Kelly and Me
/ #KELLYandME / by William Pine and Nimrod Kamer ©6 Episodes / 9.30pm
Has-been and Wannabe move in together.Nimrod, 29, believes he's asexual, has diarrhea, irritable bowel syndrome, went through 2vasectomies. Plays a spoon and carrot in commercials, keeps all taxi receipts from pastauditions. Always wears long-johns. Legally blind. FB Status: emotionally available.Kelly, 29, supermodel, sick of fame, thinks she's a has-been. Wants to do more seriousacting, likes Boris Johnson. Went through a divorce, went to high-school with Nimrod butcan’t remember him. Never dated anyone Jewish.
Kelly has a breakdown on an OK! magazine photoshoot. Nimrod, returning from abanana acting job, finds her passed out in a bus and takes her home. Kelly decides tomove in with Nimrod to a Cockfosters flat. Nimrod lives in the loo since he's so allergic toeverything. Kelly wants to edit her Wikipedia. Nimrod buys her 50,000 fake twitter followers. Nimrod wants Kelly to be on the 6 o'clock news everyday. Kelly calls a pressconference and announces that she's preggers from Nimrod. Nimrod shouts it's not his.Later they go on a hot-air balloon and Kelly falls into the river. It makes the news. Nimrod jumps after her.
Kelly is now represented by Nimrod's mother. Nimrod is shooting himself out of acannon into Kelly's bed. Later Kelly is in a commercial where she swims inside a hugeglass of champagne. Nimrod jumps in. Nimrod is in love with a hip girl who hosted 'TheJoy of Teen Sex' show. Kelly helps him date her. Nimrod catches Kelly with Ollie fromMade In Chelsea and demands Ollie gets circumcised.
Kelly and Nimrod go to Paris Fashion Week without any money and sleep in Gare duNord luggage compartments. Kelly teaches Nimrod what shelving is. Later they go toKenya to shoot a fake video of Obama's birth, to show everyone how the press isignorant. Nimrod is surprised to know that Kelly is white.
Nimrod and Kelly get married in Essex. Nimrod loses to Kelly's father in Badminton.Back in London they have a bet that Nimrod can't get into 5 members clubs without beinga member.
Nimrod and Kelly pitch their new show about a PDF file to Channel 4. They try to foolthe news again saying they found Bin Laden’s body, which was thrown in the Koreanocean. Kelly invents a phone with 2 SIM cards, and an oyster card system that lets youbet on stocks.
Kelly decides to run for local council. Nimrod is her advisor. They ask John Prescott for advice on campaigning. They decide to go to the UN in Geneva to lobby against ageism.Nimrod and Kelly sleep together in Nimrod’s dream. He wakes up and she has gonehome to her mother.