unadorned, the-defendant-unlawfully-harmed-meaccusation."
Id.
(quoting
Twombly,
550
U.S.at555).Thus,
"a pleadingthat
offers
'labels
and
conclusions'
or
'a
formulaicrecitation
of
the elements
of
a cause
of
actionwill not
do,"
Id.
(quoting
Twombly,
550 U.S.
at
555),
nor
willacomplaint rifewith argumentand
"other
thingsthat
a
pleader, aware
of
andfaithful
to
thecommand
of
the FederalRules
of
Civil Procedure,knows tobe completelyextraneous,"
Gordon
v.
Green,
602
F.2d
743,
745
(5th
Cir.1979).
Ultimately, what
Rule
8
demands
is
a shortand plainstatement
of
detailedfacts,
not
a
mechanical recital
of
boilerplate
allegations,
noras
is
more relevant
herea
lengthy andbitterpolemic
againstthe named
defendants.
Armstrong's
complaint
is far from
short, spanningeighty
pages andcontaining
261
numberedparagraphs,many
of
which havemultiple
subparts.Worse,
the
bulk
of
these paragraphscontain"allegations"that
are
whollyirrelevant
to
Armstrong's
claimsand
which,the Courtmust presume,were included solelytoincrease
media
coverage
of
this case,and to
incitepublicopinion
againstDefendants.
See,
e.g.,
Compl.
[#1]
¶
10
("USADA's
kangaroocourt proceedingwouldviolate
due
processeven
if
USADAhadjurisdiction
topursue itscharges
against
Mr.
Armstrong.").1
Indeed,
vast swaths
of
the
complaintcould
be
removedentirely, and
most
of
the remainingparagraphssubstantiallyreduced,
withoutthe
loss
of
anylegally
relevantinformation.
Nor
are
Armstrong's
claims"plain":althoughhis causes
of
action
are,
thankfully, clearly
enumerated,the
excessiveprecedingrhetoric
makesitdifficult to
relatethem
toany
particular
factualsupport.This
Court
is
not inclined
toindulge
Armstrong's
desirefor publicity,self-aggrandizement,
1
Contrary to
Armstrong's
apparent belief,pleadingsfiled
in
the
United
States
DistrictCourts
are
not
pressreleases,internet blogs,
orpieces
of
investigativej
ournalism.All parties,and
their lawyers,
are
expected
tocomply withthe rules
of
this Court,and face
potential
sanctions
if
they
donot.
-2-
Case 1:12-cv-00606-SS Document 17 Filed 07/09/12 Page 2 of 3