In Debt My name is Torrence Holland. And this is my story. I graduated from Howard University about a year ago.

Howard University was were I had the time of my life. I mean, I was president of the Student Council, Cheerleading Squad and Dance Team. I was also a baton twirler and host of my own radio show, as well as in the sorority Gamma Phi Epsilon. I was currently finishing up an internship in marketing with Breacon House Marketing, and I thought that come graduation, I would be well on my way to a successful career. I would attend law school, pass the bar and then get a job working in Entertainment law. I thought, man, life is sweetand this sure as hell is going to be the easiest transition that I will ever have to make in my life. I WAS DEAD WRONG. I MEAN DEAD WRONG!!! So yeah, I finished grad school; only to find that there are just no jobs out there at all. None. So what did I have to do? What most people my age found themselves doing. I had to move back in with my parents in Washington, DC. And I tell you that I was not even close to being thrilled about that. Day 200 My loans are about to come out of deferment. I have been out of school now for well over four months. And I bet you are about to ask just what exactly have I been doing with that time? Well, I have been doing what every graduate my age has been doing; well, almost. I have been searching for a job. That one is kind of a given. I have had tons of interviews, if you were wondering about that. I have interviewed for various positions both with marketing agencies, law firms and publishing houses. I have interviewed for marketing assistant jobs, editorial assistant jobs, proofreader jobs and administrative jobs, and nothing. I really do not understand that or how that

is working. Let me be honest with you for a moment. Getting the interviews: now that is not the issue. Landing the job, that is. If I hear: We were very impressed with your resume and your skill set, however, with a large pool of qualified applicants, we will not be pursuing your candidacy any further, I think I might have to shoot myself. I would rather they just tell me cut and dry: you sucked, we hated you, you do not have the experience were looking for, why dont you just make your wait polishing shoes at the airport or working at McDonalds. And I tell you, at this point, that almost sounds like a tempting offer. But I cant. I am not the type of person who can work a dead end job for the rest of my life, or work in a job I hate or where there is no growth. I simply cant do it. I apologize to all of you who think that that might be a crime. I definitely did not think that at this point in my life I would be where I am today. If you are wondering where exactly I am, or what exactly I am talking about when I say: where I am well I am: stuck. That is what I am: stuck!! Absolutely stuck!! And I feel like I cannot get out of this hole that I am in. It seems that everyone that I have graduated with is on their career path. They are actually moving forward and doing something with their lives, and what am I doing? Living on my parents couch? Geeif that doesnt sound like the American dream, then I dont know what is. Sowhat was I saying? Oh yeah. I was talking about what I have been doing since graduating? I have tried to put myself out there. I have taken a few side classes, even one in business management, and I have done some volunteer work with a couple non-profits, including one that helps provide food to third world countries. Other than that, I have been racking my brain trying to find a solution to all of this crap in my life.

Day 222 Washington Loan Association 47 Granby Boulevard Granby, Washington, DC 07885 Dear Ms. Holland Ref #: 4657898989432 Re: Student LoansBill to account TAKE NOTICE that documents are being prepared for the issue of the above debt. Judgment in this matter may lead to: a) Additional legal costs being charged b) Entry on the court judgment registry making it difficult to obtain future credit Failure to make payment after a judgment could lead to: a) Seizure of assets by court filling b) Attendance in court for oral examination regarding assets, liabilities, income and outgoings c) Bankruptcy or liquidation It is essential that you immediately settle this account by sending a cheque to the Washington Loan Association for the full amount. The consequence for ignoring this notice is very serious. Yours faithfully, Amount: 20,000.00

Washington Loan Association Yours faithfully? Yours faithfully? Can you believe that? What exactly do they mean by that? They make it sound like they are a very close friend and they are just here to bless you; like they are writing you a letter from war or something like that. Did you know this was my second letter from the debt collectors? They are kind of like the IRS; only, Im not sure who the bigger bully is. I thought I had more time than this to pay back my loans, but I guess not; times have changed. I mean, boy, have they really changed. I never saw myself working for the man, really. I had this full step process; I was certain it would work. It was this: work my ass off in High School and get myself into a kick ass college. Then, work my butt off in college, intern and network, and then land a job with an entertainment law firm and simultaneously go to grad school and within a few years, make partner. Seems like that plan shot to hell and thats not even the half of it. My whole life I grew up believing that persistence is everything and that hard work pays off and that good things come to those that wait. Well let me tell you this, that is all a bunch of crock. Whoever came up with that load of dootie should be tied up, the devil should be summoned and he or she should be damned in hell for all eternity. Excuse my language. Im just a little bit angry as you might imagine. Day 275 Here I am again. All decked out in my fish net stockings, my bustier, my black gloves and my fancy hat. My hair is all pulled back so it does not get in my face when Im moving around on stage. I feel sexy; I feel hot. Im a freak. Part of me feels bad about

doing this; part of me knows in my heart that it is probably not the best decision in the world. But what other choice do I have? I am screwed over when it comes to loans. I owe so much money and just need to get it paid off. The sooner I can do that the better. So, I thought to myself, why not? Why not take a chance? Sometimes you have to do what you need to do. Ill be honest with you, I like the attention. I always have and I always will. Here at Shangri-La, the dancer is the star. Dont get me wrong, I see peoples looks at me when Im leaving Shangri-La in the wee hours of the morning with barely a shirt to cover my bosom and struggling to get my pants on to avoid extra howls of men to make me feel even more cheap than I already do. Its mainly ex-girlfriends or ex-wives or girlfriends and current wives that have somehow found out about the whereabouts of the men in their lives and have come to discover Shangri-La as quite a bit of a shock. So call me what you want ladies. Call me a whore, a stripper, a prostitute a tease. Those are all just words and its just semantics. I dont care for the label. I care to pay back 20,000.00 in loans and start making my way in this world. I have a new plan and it started with this. I look out onto the stage and see that its a full house tonight. Now, in my sexy garment, as I wait for my cue, I take a couple deep breaths and prepare myself for another night of being viewed as meat. But thats the thing I like about doing what I do, about exploring this world of burlesque. We all have fantasies and guilty pleasures; and for men, its a place where they go to get lost, or a place where they

are hoping that they wont be found. We get men who stay here for weeks at a time. We get men who want to explore, who want to live life on the edge, live life dangerously. Who are we as humans to deny them such pleasure? Such satisfaction? Now, the countdown begins, 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1the curtain begins to rise, and there I am, standing half naked in front of maybe 50 men, maybe more, whose eyes are drawn to me and their mouths watering. I began to feel like Dita Von Teese as I began to sway with the music. I might not have had the martini glass as Dita often does during her engagements, but I used my body as my instrument to the best of my ability. I grabbed onto the pole and swung around it, up and down it. Thats right guys, envision it, picture this, you would love it if I was doing it to you, but Im not. I glided around the stage in my high heels and began to touch myself. I pulled the chair from the side of the stage and began dancing around it and on it and doing fan kicks as the men stared and began throwing money my way. You cant tell, but inside, I am smiling. I cannot be happier. Im here until midnight tonight and I must be making at least 3,000.00 tonight alone. I mean, if I stay here and work for a month, I will no doubt have the money necessary to pay back the government for the 20,000.00 that they have so generously lent me. I bent over just enough to wet their appetite and give the men a little peek, and then I slowly started picking up the money and placing it in my bustier before returning to the chair and pulling a Jennifer Beals. You remember dont you? That part in the movie flash dance when she pulls the lever and gets soaked in water while doing her nightly dances. Well, thats what I do. That is how I end the show. In fact, since I have been here (only about 50 days) I have decided that this is my signature move here at Shangri-La. This is the move that will make me and go down in history. Since

becoming an eminent part of my routine, I have decided to always end my routine with this little piece. As the water fell on me and I became drenched, the audience erupted in applause and whistles and I knew that I had done it yet again. I was quickly finding my place at Shangri-La. As I headed back to my dressing room to dry off and make sure that my costumes were in line for tomorrow nights show, I opened the door, and to my surprise, there was Nikki Blue. I didnt know what to say to her or how to respond to her presence. At a loss for words, I said the first thing that popped into my head: Sup? Nikki, with a Cosmo drink in hand said, Sup? Thats how you greet me? Especially after my discovery of this? How did you find out I worked here? The same way everybody in DC gets their information Nikki responded sternly. I loved Nikki, as I stood there watching her. I loved her with all my heart. She was my best friend. We had been best friends since the second grade when I gladly got stung by a killer bee instead of her. But how do you tell your best friend about your life style choice? Nikki was the most Christian person I ever knew. In fact, she was the most Christian person in my life. So tell me, how do you look your best friend in the eyes and tell her that youre using Gods temple to get money; that you are selling your soul to the devil? How do you explain that lifestyle choice. Secretly I was hoping that I would not have to cross the bridge and that I would never have to have this discussion with Nikki. And now that the time has come, somehow, the opportunity presented itself, I had to speak to Nikki. As she stood there, she just looked so judgmental. She looked so disgusted. And its as if behind her beautiful

Amber colored eyes she looked at me and could only see the portrait of somebody she thought she knew. She looked at me and didnt see me anymore. She would never understand. Why are you doing this? she said a little more calmly after having time to fully digest her thoughts. I need the money I said. But I cant imagine youd ever understand that I said, slightly more sarcastically. And she wouldnt. Of course I never meant to be mean, cynical or judgmental; but she wouldnt. She is the daughter of Loretta Blue, a doctor and Andrew Blue, a lawyer of his own firm. She was raised in a gorgeous little country house and after the eighth grade, that is when Loretta and Andrew decided that it was time to send Nikki off to private school. I didnt see her again until I was a sophomore in college and learned that she was going to be my roommate that year after moving back home and transferring from UCLA. Nikki had it all. But some of us, where never quite that lucky. We had to work ten times harder at everything to reap even half the benefits. Im not complaining, Im just making a point, an observation. And what would your father think? Nikki questioned. Does it really matter? I questioned back, slowly brushing my hair and letting it slip through my finger tips. Its not his decision. Its mine. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Well, how long have you been doing this for? 50 days.

I see. And when did you concoct this genius plan to start working here? When I realized that the economy sucked, I couldnt catch a break, I do not have the money for grad school, and the government is on my ass about repayments I answered her in a more caustic tone this time. I felt like I was having a conversation with my mother. If they were not two separate people, Id swear that Nikki Blue and my mother were one in the same. I began packing up all of my things into my duffle bag, preparing to head home for the night and finished cleaning up my dressing room and headed out with Nikki following closely behind me. This ends now. This ends tonight Nikki said as she grabbed my hand and tried to prevent me from getting into my car as men whistled behind me. I do not approve of this. This is not okay. How would God feel? Think about him. Youre forgetting one thing I said, as I struggled to find my keys that seemed to have fallen to the bottom of my bag. I am not Christian and I do not share the same fucking beliefs as you. I need you to be my friend, not a bitch, so get the hell out of my way and let me go home!!! I bellowed at her as I opened my car door. She was quick to slam the door shut. Luckily, my co-worker, Rita Skye, a Shangri-La veteran who had been working as a burlesque dancer at the night club for 20 years ran up and asked if everything was okay. And boy was I glad; I dont think that I can stress that enough. Nikki and I nearly got into it, a scream match, and it could have been way worse by fist fighting. Finally gathering myself, I took a deep breath and said, Nikki, I understand where you are coming from; but you have to understand that this is my life. I appreciate your concern, but it is not necessary. Thank you.

I turned my back to her and faced Rita. Are you okay? Rita asked before I got into the car. I simply nodded and then drove off into the night with Nikki staring after me as if she had somehow failed God or lost her virtue by not being able to save mine. Day 225 Its a job. Just like any other. Some people are waitresses, some people are entrepreneurs and some are software engineers. I, however, have chosen a different path. I have chosen expression and creativity. I chose to work at Shangri-La, one of the worlds most renowned burlesque clubs. I say burlesque because, well, we do have some class. As I look around me at all the beautiful girls, I start to question if I really belong here. You know the people that work here work here for various reasons. Not just anyone can start working at Shangri-La. You have to be a special kind of person; seriously, thats what they say in their advertisements: Shangri-La: where the special people go to shine. People here work here, like I said, for all sorts of reasons. For me, not only am I trying to dodge the FBI, I am trying to make money to pay back college loans. And maybe at the end of it all, I will end up finding myself and wind up where I was always meant to be. Some people come here because they are lost, or maybe they are looking for something. And still, some people come here to hide. And those kinds of people, well those kinds of people sometimes dont want to be found. Thats why many of us who work here have stage names. For instance, me. Sometimes I let them call me THoward or T-Ho. And if I want something really sexy, I just go by Florence Kitten. Alright, so maybe it is not the sexiest name in the world, but it certainly resonated with me.

And what about Rita? She is the first lady I met here today. And already I am becoming quite fond of her. I admire her. And if she is not special, then who is? Rita was arrested on drug charges when she was just 15 years old. And it wasnt her fault really. Her boyfriend at the time (a trouble maker if you ask me) had her in the car when he was planning to smuggle illegal drugs across the US border and they were caught. A couple months later, she and the same boyfriend were arrested for having sex in the park. A little promiscuous (but totally something that I would probably do as well. I mean, who doesnt love a little danger). Rita was even raped when she was 17 years old. And the way she had described the tragedy to me was so detailed, I couldnt help but cry. I mean, I was balling my eyes out. Its no wonder she ended up working here. Although, she does hope to go back to school and start getting her life on track; I admire that to. She was so many qualities that a person can look up to. I mean, if you really got to know her, or sat down and had a chat with her, she is just so poised and intelligent and charismatic. I just have an endless amount of things that I could say about her. I just felt so bad for her. I didnt know what to say or how to react. And I bet you are holding tightly to this short story and wondering just why someone would be quite so open the first time they meet someone. Well, heres the answer for you. At good ole Shangri-La, we have no secrets. We share everything. We talk about everything. We are family here at Shangri-La. She has two kids, twins, a boy and a girl, Jessie (Short for Jessica) and Jesse (thats the thing about that particular name), whether you are a boy or a girl, it just seems to work either way. She could have even gone with Andrew and Andrea (now wouldnt that be a cute set up).

Here, let me help you with that Rita said to me as she took out my make-up brush and began helping me put blush on my face. Rita was friendly like that, always willing to lend a helping hand to anybody who needed it. You never even had to ask. She would just approach you with such grace, and extend her hand as a token of friendship. Once she was done helping me, she left the room so that I could get into the proper attire for the nights show, and gather my thoughts. I exited my dressing room. All set? she said, as she looked at me in the middle of my heavy breathing. You look nervous? she questioned as she and I walked down the long, never ending hall towards the back stage doors. So what brings you to Shangri-La? Rita asked. Life I said. And that was about as much as I said; there was really nothing else to it. Life? she questioned back to me. Thats what I said. Nobody comes here because life happened to them. Well I did I said as Babydoll finished her routine and got money tossed at her. Babydoll exited the stage with such confidence and then turned to me as she said, I warmed them up for you out there. Go get em. Rita looked after me as the lights shown into my eyes and I took the stage for my first night at the infamous Shangri-La. As I stood there, lights in my eyes, I just froze. I had never done anything like this before, and I didnt know where to start. I looked back at Rita who gave me a nod and then mouthed, Its okay. Just let yourself go.

Let myself go? And then the music started as the crowd looked on. It was a Michael Buble classic, Feeling Good. I love Michael Buble. I even saw him in concert once. As the lyrics went, Birds flying high. You know how I feel. Sun in the sky, you know how I feel, I started to sway back and forth, along with the music, and suddenly it was like all the greats came over me, such as Dita Von Teese. I was possessed. I swayed, and then I grabbed the pole and took a swing around it and then strutted back towards the audience and took a spin. I released me red cape that I had been wearing to reveal my bra and panties and fishnet stockings, and as the music picked up pace, I brought in some of my dance moves from leaps and pirouettes to fuetes and jettes. I knew right then and there as I twirled around the stage that I had ruled the audience in. I had them wrapped around my finger. Its like they were hanging onto my every move. I gave them something to look forward to. I loved this feeling. I loved being the center of attention. I finished up my routine by dancing around a chair. And when I was done, the money came flying my way as I strutted to pick it up, all the while, making it look as sexy as humanly possible. I exited the stage where Rita and Babydoll stood looking on. That was phenomenal Babydoll said. You really think so? I asked as I wiped sweat off of my face. Couldnt have done that routine better. You are a complete natural out there. That means a lot; coming from a legend such as yourself. If Im not careful, you might take my place here. I laughed, That could never happen. I mean, you are like royalty here. The way they watch you out there, and the way people here bow down to you and look up to you.

Well.. Babydoll said. Keep up the good work. HeyTorrence. Lets talk for a bit Rita said to me as she pulled me to the side. Whats going on? I asked, sounding confused. Theres a man in your dressing room. Oh yeah I said as we started walking down the long corridor. He says his name is Donald Wallace. The minute those words exited her mouth, my heart stopped. Did he say what he wants? Just to come get you and that it was urgent. Thanks for telling me I replied, and then opened the door to find Donald Wallace standing there with his stern composure. He almost reminded me of my dad a few years ago, or somebody in the military. Donald Wallace, he had been hunting me down for months trying to get me to repay back these college loans. It was one thing when our interactions were just on the phone or over the internet, but now, to see him in person. Donald was a big muscular man. He seemed quite pompous and arrogant, but how can you really tell all those things from just seeing someone, from just watching them. I never liked Donald; not from our first meeting over the phone, and neither here. I mean, how did he find me; seriously, how did he find me? I mean, I know he works for the government, but some stuff is seriously creepy. And now that he was here, what was Donald going to do now? Run off and tell his superiors where I work? Was he going to track down my parents or my ex-boyfriend or even my exfriends and let them know how I had been spending the better and the worst days of

my life since graduating from university. I have never been a fan of snitches. But he seemed to like doing that. Maybe because he was Puerto Rican he thought that he could come here to my place of work and just be an ass. But I am not okay with that. How did you find out where I work? I asked Donald. I have my ways he said sternly, with a dirty and condescending look on his face. Im sure that he was probably thinking to himself, what is wrong with you? Why cant you find a job? Who are you? Why would you sink so low as in to work in a place like this? What brings you here? I asked, nervous to get a response. Your loans need to be repaid or were going to have to send you to debtors prison. And I reckon you wont like it there. Im working on it I said. Ill have the money for you, soon. And so I am just supposed to take your word for it? My word. Yes. You have it. And might I remind you what the value of your word is? No need, sir. I started to feel like Rebecca Bloomwood from Confessions of a Shopaholic. But I knew that I couldnt run from the law forever. Day 300 I stepped onto stage that night. I started my routine. This time the music was one of my personal favorites, the Eva Cassidy version of Wade in the Water. But as I looked out into the audience, I saw Nikki standing there. Next to her was Maxell Hammish, one of my old flames. One of the flames that just sort of faded out over time. I

stopped dancing, mid song and exited the stage as Nikki and Max followed me to the end of the stage near the stage doors. So its true? Max said. In all the years I have known you, I never thought that you would end up working in a place like this. You have to do what you have to do I said. Sometimes that is just the way it is. And quite frankly I am getting really sick and tired of people telling me what is and isnt okay. This is my life and I can do with it what I want. But you also need to stop being so stubborn. Listen to somebody else for a change. I mean, you do have to consider the possibility that we might actually know what is best for you Max said. Okay, who invited you? I asked angrily. Did you tell him I worked here? I directed that question at Nikki. You wont listen to me, I thought maybe you would listen to Max. After all, it wouldnt kill you to gain some perspective. I stared at both of them, a long hard stare for a while, and then I shook my head, turned my back and walked off into the distance. I could not believe what I was hearing. Day 327 There I was, with Rita. It had been almost 15 days since we left Shangri-La to start our own escort agency, one of the first in this area of DC. We were doing pretty good business I thought. I enjoyed working there, and matching up our clients with people we thought would get true pleasure. As I sat in the back room counting inventory and

going through the client list with Rita, I looked at her, and suddenly, a feeling that I had never experienced before came over me. I did not know how to explain it. She looked lovely in the light, and so I leaned over and placed my hand on her leg, and thanked her. I thanked her for being such a good friend to me during my days at Shangri-La, and just for being there for me and being somebody that I could talk to. I thanked her very much for being a part of my life and let her know how happy I was that she was in my life. It was a good feeling to know that somebody does understand. I cant believe how much money we have made tonight. I am pretty sure that we are making more in this business than we were for a nights work at Shangri-La I said. Thats a given Rita replied as she through some money into the air and started rolling around in it. I can finally take care of my kids in a way that I never thought possible and give them the life that I always dreamed of for them. And do you know how close I am to being able to finally open up that shelter for battered women? Rita exclaimed excitedly. I never thought any of this was possible. Mark you, it sucks that this is the way I had to get there, but, you know as well as I do, youve got to do what youve got to do. I do know that I said as I lied down on top of her and held her in my arms. I then planted a tender kiss on her lips as we began to kiss ever so passionately in the backs. And then something came over me as I wondered what the hell I was doing. How could I have kissed a girl? What was I thinking? This was so out of my element. I pulled away for a bit, confused at what I had just done, and she pulled me closer to her, reassuring me that it was okay. She then said, I wont tell if you wont. Kissing a girl does not make you gay, it makes you human. We all need pleasure.

Day 342 I was in the back room at the Escorte Escorts lounge were I now worked. I was filling out paper work late into the night. Around ten pm was when Rita walked into the room. She looked nervous as she said, hey. I looked up and replied with a simple, hey. Whats up? We need to talk she said. Of course. About what? Look, if its about that kiss the other night, that we never spoke about, Im so sorry, I Its not about that actually. Dont sweat it. And the kiss, it was nice. And warm. So, whats this about? I have the money now. To start the home for battered women. Im turning all rights of Escorte escorts over to you so I can focus all my energy on this new venture I have. I see I said, trying to fight back to hears. I hope you know this doesnt change anything. You will always be my Torrence. And we will always be friends, but now its time for me to move on, thats all. And, we both knew that this was coming. I mean, sure, it happened a lot more quickly than I think either of us had planned, but you should be happy for me. I am I said. And that was that. I was happy for her. I touched her shoulder gently and gave her a hug. I will miss working with you every day though.

Me too. But Im not gone forever. You cant get rid of me that easily. Ill be back. I couldnt help but laugh at her. Well, if thats that, I have a bit more work to do. Day 360 As I sat there in the back room of Escorte, I was counting the money for the night and keeping track of the clients. It had been quite a few days since Rita had left so things were a little more quite than normal around here lately. I counted the money, and then that is when I realized, finally, after all my hard work, I had 20,000.00 even, plus the extra 10,000.00 that had grown in interest. Not to mention, I had it all in cash. It was merely 4:30 yet, and I packed up all the cash into envelopes and headed to the bank to exchange all the money for quarters, nickels and dimes, and then made my way to the Washington Loan Association Headquarters carrying a barrel with 30,000.00 in change in it. I walked through the front doors and headed to the front desk. Is Mr. Wallace in? I asked the receptionist. I think hes in a meeting right now the receptionist responded. Is it something I can help you with? Hell be wanting to see me. Im sure of it. If you could just let him know that a Torrence Holland is here to see him. Hes been trying to contact me for months now, and I have something that I am sure hell be wanting. One moment he said. He then dialed the extension for Donald. Hello, yes, Donald. I have a Torrence Holland here to see you. The receptionist hung up the phone almost as quickly as he answered it. He then looked at me and said, hell be right with you.

You can have a seat right over there he said as he pointed to some benches that were near a group of flowers. I think Im good. Ill just stand. Well then, can I get you anything? Water perhaps? No thank you, but I appreciate your hospitality. Just then, the elevator doors opened, and out walked Donald Wallace, or as I like to call him, Dickhead, snitch, fat ass, fat so, loser, and the scum of the Earth. And just between you and me, I hope he dies. But at least now that I have the money, I can almost guarantee that he will no longer be bothering me. You have something for me? he asked in his monotone voice. Why yes sir, I do. I handed him the barrel and the barrels handle with 30,000.00 in change and said, I believe this is yours. Its all there, but you can enjoy counting it I said, silently laughing to myself inside my head and as I turned to walk away from him and head out the doors feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. He just looked after me as his receptionist stared in utter awe at what had just happened. Is there anything I can do, sir? No!! Donald shouted in a complete fit of rage.