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An Empty Nest

An Empty Nest

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Published by Victoria Evangelina
"While all the parents of the world forever see their children as little boys and girls, in developed countries it is a norm that “little ones” leave the nests early, often flying away on long distances. Former Soviet Union parents, on the other hand, do not know how to live for themselves: there are many social and religious structures that successfully override the worth of individual and self-love, self-respect by the importance of a “unit of society”, be it a family, a group, or an office team. It is only recently that the wave of acknowledgement of living for oneself comes to us from the West. Thus former Soviet Union parents, as many former Soviet Union kids, who were raised up with the principles of staying all together, are incapable of living for themselves. And while it is easier for children to go away and get busy with building their lives and careers, the parents are truly challenged by living for themselves."
"While all the parents of the world forever see their children as little boys and girls, in developed countries it is a norm that “little ones” leave the nests early, often flying away on long distances. Former Soviet Union parents, on the other hand, do not know how to live for themselves: there are many social and religious structures that successfully override the worth of individual and self-love, self-respect by the importance of a “unit of society”, be it a family, a group, or an office team. It is only recently that the wave of acknowledgement of living for oneself comes to us from the West. Thus former Soviet Union parents, as many former Soviet Union kids, who were raised up with the principles of staying all together, are incapable of living for themselves. And while it is easier for children to go away and get busy with building their lives and careers, the parents are truly challenged by living for themselves."

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Published by: Victoria Evangelina on Dec 26, 2008
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05/02/2013

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An Empty Nest
© Victoria Evangelina Belyavskaya
27.06.2008
Yesterday, in the wee hours of the night in Tashkent, I was putting my clothes and notebooks back in a suitcase, which still contained the remains of plastic wrapper after my short trip toAlmaty, Kazakhstan. The warm light of three candles filled the room up with romance eventhough the occasion for the candle light was an abrupt electricity shortage. “Dear World” sangDavid Gates on my laptop and I caught myself murmuring “thanks” for those long-life batteries… Many times in my life, songs have been an inspiration to me, helped me to hold on,go on and stay sane in the whirlpool of life. I was thinking about the talk I had with my Momearlier that evening. It was not the first time that I have seen just how torn apart by her  perspective of a ‘traditional’ family and the reality we live in she is. Needless to say, Mom ishappy to see her little girl travel the world and collect life experience, finding the path of her life.But, as any other loving mom she still wishes for her baby to be by her side and be in need of her: women so often interpret need as love. Nature itself puts female to service and we continuewithout borders. The difference between living life for others or living for oneself while servingothers along the way can be seen.My Mom has chosen living for others as her destination, and with me being away, she does notfeel that she fulfills her part of a loving mother the way she should. On top of that, she feelslonely not being able to fully share with me the full scope of daily events. Not until last night didshe openly tell me her feelings. But some history, first. Once upon a time, Dimitry was myclosest friend and, by default, our mothers developed a close connection. Always encouraged bymy Mom to take on challenges, I was a young student at two schools, law and journalism and afreelance journalist for a business and a sports newspaper. On top of this I studied English,volunteered for a physically and mentally handicapped children’s institution and was madly inlove with Latina dance. Dimitry and his younger brother Anton were part-time coaches for akids’ health club.“So, what are your plans for the future?” I remember Mom asking them for the first time.“Well,… same-same, I hope,” said Anton, and Dimitry nodded with a smile. The conversationwent on and on with some variations and in no time Mom was talking to Anna, the young men’smother.“Dear, let me tell you from the heights of my age,” Mom started. She was a whole seven monthsolder than Anna. “You have wonderful boys. But they have zero ambition! Do you really wantthem to barely make ends meet working as coaches for children in some tiny center? Do youknow that they have no plans to continue with education?”“Their work in the center is more like a summer occupation indeed, when kids are free fromschool,” agreed Anna. “But they seem to have everything what is needed for life so I think theywill be fine.”Sadly, our families did not fully accept differences in lifestyles. In couple of years the boys,already in their late-twenties, missed some wonderful opportunities for personal and professionaldevelopment. Their parents encouraged them to keep their old lifestyles. Soon them and me, as

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