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Ode to you...

Ode to you...

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Published by: Diane Karina Cunningham on Jun 17, 2012
Copyright:Attribution Non-commercial

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10/30/2012

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ode to you - by DianeI'm in the mood for love -simply because.Maybe I need you the same way a flower grows towards the sun, I feel like a caterpillar who has morphed into a butterfly since we became first acquainted. I'm begun to feel feelings I had never felt before, a sceptic who looked for love andthe aura of romanticism in prose and books because I had always had a heart withno pulse....I wanted to get out if the mess my mind had been causing my heart.I realise that I had been wallowing in foolish pride, and listening to alternatevoices that hissed and barked at me relentlessly, and I crumbled because instead of confronting it and getting a home run by hitting them with a baseball bat Imissed , and as a result I almost lost the most important thing I had ever had;you.I had been so lost when I tried to sever our ties, drowning in a toxic mixture of scotch and vodka. Like my identity had been at war the raw diane you had come into contact with, and the diane that had been ruled by the queen of hearts and societal expectations, I felt like a walking contradiction. I came to realise in that moment that I had never felt such a capacity if happiness with anyone else,but when I was without you I had never been filled with so much sadness. It feltlike I was drowning in my own tears. Like my heart was in a basil pot and I hoped that if that put was filled with my own tears and blood maybe I'd be able to revive it back to life again.I am lost at the minute nod do not take these words pessimistically , not an identity crisis but I was sat in a contemplative and reflective mood. Defining oneself I began writing a list and then stripping it back. In the past I believed infancy and prior life experiences defined who I was , so I subtracted that from the equation, my past makes me feel like I am a victim ( childhood) but I don't feel that I am, nor do I believe that where I was born defines me either or my political stances on life and humanity. I have nothing to say about myself anymore, because the people who I seek validation from have gone due to difference in choices. So how do I define the turning of a new leaf? This is how Kareem :" my name is Diane, I have a heart beat and a pulse. I am made of tissue, muscle, skin and bone. I'm not on a daring mission of mercy or a martyr looking for miracles, i have never been a reformed character and i still don't know who i am. Iwill not live in the past, and I will not try and control the future. You are ahuman being I have fallen in love with, for you radiate something I have neverexperienced before and now that yourin my life I cannot imagine my life withoutyou. Your the sunshine on a shitty day. It's great to meet you. If the future shifts plans we make in the present I hope we don't slip away from each-others hearts."Sitting in your presence I come to the realisation of how lovely you are, you...This wondrous creature that has been made from skin, muscle and bones. I can'tdescribe the internal feeling that inhibits my body in your surroundings, when you place your hands amongst my olive skin. It feels like throwing a rock into apond and watching ripples, it's like a butterfly that consistently flutters itswings, or like a bee that's looking for possum.You, The most beautiful creature i have ever set sights on.If you were a bird you would be perched on an obscure tree unseen. To me, you are simply the eighth wonder of the world a place I have patiently been awaiting a lifetime to see and

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