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P. 1
the cypress in the courtyard

the cypress in the courtyard

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Published by Pankaj Kumar

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Published by: Pankaj Kumar on Dec 30, 2008
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial


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almost to the point of their falling with exhaustion. Bennett had
worked hard and he was just thinking to rest when Gurdjieff gave him
some new work to do -- to go into the forest and cut wood.
It was almost impossible. He could not even walk! He was so tired
and feeling so sleepy that he felt he would fall anywhere on the road.
But when Gurdjieff said to do it, he had to. That was a deep
commitment between Gurdjieff and his disciples -- that whatsoever he
said, they would do. He was dictatorial. And that is the only way to
work; there is no other way. If one is lenient, nothing will happen.
So Bennett went, against his own wishes, somehow just dragging
himself. While he was cutting wood, suddenly he had a very great
satori... a great energy rushed into him. All tiredness went and he felt
more alive than ever before in his life. He was as alive and as vital as
if he had been resting for many days. He felt so elated, so happy, so
vibrating, that an idea came into his mind, that if in this tremendous
energy he were to desire anything, it would happen immediately.
So he said to himself, 'Let me feel sadness,' and immediately he
became as sad as if the whole of the world had become dark; he was
surrounded with darkness. He started slipping into a hell. He could
not believe it -- in just a single moment!
He immediately pulled himself out and said, 'Let me be happy,' and
he was happy again. Then he tried it with all the emotions -- with
anger, love, compassion, Jealousy. An idea would just come to his
mind and his whole being would become that.
That day he realised what masters have always been saying: that it is
you who create all your emotions -- your hell and heaven, your love
and hate.
But if you don't understand that it is your creation, you remain in the
bondage. Once you understand that it is you, why settle for
okayness? That is not much. And your life will not be a life of song
and dance and celebration. Just by being okay, how will you
celebrate? Just by being okay, how will you love? Why be so miserly
about it?
But there are many people who are stuck at okayness. They have
lost all energy just because of their ideas. Okayness is like a person
who is not sick but who is also not healthy; he is so-so. You cannot
call him ill and you cannot call him healthy. He is standing just
between these two. He is not ill and cannot be hospitalised but he is
not alive and healthy. He cannot celebrate. That's what okayness is.

So drop that. I will suggest that if it is too difficult for you to feel
blissful, at least feel miserable. That will be something; at least
energy will be there. You can cry and weep. You may not be able to
laugh, but tears are possible. Even that will be life. But okayness is
very cold. Either be miserable or happy... and if there is a question of
choosing, why choose misery when you can choose happiness?
Back home, continue to meditate -- at least one meditation each day.
And this is going to be your moment-to-moment meditation:
remember to feel blessed. If you can do that much, when you come
back next time much will be possible.

[A sannyasin said that she had been in Nepal for two months. When
she left Poona, after the Enlightenment day celebration, she felt very
open and good; then later became very afraid and paranoid of

It can happen sometimes that if you suddenly feel open, you can feel
fear coming. Openness is vulnerability. When you are open, you feel
at the same time that something wrong can enter you. That is not just
a feeling; it is a possibility.
That's why people are closed. If you open the door for the friend to
come in, the enemy can also come in. Clever people have closed
their doors. To avoid the enemy, they don't even open the door for
the friend. But then their whole life becomes dead.

... It is just the idea; just the idea that something wrong can enter you.
There is nothing that could happen, because basically we have
nothing to lose -- and that which we have cannot be lost. That which
can be lost is not worth keeping. When this understanding becomes
tacit, one remains open.
Let winds come, let the sun come -- everything is welcome. Once you
become attuned to living with an open heart, you will never close. But
a little time has to be given to it. You went immediately after the
enlightenment day so you must have been feeling very open. It can
happen on those days. That's why I insist on people being here then.
You can ride on the wave and something can open. But then you
have to maintain that opening, otherwise it will close again.
Only fear has to be feared, nothing else. And people are not afraid of
fear; they are afraid of a thousand and one things. But fear is the only
enemy, because with fear you start being crippled. You stop moving,

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