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January5,2012DearSam,IhavereadtheletterthatyoupostedrecentlyonFacebook,andhavedecidedImustwritetoyou.Perhapsyoufinditconfusinganddiscouragingthatwhileyouhavedoneyourbesttoshowrepentanceandtofollowbiblicalprocessregardingyourfall,youaremetwithsuchresistancefromformerfellow-soldiersintheLord’swork.Noneofushavewrittencommentsofencouragementordelightinyourplanstore-launchyourselfinministry,andnooneis“liking”yourletter.Youmayfeelthatwearebeingunreasonableandevengracelessinourapproach.Iknowthatthesilenceishurtful,butitisallthatmanyofusfeelwecanoffer.However,asyoudeclarerepeatedlythatyouwantsomuchtofollowthewillofGod,IamwritingtoyoutoattempttohelpyouunderstandtheresistanceandhesitanceIandmanyothersfeel.Youhavewritten,“Hypocrisyisanunpardonablesin.”Ihavebeensilentallofthesemonths,butinlightofyourwords,andinlightofthefactthatyouseemdeterminedtolaunchyourselfintoministryagain,Icannotholdmypeaceanylonger.KnowthatIwritetoyou,notforthepurposeofwounding,butofhealing.Iprayforyouandyourfamilyeveryday,andIdonottakelightlytheresponsibilityofliftingyouandyourfutureupbeforetheLord.ButIhavecometotheconclusionthatIcannotjustprayforyou.Imustsharewithyouwhatisuponmyheart.AsJesusspoketothePharisees,thereweretearsinHisvoice.ButHecontinuedtorebukethem,onlybecomingmoredirectastimewentoninHisministry.ThiswasnotbecauseHewasbecomingangrywiththem,butbecauseHeknewtheywereadvancingintheirsinagainsttheHolySpirit—pushingawaythevoiceofconviction—andHemustdosomethingdesperatetogettheirattention.Thosewhowillnotbemoldedmustbebroken.Ipraythisisnotthecaseinyoursituation.SoIwritetoyouasafriend,withearnestintentiontoreachyourheart.Ihopethatyouwillprayerfullyconsidermywords.YoumayknowthatIdidtwoseminarpresentationsonsexualaddictionatGYCthisyear,aswellasoneonhealingfromsexualabuse.AsthisisanareainwhichIdealwithmanypeopleonanongoingbasis,IhavefeltmoreandmorecompelledtoputtogetherapresentationtoreachthosewhoIcannotspeakwithpersonally.Ispokedirectlytotheissuesinvolvingyoursituation,thoughIdidnotuseyourname.Ifeltthatbyyourpersistentdeterminationtoexaltyourselftothepositionofspiritualadvisortoothers,whenyouhavecompletelydisqualifiedyourselfforit,youhadforcedmetodoso.Theheartofmypresentationonsexualaddictionwastheallegoryoftheplant.Iusedtwoplantsinparticular,thedandelionandthebamboo,toillustratesexualaddiction.InmyseminarIexplainedthatthepoweroftheseplantsliesintheirrootsystem,andthatbythetimeasexualaddictionismanifestedbyoutwardbehaviors,
 
itisalreadydeeplyrootedinothersinsofthesoul.Thisisafact,andonethatyoumustrealizeyourself,asyouexamineyourownlife.Idon’thavetohearastorytoknowthattherewasalongprocessthatledtoyourfall.Youhaveattemptedtopaintyourselfasamightyspiritualwarriorwhomadeamistakebecausehewasina“farcountry”andwhodidnothaveenoughsafeguardsinplace.Thisisaboldfacedlie.YouandIbothknowthatthisisnotthefirsttimeyouhavedonesuchathing.Itisonlythefirsttimeyouhavebeencaught,andifyouhadnotbeenconfrontedwiththeundeniabletruthaboutwhatyouhaddone,youwouldnothavevoluntarilycomeforward.Yetyouhaveartfullywordedyourconfessionstomakeitappearthatyoudidsovoluntarily.Whenyourealizedthatthefactswerecomingtolight,thatthishadhappenedinJanuaryandyouhadnotconfessedformanymonths,youadjustedyourconfessions.Iwatchedtheprogressionofyourtestimonyoverthemonths,andyouhaveevidencedclearlywhatspiritisbehindyourefforts.Youcannotletgoofthespotlight,ofyouridentityasaspiritualadvisorandonewhocanbetrustedandadmired.Soyoupretendthattherewasnotdeepspiritualdecayinyourheartleadinguptothisevent.ButasacounselorandaChristian,Iknowwhathappensfirst.Thehollow,rottencenterofthemightyoakisonlyrevealedwhenitfalls,butthedecayhasbeengoingonforyearsbeforethefall.Soitisintheareaofsexualsinespecially.Whenamanknowsjustwhattremendousissuesareatstakeandgoesforwardwithhislustfulactionsanyway,onecanknowthatthiswasnotthebeginning.Foryoutodosuchahigh-riskact,therehavebeenmanycomparativelylow-riskactsalreadydone.WhetherthatwaspornographyoraprostituteinAmsterdam,Idon’tknow.Butyouknow.Andyouhavedeterminedlypressedforwardwithyourpretenseofholiness,givingyourfollowerstheillusionthatyouarestillworthyoftrust.Nothingcouldbefartherfromthetruth.Asyouprobablyknow,formanymonthsIhavebeenintouchwiththeyoungladywithwhomyouweresinfullyinvolved.SinceIdonotknowifthisemailwillbeseenbysomeoneotherthanyourself,IamgoingtorefertoherasNandipa(pseudonym)Ihavedevelopedafriendshipwithher,andamdeeplymovedbyheranguishasshehasdealtwiththeconsequencesofyouractions.ThisispartofthereasonIfeelsostronglythatImustwritetoyou.Youseemdeterminedtopromoteyourselfasone“qualifiedforministry”byyourfall,andIfeelverystronglythatunderthecircumstances,nothingcanbefartherfromthetruth.Iffallingintosinisaprerequisiteforbeingabletoministertosinners,JesusHimselfwasnotqualified.Iknowthatyouhavesoughttofindforgiveness,andperhapsyoufeelthatyouhaveobtainedtheforgivenessandhealingneededfromGod.Onemightfeel,“WhatmorecanIdo?”Confession,repentanceandbittertimeofreflectionhaveallbeenapartofthelastfewmonthsforyou.Nowyoumaynotbeabletounderstandwhyyourfellowleadersandpartnersinministryfeelthatthisisnotenough.Icanunderstandwhyyoumightthinkthatyouarenowqualifiedtoministeragain.However,thereisasinforwhichthereisnoforgiveness.Itisnotadultery,ofcourse,butasstatedinMatthew12:31,“theblasphemyagainsttheSpiritwillnotbe
 
forgivenmen.”IknowthatIamnotexplainingsomethingtoyouthatyoudonotknow,sopleasebearwithmeandlistentowhatIamsayingaboutthissin.ThesinagainsttheHolySpiritisthesinwhichSatanhimselfcommits.ItisthesinthePhariseescommitted.Whatdotheyhaveincommon?Simplyput,theywereskilledatdenial—lyingtothemselves.Evennow,thoughSatanknowsthatJesusiscomingtodefeathim,andthathecandonothingtostopGodfromwinning,helivesincontinualdefiance,determinedtowinthegreatcontroversythoughheknowshecannot.ThoughhestoodinthepresenceoftheFather,andknewHischaracterofloveasperhapsnootherangeldid,EllenWhitesaysSatanhatestheconceptofself-sacrificinglove.“Itsveryexistencehedenies.”ThoughheknowsthatGodislove,heisspendingeverymomentofhislifeattemptingtodisproveit.Inaword,heis
lyingtohimself.
Thisiswhyheisknownas“thefatheroflies.”ThisisonemanifestationofthesinagainsttheHolySpirit—choosingwhatwewanttobelieve,andconvincingourselvesofit.Whenyoufirstsubmittedyourwrittenresignation,accompaniedbyyourexplanationofevents,IreaditandimmediatelysaidtoAlan,“He’snottellingthetruth.”AsaBiblicalcounselor,Idealwithmanypeoplewhostrugglewithaddictions,especiallysexualones.Iamwellawareoftheprocessthatleadstoaneventsuchasyours.Perhapsapersonwhoisignorantofthisprocesswouldbelievetheexplanation,“Itookprecautions,butIdidnottakeenough,”and“itwasthesinofamoment.”However,
 youandIbothknowbetter.
Therewasalongprocessthatledtosuchanevent.Nooneendsupinbedwithapersonwhoisnottheirspouseonanimpulse.Thisistrueahundredtimesoverinthisparticularsituation.Ifyouwereonthetenthfloorofabuildingandyouclimbedintotheelevatorandpressedtherightbutton,youcouldbetransportedinamatterofsecondstothebottomfloor.However,thisisnothowadulteryhappens.Theprocessleadingtoadulteryisnotaninstantaneousevent,butastep-by-stepdescent,apersistentpushingawayofthevoiceoftheHolySpirit.Thisiswhyadulteryissufficienttobreakeventhesacredmarriagevow.Beforeoneengagesinsuchahigh-risksin(riskingyourownlife,yourwife’slife,yourministry,reputation,andfamily),thereareathousandsecondlooksatlownecklinesorhighhemlines,orfantasies,orepisodesofviewingpornography,ortripstothehoteldesktopaycashtowatchamoviethatyoudonotwanttoberecordedonyourbill.NoearnestChristianyoungmanendsupinthebackseatofacarwithhisgirlfriendwithoutfirstpushingawaythevoiceofconscience,rationalizingmanytimes,“It’sokaytogositinadesertedparkinglotaloneinthedark,becausewewouldnever…”YouandIbothknowthis—thereisaprocessthatleadstoanadulterousevent.Whenamighty-lookingtreefallsinastorm,weareshockedtoseethehollowrottennessthathasconsumedtheinsideofthetree.Itlookedfineuntilitfell.Buttherewasalongprocessthatledtothatfall.Adulterousbehavior,thefallofthetree,istheRESULT,nottheimpulsiveevent,ofalongprocessofspiritualdecay.And
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