“To motivate and inspire the youth of the world...”
We went to see the Olympic Flame this morning. I should have smelt a rat when I found
out that the venue for the handover was in Tesco‟s
. It‟s all about money innit?(Don‟t get
Ed.)Streets lined with coppers... police cars and ambulances parked all over the place. Then inroars a squad of ten police motorcyclists. I was getting jumpy now, half expecting aresuscitated Arthur Scargill to come marching down from the valleys with last of his miners.But no, up comes a convoy of buses, packed to the gunnels with hangers-on. Now a CocaCola float rolls up, loaded with a jazz band and a gang of Cola addicts, all swirling likeDervishes. This is as near to Disneyland as it gets without crossing water.
By now, I‟m expecting to see the Olympic Flame arrive on scene, held aloft by MickeyMouse or that dancing dog that won Britain‟s Got Talent
the other week. But no...
just aremarkably un-sweaty woman jogging behind a van. I scratch my head and wonder how shelooks so fresh after galloping from Athens. But say no more. This girl has just decked out of the back of that van at the traffic lights, and has only staggered a hundred yards or so. Icould do that myself
and I‟ve got a bad knee.
Crikes! Now there‟s another squad of ten police motorcycles
, bringing up the rear. Talkabout overkill...
(Don‟t criticise security. The country‟s riddled with nutters –
Ed.)Yeah. I know. But, come on, all you need in the way of security, to guard someone jogging a few yards with a Davy Lamp, is a couple of marksmen, armed with tranquilizerdarts
riding shotgun on one of the floats...(Keep it PC
Ed.)Yeah. I know. But it works in Africa with lions and things.(
animalist! I said keep it PC
Ed.)It gets worse. One of these floats is advertising Lloyds TSB
for God‟s sake
! The bloodybankers lost me ten-thousand quid a couple of years back!(No personal vendettas
ED)Now the whole circus is on the move again, on the next leg of a Round Britain jobs-for-the-boys romp. This time Marathon Man is a bloke.
Is he the one who‟s going to sprint up to
Inverness? No! He cadges a lift at the traffic lights and disappears into the blue, followed by asquad of motorcycle outriders...
(That‟s enough. Bring it to a close –
Ed.)We move off too, and head for Marks and Spencer for a cup of coffee. A girl, superfluousto requirements, stands on the door, whistling at the wind. She thrusts a freebie into
a plastic Union Flag to wave at the Jubilee. There‟s something different about it. Ah –
Iget it. The flag is upside down on the jack. Is this some coded way of playing the ScottishIndependence card both ways?I reckon that, over there across the pond, if they hung the Stars and Stripes upside downon the pole, the head of Walmart would face a 30 year str...(We need the rest of the space for an urgent bulletin
Eurovision Song Contest
I told you that Humperdinck hadn‟t got a cat in hell‟s...