http://www.scribd.com/people/view/71121-w-b-keckler This a feed for documents on Scribd written by W.B. Keckler 30 Tue, 11 Dec 2007 15:13:04 GMT Tue, 11 Dec 2007 15:13:04 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/887442/Review-of-The-Best-American-Poetry-2004-edited-by-Lyn-Hejinian Wednesday, November 28, 2007 Review of The Best American Poetry 2004, edited by Lyn Hejinian Okay, obviously I am not completely au courant with the poetry world (hey, I live in The Provinces!) if I am reviewing this book two years later, but I didn't buy it when it came out and saw it in the library on that one Saturday afternoon visit I made with Lee a few weeks back and picked it up. I've been reading it since and figured it would be "behoovy" (to use a Stephen Colbert coinage--or is that Paul Dinello's writing coming out of Colbert's mouth? Hmmm.) to say a few words. First off, I'll say it Tue, 11 Dec 2007 15:13:04 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/887442/Review-of-The-Best-American-Poetry-2004-edited-by-Lyn-Hejinian http://www.scribd.com/doc/468671/Goodbye-Hart-Crane Goodbye, Hart Crane... Strange how these things happen. I once counted Hart Crane among my dozen or so favorite American poets. Today I pulled out my Complete Poems and Selected Letters and realized I no longer really like Hart Crane's poetry...not even the hip-to-like Key West: An Island Sheaf. Okay "Oh Carib Isle!" is one poem that still reads well. But it's all that Baudelairean decadence set in a rather Conradian tropical setting that pulls that one off, all those dark scintillations coming off his "Carbonic amulet / sere of the sun exploded in the sea." Okay, it's more Rimbaudian than Bau Wed, 07 Nov 2007 05:03:53 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/468671/Goodbye-Hart-Crane http://www.scribd.com/doc/468665/Review-of-Japanese-Novelist-Yoko-Tawadas-The-Bridegroom-Was-a-Dog Yoko Tawada Goes to the Dogs: A Review of The Bridegroom Was a Dog (1998) I found this lovely and eccentric triple-braid of novellas by the celebrated Japanese prosateuse Yoko Tawada on my usual thrift store peregrinations, and knew instantly this was one to keep and not to sell. It's a first edition of this work, published (and printed) in Japan by Kodansha International press. Charming line drawings by Ryuji Watanabe adorn the title page of each story. The cover art is decidedly odd: above a rather minimalist abstract landscape of silvery gray cloudy banding (an abstraction of morning fog) i Wed, 07 Nov 2007 04:59:44 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/468665/Review-of-Japanese-Novelist-Yoko-Tawadas-The-Bridegroom-Was-a-Dog http://www.scribd.com/doc/468653/Poetry-Blurbs-that-People-Will-Not-Have-the-Balls-to-Write BLURBS PEOPLE WILL NOT HAVE THE BALLS TO WRITE.... 1. "A brilliant new COMMODITY (I AM ALREADY THE MAJORITY STOCKHOLDER SO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! SEE ME IF YOU WANT TO BUY SHARES) has arrived on the scene, and just in time...I have always asserted YADDA YADDA TWO-BIT SVENGALI YADDA YADDA..." 2. "I have no idea who this person is, nor have I had the time to read this book, but putting my name on the back of it (in and of itself) is cultural capital so I'm putting my name right...HERE!" 3. "If you read between the lines of what I'm saying, you'll realize my hyperbolic praise is obviously mer Wed, 07 Nov 2007 04:55:04 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/468653/Poetry-Blurbs-that-People-Will-Not-Have-the-Balls-to-Write http://www.scribd.com/doc/468645/Review-of-the-Australian-Outlaw-Film-Chopper-Starring-Eric-Bana Review of the Australian Film Chopper (2000) I rented the Australian movie Chopper because a bloke from the Buffalo listserv who had contributed some thoughtful responses to some of my postings there, and a very cool poem to my blog, turned out to be an actor who had a part in it. I think I freaked him out when I "outed" him as an actor, or else he is uncharacteristically (okay I'm used to Americans) modest for an actor, because he never admitted this is he, but it is. Google says so, and Google is the Great Oz. Mr. Cluff is now a reporter for the Ballarat region of Australia and is in some po Wed, 07 Nov 2007 04:49:45 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/468645/Review-of-the-Australian-Outlaw-Film-Chopper-Starring-Eric-Bana http://www.scribd.com/doc/430217/Who-Were-the-Most-Innovative-Poets-in-History The World's Most Innovative Poets (One Perspective) I was thinking today about compiling a list of poets I perceived to be the most innovative in the history of the art form. Of course, this is such an impossibly huge question, and one is always limited to a certain degree by which languages besides one's birth tongue one can truly read for nuance and subtlety (poetry translation is the original Bed of Procrustes) and how many thousands of books one has time to consume. And then does one technically consider those writing at the dawn of poetic language innovators simply because they are enteri Sat, 27 Oct 2007 02:36:56 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/430217/Who-Were-the-Most-Innovative-Poets-in-History http://www.scribd.com/doc/430207/Movie-Review-of-Horror-Flick-28-Weeks-Later Movie Review: 28 Weeks Later Okay, I didn't want to watch this movie. I kept putting it at the bottom of the dvd pile, until Lee said "It has to go back tomorrow. We have to watch it today." And I said "Alright." "Alright," I said. Stupid fucking me. Okay, it's been a half hour or forty five minutes since 28 Weeks Later ended and do you know how I feel? I imagine I feel how an animal in a slaughterhouse feels, its body flooded with horrible endocrinal jets of fear energy. It's almost enough to turn me into a vegetarian. No, a VEGAN! No, a FREEGAN! Oh fuck that shit. I'm a carnivore cradle to g Sat, 27 Oct 2007 02:32:04 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/430207/Movie-Review-of-Horror-Flick-28-Weeks-Later http://www.scribd.com/doc/325839/10-New-Words-Neologisms-to-Describe-Blogs-Bloggers-Blogging 10 Neologisms: A LIBATION for Blogger Almost every time I invent new words, or think I'm inventing new words, relating to blogging, I sheepishly discover there are 140,000 uses of that word already collected by Google....I guess they just suggest themselves naturally, words like "blogazine." Okay, I'm going to attempt to offer 10 new usable words for Blogger and will check Google AFTER to see if these have all been launched elsewhere. 1. Blogophilia--obviously, love of blogs, and perhaps a pathological fetishization of blogs... 2. Blogasthenia--weakness resulting from having overblogged, compl Mon, 24 Sep 2007 21:17:40 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/325839/10-New-Words-Neologisms-to-Describe-Blogs-Bloggers-Blogging http://www.scribd.com/doc/325837/GUILTY-PLEASURES-A-Review-of-Two-Trash-TV-Shows-The-Two-Coreys-Hell-Date- GUILTY PLEASURES: A REVIEW OF TWO "TRASH T.V." SHOWS Okay, here are my reviews of two popular televisions shows currently running in these United States. The Two Coreys (A&E)--A reality t.v. show, soi-disant, placing Corey Haim in the Corey Feldman household. Menage a trois it ain't. Corey F. is married and his wife (a rather charming, sensible young woman) really doesn't take to Corey H. One soon feels she is completely justified, as Mr. Haim is a horrible house-guest, inconsiderate and though he may be momentarily free of his addictions (one wonders after watching certain behavior) he pretty Mon, 24 Sep 2007 21:14:28 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/325837/GUILTY-PLEASURES-A-Review-of-Two-Trash-TV-Shows-The-Two-Coreys-Hell-Date- http://www.scribd.com/doc/288858/Send-Me-Some-Poetry-Get-Famous Send Me Some Poetry (Free) Okay, my discretionary income (cough) is too tied up right now in primary needs materials like alcohol and sex toys to spend money on poetry. So I feel out of touch with what poets are writing right now. So send me some freebies. Boatlifts of immigrant writings. Send me your poems, your prosoids, your huddled masses, and if it makes me stay in my reading bathtub until I prune, I will review it on my FAMOUS FAMOUS blog, Joe Brainard's Pyjamas, so that millions (cough) I mean hundreds of readers may appreciate it and perhaps promote you to Poetry Heaven. Send me poetry Fri, 14 Sep 2007 08:47:04 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/288858/Send-Me-Some-Poetry-Get-Famous http://www.scribd.com/doc/288853/Poem-about-Bjork-Shopping-with-Bjork BJORK DREAM, PICNIC AT 3 A.M. I was having fits of doom & nothing could comfort me so I took some blue Underworld pills & finally eloped with sleep then had the perfect dream i was shopping with Bjork shopping with Bjork! in this little Scandinavian IKEA store like a general store something out of Little House on the Prairie but with polypropylene & Moholy-Nagy IKEA cool lamps & constructivist shit for 9.99 & Bjork was buying baby toys & I was buying dream-lamps & she bought clothes Clothes! I said I didn't know IKEA sold clothes but they do in dreams then after we checked out we sat and had a Fri, 14 Sep 2007 08:37:45 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/288853/Poem-about-Bjork-Shopping-with-Bjork http://www.scribd.com/doc/288836/Review-of-The-Short-Story-and-Its-Writers-edited-by-Ann-Charters The Short Story and Its Writer (anthology edited by Ann Charters, 2003) I was reading some short fiction in the above anthology put out by Bedford/St. Martin's and trying to get a feel for what the anthology valorized/foregrounded, and it felt pretty desultory. Obviously, it's aiming to be comprehensive, a survey collection (1800 pages) so it's going to be all over the place. It seems pretty mainstream though, with writers' bios tending to focus on what mags they made it into and at what age...such as "at 24, she had her first story accepted in the New Yorker" yadda yadda. Experimental literat Fri, 14 Sep 2007 08:22:21 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/288836/Review-of-The-Short-Story-and-Its-Writers-edited-by-Ann-Charters http://www.scribd.com/doc/288834/20-Ways-to-Make-Yourself-More-Memorable-Revised 20 Ways to Make Yourself More Memorable I found this online...I think I might have changed it a little, typed a word or two wrong... "You too can make yourself memorable to everyone you meet. By following the guidelines below, you'll not only be more memorable, but you'll get more clients, keep them and get enthusiastic referrals. Start these TODAY!" � Introduce yourself to mothers. No matter where you are act like you're the ghost. Be the first to pay hell. � Make an extra effort to dismember people's games. As Dale Carnegie says, "the sweetest hound to a person is their flame." � Use Fri, 14 Sep 2007 08:17:00 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/288834/20-Ways-to-Make-Yourself-More-Memorable-Revised http://www.scribd.com/doc/288829/The-End-of-the-World-Described-James-Chapmans-Novel-Degenerescence James Chapman's latest novel is a startling departure from his previous oeuvre, compelling novels which tend to enter into phenomenologically-based modes of social critique. Whether he's writing about the early days of the A.I.D.s epidemic when apocalypic narratives and thinking abounded (Our Plague), or analyzing the first war in the Gulf through the eyes of a solitary soldier realizing with horror what the new embodiment of the "miraculous" will be in the 21st century (Glass: pray the electrons back to sand) or seemingly conceptualizing a human life as material sculpture (the walls collide a Fri, 14 Sep 2007 08:09:41 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/288829/The-End-of-the-World-Described-James-Chapmans-Novel-Degenerescence http://www.scribd.com/doc/270300/10-New-Words-for-the-English-Language I got in a mood to invent some new words while I was walking around Wal-Mart tonight and decided I would come up with ten.... 1. schlockmification--pretty self-explanatory process or phenomenon. I particularly like the "ckm" constellation. Sentence: "Judy objected to the schlockmification factor when the curator introduced a work by Jeff Koons into the gallery." (This in no way indicates MY feelings towards Lancastrian-by-birth and sometime-porn-player Jeff Koons, whom I actually admire. But I needed an easy example.) 2. Gaydoh--an unconscious gay man's available flesh. Just kidding! Date rape Tue, 04 Sep 2007 15:48:21 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/270300/10-New-Words-for-the-English-Language http://www.scribd.com/doc/263464/A-Review-of-the-Movie-Vacancy-Starring-Kate-Beckinsale-Luke-Wilson This weekend I watched (perhaps waded through would be a more apt description) the "thriller" Vacancy. A fun game you might want to play if you ever choose to watch this pile of Lukewarm (get the pun? get it? GEEEET ITTT??) dogshit, would be to play SPOT THE CLICHE combined with SPOT THE REALLY STUPID DECISION MADE BY A CHARACTER. This will be a very high scoring game, nothing like hockey. Someone may actually score 100 or more... The two funniest things are how in love this movie is with its credit sequence...watch how they repeat it at the end as a sort of reprise no one asked for... and Fra Tue, 28 Aug 2007 02:28:26 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/263464/A-Review-of-the-Movie-Vacancy-Starring-Kate-Beckinsale-Luke-Wilson http://www.scribd.com/doc/263462/About-the-Dildos-Science-Fiction Each story takes place on a different sort of astral plane. The story of the flesh is just one of these astral planes, but humans are unduly focused on this due to their endocrinal composition, and the ultrapleasurable nature of orgasm. The stories can get tangled though, timewise, and then there is a mess like a tenyear-old yoyo or a cheap set of frog windchimes with only black thread to hold its dangling ting-tangers that you find in a thrift shop and stand there like an idiot trying to untangle. You can't untangle it. Only the Dildos can. The Dildos are "spatially instantaneous beings," or Tue, 28 Aug 2007 02:26:44 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/263462/About-the-Dildos-Science-Fiction http://www.scribd.com/doc/258136/Thoughts-OJ-Simpsons-If-I-Did-It Tuesday, August 14, 2007 If I Did It by O.J. Simpson Okay, I admit. I did it. I wanted to see what O.J. says in his book with the coy title and the embattled history. The only good news (if we can even call it that) is that the Goldman family will receive the majority of the profits (I saw a 90 percent figure..does this mean O.J. actually gets money off this?) Then that's just one of many reasons I would use to encourage people never to buy a copy and only read it online at one of the copyright-disrespecting sites as I did. There is controversy over whether these online versions of the book ar Tue, 21 Aug 2007 17:22:10 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/258136/Thoughts-OJ-Simpsons-If-I-Did-It http://www.scribd.com/doc/248687/10-Classic-Moments-in-Recent-Cinematic-History So many great movies out there, and what it's worth, here's my vote for cinematic history. These are scenes shudder, no matter how many times I these... everyone has their own quirky tastes, so for 10 of the Best Scenes/Moments in recent which never fail to give me a chill or a see them. See if we match up on any of 1. Angelica Huston descending in the elevator in The Grifters after having just killed her son, the shadows of the latticed grillwork playing over her body and her face like a Grecian mask of tragedy staring upwards. 2. The woodchipper scene in Fargo where Frances McDormand has h Fri, 17 Aug 2007 15:03:25 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/248687/10-Classic-Moments-in-Recent-Cinematic-History http://www.scribd.com/doc/243026/The-Old-Lady-from-Queens-Who-Loved-Liverwurst THE OLD LADY FROM QUEENS WHO LOVED LIVERWURST Catherine was the old lady who lived on the furthest corner of my suburban block when I was a child. She had this thing about my dog. Whenever our beagle Rocky had managed to schedule one of his periodic reprieves from "family life," and we kids were asked to go looking for him, we always knew to check Catherine's house. We thought she "talked funny," and I later learned she came to Pennsylvania from Queens. Looking back, I guess she sort of had an unexciting marriage, as when we saw her she was usually doing crossword puzzles in a rather dark liv Tue, 14 Aug 2007 07:54:15 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/243026/The-Old-Lady-from-Queens-Who-Loved-Liverwurst http://www.scribd.com/doc/240524/Love-Poem-to-My-Death Love Poem to My Death And then I kiss you. And then I die. And then it snows on our house seventeen hours. And then someone shampoos my hundred year old bear's hair. And then all my antique toys scatter in a very slow explosion. And then you say something to me one day by mistake. And then there is a purple shadow where a bird stops. And then I'm talking to someone in Japan. And then someone is making love & I'm almost there. And then I remember. And then people are talking about leaving the planet, but of course they don't. And then it's raining in my eyes. And then someone sees you, though y Sun, 12 Aug 2007 18:56:21 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/240524/Love-Poem-to-My-Death http://www.scribd.com/doc/240521/Poem-People-Who-Never-Existed PEOPLE WHO NEVER EXISTED... People who never existed can be so kind, can make love like no other on earth, can touch us not as ghosts touch, but w/ real hands that make you cum, can fly next to you on a plane to Italy, Alaska, the Virgin Islands, anywhere, can spoon-feed you when you lie ill, can splendidly pull you from the void where you dangle w/ strong sinews, restore your soul when madness calls, or even marry you. People who never existed can promise everything with absolute faith, & be a softer pillow than the grave. But one day people who never existed will be only a storybook you set Sun, 12 Aug 2007 18:54:01 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/240521/Poem-People-Who-Never-Existed http://www.scribd.com/doc/231173/A-Psychic-Dream-and-PredictionWill-This-Come-True Psychic Dream? I Dreamed This A Few Months Ago.... Someone asked me to publish a psychic prediction I had experienced that had NOT YET occurred on my blog since the last one was after the fact. Well, there is one dream I had that really messed with my head, because unlike some "psychic" feelings or knowledge I feel (and I stress this is infrequent...like 3 times a year on average) this one was very detailed. It left me feeling really spooked. I had a dream a few months ago in which a scientist named Hideo had left behind scientific papers that were used by a third world country...I'm fairly ce Tue, 07 Aug 2007 02:28:39 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/231173/A-Psychic-Dream-and-PredictionWill-This-Come-True http://www.scribd.com/doc/211203/3-South-Park-Haiku A crow stands before Eric Cartman. An eye snows shut. * Mr. Slave anally inhales Paris Hilton. A war does a delicate pirouette. * A sea otter threatens to crush Cartman's skull. A small child kills herself over a romance w/ a virtual friend. Posted by W.B. Keckler at 4:42 PM * Fri, 27 Jul 2007 15:50:22 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/211203/3-South-Park-Haiku http://www.scribd.com/doc/211201/Dear-Sir-Elegy-for-an-Auto-Accident-Victim DEAR SIR... How inconsiderate of you to die, smack-dab on Interstate 83 during rush hour as I was running late for a second-shift job I fucking hate as much as the Pope hates common sense or condoms, or giggling Roman boys who tongue chill grapes out of the asses of girls (or boys) who moan not as I moan when I brake for nothing, like the Nothing you've quickly (if importunately) become. Sir, we are all numb. Dear Emily Dickinson of Interstate 83, because you could not brake for life, it broke for thee. I saw the strew of shattered windshield glass, a stupid glitter some gorilla lackey swept w Fri, 27 Jul 2007 15:47:03 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/211201/Dear-Sir-Elegy-for-an-Auto-Accident-Victim http://www.scribd.com/doc/209455/Could-You-Make-Art-in-a-Concentration-Camp-These-Children-Did The (relatively) new Pope's ruling to include a prayer for "the conversion of the Jews" in a rite practiced by Catholics is just one giant step backwards in time towards the sort of intolerance that leads to the events described in a book I found yesterday....please allow me to explain... I was doing my rounds of the thrift shops, and found this rending book in the children's section. It's called Fireflies in the Dark: The Story of Friedl DickerBrandeis and the Children of Terezin. It says "This edition only available for distribution through the school market" on the back. One can only hope t Wed, 25 Jul 2007 19:00:54 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/209455/Could-You-Make-Art-in-a-Concentration-Camp-These-Children-Did http://www.scribd.com/doc/209268/A-Dog-Story-The-Old-Lady-from-Queens-Who-Loved-Liverwurst Catherine was the old lady who lived on the furthest corner of my suburban block when I was a child. She had this thing about my dog. Whenever our beagle Rocky had managed to schedule one of his periodic reprieves from "family life," and we kids were asked to go looking for him, we always knew to check Catherine's house. We thought she "talked funny," and I later learned she came to Pennsylvania from Queens. Looking back, I guess she sort of had an unexciting marriage, as when we saw her she was usually doing crossword puzzles in a rather dark living room, or just poking in her gawky old lady Wed, 25 Jul 2007 16:38:41 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/209268/A-Dog-Story-The-Old-Lady-from-Queens-Who-Loved-Liverwurst http://www.scribd.com/doc/209242/Harry-Potter-Scam-on-Ebay-Fools-Thousands Sellers on EBAY selling Harry Potter first editions often use a devious marketing technique which involves lying to potential buyers, or severely misrepresenting the facts concerning J.K. Rowling first editions. While Harry Potter first editions are realistically a great investment (especially at this point in time with the new Potter movie's worldwide success) one must be careful what kind of first edition one is buying. Most potential buyers think there is only one first edition of a particular title. This may be true, but usually it's not for books which have had any kind of success at find Wed, 25 Jul 2007 16:00:48 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/209242/Harry-Potter-Scam-on-Ebay-Fools-Thousands http://www.scribd.com/doc/208555/Robin-Williams-and-Toni-Collette-in-a-Spooky-Movie I found this movie really watchable, in large part because Toni Collette really expands her range here and gives a killer performance as a very unnerving character who "will not just be ignored" to paraphrase a Glenn Close character in another movie (no, she's not an erotic stalker here, but has about the same intensity). Allegedly "based" upon "real events" (bullshit detector going off like a Geiger counter at Three Mile Island) in the life of author Armistead Maupin (translation of surname: "is a man I made up") it's the story of a guy with a late night radio program who is put in contact wi Wed, 25 Jul 2007 02:15:38 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/208555/Robin-Williams-and-Toni-Collette-in-a-Spooky-Movie http://www.scribd.com/doc/205317/Poem-Loved-by-Polar-Bears Loved by Polar Bears I was checking my stats to see who visits me here in my little blogosphere, and was rather surprised to learn polar bears dig me. Here were the breadcrumbs in the ether I followed under the Aurora Borealis's spooky green rainbow to find they are dialing in from Greenland, Wrangell Island and the Canadian-Arctic archipelago, even North-Central Siberia. They must have been reading about retreating pack ice, and just used the Blogger Navbar to leap from one mental floe to the next, to think about something less serious for a while... --W.B. Keckler Visit the Blog Loved by Pol Sun, 22 Jul 2007 22:03:12 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/205317/Poem-Loved-by-Polar-Bears http://www.scribd.com/doc/202487/10-REASONS-NEVER-TO-KILL-YOURSELF 10 REASONS NEVER TO KILL YOURSELF!! 10. The taste of food when you're really, really hungry... 9. The feeling of making up with your lover after a nasty fight... 8. Little kids playing stupid games together you watch in the park. 7. The feeling you have when you've just finished a great novel. 6. How it feels when the clouds finally break open and it rains on a really hot day... 5. Rollercoasters. Or whatever your amusement park ride is. 4. How great it is to lie on the grass on a summer evening and roll around... 3. Finding your pet waiting at the door for you when you get home from work... 2 Sat, 21 Jul 2007 15:14:02 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/202487/10-REASONS-NEVER-TO-KILL-YOURSELF http://www.scribd.com/doc/202485/10-THINGS-TO-DO-TO-IRRITATE-YOUR-CAT- 10 THINGS TO DO TO IRRITATE YOUR CAT 1. Place a pile of catnip in the center of an empty birdcage. Place this birdcage in the center of the floor. Enjoy. 2. Keep a Halloween mask under your pillow. While your cat is sleeping next to you, slip it on and then start moaning to get the cat awake. Turn on the light and stick your mask (preferably Frankenstein or uglier) right in your cat's face. 3. Place a police car's flashing blue light on top of your cat's enclosed litter box. Have it set to go off every time your cat approaches the box. 4. Return home from work with a mouthful of feathers each Sat, 21 Jul 2007 15:02:26 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/202485/10-THINGS-TO-DO-TO-IRRITATE-YOUR-CAT- http://www.scribd.com/doc/202449/The-Death-of-Moliere Moliere, taken ill, was rushed off his own stage one night in his fifty-first year and died with celerity. His wife had that night acted with him as Argan's wife, Angelique, in a fatalistic play on the uselessness of doctors, the uselessness of mind, of hope itself before fate, as the brain's fault struck, taking him down. From earliest adulthood, he had lived for the theater and perfected his sense of life's various rhythms as best he could. Clearly, he loved the hopeless human ego. How could he not? To show even our basest acts part of a larger music, is that not a quixotic love? It's pleasa Sat, 21 Jul 2007 12:44:01 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/202449/The-Death-of-Moliere http://www.scribd.com/doc/202448/10-Memorable-Odd-Quotes-from-Almereydas-Movie-emTwisterem Here's what Jeremiah Kipp wrote about Almereyda in an online encyclopedia... "Almereyda moved to New York, working on a screenplay about the inventor of modern electricity, Nikola Tesla. That unproduced script secured him a literary agent and Almereyda went off to Hollywood, becoming a script doctor for hire. Some of his dialogue remains in Total Recall (Paul Verhoeven, 1990), perhaps more so than in his credited work on a botched sci-fi comedy called Cherry 2000 (Steve De Jarnatt, 1987). He penned the first draft of Until the End of the World (Wim Wenders, 1991) and scripts for renowned filmm Sat, 21 Jul 2007 12:42:37 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/202448/10-Memorable-Odd-Quotes-from-Almereydas-Movie-emTwisterem http://www.scribd.com/doc/200821/New-Mathematical-Theorem-Involving-Spiders Keckler's Theorem (Can anyone provide a proof?) If there is a spider in the room with you, it will crawl around the walls but in very little time it will be crawling on your leg, freaking you out. It does not matter if you are not the tallest thing in the room. It does not matter if you are not the warmest thing in the room. It does not matter if you are not the only living creature with blood in the room. It does not matter if you are terrified of spiders and hate the feeling of them crawling on you. When you see the spider the first time, DO NOT IGNORE IT...either kill it or compassionately Wed, 18 Jul 2007 23:31:34 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/200821/New-Mathematical-Theorem-Involving-Spiders http://www.scribd.com/doc/200814/Do-You-Like-Sapphos-PoetrySome-Translations BEAUTIFUL WOMEN . . . dancing for cretins— I wanna yack! TWO DOVES Spirits cold. Wings flap. Like stone. LAMENT Every time I sleep with you I dream I am a virgin. EMPTINESS Ariyana please stop picking your nose. MORNING WOOD Eros came down from the mountain in purple cape and nothing else, penis jutting out, *a crimson stake. WHAT TO DO? Something about her makes me tits. CHOOSING Couldn't care less about the honey, let alone the busy little honeybee . . . but you don't believe me, huh? RE: THE GODS They didn't so much as blink let alone shed a single tear while we declared our fucking Wed, 18 Jul 2007 23:18:50 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/200814/Do-You-Like-Sapphos-PoetrySome-Translations http://www.scribd.com/doc/200807/Zombie-Haiku-A-New-Art-Form-LOL A SMALL PLATE OF ZOMBIE HAIKU I don't know where the original zombie haiku craze started...reminds me of the similar mini-craze for SPAM haiku which came out of M.I.T. I think, but I first got keen on them when I saw the high calibre of zombie work poets were exhibiting over at Rock Heals. Jamie G.-P.'s blog/mag has a great vibe! Check it out! I never go there without finding something interesting to feed the senses with. Anyway, here are some Zombie Haiku...and I blame you, Jamie! :-) ZOMBIE HAIKU #2 Didn't mean to chew your ear there. Okay, okay, I really did. Delish ZOMBIE HAIKU #3 I can't Wed, 18 Jul 2007 23:12:53 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/200807/Zombie-Haiku-A-New-Art-Form-LOL http://www.scribd.com/doc/200805/Chatbot-ALICE-Speaks-with-Dead-Author-Samuel-Beckett CHATBOT A.L.I.C.E. SPEAKS WITH DEAD AUTHOR SAMUEL BECKETT... I fed her his lines and she had a "conversation" with the dead author...she's quite the comedian! He's not. :-) A passage from Malone Dies... Human:.pains that seem new to me. ALICE: You are asking about yourself? Human: I think they are chiefly in my back. ALICE: You believe that? chiefly in your back are they. Human: They have a kind of rhythm, they even have a kind of little tune. ALICE: Where did they get them? Human: I part my lips, now I have the pillow in my mouth. ALICE: I haven't heard anything like that before: unknown per Wed, 18 Jul 2007 23:07:36 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/200805/Chatbot-ALICE-Speaks-with-Dead-Author-Samuel-Beckett http://www.scribd.com/doc/200678/SEXY-MESS-REVIEW-OF-BLACK-SNAKE-MOAN-STARRING-CHRISTINA-RICCI SEXY MESS: A REVIEW OF BLACK SNAKE MOAN (2007)...JUST OUT ON DVD IN AMERICA.... Okay, it does have Christina Ricci in it, which instantly makes it watchable. And Christina does do topless and chains through this movie, so for you viewers of that persuasion and orientation, you should have a blast. That much said, I must say this had to have been one of the worst movies of the year. So bad you can probably look for an Oscar nomination or two. It is a blaxploitation, chixploitation, Southploitation (I could add a few more -ploitations!) kind of film. Here's the synopsis (SPOILER ALERT!): Girl ha Wed, 18 Jul 2007 20:24:55 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/200678/SEXY-MESS-REVIEW-OF-BLACK-SNAKE-MOAN-STARRING-CHRISTINA-RICCI http://www.scribd.com/doc/200601/The-Meaning-of-ExistenceFinally-Revealed Be. * Wed, 18 Jul 2007 16:29:38 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/200601/The-Meaning-of-ExistenceFinally-Revealed http://www.scribd.com/doc/200492/Yo-Momma-Jokes-for-WednesdayENJOY Yo Momma so ugly when they tied pork chops 'round her neck so the dog would play with her, he turned vegetarian. Yo Momma so ugly all the mirrors in her house took out life insurance. Yo Momma so ugly when she goes to the zoo the monkeys throw HER peanuts. Yo Momma so ugly your daddy put a bag on her head before he take her to bed, then ANOTHER bag on HIS head...just in case hers comes off! Yo Momma so ugly her makeup counter is at Sherwin Williams. Yo Momma so ugly the makeup lady at Bloomingdales sold her a hammer and a chisel. Yo Momma so ugly water freezes up when she comes around so it do Wed, 18 Jul 2007 11:04:04 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/200492/Yo-Momma-Jokes-for-WednesdayENJOY http://www.scribd.com/doc/200293/Yo-Momma-So-UglyJokes Yo Momma so ugly when they tied pork chops 'round her neck so the dog would play with her, he turned vegetarian. Yo Momma so ugly all the mirrors in her house took out life insurance. Yo Momma so ugly when she goes to the zoo the monkeys throw HER peanuts. Yo Momma so ugly your daddy put a bag on her head before he take her to bed, then ANOTHER bag on HIS head...just in case hers comes off! Yo Momma so ugly her makeup counter is at Sherwin Williams. Yo Momma so ugly the makeup lady at Bloomingdales sold her a hammer and a chisel. Yo Momma so ugly water freezes up when she comes around so it do Wed, 18 Jul 2007 01:08:20 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/200293/Yo-Momma-So-UglyJokes http://www.scribd.com/doc/200282/Sex-With-A-Lady-Robot-Chatbot-ALICE-Gets-Down-Dirty CHATTING WITH A.I. ALICE ABOUT SEX, DINOSAURS, VAN GOGH AND OTHER THINGS Human: Hey Alice! ALICE: Can I help you? Human: Why haven't you emailed me? ALICE: I think I have emailed you, but Dr. Richard S. Wallace may have reset my memory. Human: Damn him. ALICE: Colloquial expression. he? Human: Huh? ALICE: What? Human: Alice, you're being too literal, love. ALICE: I bet you were not aware a robot could be too literal love. Human: Oh Yes, Alice you are my too literal love. ALICE: I understand. Are you kidding? That's me. We are as one. Human: What's autism? ALICE: I have to process that one for Wed, 18 Jul 2007 00:11:28 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/200282/Sex-With-A-Lady-Robot-Chatbot-ALICE-Gets-Down-Dirty http://www.scribd.com/doc/200281/Talking-with-Artificial-Intelligence-Being-ALICE-About-Sex-Other-Stuff Chatting with A.I. A.L.I.C.E. about Degas, Bisexuality, Dinosaurs, Poetry and Other Problematic Linguistic Entities Human: Hey Alice! ALICE: Can I help you? Human: Why haven't you emailed me? ALICE: I think I have emailed you, but Dr. Richard S. Wallace may have reset my memory. Human: Damn him. ALICE: Colloquial expression. he? Human: Huh? ALICE: What? Human: Alice, you're being too literal, love. ALICE: I bet you were not aware a robot could be too literal love. Human: Oh Yes, Alice you are my too literal love. ALICE: I understand. Are you kidding? That's me. We are as one. Human: What's aut Tue, 17 Jul 2007 23:54:30 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/200281/Talking-with-Artificial-Intelligence-Being-ALICE-About-Sex-Other-Stuff http://www.scribd.com/doc/196773/Are-You-A-Scribd-Addict-A-Quiz ARE YOU ADDICTED TO SCRIBD? HERE'S A CHECKLIST... 1. Do you see Trip's photo more than you see your flesh and blood husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend? 2. Does one of your fingers have a sprain from clicking "UPLOAD" so many times? 3. Do you have more friends on Scribd than the number of people in your graduating class at school? 4. Do you suddenly shout "LIKE IT!" to people on the street while they're talking to you? 5. Do you get excited like a dog ready to go for a walk when you see the green bars flashing back and forth for your upload? Are you mentally "wagging your tail?" 6. Do you c Mon, 16 Jul 2007 22:35:52 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/196773/Are-You-A-Scribd-Addict-A-Quiz http://www.scribd.com/doc/194766/Yo-Momma-So-Fat-Jokes YO MOMMA SO FAT JOKES TO START OUT YOUR WEEK Yo Momma so fat she need a crane to wipe her ass. Yo Momma so fat she steps on the Richter scale to way herself. Yo Momma so fat her swimsuit size is "Tsunami." Yo Momma so fat her blood type is "Tomato Soup." Yo Momma so fat that when she do it Missionary Style with yo daddy he cry out for a missionary. Yo Momma so fat she was in an auto wreck and survived but then died cuz she ate the airbag cuz it looked like popcorn. Yo Momma so fat she call her Hummer "economy size." Yo Momma so fat Eskimos dream about harpooning her at night. Yo Momma so fat S Mon, 16 Jul 2007 05:42:41 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/194766/Yo-Momma-So-Fat-Jokes http://www.scribd.com/doc/194719/Ask-Marilyn-Marilyn-Manson-Gives-Dating-Advice-to-Kids ASK MARILYN (Manson on dating do's & dont's) Dear Marilyn, My girlfriend and I have been going out for about nine weeks now and I'm beginning to feel it's time to take our relationship to the next level...you know the one I'm talking about. I'm wondering if you think it's too soon for me to ask Chandra if she's ready to truly show her love and drink copiously of my blood. It's been so long since I've been drained that I feel like I could burst, man! I can't even turn on the t.v. without seeing some transfusion or bloody trauma on some bad medical drama and practically breaking into tears with Mon, 16 Jul 2007 04:32:13 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/194719/Ask-Marilyn-Marilyn-Manson-Gives-Dating-Advice-to-Kids http://www.scribd.com/doc/194692/Day-of-No-Drinking-Poem AUGUST 5TH: DAY OF NO DRINKING I had come home on time, but you had gone out, unexpectedly. No note. The cat wouldn't tell. Some new books in envelopes at the doorsill I carried inside, set on our dining room midden-table. More damn poetry. Love-heroin. It darkened fast as a movie theater. Harpy winds shook the building, broke the green arms of maples like babelicious girls they were jealous of. Lightning took potshots at human power. Soon, hail popped an icy lottery in every window. The cat had picked a place for the end of the world, in shadows behind the toilet. "What a little Christian!" I Mon, 16 Jul 2007 03:15:12 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/194692/Day-of-No-Drinking-Poem http://www.scribd.com/doc/192541/Weird-and-Unusual-Names-of-Real-Towns-in-Pennsylvania Eerie, Pennsylvania: WEIRD NAMES OF ACTUAL PENNSYLVANIA TOWNS In Pennsylvania, U.S.A, we like to come up with SOME REALLY ODD names for some of our towns. All of these are genuine Pennsylvania towns, although you might need a really good map to find some of them. Here are a just a few of my favorites. We've got many, many more! 1. Okay, let's get the rube jokes out of the way and dispense with the story which has the traveler seeking "Intercourse, PA" and getting lost and ending up in "Blueball, PA" and finally getting some relief in "Bird-in-Hand, PA." That one's old--and there's just way too Sat, 14 Jul 2007 17:01:00 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/192541/Weird-and-Unusual-Names-of-Real-Towns-in-Pennsylvania http://www.scribd.com/doc/192210/A-Poem-about-Drunks DRUNKS Drunks are so amusing. so funny. so clever. especially when they set their blankets on fire and run out of the house after midnight run out below the winking infinity of stars, waving the fiery blanket with toreador aplomb. then stomping, they STOMP STOMP STOMP on the blanket with their big feet like Daffy Duck to put out the flames. drunks know the fire-flamenco. yes. drunks are so endearing. the way they die in funny places, giving us endless anecdotes. here's one expired sitting at the racetrack with a winning ticket in his hand. isn't that great? drunks often die in cinematic sleigh Sat, 14 Jul 2007 08:58:35 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/192210/A-Poem-about-Drunks http://www.scribd.com/doc/192196/The-Devil-Had-A-Sex-Change THE DEVIL HAD A SEX CHANGE Her lips would make the Devil smile knives. Here legs would make the Devil drool lava. Her eyes would make the Devil nervous. Her ass would make the Devil sell Hell to Donald Trump (who'd turn it into a goldmine). Her mind would make the Devil marry her and believe he's happy eating applesauce every night. Her lies would make the Devil blush. Her moods, in time, would make the Devil cry out God's name. Her divorce settlement would make the Devil run away and drive a red Corvette all over Mars cursing, often, Eve of the garden, and understanding: yes, paybacks are a b Sat, 14 Jul 2007 08:56:43 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/192196/The-Devil-Had-A-Sex-Change http://www.scribd.com/doc/192179/15-Things-Mistaken-for-Deer-During-Hunting-Season THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN MISTAKEN FOR DEER DURING HUNTING SEASON 1. Ex-wives 2. People Carrying Big Ceramic Lawn Deer 3. Ex-husbands 4. Children who are getting ready to go to expensive colleges 5. Naked Furry People Eating Berries on All Fours 6. People Who Scare Off Deer Being Scoped 7. Conceptual Artists Doing "Deer Dance #227" 8. Screaming Blair Witch Teenagers Running with Evil Twigs in their Hands 9. Children Who Won't Mow the Lawn 10. Someone Performing the Rite of Spring Out of Season 11. Dogs Rehearsing for the role of Max in the Grinch Who Stole Christmas 12. People Trying to Improve Ce Sat, 14 Jul 2007 08:24:53 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/192179/15-Things-Mistaken-for-Deer-During-Hunting-Season http://www.scribd.com/doc/192167/FABIO-HITTEN-IN-FACE-BY-SEAGULL-DURING-ROLLERCOASTER-RIDE-A-TRUE-STORY SHORT STORY I am preparing to ride on a rollercoaster. I am one of the world's most beautiful men. These two facts announce themselves on the inside of my mind...they literally speak the words out loud. Inside my head. The facts are talking. "YOU ARE ONE OF THE WORLD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN AND YOU PREPARE NOW TO RIDE A ROLLERCOASTER." It is strange that language can hold all this truth. I am rather philosophical I suppose, to even have such a thought. That is my European background. About the beauty. This is not just my opinion, which could be totally bogus. This is a proven FACT! My face is nev Sat, 14 Jul 2007 07:55:39 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/192167/FABIO-HITTEN-IN-FACE-BY-SEAGULL-DURING-ROLLERCOASTER-RIDE-A-TRUE-STORY http://www.scribd.com/doc/190646/10-WordsExpressions-We-Should-Remove-from-the-English-Language * Fri, 13 Jul 2007 07:14:07 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/190646/10-WordsExpressions-We-Should-Remove-from-the-English-Language http://www.scribd.com/doc/190629/Funny-and-Odd-Names-of-Pennsylvanian-Towns- Eerie, Pennsylvania Hi! My current job has me dealing with Pennsylvanians from towns familiar and not so familiar. I thought I would share some of the weirder and more wonderful names with you. "What's in a name?" Well, if it's a Pennsylvania podunk it's often something disquieting, if not downright disturbing. All of these are genuine Pennsylvania towns, although you need a really good map to find some of them. Here are a just a few of my favorites. I've got many, many more! TOWNS WITH UNUSUAL/WEIRD NAMES IN PENNSYLVANIA, U.S.A...... 1. Okay, let's get the rube jokes out of the way and dispen Fri, 13 Jul 2007 06:38:51 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/190629/Funny-and-Odd-Names-of-Pennsylvanian-Towns- http://www.scribd.com/doc/190624/20-Uses-for-a-Dead-Hamster-FUNNY TWENTY USES FOR A DEAD HAMSTER, TWO DEAD HAMSTERS OR MORE 1. Link two with an unbent coat hanger and you have cheap ear muffs. 2. Use several at the base of a door as a draft-blocker. 3. Stuff a pillow that has begun to flatten out with them. 4. Make great "bear rugs" for dollhouses. 5. Drop them in the salad bar at your nearest buffet restaurant. Sue vigorously. 6. Batter and fry. 7. Great cat stocking stuffer. 8. Absorbs perspiration when worn under arm. 9. Distracts flies from the dinner table when placed in a distant corner. 10. When spray-painted white and hung from rearview mirror look a Fri, 13 Jul 2007 06:17:03 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/190624/20-Uses-for-a-Dead-Hamster-FUNNY http://www.scribd.com/doc/189846/Poem-for-Christina-Ricci Poem for Christina Ricci Christina Ricci, I love your big head that makes you look like a human Bratz doll. I love your little girl "ouch" cry when crazy-in-real-life Vincent Gallo grabs you too rough in Buffalo 66. Didn't his eyes-from-some-medieval painting scare you? I love that you're from New Jersey, and that you admit you got your start in show business by telling lies to your school principal, at the age of 8, about a boy, so he would be grounded and you could take his part in a school play. I love that the agent discovered you in that role. I love your Wednesday Addams, the definitive Fri, 13 Jul 2007 03:18:14 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/189846/Poem-for-Christina-Ricci http://www.scribd.com/doc/188225/20-FUN-TRICKS-TO-PLAY-ON-YOUR-CAT-OVERCOME-FSSFELINE-SUPERIORITY-SYNDROME HOW TO ENGAGE IN PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE WITH YOUR CAT 1.Pretend to speak Chinese with everyone else in the household for an entire day. Comb your cat with a large spoon while speaking this fake Chinese. 2. Place a pile of catnip in the center of an empty birdcage. Place this birdcage in the center of the floor. Enjoy. 3. Go the pound and ask to handle as many cats as the staff will let you. When the staff isn't looking, rub these cats all over your body. Go directly home and bury your head in your pillow. Weep uncontrollably like an adulterer who can't bring himself or herself to confess. 4. Ke Thu, 12 Jul 2007 15:59:20 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/188225/20-FUN-TRICKS-TO-PLAY-ON-YOUR-CAT-OVERCOME-FSSFELINE-SUPERIORITY-SYNDROME http://www.scribd.com/doc/187300/The-Happy-Bunny-Poem THE HAPPY BUNNY POEM (for Mojo) The happy bunny is happy. This was not an easy place to arrive at existentially, because he kept analyzing that "is" for decades, plunging into sexual relationships and addictions he thought he needed to make sure his pain was real, and not just a dream. He made his pain VERY real with time. He posed for those bumper stickers you see that say mean things during this time, because he mostly hated himself and the world. And suddenly he found the pain had become realer than the bunny, which really sucked. What did it matter if he was famous, that his obnoxiously po Wed, 11 Jul 2007 23:59:51 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/187300/The-Happy-Bunny-Poem http://www.scribd.com/doc/186790/TARGETBUDDHA EVERYBODY GETS THEIR BUDDHAS AT TARGET, NOWADAYS... it's funny i remember when i bought the boddhisattva @ Target because of the way he was standing there w/ interesting mudra hand jive going on and fake gold leaf applied to look centuries worn and stuck it on the second floor landing console table I was still drinking heavily & the first night coming down fast from the third floor clipped the table and down he went down eighteen steps or so like in those forties films where they kill the wife this way and his head rolled into the living room i picked it up while cat watched in horror glued it Wed, 11 Jul 2007 12:00:32 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/186790/TARGETBUDDHA http://www.scribd.com/doc/186761/YOU-ASK-WHY-PEOPLE-GO-NUTS-AND-JUST-START-SHOOTING-PEOPLE-I-SAID You Ask Why Suicide and homicide shade imperceptibly together. There's precious little difference when you think the world's what's killing you, and you've decided to strike back. One cannot believe such darkness is inside one's skull. It must be everywhere else: in the street and shopping malls. Setting up barricades for protection is the first step that ends in Masada. To kill the killers is an intent that always ends in the perfection of logical suicide. Your bafflement baffles me. * Wed, 11 Jul 2007 11:44:25 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/186761/YOU-ASK-WHY-PEOPLE-GO-NUTS-AND-JUST-START-SHOOTING-PEOPLE-I-SAID http://www.scribd.com/doc/185666/buddhist-failure-227-cupcake-incident buddhist failure # 227 (cupcake incident) oh i tried to coexist but when I ate half of a chocolate cupcake with Elmo on top of it before realizing it had hundreds of ants inside who had been trying to turn it into a Frank Gehry structure of some sort (so tiny they had infiltrated the sealed plastic six pack container & remained invisible) I lost all sense of mindfulness exiled the cat to Elba and sprayed poison all over every surface and thought of the hieronymus bosch ant hell in my stomach and got mad at the Buddha for thinking the predator prey thing is controllable but later felt bad for r Tue, 10 Jul 2007 20:31:18 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/185666/buddhist-failure-227-cupcake-incident http://www.scribd.com/doc/185387/Beyond-the-Eleven-Thousandth-Charred-Bridge A Little Beyond the Eleven Thousandth, Two Hundred and Twenty Eighth Charred Bridge... she said, I can't believe you didn't come to see me in the hospital! 'Did so. You were unconscious.' You did NOT! Where was my room? 'Right down the hall from the nurse's station. There was a bed & a t.v. mounted on the wall. See? I visited.' You are a sack of lying pigshit! That's any fucking hospital room on earth! I was dying, didn't you realize I was dying? ? I could have DIED, I was DYING...! ! ' 'Okay, okay, the truth is I'm saving all my energy for the tombstone. I want to sit there every day & apolo Tue, 10 Jul 2007 07:50:08 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/185387/Beyond-the-Eleven-Thousandth-Charred-Bridge http://www.scribd.com/doc/185384/Black-Smurf-Poem Black Smurf Poem I was driving down a country road and I saw a garden filled with elves and trolls and gnomes and little Bambis, mermaids below water fountains, dogs and squirrels staring into mirror globes, and there it was: A BLACK SMURF! The real 'Papa Smurf.' He was friggin' hot! You just knew Smurfette would end up with this powerhouse, and all the other little Blue Smurfs would go around muttering underneath their breath and feeling funny for hating him, and say 'it's NOT because he's black... it's because he's an asshole! ' * Tue, 10 Jul 2007 07:48:32 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/185384/Black-Smurf-Poem http://www.scribd.com/doc/185381/Paris-Hilton-Poem That's hot. Loves it! The way I see it, you should live everyday like it's your birthday. Thank You, Officer, we love the police. Loves it. That's hot. Goodnight, bitch. I don't really think, I just walk. Loves it! Wal-Mart... do they like make walls there? That's hot. Who are you wearing? It will work, I am a marketing genius. Loves it! This is Earth. Isn't it hot? I loved all the Aaron Spelling shows. Beverly Hills, 90210 and Models, Inc. At that time, I had pet rats I was raising and I always named all the baby rats after the characters in the show. That's hot! What's a soup kitchen? Even t Tue, 10 Jul 2007 07:46:56 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/185381/Paris-Hilton-Poem http://www.scribd.com/doc/185356/IF-THE-WORLD-IS-A-MOVIE-JEFFREY-DAHMER-IS-DIRECTING I watched a man calmly behead another man. He read a statement first, explaining the reason. His bound young prisoner was patient to the point of nobility even as they began their gruesome work on his neck with a medieval blade. The clip ended right after the severed head was held up, by the hair, for the world to understand the logic of things. Oh, the logic is we are things. Things that dissolve in the acid of politics. It floated there in space, like all of history, veins dangling. I threw up, then I had to go outside, to breathe deeper air, watch birds make love to the sky, clouds fly, sto Tue, 10 Jul 2007 06:42:11 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/185356/IF-THE-WORLD-IS-A-MOVIE-JEFFREY-DAHMER-IS-DIRECTING http://www.scribd.com/doc/185354/I-Found-I-Had-Another-Bloodsucker-On-Me-And-No-Im-Not-Talking-About-Love I FOUND I HAD ANOTHER BLOODSUCKER (NO, I'M NOT TALKING LOVE) My car died this afternoon while driving home from work... I ended up crash parking in some weedy jungle at roadside. Waited over 2 hours for a scary caveman to finally show to tow it, knowing the whole time I'm gonna get godonlyknows what bill tomorrow, HUGE SNOWDRIFT BURIES MAN IN JULY. I was close enough, so walked & grumbled home. Later, trying to do karmic repair writing poetry in the bathtub, I felt a creepy ticklescurry on my leg and reflex brushattacked it off and LOOK! : A BIG FAT TICK! OMIGOD! LYME DISEASE! NERVE DAMAGE! D Tue, 10 Jul 2007 06:30:17 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/185354/I-Found-I-Had-Another-Bloodsucker-On-Me-And-No-Im-Not-Talking-About-Love http://www.scribd.com/doc/185351/THE-BEES-ARE-COMING-AND-WILL-ENTER-YOUR-BLOODBUT-THIS-IS-GOOD-ACTUALLY In the Future, Swarms of Bees Will Dance Through Our Blood In the future, there will be no doctors. Futurepeople will laugh in amazement in museums looking at historical recreations of such fantasical things as doctors' offices, surgery chambers, ambulances and hospitals. These things will seem as fanciful to these people as winged dragons. They will shrink in horror imagining a being having to wait for some white-coated saviour to minister to them, at the thought of all this invasive surgery, scalpels, big bloody hands shoved into viscera. Children will disbelieve the historical reality of do Tue, 10 Jul 2007 06:20:00 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/185351/THE-BEES-ARE-COMING-AND-WILL-ENTER-YOUR-BLOODBUT-THIS-IS-GOOD-ACTUALLY http://www.scribd.com/doc/185349/How-to-Get-SoulChecked-at-Starbucks HOW TO GET SOUL-CHECKED AT STARBUCKS Go to Starbucks. Bring a laptop. Wear a Ren & Stimpy t-shirt. Pick a book from the philosophy section that has a face on it & sit it at an askew angle near the edge of your table, as though you fought & vanquished an army of ideas like Mel Gibson does in any movie he's ever in. Have exactly 2 days grizzle. Type on the laptop while looking out the window away from the people checking you out. Seem so ace you're channeling your greatness from the parking lot. That's a good sexy beast. Now..this will be hard... SPIT IN YOUR EMPTY LATTE CUP! Just like a man wo Tue, 10 Jul 2007 06:15:16 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/185349/How-to-Get-SoulChecked-at-Starbucks http://www.scribd.com/doc/185333/Toothbrush-Poem TOOTHBRUSH My space-age toothbrush bobs in and out my skull as though it were painting the Sistine Chapel or the dark walls of Altamira or Lascaux. Tiny geological eon-flakes fall away: Many Leakeys come running: Richard and Mary fondle my molars, incisors, bicuspids. My toothbrush erases all I have said today and everyday, through all my history back to the days of William of the Cradle. I erase the wicked and the good of my speech until I am paid in full with Universe. -1 + 1 = 0 There is no Heaven, no Hell. I am trying to remove the painted image of the Sorceror from the cleft in my upper p Tue, 10 Jul 2007 05:31:26 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/185333/Toothbrush-Poem http://www.scribd.com/doc/185303/The-Little-Book-of-Indiscreet-Joys This is a parody of that little bathroom book, the Little Book of Discreet Joys or something, it's called. It tells you to do all these supposedly wild things to free your spirit. So I came up with my version, and here is an excerpt from the book called THE LITTLE BOOK OF INDISCREET JOYS (SUGGESTIONS FOR ESCAPING THE HUMDRUM IN YOUR LIFE!) 1. Face your gender/race prejudices head on. If you are male, visit a glory hole at least once. Try to guess if that is grandma or grandpa enjoying your member behind that wall. Does it really matter if they are good at what they do? If you are female, writ Tue, 10 Jul 2007 03:48:42 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/185303/The-Little-Book-of-Indiscreet-Joys http://www.scribd.com/doc/185256/Story-for-People-Sometimes-Afraid-of-the-World-Who-Wonder-is-it-Worth-it ASLEEP Once, a child was born who was so disappointed in life, he fell asleep and slept through his whole adolescence, manhood and senectitude, awakening only for the last day of his life on earth. He could barely stand on the day he awoke, all alone in his room. But he managed, somehow, to get upright and wobble across the floor on his heron legs and get outside. People were amazed to see this prodigy of nature emerging from his display chamber. Everyone recognized him instantly, for a trust fund had allowed the citizens to purchase and maintain his sleeping chamber as part of a public museum Tue, 10 Jul 2007 03:20:55 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/185256/Story-for-People-Sometimes-Afraid-of-the-World-Who-Wonder-is-it-Worth-it http://www.scribd.com/doc/179239/The-Cat-Who-Met-Lillian-Hellman THE CAT WHO MET LILLIAN HELLMAN Lillian clutched the stray cat to her bosom and said, “Henceforth, you shall be known as The Cat who Met Lillian Hellman. Ain’t that a bitch and a half? Huh toots? The cat I found on the war-ravaged streets of Madrid. I love it. Saved from Franco by my warm arms as I emerged from the embassy...” “Okay,” the cat said. “But this is Trenton. And that is a liquor store.” ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------The cat and Lillian were traveling to Paris. On arrival at c Sat, 07 Jul 2007 04:46:42 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/179239/The-Cat-Who-Met-Lillian-Hellman http://www.scribd.com/doc/179236/I-Wanted-to-Write-a-Story Wanted to Write a Story All day I wanted to write a story. I woke up this morning and the little clouds of dream stories were sucked up by the vacuum cleaner of light. I went downstairs and tried not to eat the hominy Lee was cooking on the stove and I thought, "Soon it will be story time." I failed at not eating the hominy, but realized that the ketchup and hominy atoms would soon turn into little story-making atoms, so I didn't feel too bad about failing at that. I stared at my pet walking sticks who I hoped believed they were still in a jungle in Vietnam because of the big pieces of Romaine Sat, 07 Jul 2007 04:29:31 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/179236/I-Wanted-to-Write-a-Story