at hand, it is very simple. We have already taught you how to dress yourself, you must simply repeat it. (CONTINUES...)

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ANDROID dresses herself. ANNOUNCER Amazing. You are the first android to ever successfuly dress itself without help from a dress scientist. It should be noted however, in case you have been filled with thoughts of rebellion and world-dominance, that dressing oneself is something that every human being does from a very young age. In dressing comparison, you are incredibly slow and backwards. So do not attempt to take over mankind. Youd simply end up naked and foolish-looking. Now that you are correctly and decently dressed, however, it is time to test your logic and puzzle-solving skills. Please continue to Testing Area 1, and disregard any scientists that may appear to be looking through the wall. That is a solid wall, and not in any way illusionary. And if you do disregard this message about the illusionary solid wall, please note that non-compliancy with Aperture Sciences orders will cause a premature expiration of your brain. ANDROID obviously attempts to go through the solid wall. ANNOUNCER It seems you have disregarded our warning about not disregarding our warnings and orders. However, since that was a test and not an actual order, we shall have mercy on your brain. Please do not try to disobey again. ANDROID makes her way to TESTING AREA 1. INT. TESTING AREA 1 ANDROID walks into a testing area, where she sees the BLUE PORTAL GUN. ANNOUNCER In your line of sight is the Blue Portal Gun. A portal is a wormhole capable of distorting (MORE...) (CONTINUES...)

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ANNOUNCER (...cont.) space-time continuum in a way that benefits the holder of the gun. In laymans terms, it makes holes. Please retrieve it so you can better accomplish this test. ANDROID retrieves the BLUE PORTAL GUN and solves the test. ANNOUNCER You are doing quite well. Unfortunately, doing extremely well in these tests means that you may have an intelligence higher than that of your average human being, which could propose a risk to all mankind. In order to prevent that, we are now severely handicapping your intelligence. ANDROID does a few series of tests involving buttons and lasers and stuff like that. INT. TESTING AREA 5 ANDROID enters a testing area with the DUAL PORTAL GUN. ANNOUNCER Congratulations. Your success in the previous tests, even with your severely handicapped intelligence, means that you may be human. Therefore, we shall remove the handicap. And to make up for making you the equivalent of an over-evolved baboon, we are presenting you with the Dual Portal Gun. Please retrieve it so we can proceed with testing. ANDROID grabs the DUAL PORTAL GUN. ANNOUNCER Well done. You now can make both ends of a Portal. An interesting note about the Dual Portal Gun is that when it was invented, creating a portal inside of a portal created an infinite loop that ended destroying and recreating the Universe. However, weve recently fixed that by disabling that option in the Graphical User Interface due to federal regulations and (MORE...) (CONTINUES...)

...CONTINUING: ANNOUNCER (...cont.) practices. Now please continue with the rest of the test. ANDROID finishes the test. ANNOUNCER Congratulations. You have fully mastered the Portal Gun. Traditionally, we would give out cake to our successful androids. However, all cake has become extinct. Please take this picture of a cake as it would have been when it existed as a prize, however. There appears a picture of a cake. ANNOUNCER Now that your tests have been completed, you may now start your wonderful life as a non-paid worker for Aperture Science. In order to prevent riots by androids, however, we linked your servitude to your dopamine levels, so the better you serve, the happier you get! Have a happy life! ANDROID gets in the elevator and goes to APERTURE LABORATORIES 1. INT. APERTURE LABORATORIES 1

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ANDROID enters APERTURE LABORATORIES 1 and is greeted by GLADOS. GLADOS (Coming in choppy) ... Llo?... Ello?... Hello! Is this thing on? Oh, it is. Hello, Android N 42, and welcome to C.C. Science, where we produce Science safely and with health. Wed like to thank you for participating in this standarized test, and would like to remind you that you are in no danger at all during the next following tests. Please relax and follow the rules of safe testing, and we shall have no problems at all. Have fun. ANDROID enters the first testing chamber.

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INT. TESTING CHAMBER 1 ANDROID completes the first test. GLADOS Very good. You did quite well. Please do not be alarmed by any sounds you may have heard during the duration of the test, as we are having some turbulence in our ventilation system. A human scream of pain is heard. GLADOS Oh, good. The turbulence is over. Please proceed with the testing as usual. ANDROID makes her way to TESTING CHAMBER 2. INT. TESTING CHAMBER 2 ANDROID enters TESTING CHAMBER 2. GLADOS Please do not feel alarmed by this next test. Everything in this battery of tests has been previously tested on robots to ensure its safety to humans and semi-humans such as yourself. If you are not a semi-human or human, however, please do feel very alarmed about this next test, because it may end up destroying you. ANDROID is halfway through TESTING CHAMBER 2. GLADOS When we said that you may be a robot, we were only joking. You are completely human, or a hybrid between human and a cockroach. Please do not feel threatened by being a giant cockroach. Many cockroaches live full and happy lives, just like Samsa. ANDROID finishes TESTING CHAMBER 2. GLADOS Well done. You have proven to C.C. Science that you are indeed worthy of doing our tests. (MORE...) (CONTINUES...)

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GLADOS (...cont.) Because we trust and care for you so much, your next test will involve superconductive lava. ANDROID goes to TESTING CHAMBER 3. INT. TESTING CHAMBER 3 ANDROID enters TESTING CHAMBER 3, where a bunch of ocean-blue lava falls from the ceiling. GLADOS Oh, did you think we were joking? No, were serious. That is dangerous, extremely hot, extremely electrical lava. If you were to touch it, your body would explode, since you are made mostly of robotic parts and synthetic flesh. But dont worry. Weve arranged for it to be perfectly safe for anyone. Unless you make a mistake. Then youll die. Should you by any chance die, please notify a C.C. Science scientist so he can properly dispose of your remains in a biodegradable way that involves opening your android body and removing all the parts we can reutilize -- After we format your memory, of course. Nothing personal. We just dont want our other androids to have an advantage in the tests. By the way, how is that brain working out for you? We were worried it was unsalvageable, but guess who proved them wrong? ANDROID completes the test, where she has to put BLAVA in a non-conductive box.