Once we level off and start cutting back, we stop growing and are actually starting to decay.

Unless we find a new purpose or goal, we actually shorten our life span:
Level Off Cut Back Level Off
Ole

DECIDING ON A GOAL CAN BE THE MOST CRUCIAL DECISION OF YOUR LIFE! It is more damaging not to have a goal than it is not to reach a goal. It is generally agreed that the major cause of failure is the lack of a well defined purpose. A successful life does not result from chance, but from a succession of successful days. The place to start is a personal program of goals. YOUR GOALS PROGRAM The first step is to IDENTIFY your goals. One goal exercise to help you identify your goals is to construct a dream list. Write down everything you have ever wanted to have, to see, to do, to be, etc. Don't prejudge! Write down everything. Add to the list continually. Get a minimum of 100 items. This exercise will give you insight into your wants. You should also refer back to the thought provoking questions and checklists that you answered in chapter one. The answers that you are not satisfied with will probably give you clues as to what goals to set. An important thing to remember is that a real program of goal setting implies the existence of a system of values. To reduce conflict in goal setting it is important to have a priority system. Take a moment now to rank the areas of your life in the order of their importance to you today: SocialSpiritual- Mental- Physical- Family - Financial. 1.
2. 3. 4. _ _ _

5.

6. _ Reflect on your value system on a regular basis. It is natural for your priorities to change as you develop and as your circumstances change. One major problem that people have with goal setting is, "How do I go about writing my goals?" You are now ready to translate your needs and wants into goals. THE GOALS PROCESS J. C. Penney said, "The hardest part of any job is getting started." The same is true for goal setting. The most important step in getting started is defining your goal and WRITING IT CLEARLY. The two major drawbacks to achieving goals are: 1) setting too many intangible goals, and 2) setting goals that are too general.

15

We tend to set intangible and general goals because they are difficult to measure. We do this so that people cannot hold us accountable for those goals. The irony is that we cannot even hold ourselves accountable until we can define our goal specifically and determine how we can measure it. Goals such as, "better husband," "better manager," "better person," etc., are meaningless unless we can measure the change. Remember, if we want to do something better, we must do something different and that requires change. Defining the Goal The first step is writing the goal on a piece of paper. Getting a statement on a piece of paper is like planting a seed. The next step is to determine an immediate action that you can take - today! Suppose you have stated your goal: "To be a good public speaker." How can you measure this goal? How can you get it more specific? One way of measuring this goal is to establish criteria such as audience size, number of speeches, return engagements, acquiring a speaking fee, etc. For example, you could say, "I'll consider myself a good public speaker when I can demand and get a fee of $100 for a speaking engagement." Here is a method to help you get any goal more specific and determine what action you can take today toward accomplishing your goal: First, state your goal: "To be a good public speaker." Next, list three obstacles to this goal: 1) lack of confidence; training; and 3) lack of experience. Obstacles 1 2) lack of

Gooh(....

Now, isolate the first obstacle, "lack of confidence," and list three possible solutions: 1) read a book on public speaking; 2) practice in front of a mirror; 3) volunteer to speak to a service organization about a subject with which you are knowledgeable. Solutions Ob""cl 1_ 1 2

<

G~<~

Now, isolate the first solution, "read a book on public speaking," and list three possible solutions to it: Possibilities - 1) How to develop SelfConfidence and Influence People by Public Speaking; 2) A Practical Guide to Public Speaking; 3) '????? Possibilities 1 Solutions " 1 2-3 / .... "" 2 3

Obstacles Goals / ,

1_ / 2 3

Continue this practice until you have isolated one action step that you can take today. In this case, it may be to call the library or bookstore to order a copy of the book. Many times you can combine action steps. For example, you could read the book in front of the mirror. On more complex goals you may need to continue this exercise with the number two and three obstacles and solutions. 16

Many times the action step(s) becomes obvious very quickly; especially as you become an experienced goal setter. However, it is still important to complete this process. It helps you to see additional action steps and alternatives for your goal. NOTE: After completing this process, you are well on your way to listing the obstacles and roadblocks. You are also ready to list the solutions to the obstacles and roadblocks and to develop a plan for their attainment. Planning Achievement After you have defined the goal, listed the obstacles to achievement and developed a solutions plan, you are ready to set a DEADLINE. Usually the deadline for a goal is flexible. The important thing about the deadline is that it requires you to stretch. This is what makes goal setting motivational. Have you ever noticed what happens to football players during the last two minutes of a game? Although they should be fatigued from playing 58 minutes of football, they actually run faster, throw better and hit harder than they did previously in the game. This is caused by the deadline. You can use this knowledge to your advantage when you set goals. Creating Desire Many people stop at this point, thinking they have completed the goals process. The truth is, they have just begun. An important step in goal setting is listing the PERSONAL REWARDS or benefits to be gained from achieving your goal. You should unleash your creative powers to list as many personal benefits as possible. The secret is to get the personal benefits to outweigh the obstacles and roadblocks. If they don't you won't be motivated to achieve your goals. Keeping the Process Alive Once you have the goals process written out, you need some additional actions to guarantee your keeping on course. Two methods used by the top goal achievers are AFFIRMATIONS and VISUALIZATION. Affirmations are positive statements of belief and commitment. The Jaycee Creed, the Boy Scout Oath and the Pledge of Allegiance are all forms of affirmations. Affirmations are not neccessarily statements of fact, but rather are statements of conditions you want to exist in the future. Ironically, when you need an affirmation the most is when it will sound the silliest. For example, in the sample goal above, your affirmations could be: "I am a good public speaker. I convey a message to my audiences with confidence and poise. I am a good public speaker." "Being a good public speaker gives me great internal satisfaction.~ Stating these and similar affirmatio~s daily will bui.ld the kind of co.nQ-. dence necessary to become a good pubhc speaker. Notice that these affmnations are PERSONAL (I), PRESENT TENSE (am) and POSITIVE (good). These 3 P's of affirmations are mandatory. Simply stated, the use of affirmations is a form of verbal" act as if."

17

V isualization is a form of mental" act as if." It is the use of pictures, drawings and other visual aids to help you "visualize" the accomplishment your goals. Examples for our sample goal could be: 1. Cutting out a picture of someone addressing a large audience and pasting your picture over the face of the person speaking. 2. 3.

of

Drawing a sample check made out to you in the amount of $100 for speaking fees. Standing at the podium of an empty auditorium audience giving you a standing ovation. and imagining an

Remember, even the simplest goal must be mentally accomplished before it can be physically accomplished. In your mind is a collection of mental pictures. Your success can be determined by your ability to change these mental pictures. Another step in keeping the process alive is charting your PROGRESS. Keeping track of your progress and goals accomplished builds confidence and success consciousness. It also makes it easier to make adjustments in your goals. You should keep a record of the goals you do not accomplish and list the reason why. This will help you set future goals. The goals process is a continuing activity. You should continue to set new goals and to spend at least two to five minutes every day reviewing your goals. This will project your goals onto your "mind screen" and help you achieve them. TYPES OF GOALS 1. Tangible Goals - are goals we can perceive through the senses. They are the easiest to measure and we can generally tell when we are losing or winning. NOTE: If you cannot list it, you probably do not know what you want and can often forget it as a goal. Intangible Goals - are goals for internal changes; often to help us reach tangible goals. Long-range Goals - are usually goals that require several months or even years to accomplish. A long-range goal is not a forecast of what you think will happen. It's a projection of what you can make happen. Short-range Goals - are goals that generally lead you toward your long-range goals or goals that give you quick satisfaction. Accomplishing short-range goals builds a success consciousness. Successful short-range goals are the best reassurance that goal setting works. Develop the habit of writing down what you want to do - then do it!

2. 3.

4.

GOAL SETTING PRINCIPLES Keep these ideas in mind as you develop your gpal setting abilities: 1. 2. Each goal should describe a specific end result; i.e., what observable conditions will exist if the goal is achieved? A goal should be ambitious but achievable ... ability. within your grasp and

18

3. Think in terms of opportunities to be capitalized on, rather than in terms of vague aspirations, such as "wealthy by middle age." 4. You should have goals beyond your goals. When you catch up with your goals you tend to become stagnant. 5. Written goals can be changed. They are not chipped in granite. 6. Almost everything we have learned has been learned by the principle of TRY, FALL, ADJUST and TRY AGAIN. This is how we learned to walk, talk, read, drive a car, golf, etc. 7. Most obstacles are self-made. 8. Goals should require you to do more of something or to do it better or differently. 9. The measure of a man's success in any endeavor is determined by the extent to which he sets his goals and develops a plan for their attainment. GOAL SETTING EXERCISES A. Here is an excellent three-step process for building confidence with goal setting: 1. Make a special promise to yourself. For example. a. Limit of one hour of TV each evening.

b. Keep desk neat and orderly. c. Get up

112

hour early for personal development.

d. Exercise daily. e. Etc.

2. Write down that promise. 3. Carry it out for 10 days. B. Analyze your goals in the six areas that you rated in priority on page 15. 1. Fill out goal sheets in all six areas. Blank goal sheets and a completed sample are located in appendix A. 2. Carry the goal through to completion. C. Continually write goals in all areas of your life and strive for their attainment.

19

..

3.pefS0nOl planning
... -:-John and Mary lived in the Southwest part of the United States and had
alwa)TSdreamed of visiting New England .TJ1eyparticularly wanted to make the trip in the'winter so they could see th~e,lovely snow covered landscape of ~hat part o~t~he United States. ~he"y~con.s~B:ntly loo~ed at pictyr:s and imagmed thems,e~ves ther7 ortJhe __~ slope~/Havmg the tIme of theIr lIves. They s started~"aJsavmgs accol.!nt and.,;;lowly, out surely, saved up enough money to make the,hip and achieve their long-dreamed-of goal. They loaded their car ~nd'.toolj/o{r: Unfortunately in'all their haste they had forgotten to get a (pad'map, but they didn't let that slow them down. They just took off in a ge"neral northeastly direc.tion. Let's suppose for just a moment they were rlever~able tp find 'a~ road map and Just had to drive around hoping to eventu-. ~ . ,ally get to their Warm cozy resort and enjoy their long awaited dream come t9-le. ~an't youjust imagine their frustration as their aimless journey con tinue<Iand they~saw the hours and the days of their dream vacation slip by simply beCJ~'se.. they didn't adequately plan how to get to their final destina--

tion .

you.are gossibly thinking this is ridiculous. No one could be that dumb. Wen. you. are 'probably correct, at least in this simple story. But, let's look at jtin,another light. trow many of us set goals and decide what we want to do inilife .rnd 'then sit back.and hope it happens to us. How many of us are guilty'of ide).1.tifying something that we would like to have or achieve and then never "plan, step by step, how to make it a reality. Personal planning is a #essary step in our effort to realize more of our personal potential and thereby~enabling,usto achieve our personal success in whatever form we want it to take. WHAT IS PLANNING? Planning is not a first step process. It comes into play after the situation that is to be correded or improved has been clearly identified. It is also essential to remember that a plan is not an end in itself. After you have identified where you are and where you want to go then the plan becomes the route that you travel. As you learned in basic geometry, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Where you are in your personal life now is one point, and where you want to be is the other point. Your job is to get from one to the other as easily as possible. Your plans give you a positively charted guide aimed at your goal. By utilizing proper planning you learn that you can make things happen on purpose instead of relying on luck or circumstance.

,
f

20

Your plans, however, must remain flexible, and they must never become a "finished" product. You should never get to the point of saying that your plans are concrete and that everything is under complete control. Planning to this degree is just simply not possible, and it is foolish to attempt it. You never have all the facts when you establish plans. Plans are based on what is happening now and what you anticipate will happen in the future. The plan is the link between the past, present and future and must never be abandoned. You can never see clearly into the future, and when the future comes it is almost never as you anticipated it would be. So the plans that are developed are simply the best that you can do at the time. You must allow for change and for constant updating as new events and circumstances become evident. A plan that cannot be changed as conditions change is oftentimes worse than no plan at all. Your plans must always be used as that ever present faithful guide that leads you on your journey and not as a hard and fast non-changeable commitment. WHY PLANNING? Proper planning gives you a better handle on your life by providing you wi th a well thought out and positively charted direction. You no longer have to stumble around as if you are in the dark with no lights to turn on to illuminate your path, or grope for something to lean on to provide stability to the direction of your life. Planning allows you to tremendously increase your personal efficiency. By identifying areas of weakness and areas that you want to improve for one reason or another, you can structure a path to lead to that accomplishment. Proper planning helps you build your selfconfidence. No matter what your goal, you can usually construct a plan that breaks the accomplishments of that goal down into small enough segments for you to identify with and to easily handle. An eight year old boy, named Tony, was overheard by his father one day to say, "Gee, sure would like to be a super ball player like Hank Aaron." His father replied, "Would you really like to be able to play baseball like Hank Aaron?" The boy dejectedly replied in the affirmative, but expressed doubts as to his ability to ever achieve such a feat. Tony's father took this opportunity to sit down and discuss Tony's fears. The father told Tony that he could accomplish most of his goals in life if he really wanted to. He went on to explain that it would not be easy and that it would require a lot of work and effort but that it could very definitely be done with the right attitude and with proper planning. Tony and his dad began to plot out a plan of action to help Tony improve his ball playing. They set aside some time each afternoon for practice and utilized that time to the fullest possible use. They worked on grounders, fly balls and batting practice. Tony began to realize that he really was improving his ability to play ball. That vague, far-off goal of being a super baseball player was hard to grasp at first, but as it was broken down into studying and practicing the fundamentals of baseball, one at a time, Tony found that it would not be impossible to achieve.

The very fact that Tony realized that he was improving motivated him to work harder and harder and thus realize more improvement and increased belief in himself. l As the seasons changed, Tony began to lose his intense interest in baseable lesson. A lesson that many people never learn. Tony learned that by ball and his thoughts turned to other subjects. But he had learned an invaluutilizing proper planning by step plan. he cou~d outlook on bolster down into a simple and accomplIsh ac~ually change his all goals can life,broken his self-confIdence step hIS goals, because be
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21

HOW

CAN I BEST MANAGE MY TIME?

Before we take an in-depth look at the planning process that will help us establish step by step long-range plans, we should first stop and examine how we use the minutes and hours that we have available to us on a daily basis. No discussion of personal planning would be complete without a survey of time management. Affective time management is most important in our overall effort to improve our ability to properly plan. Why is it that many people are constantly pressured by time and complain, "there simply are not enough hours in a day", while others with a comparable work load complete all of their work without feeling that they are at the mercy of time? The key lies in time management. Active Control of Your Time We are all given a great amount of time, and it is an individual matter how you choose to use your time. Many people allow their time to slip away, while others actively manage their time. You must heed Benjamin Franklin's warning when he says, "Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of." You need to learn to steadfastly guard your time, and to handle and invest it wisely. Ask yourself this question: "Do I manage my time or does it manage me?" "Management" is defined as the wise use of means to accomplish an end. This implies that the activities involved in time management are directed and purposeful. Behind these activities is a dynamic drive to carry them to an opportune and successful completion. Time management involves conscious decisions which make you less the victim of pressure from outside forces. The price of successful time management is perseverance and self-discipline. The rewards are a steady increase in your available time, output and satisfaction. And the confidence you will gain in knowing that you are in control of your time is indeed valuable. Now you are aware of the value of time management, you must back up this aWclreness with action. Successful time management is an acquired skill. The potential is present in all of us, but you must have the desire to develop your resources before you can begin to think about success in time manageme nt. Psychologists have observed that it is easier for most men to adjust to the adversity of failure than to take time to adjust to the sacrifices that lead to success. Let's not be satisfied with failure. Analyzing Your Time The key to successful time management lies in thinking and planning ahead. You must become conscious of yourself and decide what you want from your time. You can manage your time only when you have a clear picture of what is going on within and around you. In order to assess the quality of your working time it might be helpful to keep a careful record for a certain amount of time showing exactly how you have used your day. Over this period of time, write down everything you have done and how long it took. Next, you can appraise your use of time and decide whether or not your time was put to good use. Some pertinent questions you might ask yourself in appraising your use of time are suggested by the following "Time Analysis Work Sheet."

22

What items am I spending too much

the time of at all? can does over-using others. to be doneI doingI that avoid not need Ways suggestions. Other by which What am

most ittle

Budgeting Your Time Time is often compared to money, and this analogy is useful for an understanding of planning. Time, like money, can and should be budgeted intelligently. A "Time Budget" involves scheduling to achieve a balance between available time and what needs to be done. Budgeting involves writing down a daily or weekly list of things you would like to accomplish, in order of importance. A time estimate should accompany each item on the list. For maximum effectiveness complete each item before skipping to the next. DAILY PLANNER Date ITEM TIME ALLOWED COMPLETED

)-------

)------(
( 23

It is important to realize that many lesser goals often pave the way to a final goal. Setting correct time priorities involves thinking through each problem and how it will affect those that come after it. Many unnecessary steps may be eliminated in this way, and you will receive savings in time, money and duplication of effort. In order for your time budget to be workable, be aware of your capabilities; do not set unreasonable demands for yourself. With this list before you, you are able to give relaxed, concentrated attention to the matter at hand. You must avoid the trap, that many people faU into, of just giving time to the tasks that you enjoy or the tasks that are easy. Once you begin a task, you should continue working on it until it is completed. It is a good idea to take care of similar tasks at the same time. Rewards of Successful Time Management Once you start an active program of time management you must recognize and dispense with obsolete parts of your work. It is amazing how much time you devote to unnecessary activity. Remember: days and weeks are made from minutes. A mere thirty minutes a day of unnecessary activity adds up to twenty-two working days a year, which is more than a month of working time. Do you realize that the 10 minutes a day you spend shaving adds up to over 7 working days a year, and more than 364 workings days over a fifty year period? It is frightening how much lack of time management can cost you in both time and money. Routine tasks must be reduced to a minimum and scheduled for time you cannot put to better use. This will save those times when you are rested and fresh for tasks which require creative brainpower. Disposing of unnecessary activities not only rewards you with more time, but can also increase your efficiency and, thus, the quality of your time. This increase in the quality of your time means an upsurge in output and accomplishment due to increased alertness and available energy. You are no longer imprisoned by the clock or the calendar. Success is often a direct result of the way a man uses his time. You are the master of your time. Use it wisely. WHAT IS THE PLANNING PROCESS? Planning is a continuous process. Once you have developed your initial plan, it will quickly become invalid because of changing circumstances, if not constantly updated. Even though it is a continuous process, and it is always in progress, all functions involved in planning can be described in the following five steps: 1) establish priorities; 2) develop a timetable; 3) put the plan in writing; 4) act on the plan; and 5) monitor the plan and evaluate the progress. Establish Priorities Not all of the goals you have set for yourself can be accomplished at the same time. In fact, some of your short-range and intermediate goals will probably be aimed at directly increasing your ability to achieve your longrange goals. To establish the priority of your goals, you must rank them in the order in which they must be accomplished. This decision has to be made before you can begin to move forward.

24

In a situation where the short-range and intermediate goals are a clear-cut progression toward the achievement of a long-range goal, priorities can be established very easily. When you have listed your goals in this order of progression, you have established priorities. Usually the process is not quite that simple. In most cases you will have many short-range goals and intermediate goals all related toward the accomplishment of your long-range goal, but these short-range goals may not all be related to each other. The extent of the relationship of all your goals to each other must be established as the first step in ranking priorities. An easy method to accomplish this is to take a blank sheet of paper and, using a circle to represent each of your goals, place your long-range or ultimate goal at the top of the page. Below this, place your next longest-range goals and continue this procedure until your shortest-range goals are shown at the bottom of the page. Connect these circles with lines progressing toward your ultimate goal. This chart will provide you with a picture of your goals, showing their relationship to each other and the order in which they must be accomp lished.

UL TIMA TE GOAL

SHORT-RANGE GOALS

25

Develop a Timetable You have now associated your goals with each other and established when each goal should be achIeved in relation to the other goals. Before you can assign a specific time or date to the completion of each goal you will have to determine the amount of time required to achieve each goal. This will provide, when projected back from your anticipated completion point, a relative comparison of starting points for the tasks ahead. This can also be illustrated graphically to assist you in visualizing your plan as it begins to unfold. Your graph will now show you the total anticipated elapsed time from the moment you begin the first task until your ultImate goal is achieved. If this total timefive years. Decide years, you thenyou will be at the end of each must pinpoint all activities within those amounts to five at what point year. Plot this on your graph by drawing horizontal lines to represent the end of each year. Take each yearly segment, in order, and, using the same procedure divide it into twelve able to accomplish this much easier than the earlier pornotice that you are monthly segments. Probably at this point you will tionscomplete division into months. If this maynot take the time to dividemake the of your timetable. Even though you do be true, you should still the activities for the coming years into months, you most likely will not have a thorough of properly following this process IS thathappening. One of the great benefits understanding of what you anticipate you force yourself to crystallize your thinking about tiie future. It is all too easy to thmk of future happenings or accomplishments in vague terms. The first year a timetable should be further divided into people wIll ments and the firstofmonth into daily segments. Many successful weekly segtake a few hours each Friday afternoon to plan their next week's activities hour by hour. They will then review this plan at the end of each day. These functions really take very little time and provide tremendous direction to your activities. Put Your Plan in Writing In addition to the graphic depiction plan will help you not write see its entirety, in verbal form. Writing your of your plan you shouldonly to it, in your plan in your mind, but will provide you with a wntten reference to give you a more vivid picture. An architect does not attempt to build a building with the plans kept in his head. He makes very detailed and thorough drawings so that not only can he better visualize the building, but the contractors and workmen can visualize it as well. The drawings and specifications are used as a reference for clarification of minor details and to check progress as the job nears completion. Your written plan serves these same purposes. This written plan does not need to be elaborate, but should list everything you intend to do in whatever form is most comfortable for you. In addition, written plan will serve as reminder and can act wrote checklist for the afuture. You have probably aheard of the man who as a his plan, rumpled he touched carried it around paper pocket. Each time of his In his pocket it up and the rumpled up in his and was reminded he reached plans. This story serves to emphasize the reminder value of writing your goals and plans for achievement.

26

Act on the Plan this The next step no to go to the first task on yourthe first task ~eoplekey that point and go is further. Accomplishment of plan. Many ISthe get to opens the door to a whole new life. It is important that when selectingyour first task you being something that is relatively simple to ultimate goal can, experience of select successfully on your way toward youraccomplish. The in itself, become a temporary motivating factor. Self-motivation is a vital part of acting on the plan. Many factors can contribute to your motivation to do the work that needs to be done. Think of each task, no mattter how minor, in terms of how it will help you reach your ultimate goal. In Earl Nightingale's record, "The Strangest Secret," he says, "Man tends to become what he thinks about most of the time." Think of yourself as having already achieved your goals. Once you have established the patterns of thought so vividly that you almost begin to believe that you have achieved your goals, of your life. a firm part the completion of the tasks to actually get you there will become can Visualizing your goalsyou view itthe one task. Everything to achieve them be very frightening if and all of as things you must do that must be done can be broken down into a series of simple tasks. Almost everyone can swing his left arm from side to side without bending his elbow but it becomes more form no task made part of most simple difficult whenseems difficult. a golf swing. Broken down to its Plan to reward yourself along the way as you achieve your goals. Buy yourself a present for doing a good job. If you get ahead of time for. gIve yourself a day off to do something you normally don't haveyour plan, Selfrewards can contribute to your motivation for continued accomplishment. Monitor the Plan and Evaluate Progress We change every day. The world around us changes every day. You may find that as you progress with your plan What was valid plan today may has increased faster than you anticipated. your abilityato accomplish things not be valid next month. As you progress toward the realization of your goal you must constantly monitor of your goals. At least monthly resources available to someand the validity your personal capabilities, the you should set aside you time to completely review yourthese changes modifications based on the changing circumstances. Record plans. Make on your written plans. Planning is a continuous process of reacting to our ever changing environment and applying ourselvesdifference between remaining on earth wishing mined goals. Plannin~ is the to a progressive realization of our predeterfor the moon and gomg to the moon to find out how to get to the sun.

27

4.personal

sI,,~1I

Through the first three chapters of this manual we have covered three very significant aspects of our success plan. We have gone through the process of becoming aware of who we are and why we hold some of the opinions abou't ourselves that we do. We decided where we wanted to go and set goals that wiII lead us toward that end. We also established a plan we know, that if followed step by step, will lead us to the attainment of those goals. Now comes the fourth and final step of our success plan and that step is ACTION. Actions on what we have already- logically decided that we want to accomplish in our life. Action on what we have already logically broken down.into a workable step by step plan. Unfortunately, a chapter can't be written that can force us into acting on what we have done so far. The decision to act must come from within each of us and depends on such characteristics as self-discipline, grit, desire, determination, etc. It is up to you to search and find these characteristics within yourself. Now don't worry because they are there. And that simple factor is what makes personal success so exhilarating and sweet. The opportunity is available to all of us. All we have to do is to go through the processes that we have already talked about in the first two-thirds of this manual and then turn that magic key inside each of us and unlock those fantastic characteristics that carry us down the road toward our predetermined goal. Chapter four was developed and included in this manual to help make that road a little less bumpy. There are various personal skills that can help us become more organized, consistent and personally prepared for the conquest of our destiny. Chapter four surveys some of these basic personal skills that will help us in the achievement of our goals. WORKING WITH PEOPLE Your entire life is made up of a never ending series of associations with other people. Everything you have done or ever will do depends to some degree on other people. You should strive to make every association a positive one so that it can possibly be used in some way to benefit you. It sounds very cruel to say that you intend to use someone for your own benefit. Is it cruel, though, if you are, at the same time, allowing that other person to use you for his benefit? A very basic example of this is a sales transaction. Each party involved is using the other for his own benefit. The seller has made a profit or a commission and the buyer has acquired a desired product or service. All of our lives we use people and allow other people to use us. Success is achieved by those who make the most of their relationships with others.

28

Before you can begin to do the things that will create a positi\T

a real knack for making Feel.Importan~ Everyone wants to others feel important has a others. Anyone whq,h .~ Make the Other Person feel nnportant III the eyes of built-in advantage in'"'~-z~~ -"" .. ?", ''''i:?" very nice and you were proud of? When someone said, "My, you look nw ... you wore a new suit of clothes or had a new haircut that you thought looked~~",' today," you either felt ten feet tall or you weren't listening. The per$prfWljo opening that compliment probably communications with others. Do you recall the last.tl'.m gave you lines of and you would havecould have him. Itfor little thin~of e~ ..' .. ~~ at that moment given it to asked is anything y.bU:~d .. ~h'at nature that let a person know that you are concerned about him or h~ve' noticed him. If you could make a habit of starting every conversation with a compliment for the other person, you would be surprised how great the results would be in terms of a friendly cooperative atmosphere. Care About the Other Person's Problems When a person has a problem, nothing is more important to him at that moment than his particular problem. If you let him know that you are also concerned about his problem, you have again opened channels of communications. If someone chooses to confide in you, you have suddenly acquired partial responsibility for that person and his problem. Since he has chosen you as the one person to confide in, he has by his action said, "I trust you; you are the person I want to help me." It then becomes your responsibility to live up to that trust and confidence. Listen to his problem as if it were the most important thing in the world, because to the other person it is.
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Always be Fair and Honest in Your Dealings Being sneaky or dishonest may seem to give you an advantage, but, in reality, it can only be a temporary advantage at best. Anytime you take unfair advantage over another person in an encounter of any type you have removed one more person from the list of people with whom you can have a positive relationship. Human nature is such that in a person's mind one bad encounter may overshadow other good encounters that may have occured previously. Have you ever been cheated by the same person twice? Always attempt to consider what your reaction would be if the roles were switched in any given situation. Even if you are able to "get away with it" on occasion, the risk involved is too great to make it worthwhile. Remember the Little Things How much time does it take to say "Thank You" or "Please"? If you should happen to have occasion to deal with another person and you are aware that it is his birthday, what better way to start things off than by saying "Happy Birthday"? Little things that take almost no time and seem very insignificant can be just the thing that will create a positive relationship.

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Be Considerate

of the Other Person's Time

Any time you put yourself in a situation where you are imposing upon another person, you are taking a chance that you may have fractured those ever important lines of communications. You must consider that what he is doing is important to him. Give him a chance to use you to his benefit. Remember, you can practice faithfully all of the things mentioned previously and still not have the ability to work with people. You must first take that initial step and truly like people. COMMUNICATIONS Effective communications is a major key to successful personal growth. Without skillful communications, all other knowledge is wasted. Communications may be defined as "a technique effectively in speech or writing or through the arts." words: " ... expressing ideas effectively ... " So, in will deal with development of our skills in expressing for expressing ideas Note the three key communications we ideas effectively.

The purpose of communications is to get a response. This purpose cannot be achieved if the message is not received. Your speech in an empty auditorium will get no response. Your unvoiced question will get no answer. Your unread letter will get no reply. So, communications is not a one-way street. Effective listening and effective reading are just as important as effective speaking and effective writing. How to communicate and the personal confidence to make the effort can be successfully acquired by applying the techniques in this course. The subject matter in the remainder of this chapter has been divided into the following four areas of communications: speaking, listening, writing, and reading. Effective Speaking Speech (talking) is the most common method used for expression or exchanging an idea and is often the most taken for granted. The Jaycees provide a young man with the opportunity to develop his skills in communicating verbally with other persons. At general meetings, committee meetings, and in one-on-one conversations, you have an opportunity to express your thoughts verbally and receive feedback on your viewpoints. Public Speaking - One of the goals of many young men is to improve their public speaking ability. The key to public speaking is practice, selfconfidence, and knowledge of the subject. The Speak Up Jaycee Program offers an opportunity for young men to build self-confidence through exposure to speaking before a group. Tens of thousands of Jaycees have achieved their personal goals through participation in this program. Often young men who are hesitant and nervous to even stand at a meeting and state their name have developed into dynamic speakers. Their accomplishments began with a desire for self-improvement and a commitment for participation in the program.

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Whether you are speaking to another individual or in a group of people, always remember you are speaking to another human being. He may be one of many listening to you, but you are trying to reach him. Your effectiveness depends on your ability to make your listeners feel that you are talking to them at a very personal level. Talk to the individual, not to the crowd. Use of the Telephone - The use of the telephone for communicating verbally is often abused. Frequently, the telephone is required as a last minute effort because a more preferred method of communicating a request (personal contact or letter) has been delayed or forgotten. Although this will occasionally happen to all of us, we should attempt to avoid having to use the telephone frequently as the result of improper planning. If it is your intent to communicate an idea or request over the phone, always plan your call prior to dialing the number. Some of the questions you may wish to ask yourself are:

* * *

What is the purpose of the call? What is the best approach or tactic to accomplish the intent of your call? . Are you providing enough information calling understands your request? so that the person you are

Have you made a list of items to discuss, prior to the call?

When using the telephone, each of us portrays a "telephone personality" which is often dependent on our mood at the moment. Always remember it is more difficult over the phone for the individual you are communicating with to determine your feelings on an issue than it would be if you were in eye contact. Effective Listening A single key tells why effective listening is so difficult. The average person speaks at a rate of 125 or 150 words per minute. Franklin D. Roosevelt's famous fireside chats were at the rate of 135 words per minute. The human mind is capable of conscious thought at a rate much faster than that - at least four or five times faster. That means that only one-fourth of the mind is occupied with listening to the speaker's words ... both in the crowded banquet hall and in face to face contact. Now, here's the problem: 75% of the average person's mind is not occupied by the speaker's words. That part of the mind tends to either wander aimlessly to other subjects, or: 1. If you disagree with the speaker, you spend 75% of the time working up counter-arguments and miss half of what the speaker is saying, or 2. If you agree with the speaker, you spend 75% of the time racing ahead in anticipation of what he is going to say and miss out on where the speaker may disagree with your own ideas.

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The average person then listens with only about 25% effectiveness. The question then is, what do you do to improve your listening effectiveness? How can you harness the power and concentration of the here-tofore unoccupied parts of your mind to listen effectively to what is being said? Four primary tasks for the unoccupied listening skills: 1. mind can help you to improve

Screen out the irrelevant. Analyze what is being heard, picking up points that are relevant to the speaker's topic and discounting those that have no bearing on what he's trying to say. Weigh what is being said against what you know to be fact. Don't allow him to make assumptions that just don't stand up in the light of what you know to be fact. Watch, for example, to see that statistical data on one thing is not used to allegedly support a case on something else to which it has no real bearing. Listen for what the speaker is NOT saying. Is he polishing generalities to avoid explaining how something specific might be accomplished? Is he presenting a good cover, but failing to answer questions that should have a bearing on his entire statement? Be sure to assess the speaker's own emotional commitments in regard to his statements. Is he suggesting, for example, that certain measures will improve everyone's welfare in the long run, when what he really means is that his own position will be improved because of them?

2.

3.

4.

Applying these four tasks to the unoccupied mind in listening will improve your ability to listen and comprehend. It will improve your ability to make decisions; your analysis of what is being said will enable you to separate good material from bad material and to separate evidence from emotional commitment. These are necessary attributes of a leader. Rules for Listening - One-on-One Some suggestions or rules for listening to consider when communicating directly with another individual are as follows: 1. Act like a listener: a. b. c. d. e. 2. Maintain good eye contact. Look like you are enjoying it, smile and nod. Ask questions and give encouragement to the speaker. Appear alert but not tense, an attitude of interest. React to the speaker with attention and recognition and comments like, "Oh," or "I see."

Listen to understand: a. b. c. d. Ask questions: How, what, where, who, when and why. Get more information - "tell me about that." Let the talker know you are not an expert - "I did not know that," etc. Give feedback "Is this what you mean?" And then repeat in your own words: "Do I understand this correctly?

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To be a good listener requires concentration and practice. The use of the above rules will help greatly in your role as a leader. Effective Writing For many individuals, the task of writing a letter, news article or any other form of written communication is a somewhat tedious process. The most difficult portion of the task is to discipline oneself to take the time to sit down and do it. Although intentions are good, the task is often delayed to a point where the idea either doesn't get communicated, or another form of communication is used. Written communication is one of the least expensive methods to communicate an idea or thought and provides excellent documentation on the exchange of information. Letter Writing-Whether you are writing a letter for your business, for personal reasons, or for your chapter, it is important not only that the letter makes a good impression, but that the idea communicated is clearly and concisely stated. When addressing a person whom you do not know personally, the letter should not indicate a non-existent familiarity. Further, the reason for writing should be stated immediately without "beating around the bush." The recipient of your letter will not be likely to take time to read a wordy letter, but will take time to read a concise, well-constructed letter that quickly and effectively identifies the purpose of writing. Children are often good at written communications because they don't get bogged down in unnecessary information - they get right to the heart of the subject. Organization of your thoughts is the key. Know what you need to say and how you plan to say it. Then do it and close. While practice does not, in fact, make perfect, it does make permanent. So, if you have been writing lengthy, confusing letters, then you have acquired a habit that can be broken only by replacing it with a better one. Use of Personal Notes-Many times you may wish to communicate a written thought or idea to someone without writing a formal letter. The of a handwritten note (delivered by mail) to express your appreciation, sympathy, or any other message is a quick and inexpensive way to share thought with someone else. You may wish to purchase blank notes that be used for all occasions. The important thing to remember is that when have a feeling you wish to share with someone, take the time to express Effective Reading Reading rate and comprehension are two problems leaders in government ~nd industry point to as thieves which rob them of precious time. And time IS money. This course will not solve these communication problems for you, but perhaps an understanding of the root of the problems will help you to make strides towards solutions. use a can you it.

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The first, most obvious problem may have begun in learning to read; where first you learned letters of words. The teacher checked your progress by having the pattern for your learning to read at a rate similar speech.

with your earliest days the alphabet, then you read aloud. This set to your speed of

A normal speech rate is about 150 words a minute. Therefore, a normal reading rate is about the same. Reading orally produces an impediment to faster reading, called "vocalizing". When you were taught to "read to yourself", you mastered the impediment called "sub-vocalizing". With practice, it became inevitable that you would read no faster than your ability to "sub vocalize" or pronounce each word silently to yourself. While this is happening, your mind is mostly unoccupied with what is being read, because its capabilities far exceed capabilities of speech. Most of the mind, then, is wandering to other thoughts and ideas. This cuts down on your ability to comprehend what you are reading. Whatever the Eye Can See-Just how fast can you read and absorb with comprehension what is being read? It's related directly to what the eye can see. For example: On your vacation you drive through a beautifully mountainous area. Without your stopping the car, your eyes and your mind take in the view, all of it. Your mouth and tongue do not describe it in detail, but your mind captures it in all its grandeur and all its minute detail. Y au drive through a section where many billboards dot the highway, perhaps in the middle of a city. You cannot drive safely and carefully read each advertisement, but if the eye sees them, the mind will receive the message. You may recall conscious thought several moments later about an advertisement you were not consciously aware of seeing at the time. So, the mind takes it in - if the eyes see it clearly. Regressions, Progressions, Distractions - But here are three things the eyes frequently do which reduce or hamper reading rate: Regression - looking back or above; Progression - looking ahead or below; Distraction -looking totally away. The most effective means of overcoming the wasteful habit of looking back to see what you missed the first time is simply to stop doing it. It will help you to stop if you realize that the benefit gained by regression is seldom worth the time required. One way to avoid regression, progression and distraction is to use your hand or fingers to underline the words and pace yourself at a rate too fast to permit looking back or ahead or away. At first comprehension will appear to be lost, but with considerable practice, you'll find you are reading faster and with better comprehension. Professions who teach speed reading will tell you that you first must break poor reading habits by trying their methods. In doing this, speed must come first, then comprehension will begin gradually to improve, too.

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