Hello from RU FROM: C

TO: L. Saturday, June 23, 2012 10:55 AM L., I have been in ___________ (look it up) for several days, totally impossible to communicate with you, but I am now in Moscow for the weekend. I am not sure I am receiving all of your emails, but please continue to send them. It helps. :-). Apparently, you were thrown for a loop by the cable I sent you, but I am happy that you have since recovered and seem OK. My intent was to release you from any sense of commitment, considering the indenite length of my deployment here. I am very sorry that I am subject to circumstances beyond my control. Quite literally, I don't know when I shall be released to return home, so I cannot give you any target date. I'm extremely busy; heavy lifting. I wish I could share some details with you, but .... Yrs, C. ---------------------And the rest of our correspondence: Re: Hello from RU FROM: L. TO: C. Sunday, June 24, 2012 1:58 PM C., I'm sooooooooooo happy to hear from you; to actually get a real email! It's like we're on the same planet again!!! Re:_________: lucky for you that it is summertime! Looking at the map I can understand why_________would be a place where you might be sent. Hopefully, it is false that R, S, I and C are getting together for fun and games, as I'm sure that if that were true you would be kept at least until that scenario had played out - which would seem to be at least another month or more : ( I believe I have sent you 18 emails since you left _________ on June 7. It is hard to write when it just feels like a one-sided affair; when I get so little, or no feedback re: the things that I say. I feel as if you are knowing much more about me while I am knowing so little of you. But I will try my best to keep up with sending you my thoughts even though it feels boring to me because it may not be as boring to you : )

I had asked in one of my emails about your frozen sperm. You had said that you did make a deposit with a sperm bank in _________, but since you have made no mention of that being an option should the scenario that is playing out now happen - that you be gone longer than anticipated - I don't know if you just told me that to placate me or if that is something you really did do. In one of your earliest emails from _________ you had said that you would give me the access details of that situation, if you did do as you said, are you willing to make your deposit available to me now? It would seem to be one way to get over the f'n wall that is placed in front of us at this moment in time. Please let me know your thoughts... If you can, try to let me know if you will now be in a situation where emailing each other will be more of the norm than it has been since you left ________ - it helps - I don't feel so left out in the cold! I miss you very much... very much, L.

From Moscow FROM: C. TO: L. Sunday, June 24, 2012 7:44 PM L., From Moscow, way past midnight, 25 June. I'll be here for several days, then on another trip to St. Petersburg for several days. At least, I'm getting to see the country ... and at the right time of year. :-) Re the frozen sperm. I'm conicted about it. I understand your sense of semi-urgency, and I cannot re-assure you about when I am going to be able to return to __________. When you asked me to make provisions for it to be frozen I understood that it was in case, worst case, that I either would not get back ... or that I would be too long delayed in returning. Since then another factor has entered the equation ... I have developed feelings for you and I no longer think of myself solely, or even primarily, as your sperm donator. What I really prefer is to come home and fuck our child into existence. You asked for my response, and that is as honest as I can be with you at this moment. Now I'm going back to ............................... I am missing you like crazy. Yours, C.

Re: From Moscow FROM: L. TO: C. Sunday, June 24, 2012 11:47 PM C., thanks for being honest with me re: the frozen sperm. I understand your feeling of conict. I felt as if something was making you not want to go that route because it seemed as if you were purposely avoiding it. Believe me, what you prefer, I prefer, but that isn't possible right now, and as you said yourself, you don't have any idea regarding when it might be possible. You allowing me to use your frozen sperm would not mean any less love was involved in the gift, in fact, it would almost feel more loving for the simple reason that it would be the most seless thing for you to do for me becauseit is not what you want or how you want it to be! Just realize that it is still you offering yourself to me in the most intimate possible way that we can accomplish now! The mental, emotional, spiritual (and even physical) nature of the insemination would still be a very powerful thing because, in the end, it is you and me, and our hopes and our dreams tied together for the realization of our ultimate goal - a baby. C., there are times when you've got to believe that God has a plan for our lives. Part of His plan, I feel, was for me to ask you to make the "deposit" in the rst place (I mean, how bold of me to make such a request when I had only then known you for one week and hadn't even seen a photo of you yet!). When God opens doors (that you aren't able to be here, but that you do have sperm available and waiting for me to use) we have to understand that He is encouraging us to walk through them! My feeling is, that if you were to decide to give me your banked sperm and I didn't get pregnant, then that would be the answer to your preference that you, "come home and fuck our child into existence." On the other hand, if I were to get pregnant with the donated sperm it would mean that that was the way our joy was meant tocome about.I want you to trust me on this, but I will try to understand if you feel strongly held to your preference. I too have come to realize that my feelings for you are becoming much deeper than I ever could have anticipated and one of the ways that I view you is simply as what I hope most: that you are the father of my children. Yours, L.