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Handling Difficult People

Handling Difficult People

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Published by: verma.saket.pramod7132 on Jan 03, 2009
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05/09/2014

 
Handling difficult people
Saleem Rana
They are out there. They may either be your boss, college professor, business partner, landlord,or even your own spouse, children, siblings or parents. Anyone can be a difficult person tosomeone else. You may not admit it, but at one time or another all of us have been difficult people to other people.It is vital to see if you are in a situation with a difficult person or if you yourself are beginningto be one. The first solution to any problem is recognising the problem. Most times, difficult people do not realise they are difficult. They do not see that they are demanding too much fromother people. They think their attitude is just normal. Likewise, some of their victims may not seethat they are dealing with difficult people.It is vital that at this early point, we grasp the fact that avoiding difficult people does not solvethe problem in question. As earlier mentioned, these people are everywhere. There is no privacythey cannot invade. Ironically, the more successful you get the more difficult people you have tomeet and cope with. Coping with difficult people might even be considered an essential skill togetting and staying successful in your life. If you enjoy sailing in the sea you have to get used toits moods.The key is not to stay out of it but to learn to sail smoothly through thick and thin. Likewise, itis learning how to deal with a difficult person that gives you smooth sailing amid a storm. Onceyou master this, difficult people will start liking you. So what makes a difficult person difficult?Everyone out there is fighting a life battle of some kind. The battles may be fierce or mild.Different people have different stress tolerance. When people reach a state of high confusion andare overwhelmed, they become difficult. They then, unconsciously project their frustration onyou. As a psychologist, my business is actually in dealing with difficult people, trying to makethem less difficult. Once people become aware of their own inner pain, they begin to see howthey bludgeon others with it, often unconsciously. Their lives are falling apart because they arecritical, judgmental, and hostile to themselves and other people. Everything i do in a session isdesigned for only one purpose: to make them self-aware.Given this opportunity to see other people more deeply, I have found the best way to stayobjective enough to help them is to follow the advice of Don Miguel Ruiz, a brilliant Toltec philosopher. He said that everyone is living in their own dream, their own version of reality. Youhave to understand that everything they are saying about you is only a projection from that stateof unawareness. In fact, they do not see you at all, only their interpretation of what someone likeyou means to them. Thus, he advised, do not take things personally. If you base your values andyour meanings on someone else’s point of view, you have merely traded in your own uniquenessand become imprisoned in their dream. You are letting them define you. No one can trulyunderstand you for they do not know you well enough to do it.Once you really get this perspective, you can allow yourself the freedom to see them as upsetabout something that has nothing to do with you but over something that is bothering them. They

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