Following is the first response I got with the subject line of the email reading: Response to your ad.

Sent: Sunday, April 22, 2012 5:52 AM Hi, I answered a woman who lived in the _______ area a couple weeks ago. I'm not sure if it was you or not. Your email address doesn't look familiar. She also looked chubby in the picture she sent me but you say you're tall and slender. She was going to send me a Biotranz kit but I didn't hear from her again so I guess she decided on another donor. I'm in ___________. I work nights and sleep days. I also work long hours driving a truck so the last thing I want to do on my nights off work is drive a long way. But if you're free to drive to __________ when you're ovulating there's a very good chance I would be willing to impregnate you. I'm 5'11" tall, about 190 lb's, green eyes, single never married with no kids. My hair was red when I was younger. Now it's more white or gray, you'll have to be the judge if you ever meet me. I'm intelligent, fun-loving, clean, disease free and willing to prove it, and have a good character. I'm a nice older guy. But I hope you won't disqualify me immediately if I say I'm 54. You say you're in your 40's so I'm not really that much older than you. You also say you have no time to waste. I feel the same way. I think every man should be able to get at least one woman pregnant in his lifetime if he wants to and I want to. And every woman should be able to get pregnant if she wants to. But I would like to find the woman at least somewhat attractive even if I'm just going to be a donor. Are you heterosexual or lesbian? Will you please send me some pictures of yourself? I'm off work on Wednesday & Thursday days and nights. I hope I can soon find a woman who can make my dreams come true too. I can't wait to find the right woman who will say yes to me, so we can start trying. Thanks T. There wasnt a prayers chance in hell that I was remotely interested in using this guy as a donor just by the way in which he wrote and described himself, but I responded back to him by saying (truthfully): Sent: Sunday, April 22, 2012 11:51 AM Thanks for your reply T. It does seem like you have a good heart to be willing to do such a thing. I don't think I will be able to use you as my donor though, and yes, it is because of your age. I'm sorry about that. It's just that my doctor has told me that because I AM older I need to have the sperm of a young (20 something) guy in order to have the best chance at a pregnancy at my age. If that weren't an issue I am definitely not interested in co-parenting. I want a donor who is not interested in having contact with my child. You may not understand that, but it's just the way I feel. I honor your desire to help some woman out; it is a gift, but I will have to decline your offer. I will send special thoughts your way that you find the right person to make a baby with. All the best, L.

At this point, Im beginning to think it was mistake posting on this website (I felt safe though because I made up a fake email account with a fake name and only listed the region of the state in which I live not the actual city). Then I got a second response from a new guy whos subject line read: Donor. He wrote: Sent: Sunday, April 22, 2012 2:10 PM Dear L: I am a WM physician, dark blonde, hazel, 6'1. Nonsmoker. Unmarried. Originally from __________. Where did you go to school? Your major? Field of work? M. :-) I respond by saying: Sent: Sunday, April 22, 2012 11:13 PM Hi, M.. I too am am originally from _________. I went to the University __________. I have a double major in communications and psychology. My job is real estate, my passion is writing. So, I actually have two dreams I hope to fulfill in my life: becoming a mom and writing a novel. The novel can wait, being a mom is foremost in my mind. I know I'll be an awesome one : ) Thanks for honoring me with your response, L. Then, I hear back from the first guy, Response to your ad guy. He wrote replying to my rejecting his offer to be a donor: Sent: Sunday, April 22, 2012 3:40 PM I know that a younger man has a higher sperm count but an older man can still get a woman pregnant and make a healthy baby. I don't have to co-parent. At my age I don't need to be taking on the responsibilty of raising a child. I don't have to have any contact with the child. But I would like to find you at least somewhat attractive and healthy looking because I couldn't stand the thought that the kid that I had made was being raised by an ugly, unhealthy or unfit mother. So if you're attractive, and healthy mentally and physically I wouldn't mind you raising the kid and me having no contact. But I wish you would think about it and

reconsider me in spite of my age. I really long for the experience of getting a woman pregnant. So please send me a picture and please consider me. Ok? Later on the same day he sends me another email: Sent: Sunday, April 22, 2012 6:26 PM You said you're not looking for a co-parent but since you want a 20 year old it sounds like in the back of your mind you really want a possibe co-parent. Because like I said, if all you really want is a donor, then my age shouldn't matter. I'm sure I can give you a beautiful healthy baby. I live in a small 22' long travel trailer and it's so full of my things that it's really crowded. There's barely room for one person to move around in it. It wouldn't be a good place to entertain. I'll make you a deal. Any month you drive to _________ on the days you're most likely to get pregnant, I'll pay for your gas, motel room and buy you dinner or lunch. That is, if I find your picture attractive. Come on L, what do you say? Send me your pic. T. I didnt write him back. He wouldnt quit. A few days later he wrote me again, this time the subject heading of his email was, Bad Seed Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2012 5:49 AM That's ok. I figure any woman that hasn't been able to get a man in 40 years that wants to get her pregnant is got to be ugly not attractive like you claimed. Plus when you turn down a good kind Christian guy like myself with a flimsy excuse that my sperm is too old and your egg is too old, the I'm sure that you'll get pregnant by an evil corrupt seed and will give birth to a monstrosity either as a baby or as an adult. :) Good Lord, I think, WTF? So I write him back: Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2012 9:48 AM Thanks, T. I wished you nothing but the best, with good wishes for your success, and you, as a "Christian," write this kind of stuff back to me? My prayers go out to you.. However, if you write me again I will report you to the website operator. Peace be with you. Thankfully, I havent heard back from him since.

And even more thankfully, there had been a message in my inbox from a third responder to my ad. The subject heading of his email was: Maybe? He wrote: Sent: Sunday, April 22, 2012 5:26 PM Dear L., Maybe I am the guy you are looking for ... I am a military officer stationed in __________, 25, 6', 180 pounds, blonde hair and blue eyes, B. A. and M. A. in international relations, superior intelligence, excellent health, great genetic and healthy background (Scottish). I have not previously offered to serve as a donor, but I would prefer NI.* I would be willing to sign papers waiving any paternal rights. If you are interested, contact me and let's discuss your desires. I am a gentleman and very discreet. Sincerely, C. *natural insemination I emailed him back: Sent: Sunday, April 22, 2012 11:00 PM C., thanks for getting in touch with me. Yes, I am interested and I appreciate your assurance of being a gentleman, as well as, being discreet; this whole "business" is pretty disconcerting; not the way I envisioned how my life would be... But, as I've come to realize, when a wall is placed in front of you you've got a few options: a.) say, "I'm f'd, there's a wall in front of me, b.) say, f#*k, there's a wall in front of me, I've got to figure out how to get the f#*k over it, or, c.) where does this f'n wall end, because no matter how far it goes, I'm gonna get around it. Well, I'm trying to figure out plan b.) and/or plan c.) 'cause I wanna be a mom. I know I'll be an awesome one : ) Let me ask you a question: you're 25, a military officer, nice height and weight, and intelligent, why do you prefer NI? I mean it would seem to me that you could be getting "action" left, right, up, down and all over. Are you not getting enough? I'm not opposed to NI, I'd actually prefer it, but I def have to be attracted to the guy. Unlike most guys (maybe you're excluded?) I cant' just do "it" without having some sort of physical attraction. So, on that note, can you send me a recent photo or two of you? I'll send a few photos back to you. If nothing else results, I just want you to know, I feel honored to have you respond and be open to the possibility... thanks... Let me know what your thoughts are. All the best,

L. P.S. I'm in ________ too : ) Truthfully, I am not at all sure why I wrote C. such a long email providing much more insight about myself than I feel I normally would have (its not as if he asked me for any significant information), but I did... I guess it was because after getting those first couple of messages from T. when I read C.s email it felt like a relief to hear from someone who seemed more normal, young and vibrant, and for some reason I just felt freer to open up to him. Later, that same night, I heard back from C. He replied: Sent: Sunday, April 22, 2012 11:36 PM L., Hello back to you ... In something of a hurry tonight because I have to get up early tomorrow morning, but I'll write more tomorrow. In the meantime, please switch to this address for future emails: __________. I have reason to believe that __________has been compromised. :-(. A quick response to your reasonable questions: I am "getting enough", but is there ever "enough" for a red-blooded male? Seriously, it seems so natural to me to make babies the natural way, but I, too, think I would find it easier if there were at least a modicum of attraction between the parties. I'll dig out a recent picture and send to you, proof that I am reasonably attractive and have only one head. :-) You will find me somewhat mature for my age; the military makes you grow up PDQ. Imagine!!! We both are in ________! What do you do, by the way? It's your own business why you wish to take on motherhood by yourself, and I admire your courage, but can you give me a bit more insight into your motivation? If you wish to tell me to mind my own business, I would understand. I enjoyed a hearty laugh with you at your reasoning. I'm sort of the same way myself; I'm inclined to climb over or go around a f#*king wall rather than giving up. If that trait is transmitted by genes, then you are talking to a compatible "carrier." Quickly, I am not in a relationship at the moment, so I need no one's consent for our possible plan. I'd like a family of my own one day and soon, but not right now ... maybe in 2-3 years hence when I expect to get out of the military and go back to law school. I'm a native of _________ and I grew up in ________. Anything else I can answer for you now? I am as transparent as a glass door ... freshly polished.

Until tomorrow, yours, Colin I answered him back saying; Sent: Monday, April 23, 2012 1:12 PM C., yay for getting "action!" And you're right, there isn't a limit to that kind of "enough." As for me, and "why you wish to take on motherhood by yourself," I don't, really. My goal was to have a family just like the one in which I grew up in - big and traditional - big, as in, I have six siblings, and traditional, as in, I wanted to be a married and a stay-at-home mom, like my mom was (although she was working as an RN before she got married to my father). I'm sure, in this day and age, that sounds pretty old-fashioned and maybe even boring to you, but it's what I thought I'd be good at - being a caregiver, a support system, the firm foundation upon which my family could stand to reach their dreams. That's not to say I don't feel that I have other real talents - I believe I do - and I actually have had, and hope to have more of, success using them. I am an artistic, creative, visionary type of person. But, alas, life (at least mine!) doesn't always go according to plans, that's when you've got to decide whether or not you have it in you to take a different path (and why this is beginning to mean something to me). Being a mom is one of my greatest desires and it is held deep within my soul. It's a calling I feel I have to follow, with or without, the ideal scenario of a husband. One can get married at any age, but for a woman getting pregnant and having a baby is something that comes with a "clock." I still feel like I have time to find my husband, but I feel like having my child can't wait any longer. I've thought long and hard on this, again, it's not my ideal, but I know that I can do it, and do it well... Cool re: being born in ________. I graduated from _________ with a B.A. in communications and psychology (and I ended up there in a round-about-way through my first interest which was __________!) I moved back to _________ (my hometown), after having lived in ________ and _________ to help my mom through a difficult illness (she is doing great now!). My father died in an accident several years ago. Presently, I am working in real estate. My goal is to eventually get into some aspect of real estate development because I think it will allow me better use of my creative, visionary talents : ) Re: you: you said, "...get out of the military and go back to law school," were you previously in law school?

C., I continue to appreciate your openness to possibly helping me attain one of my dreams... I look forward to hearing more from you... Best, L. And his response: Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2012 8:40 AM Dear L., In haste this morning ... I am having difficulty finding my picture to send to you, but please be patient. Thank you for your long discussion of your motivation. It convinced me that you are responsible and know what you are doing. The more I learn about you, the more I think I have known you for years. You would not believe that both my degrees are from __________! There is where I hope to return to law school to get my J. D. in _______ law; and, no, I would not be returning but starting, but I would expect to apply some of my credits from my M. A. in international relations. Real estate, hunh? Times are rough just now, but it will come back. Power to you. Yours, C. Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2012 9:32 PM C., how goes it? I'm nervously looking forward to the "big reveal" - photo! When you write back and forth and begin to learn things about a person it's hard not to get an image in your mind of what you think they might look like... at least I know not to picture you with two heads since, from the start, you assured me of just the one!!! L. Sent: Thursday, April 26, 2012 7:41 AM L, I'm searching, I'm searching, ... but at least you know that I am not vain. :-) C. Sent: Thursday, April 26, 2012 12:02 PM

Now I'm getting suspicious that you haven't told me the whole truth when you said that, "... I am reasonably attractive and have only one head.." This guy has only one head and is completely adorable but I'm not sure I want to make a baby with him! Look, really there's only a few options that can happen: you show me an attractive photo of you, but it's just not my kind of "attractive," I show you an attractive photo of me, but it's not your kind of "attractive," or, we see each other and say, "Yep, that'll do!" This whole "thing" is a long shot. I'm just going with the flow... trying to be open. If you "reject" me based on looks I'll be bummed, but will know it just wasn't meant to be and if I "reject" you based on looks maybe you would feel the same. Who knows... one step at time... this has already been a long journey for me so I'm just gonna keep on keep'n on... But I must say, I'm not used to "meeting" someone on the internet and it's a little scary... I mean you seem really honorable and nice, but Ted Bundy seemed that way too. Know what I mean? In the meantime, while the, "...I am not vain," photo search continues, can you tell me more about yourself. What part of________ do you live in? Do you have roommates? What kind of job do you do for the military? How much longer will you be stationed here? Do you like __________? How in the world did you get to the, what is it, website? Why are you open to getting someone, a stranger, pregnant? Remember when you asked me what my motivation was? Can I ask you what yours is? And lastly, why do you believe are lives are crossing at this juncture in time? Patiently, L. Sent: Saturday, April 28, 2012 11:56 AM Dear L, OUCH! I don't look anything like that adorable alien ... but he/it does have kind eyes. Truth to tell, I have not been totally truthful with you. I withheld the fact that I received an alert for temporary operational orders about a week ago, but because I thought the chances of actually getting those orders was so slight, I did not tell you that I have been busy packing all my personal stuff this week. Yesterday, I did receive orders to the Middle East for an indefinite period, probably 90 to 120 days, but who knows how much longer. Anyway, I am leaving early Monday morning for my destination, via ________. I will be traveling light,

not even taking my computer, so it will be difficult to communicate until and unless I can establish cell phone or Email service from the base. I'll let you know how to contact me. I am an Intelligence Specialist in the military, so you may make an educated guess as to why and where I am heading, and why the military sent me to grad school. Answering your questions, I have a small apartment by myself over in ________, which I shall just vacate while I am gone. My permanent duty here at ______ is due to be up about June, 2013, then who knows, probably in the military for three years unless I get tired of this life and resign to get on with my career training. I do like _______, especially the sunsets. Looking forward to a future legal practice, I suspect it would be in some East Coast city like _______ or ________ ... but I could be had by some firm in ________ if they are willing to pay me twice what I would be worth. As to my motivation as a possible donor, I also have a deep compulsion to have progeny ... whether or not I ever have a wife and family. I am a romantic, women fascinate me, but as yet no one has ever so stirred my heart to move me seriously to consider matrimony. The idea of conceiving a child without at least a friendly and sexual connection is repugnant to me. To be frank, after being so careful to avoid pregnancy, the prospect of sex without that concern is very appealing, and my body has already been positively responding to your emails. Any child I might father I think has the right to know that his/her parents enjoyed memorable, orgasmic sex during conception. I told you that I was prepared to sign away all parental rights, but I would be open to being contacted when the child reached 18. Totally anonymous parenthood is just a tad too sterile and heartless for me to be comfortable with it. All this has nothing to do with religion, just my personal conviction. You are the first and only person I have contacted for that purpose. Lastly, why do I believe our lives are crossing at this juncture in time? Damned if I know, but the inexplicable circumstances are a little weird. L, we are both very intelligent, mature, independent, and strong personalities ... and I discount the possibility of either of us being bent out of shape by rejection. I sincerely regret the militarys damned poor sense of timing and my withholding info, but considering the uncertainties of the future, obviously you need to consider all and other options. I sincerely wish you every success and happiness in your quest. As my Scottish namesake poet once said, "Of all the sad tales of mice and men, the saddest of these, 'It might have been.'" Yours, C.

Sent: Saturday, April 28, 2012 2:53 PM Wow, I hardly know what to say... so much going through my mind. First, again, thanks for writing back. I always appreciate hearing from you and when I hadn't heard anything for a few days I wondered if I would. Second, I'm sorry that you are going... but am proud of whatever contributions I am sure you will make in trying to make this world a better, more peaceful place; especially for those who have never known a life of freedom. Third, re: your motivations: when you said, "The idea of conceiving a child without at least a friendly and sexual connection is repugnant to me." I agree, or at least to the extent that I want to really know the father of my child. I mean I have a friend whom I love (not romantically, just because, in his heart-of-hearts, he's a good soul) but he has a history of being "messed up" (long story). I considered asking him to do AI (he lives ________) but my intuition is telling me not to. Anyway, back to your relating the need for the intimacy aspect of conceiving a child, that's one of the main reasons I've decided that I would not go through an anonymous sperm donor bank experience even if that ultimately meant I would not have the child I so deeply desire. In addition to that, I just didn't want my child to have 50 (or more!) half-siblings - the US has no laws about the number of offspring a sperm donor can have! Having a few siblings from a single family is one thing, but having 30 siblings from 30 families just doesn't feel right to me. Fourthly, if it was your desire to know your child (I keep wanting to say children as I feel that if I get pregnant I may have twins) I would never deny you that opportunity, at any stage of their lives. At the same time, I would never ask anything financially of you. Fifthly, I was going to write in my last email to get a move on sending that photo of you to me because my ovulation date was/is this weekend and I thought that if I liked the looks of you, and you me, we could get the rock rolling... Sixth, do you have any sperm that you have "banked" i.e., had frozen and kept with a donor sperm bank in case of a worst case scenario? I hate to bring that up, but if you haven't done it, please consider it, because you are special and your DNA is something that should be passed on. If you have a day in ________ (it wouldn't take long to get done) here's some links to consider: _____, _____, ______. Forgive me if I'm being too personal here. Seventh (and sorry I'm writing this email so "numberly" it's just helping me clarify my thoughts), in the last lines of your message you said, "I sincerely wish you

every success and happiness in your quest. As my Scottish namesake poet once said, "Of all the sad tales of mice and men, the saddest of these, 'It might have been.'" Is that a final goodbye to me or is there still the possibility of us connecting down the line? Of course, as you mentioned, I will be considering whatever options I have, but like I've told you I've been on this road for awhile trying to figure out the who and the how. I'm not one to just settle on anything as precious as this. Yes, it would be great if I find a donor that meets my criteria whilst your gone, but as the proverb says and science backs: good things come to those who wait... When you can, if you will, keep me posted. It would be difficult to wonder whatever happened to you... Godspeed, L. Sent: Saturday, April 28, 2012 5:08 PM Dear L, I very sincerely thank you for your grace and generosity in your last response. I had decided some time ago that I was dealing with someone of real emotional and moral substance, and you confirmed it. No, of course I did not intend to say goodbye, but just to let you understand that I had not generated any expectations. I promise to keep you informed, as best I can, where I am and how to contact me. Whenever I can arrange to have a photograph taken, I'll send it to you. Whenever it may be that I get back to _________, I'll let you know and we can decide if and when we will meet, to satisfy our curiosities, and whatever. I would greatly appreciate keeping in contact with you while I am gone, and expanding our growing ... whatever it is. Suspecting that your period was/might be close at hand, I even thought about proposing that we meet sometime this weekend and, if we passed muster with each other, to do the deed ... but on reflection that seemed to be creating too much drama and quasi-wartime circumstance to be realistic and comfortable. While in ________, I shall act upon your suggestion. I shall let you know where my sperm is "on deposit", and arrange that you have access to it, should you desire, if anything should happen to me. Your concern about being "too personal in suggesting?" Good Lord, woman, we have been discussing the possibility of me naturally impregnating you! I think you have earned the right to be as "personal" with me as you wish. :-) Whatever form a future relationship may take, I think it would be downright silly for us to stand on

formality. I think we both tend to keep our distance until someone has proven to be trustworthy; you did that some time ago. We have until Monday morning to say ... until. Yours, C. Sent: Sunday, April 29, 2012 12:24 AM Thanks C.! I'm so glad you will let me know how you are. It's so weird how quickly I have an attachment to knowing that you are well. And not because of how that relates to my interests, but simply because I like you. Right now it's almost as if you're a compelling character in an intriguing novel that I find myself engrossed in; not real, but real to the world within the pages that I can't seem to turn quickly enough... You said that I can be as personal with you as I wish so... I have a few things I want to tell you and ask you. First, I'm thrilled that you will look into having your sperm "banked,"that's awesome. But if you are going to do that you need to stop having sex and/or masturbating NOW! Nope, not joking. If you absolutely can't do it, you can't do it, but the science has found that, "how frequently a man has sex can impact his sperm count. A mans body does need to have time to replenish his supply of sperm. Experts are not entirely agreed on the amount of time it takes for a man to rebuild this supply, and the time may vary from man to man as well. Most researchers suggest that a man ejaculate no more than once every day and a half, or 36 hours, when they are trying to conceive" (in your case the sperm that would eventually get me pregnant) it results in the best chance of success : ) When/if you go to the clinic you will most likely have to tell them that you are in a committed relationship with me (if they ask you how committed, you might have to really stretch the truth and say, engaged! And really that is not a lie as we are "engaged" in trying to do a "little project." The reason I say this is that these clinics, although they will bank your sperm, are often not open to releasing your sperm (due to legality issues) to just anyone. Long shot question of the day... would you be open to having some of the sperm you bank sent to my doctor here to do AI if you're gone longer than planned? If you would be open to that possibility you might ask the clinic how to best go about doing that, i.e., do you need a few different specimens cryopreserved or can they take from the one banked ejaculation? Ugh... sorry about bringing all of this up when I know you have a ton of so many other important things on your mind... please forgive me...

I'm going to give you my doctors name, office address and phone number so that you can let the clinic know that at your request (should you decide to do so) they can send some of your sperm my way to do the AI. My doctor's info is: __________, M.D. __________ Drive _____________

phone: (__) _______ fax: (__) ________ Also, I know these clinics often will waive certain charges for those serving in the military, however, if you have charges, let me know and I can reimburse you! Lastly, when you said re: us, "Whatever form a future relationship may take," well, I just want you to know that even if the "other" stuff doesn't happen I already feel like I've gained a friend : ) L. P.S. I have to say, you made me laugh... Good Lord, woman... thanks... Sent: Sunday, April 29, 2012 12:11 PM Good Morning, L.! What a pleasure to visit with you again for a while this morning. I also have the feeling that I am talking to an old (I mean, long-term :-) ) friend, one with whom intimacy is so very easy. We haven't covered the subject before, but I assume that you have assumed that I have NEVER had a sexually-transmitted disease (and am not about to contract one), that I have never used illegal drugs, and that I drink only socially and in moderation. I have never smoked. The military has some pretty strict rules about such matters regarding its officers. Twins, you anticipate? GOSH! No sex or masturbation for me today? Aren't you the kill-joy! Seriously, your advice is sound and will be taken. I last ___________ on Friday evening and the last sex was back in the Middle Ages, so I should be good to produce plentifully on Monday in _______. Comparing sex and masturbation, the former is a hell of a lot more fun. Moreover, jacking off is so LONELY, but is does relieve the

physical ache in the groin which about every second or third day becomes very real -- and wet dreams are so damned messy. I understand for females the longing for sex is more emotional and psychological. But however strong the temptation, I shall remain inactive until exercised in ______ for your sake. ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________. Thank you for providing your doctor's contact information, and I shall make the arrangements for one or more deliveries to her if my deployment runs longer than expected and if we agree that the ticking of your clock trumps our desire to have you conceive the natural way, or if however unlikely anything should happen to me. For our private purposes, we are an "engaged" couple. For both our sakes, I fully expect joyfully to return within a few months because I like you, too, and I very strongly desire to contribute to the realization of your/our precious goal. I am honored to even be considered as your donor. In the realization of that goal, we shall be bound together in one of life's greatest mysteries and joys. The sober anticipation of it produces goose bumps. May I look forward to a last note sometime today? Yours, C. Sent: Sunday, April 29, 2012 6:24 PM Hi, C.! I hope all is well with you this day. Ha! "old" friend, yeah, I guess we haven't really talked too much about my age, but yes, it is one of the reasons I asked if you would be open to AI. I do have that biological clock ticking and want to at least try as much as I can and see if it's even possible for me to get pregnant "naturally," and the sooner the better (I consider AI to be at least somewhat natural as there is no petri dish involved!). In my heart of heart's I do believe it's possible for me to get pregnant, but it definitely is not a given, however, I'm desperate to give it a frick'n shot! A few years ago I went up to Chicago to have a procedure done whereby the doctor retrieved some eggs of mine for cryopreservation. It's a much newer and trickier procedure than having sperm frozen mainly because of the thawing out process - a woman's egg is extraordinarily fragile and often doesn't come out of the thawing process as viable. But I did it because I wanted to keep as many options open as possible - to keep my dreams of a family of my own alive. I remember being up there (I had to spend a week in Chicago) by myself, never having spent time in that city and not knowing anyone, and after the procedure

(with anesthesia) was finished, and I was groggily coming to, the nurse told me that the doctor had retrieved nine eggs and that he said, for my age, I was producing eggs like a 'spring chicken!" But I thought, "Only nine?" I was so disappointed because I knew it would be my one and only opportunity for such a thing (it's similar to IVF and cost $10,000!) and I knew the more eggs I could produce the better my odds would be. I had wanted to produce at least double what I had! I just sat in the chair with a blanket over my head and cried and cried and cried. The anesthesiologist came by and told me my crying was due to the craziness that my hormones were going through because of all the drugs I had been on, but I paid him no mind; to me it was as if I failed. Period. A male nurse came by telling me that I had to take the blanket off my head so that I could be monitored properly and tried to lift my spirits by saying, "It only takes one good egg to make a baby." I think I sneered at him! But those nine eggs are out there in this world, just not quite of this world. Sometimes, I pray to God to keep them healthy and safe and to let them feel my love. When I get down I speak to them, "Remember," I say, "you came into this world from my soul's deepest desire, know that God's blessings, my blessings, envelopes you." And that's all I can do, then I release the outcome... We haven't really talked about faith or religion so I don't know how you feel about it all. Hopefully, open to being open... You're last paragraph produced more than goose bumps for me, but I can't say what exactly, ________________________________________________________________ _____________________________! I attached a photo of my bedroom! It's where I tend to use my computer and where I am right now writing to you. So although, you won't have a picture of me, you'll have a picture of where I am when you hear from me : ) Although, I love most all types of music, when/if we do have sex, or when/if I get to the point of actually delivering a baby(s), this and this is the type of music I want to have playing. If you're groaning, tough shit! ; ) C,, do well at what your doing, and be well while doing it! Keep me posted. If you can write me before you leave, please do... All of the best to you C., L. P.S. I don't have any STD's, I have used illegal drugs a few times in years gone by, I too drink socially and in moderation and I've also never smoked (although,

once, in 8th grade, I was going to, but somehow it never happened!) I too haven't had sex since the Middle Ages! P.S.S. Try as best you can to let the clinic know, that if you say, releasing the sperm to Dr. ______ is what you want them to do. Sent: Sunday, April 29, 2012 8:33 PM Dear L, I have just returned from one of my long walks, and I was hoping to have a message from you when I got back home. Thanks so much. I'm in something of a state tonight, sorry to be leaving now, sorry that we did not get better acquainted before I am pulled away, sorry that our flesh could not feel the attraction which our spirits feel, sorry ... That reason which pulls me away seems so much less important now than it did a week ago. I'll get focused when the time comes, but for now, I'm in a sort of reverie. Thank you for sending me the photo of your bedroom. Not only is it what I would have imagined, but I assure you it will be the stuff of my imagination and dreams until I get back and _______________________. I am extremely impressed that you have gone to such lengths to enable your conceiving, and I promise you my best efforts to help you reach your goal. I shall be with you through whatever trials and rejoice with you when the twins are born ... and no damned petri dishes or other "assistance" should be needed. ____________________ as our urgent desire of coupling just wills it so. As you say, I'm committed to giving it our best fucking shot. Your sound track for sex and birthing is not too far from what I would have chosen myself. I do love good music, especially classical -- Bach, Mozart, Brahms, and Sibelius especially, but some well-conceived modern stuff as well. For my own amusement I learned to play the recorder (wood flute), a tenor model, which I prize. I also write poetry when I am in the mood, and when I have the time I shall send you some of my offerings -- they are pale copies of the likes of Emily Dickinson and Robert Frost. But back to your choices regarding music, etc.: I will most happily accept whatever sets the mood for you, but I do hope you are not ________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ ... all in the hope to give you what your soul so longs for. RX: repeat as often as required and desired. I am a man of faith and religion, but very open and liberal in my convictions. Doctrinally, I am a Presbyterian as you might have expected, and I am on good terms with my Maker. I thank Him continually for making me a virile, healthy, and happy male, and I look forward to the great pleasure of sharing those gifts with you. Despite the frustrations you have experienced in procreating, the

joining of male and female is a pretty neat way of achieving God's purpose for the survival of the human race. Some tid-bits of no great importance which I wish to share. I told you I was a blonde. As a child I was very blonde and fair, but in puberty I began changing with the seasons: blonde in the summer, light brown head hair in the cold weather. My body hair is fairly prominent and fine, and blonde year round, and in the summer sun my fair complexion tans to golden brown. My eyes are light blue, like the pale blue sky. Is there anything at all more you would like to know about me? Just ask. My last paragraph in the previous Email moved you to something like goose bumps, too? What on earth are you hinting at, my dear? ;-) I love the ease with which we converse over a wide range of subjects. Let's not ever forget how to be so open. It is a gift, and so healthy. My cell phone number is: ____________, and I have it with me always although it is not always possible to answer it when it rings. Please consider it an emergency line of communication until I can ascertain the circumstances and possibilities of use. I shall make every effort to insure that the clinic in __________ understands and will respect my wishes if AI becomes the fall-back method. I'm all packed up and the apartment is buttoned up for however long I shall be gone. I'll be on the way about 9 tomorrow morning, and I'll be in touch whenever I can. Take care of yourself, and I shall do my best to do likewise. Whomever arranged for our paths to cross needs to be thanked profusely. Yours, C. Sent; Sunday, April 29, 2012 8:43 PM L., Forgot to ask ... do you have Messenger on Yahoo? We might find it convenient to be able to chat instantaneously sometime. If you do, ask me for permission to contact/chat/ C. So, thats the end of his correspondence. Hes gone. I want him to have email when he does get the opportunity of checking it so Ive written him back. Heres what Ive said: Sent: Monday, April 30, 2012 9:24 PM

C.! Hi! How are you? Hope all is going well so far. You asked if I had Yahoo Messenger... I think I've disabled it because it always seemed to allow strangers "popping up" wanting to chat! I was like, why the fuck do you want to chat with me, person-I-don't-know? So, yeah, it's disabled. But if you want me to I can probably get it up and running... let me know... I have to warn you, I'm good at emailing; it's one of those means of communication that allows for "distance" which I tend to like initially. I can actually be very shy and tongue-tied in person at least when I'm first getting to know someone new. If I had a phone conversation with you it would probably go something like, "uh, um, hmm, uh." Seriously! I think "chatting" might be the same way, but I guess I can take the chance and see. I know, it's a very weird aspect of me; I can be the most social person in the world once I know someone but starting out, different story. You will have to be the lead conversationalist! It will be great to hear from you : ) L. And then I wrote again: Sent: Tuesday, May 1, 2012 7:15 PM Hi, C.! Just writing some things back to you re: your previous email. I had wondered (and hoped) you'd find some time to enjoy a long walk and watch the sunset. I'm so glad you did! I'm such a novice when it comes to classical music. Some of it feels too dark and intimidating to me. I just like uplifting, joyful symphonic music. I'm simple like that. It's funny, (ironic is probably the better word) that my father was very involved with the symphony and he and my mother always attended, and yet none of their children (there's seven including me) ever were encouraged to play an instrument or even listen to classical music. My parent's were very hands off when it came to what we did; our choices about what extracurricular things we wanted to pursue. When I was fifteen I thought I'd like to learn to play guitar so I got one and took lessons, but I never got very far because I was so consumed with sports which took up so much of my time; my guitar practice eventually fell by the wayside. How did it come about that you wanted to play the wood flute? That seems like an interesting choice. And poetry? One thing I appreciate about poetry is that it makes you really think about your words and choose them carefully to get the best and clearest (cleverest!) results. I took a poetry class once (mistakenly!). I don't know that I came out of it a very good poet, but I do think it helped my writing. I like writing. I think I may even have a book in me... but that is a ways off... You may not like this, but we really need to exchange photos! I don't want to talk about sex anymore unless I know that we are physically attracted to one another!

I said in my blurb on the website (still not sure how I ended up there!) that I was pretty. But for crying-out-loud, that's my own interpretation of my looks! You may think I'm not pretty at all! Yes, I agree, that we do seem to have a mental, emotional and spiritual intimacy occurring, but that isn't going to cut it when it comes down to, do I really want to have sex with you and do you want to have it with me? What we have going now makes for a great friendship, it doesn't make for being lovers (wow, that sounds very dramatic to me) - the physical attraction is the last piece to that puzzle. We can't just be attracted to each other's words or actions, we've got to actually be physical attracted to each other! Don't you agree? I'm kind of worried that we won't be - either from you or me - but I'm praying that we are! I'm nervous about seeing a photo of you because I don't want to be, "Oh, he's just not my type." I WANT YOU TO BE MY "TYPE!" Aren't you feeling any trepidation about what I look like? If you aren't it must be a guy think... the drunk goggles syndrome or something ; ) So, hopefully, soon, we'll know if we have just a budding friendship growing or we get that AND "benefits!" I'm thinking of you... L. Of course now Im like, what have I gotten myself into? Ive seen photos of some of the other guys who responded to my ad and its discouraging to say the least - they arent very good looking! Why should C.s looks be any better? Im really actually trying hard not to be pessimistic, but I certainly dont want to set myself up for disappointment. I mean I think C. sounds like hes really got a good head on his shoulders. Im amazed that he seems kind of interested in me because of our massive age difference - 23 years! I really dont know what to make of it all. Right now Im just hoping he is who he says he is! Who knows with the internet! But if hes not, hes got fake down pat... One other interesting thing is regarding the second guy who I said emailed me the physician - he responded back to me as well: Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2012 10:27 AM Dear L.: I have been to ________; lovely campus. As for me, I am an _______ person among other things. :-) What do you look like? Where are you in _________? What is your ethnic background?

M :-) Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2012 10:16 PM Hi, M.. Well, as you know from my original blurb in the forum, I'm tall - 6' to be exact. I'm slender, usually 172lbs - (I had knee surgery two months ago, so not working out, just doing PT, I'm prob a few pounds over that at the moment), I have long, brown hair and light brown eyes. I wear glasses! So maybe that makes me look a little geeky... I dunno... I'd like to think I've got the sexy librarian thing going on, but that may be stretching it... Ethnic background: Irish, English and German. I live in __________. I had been away for many years but moved back to help my mom through a difficult illness (she's doing great now!). You said you were originally from _______, where are you living now? Still in _______? What kind of physician are you? Next email (after you write back ; ) I'll send a pic, that'll make it easier... and then you can be the judge! All the best, L. Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2012 9:52 AM Daer L: I am originally form ________, and own a home there. Currently, I live in ___________. I do not have any really firm ties here, and may move back to _________ or the_________ area. I am an Internal Medicine physcician, with a certificate in Infectious Disease. Well, it looks like we are having an overcast and somewhat rainy day. How is it with you? M :-) Then only a few minutes afterwards: Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2012 10:02 AM Dear L: I hope your knee is healing up nicely. Nothing serious I hope. M :-)

And later that same day: Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2012 4:31 PM Off to hit some tennid balls....... M :-) So, I write back: Sent: Wednesday, April 25, 2012 8:28 PM Hi, M.. _________? That must be a lively town what with all of the _______ around... Did you do your residency there? ________ has been beautiful the past few days. Perfect. So you play tennis? I actually finally got around to getting my knee fixed with the idea that I would be able to do more sports like tennis... You asked me what my ethnic background was; what is yours btw? So, I'm just gonna give you the whole shebang - a life's photo montage of moi! And you can judge... Hopefully, we'll get far enough where I can see some pics of you... that's only fair! Best, L. P.S. In one of the pics I have something in my hair; it is not a dead crow! When there's a baby in a pic; it's me : ) And there's a picture of chicken, but why? And then I dont hear from him. I figure I showed him photos of me and he just wasnt interested. Being judged on looks is not a real fun thing, especially if youre judged to be less than appreciated. But it is what it is. Its the way of the world; the way of our species. I wasnt really invested in M. so, though it bothered me not to have him like me it didnt bother me too much. By Saturday when I still hadnt gotten any message from him I thought Id write back and say something, but I decided that I should wait until Monday. And its a good thing I did because he finally wrote back: Sent: Monday, April 30, 2012 5:53 AM Dear L:

Snowed with work and behind on things. More later. M :-) But Ive been thinking a few things: first, what kind of physician cant spell physician (its not like the c and i key are adjacent to each other) and also, dear, spelled, daer, from, spelled form and tennis (well, tennis I can at least understand since the s key is right next to the d key)? Okay, whatever, hes not a great speller; small potatoes. But I also noticed right away that both he and C. often used the same emoticon, : -) throughout their emails. How many guys, in fifteen, would you think would do that? Lastly, M. writes his last message to me at 5:53 AM on the day that C. is leaving and tells me: Snowed with work and behind on things. More later. My antenna picks up a signal and the signal relays the idea: wouldnt it be pretty intelligent for a person whose profession is the intelligence business to make up a few different aliases to get the most information from me; find out if I am the person I say I am? Personally, I think it would be a genius thing to do; find out if Im consistent, which of their alias is getting a positive response, which alias is bombing. Well, thats how my mind works, especially in a case like this where Im virtually answering emails about a very private and personal topic to complete strangers! So, possibly on to something, or completely paranoid about getting involved in any type of internet relationship? I guess time will tell... will M. get back to me when he catches up on things? Will C. find any time during his military deployment to write me? And if they do write back will the timing of their emails again be coincidental? If any of the guys who wrote me are fake, I like fake C. the best! I guess thats pretty obvious. In the meantime, I dont feel any closer to actually to getting pregnant, but who knows, maybe I am.