The Travails of Hindu Widows

The Hindu widows in India ,in the 20th century I knew, were the most humiliated lot among thehuman members of our society.When their husbands died,they were packed off to their parents ,if living, or sent to the elder brother or any brother or maternal uncle..She carried with her-- herchildren,---Having lost their father,the children had to watch the harassment of their mother.If thewidows are rich,the brothers like vultures,swooped on the property,telling wonderful tales of solace tothe widowed sister, but grabbing the wealth.There was the factor of brother's wife who could treat herto her own whims.As many may recall of those days, the widows were disfigured so that they will not be attractive oralluring to men.A widow's head was shaved within 13 days of the death of her husband.She had tocover her bald head with the saree,which was of only one color --dull red or brown.She had to removeall her jewels and present herself with holes in her ears which adorned diamond or gold studs,anotherhole in her nostril,which carried a nose screw;bare arms without bangles;no chain on her neck.She wasforbidden from wearing a tilak or forehead mark.She cannot touch the red ochre powder called'kumkum' ---the sign of grace and prosperity.They were not allowed to wear a blouse even;if they hada blouse,as it happened after 1950's,they were not allowed to wear a bodice or brassieres,so that theirbreasts would not be lifted up.Urchins mocked at their ugly figure on the streets.In very orthodox families,she was not offered food with spicy powders.What is worse, she was offeredone lunch and no dinner at all.She had to fast once in a fornight or on certain days of the week.It should be noted that in 1950's or earlier, the life expectancy was very low.For men, at the time of independence from the British [1947] ,the average lifespan for men was only 36 years--almost thesame figure as for the Romans.Therefore many widows were seen in almost every family.The jointfamily system did help them ---with all the inhibitions heaped on them.A widow's life is a cursed one.She could not appear before young couples or visitors as she hadbecome a personification of ill-luck and misfortune.She must spend her time singing bhajans or hymnsand offering poojas.Again there were lot of restrictions.She was permitted to go to religiousdiscourses,but she must maintain distance from other lucky women with husbands.I remember oneAcharya or Pontiff of a well-known Mutt who would not look at these unfortunate women.They can dopronams from a distance.They cannot near him and touch his feet.Further,in these mutts ,food wasoffered last to widows,the left-overs...In the central parts of India,Bengal and Orissa,widows were expected to spend the last years in placeslike Benaras[Varanasi] , Vrindavan and Haridwar where they huddled into hovels-- fit for cattle. Manywere poor and had meagre meals.That seemed right ,so that they can reach the feet of the Lordearlier!.They were supposed to spend the rest of their lives chanting Lord Krishna's name.Things improved when the women became educated and could hold a job,however humble it mightbe.Many became cooks or house keepers in the rich housholds.They could wear normal sarees; most of them,however, would not wear tilak in the forehead.Many poor widows made a living by takingboarders in their homes for lunch and dinner ,mostly bachelors working in offices, college students andthe elderly.Some widows made extra money by making and selling pickles,condiments,papads andmasala powders.