http://www.scribd.com/people/view/8127-david-r-wyder This a feed for documents on Scribd written by dailycow 30 Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:34:20 GMT Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:34:20 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/2335788/Did-Jesus-Ever-Come DID JESUS EVER COME? Did Jesus ever ejaculate, masturbate or have a wet dream? Was Jesus aware of his cock and balls how many inches did he have? Was his semen holy could his sperm impregnate a woman’s womb and have a grandson or grandaughter for God? Jesus was a carpenter did he ever nail a veil in back of the church and moan to kingdom come? Surely he ate, pissed shat and sweated but did he ever come? (David R. Wyder) * Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:34:20 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/2335788/Did-Jesus-Ever-Come http://www.scribd.com/doc/2335786/The-Human-As-Hangnail THE HUMAN AS HANGNAIL History is deleted and refashioned by minds bent on doctrine Freedom is preserved by elected sorbates who must come clean Borders are guarded day and night to keep out undesireables The peace is preserved by nuclear bombs poised at the ready Money markets float with no vision of world economy Dangerous maniacs rifle through airline counters with voided tickets Mountains wear down and rivers flow sideways Mankind paves ground and stillness is lost to progress People fight to be free and imprison animals and nature Every so often a planet is discovered but no other life lik Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:31:46 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/2335786/The-Human-As-Hangnail http://www.scribd.com/doc/2083265/David-Wyder-Interview THE DAILY COW INTERVIEW WITH MR. WYDER DAILY COW: Rumor has it that you look like a cow. What do you really look like? DAVID WYDER: I'm 53 years young, a white/male (Swiss on my father's side and Dutch on my mother's side). I'm 5'11' and weigh about 145 pounds. I have brown eyes, brown hair with male pattern baldness, ten fingers, ten toes, one nose, two ears, two nipples, two horns, a hairy chest, and a busy penis. I am deaf in one ear, wear glasses, speak English with a deep, sexy voice and walk sideways. DAILY COW: Whatever possessed you to do a zine about cows in the first place? DAVID WYD Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:26:17 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/2083265/David-Wyder-Interview http://www.scribd.com/doc/463741/Cow-Education MUSE (Moos) COW EDUCATION Well, here I am your Guru Moo at the Harvey Milk Memorial School in California. All the little calves with shining eyes and underdeveloped minds and udders are on recess. Some are just grazing in the field while others are smacking the old cowhide around in a rousing game of softball. The cow bell rings and they slowly trot into their assigned classes to learn the ruminates of cow knowledge. At last count there were 1,500 other schools across the country like Milk Memorial. Education is given freely, not forced down the throat. Young calves realize their parents are b Mon, 05 Nov 2007 00:43:44 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/463741/Cow-Education http://www.scribd.com/doc/463738/A-Cow-Is-A-Person-To-Another-Cow MUSE (moos) A COW IS A PERSON TO ANOTHER COW Sunday is a wonderful day to be a cow. My Sunday is spent grazing in the park and shopping malls or climbing to the top of Pennington Avenue in the lovely city of Passaic. Oh the smell of the harvest apples in the neighbors yard, the wild darryl strawberries in the park, the smell of freshly cut grass and the sound of rap music emanating from the speeding tractors as they pass by. What day can compare with Sunday! A day of peace, yes, but by nightfall my ruminating has led me to the dark and troubled times that cows live in. I toss and turn in my Mon, 05 Nov 2007 00:41:10 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/463738/A-Cow-Is-A-Person-To-Another-Cow http://www.scribd.com/doc/463730/The-Milky-Way MOOS (moos) THE MILKY WAY Cow prejudice. It's rampant. Those who truly know us don't bother refuting generalized miscowceptions. Those who know us mock us and shout the loudest. Regardless, we graze pasturally with the knowledge of creation and live each day in a milky splendor. We can't help it if we taste good. But that don't mean we ain't got no brains. Whaddya think we do in the field all day? Just chew on grass, drop loads and go home to get milked? If so you are wrong, dead wrong. For one, we ruminate on the nature of things. ALL THINGS. We are tragically misunderstood by all living cr Mon, 05 Nov 2007 00:39:01 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/463730/The-Milky-Way http://www.scribd.com/doc/463718/What-Do-Cows-Want MOOS (moos) WHAT DO COWS WANT? Solitude is a severe test of a cow, but it is most necessary to maintain a regular flow of milk. The cow of solitude plants her seed wherever she walks-the woods, the fields, the shopping mall and the farmland where she strolls come to reflect herself. There is a deposit of her all over the landscape where she has lived. She loves to go the same route each day because she meets herself wherever she goes. She says to the blade of grass, hard rocks, local Seven-Eleven owner, and quiet pool - “intellectualism, not nature is the slop of creation.” A cow is such a Mon, 05 Nov 2007 00:35:29 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/463718/What-Do-Cows-Want http://www.scribd.com/doc/463657/Golf-Crisis-Looms GOLF CRISIS LOOMS BARBIBUNKPORT-The lush and exciting John Gotti Golf Course was the setting for a major foreign policy announcement by Bossy Federation of America (BFOA) leader Alice Cowpone yesterday. After a triple bogey at the 7th hole, Cowpone mooed the following statement: "My fellow cows and duffers, today I am beefing up our forces in the Middle Yeast due to that infection known as Sadism Moosein. The invasion of Cowait and seizure of their rich hay fields will not go unpunished. We have been asked by a nayboring kingdom to secure their border by drawing a line of manure in their field Mon, 05 Nov 2007 00:16:50 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/463657/Golf-Crisis-Looms http://www.scribd.com/doc/463647/Make-Love-Not-Milk MAKE LOVE NOT MILK SAN FRANCISCOW-With a cry of "Make Love Not Milk", a new moovement has been born in these United Steaks of Bovine (USOB). Cows and bulls in the fifty steaks want an end to artificial insemination and an era of consensual sex between each other to begin. They want to mate, have families and put a stop to the selling of their birthright and the indiscriminate use of their bodily fluids. The Reverend F.U. Cowstello is the spokesbull for this new moovement which calls itself the Bulls Against Insemination League (BAIL). They are proposing an immeatiate moratorium on giving bull Mon, 05 Nov 2007 00:14:45 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/463647/Make-Love-Not-Milk http://www.scribd.com/doc/463642/War-On-Bugs WAR ON BUGS CHICOWGO-Al Cowpone, leader of the Bossy Federation declared an all out "War On Bugs" yesterday. Thousands of cows are dying every month after being bitten by the deadly 'crick' bug which until a few months ago was mainly concentrated in the nation of Cowlombia. In a televised moo on the Cow Broadcasting System (CBS), Cowpone said, "It is truly a plague upon our land. These crick bugs have infested our barns, our graze land and worst of all our backsides. Our tails are worn out and our milk is turning blue. Bug zappers can't keep up with the sheer volume of bugs in the barnyard. No Mon, 05 Nov 2007 00:13:09 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/463642/War-On-Bugs http://www.scribd.com/doc/463633/The-Cowstock-Festival THE COWSTOCK FESTIVAL BETHELL-Some said it would be udder chaos. Udders said it would be a weekend of bullshit. But 400,000 or more cows spent a weekend of milk and honey mooing to the sounds of Joe Cowcker, Hugh Masakela, The Cowsills, The Dead Milkmen, The Moove, Christopher Milk and the Traveling Bovines. There were no milk floods and no fights over grazing territory. Although automatic milkers were scarce, cows shared the facilities in a newborn spirit of cowerly love. Surprisingly, most did not graze, they just sat down and passed around the alfalfa pipe and let the moosic hit their stoma Mon, 05 Nov 2007 00:10:39 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/463633/The-Cowstock-Festival http://www.scribd.com/doc/202300/Cowmercials-12 -1COWMERCIALS CATTLE FUTURES "It Takes A Village of Cattle To Make You Rich" is the new book by Hilly Rodharm Cliton. If you are a cow with no future you must get this book and learn how to get wealthy off the misfortune of your soon to be slaughtered brothers and sisters. Hilly made an initial investment of $1,000 and parlayed that into $100,000 in only a few years and you can to! Her immoral method is called "Cowpattylism" and it's perfectly legal in all 50 steaks. In the cutthroat world of business she will show you how to make a killing without bloodying your hooves. She will steer you to Sat, 21 Jul 2007 02:00:02 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/202300/Cowmercials-12 http://www.scribd.com/doc/202297/Cowmercials-13 -1COWMERCIALS TOILET BULLS After ten years of constipated testing we are finally ready to plop our line of Toilet Bulls for cows onto the market. These "potties to the year 2000" will make moola for your farm and eliminate all that odoriferous waste bossy produces each day. Your pasture will be so clean and sweet-smelling you'll be able to have a Sunday picnic there. Our toilet bulls are a slick ensemble of futuristic manure/pee receptacles that won't even be noticed by your nosy bovines. With omniscient computer sensors they follow your cows around and when the animal finishes its duty slide Sat, 21 Jul 2007 01:57:20 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/202297/Cowmercials-13 http://www.scribd.com/doc/187331/Cow-News-9 BULLS ERECT C.O.C.K. Dick's Hills-A large herd of bulls have formed the Council on Cow Killing (C.O.C.K. for short) to stop humans from taking their spouses away after they cease producing offspring and milk. Spokesbull Peter Premature quickly explained to us that there are countless bulls all over the country heartbroken due to this cruel practice. They hope to form hard pockets of resistance throughout the U.S.O.B. and create an underground tunnel to protect their wives from being trucked away. Peter plunged deeper into this matter by saying, "What do we tell our calves when they see Moother Thu, 12 Jul 2007 01:50:25 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/187331/Cow-News-9 http://www.scribd.com/doc/183607/Cow-News-10 CALF LABOR LAWS VIOLATED JERSEY CITY-It was two years and six days ago that it took a jury only five minutes to come back with a verdict of guilty and Daily Cow Publisher David Mooey was forced to cease publication for 730 days due to employing underage bovines to pedal his papers. At the sentencing, Honorabull Judge Hugh G. Rection, also forbid Mr. Mooey from writing or uddering any puns during that period of thyme. At a press cowference after the low tech castration Mooey called the judge an oxymoron and said he'll be moving to Iran, converting to Judyism and publishing free-farm poetry. In Mon, 09 Jul 2007 03:52:35 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/183607/Cow-News-10 http://www.scribd.com/doc/183604/Cow-News-12 MOOEY IN DEEP MANURE AGAIN PASSAIC, NJ-Legal problems seem to stick to Daily Cow editor and publisher David Mooey like flies on shit. Last week he was busted for rigging a Cow Patty Bingo Tournament at a fund raiser for the local Cowtholic Church. Cow Patty Bingo, as everyone knows, is a game of chance where you bet on which numbered square a cow will plop on first when let loose in a field of dreams. A priest, Father Ped O. Phile, smelled something fishy when Mooey's significant udder, Tean Cowley, won the first eight rounds cowlecting over $4,000 in cash and called the police. Mooey was haul Mon, 09 Jul 2007 03:48:35 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/183604/Cow-News-12 http://www.scribd.com/doc/183498/Cow-News-13 HATHOR FRATERNITY BUSTED SUGARTIT,KY-Early this morning four local college kids were hauled into the hoosegow after they were discovered tipping some loose cows by the side of the road with counterfeit $50 bills. They were charged with soliciting cows for sex, passing phony bills and creating a public nuisance. After much prodding the punks came clean and spilled the beans as to why they wanted to copulate with the cows, where they printed up the money, and why they didn't have web addresses. At a noon press conference Detective Peter Cowlombo disclosed that the mystery livestock case known as Mon, 09 Jul 2007 01:50:53 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/183498/Cow-News-13 http://www.scribd.com/doc/65726/Dairy-Queen-14 -1MS. DAIRY QUEEN NAME: Linda Slut Dairy Tripp (AKA LSD Trip) BIRTHPLACE: Radio Shack, New Jersey OCCUPATION: Professional Snitch-Bitch-Witch RELIGION: The Christian Cowalition (Jesus For President in 2000!) UDDER SIZE: Big enough to supply milk for all the crack dealers in Washington, DC LAST SLEPT WITH: The Pentagon, Ken "Dark" Starr, Rear Admiral Red Rufunsore LIKES: Wiretapping, book agents, leeches, rats, genital warts, phone tag DISLIKES: Sex, friends, The Media, personal privacy, polyesteer pantsuits FAVE FOODS: Brothel Sprouts, Hemlock Juice, Tyson Ears, Live Bugs, Parisitic Worms F Sat, 19 May 2007 02:10:04 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/65726/Dairy-Queen-14 http://www.scribd.com/doc/65725/Cow-News-14 LIBRARY BANS COWS Passaic, NJ-The Orange Julius Frostman Library on Gregory Avenue has had it with cows. For the past few months a herd of rowdy bovines has taken over the library creating havoc for the staff and their customers. A quiet library has become a hangout for cows. According to Head Custodian Robert Holstein, cows have eaten up all the grass and shrubbery outside. They also drop massive cowpies on the sidewalk and three patrons were recently injured when they slipped and fell into the manure. Once inside, the bulky bovines knock over the chairs, tables and displays and have even bee Sat, 19 May 2007 02:06:59 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/65725/Cow-News-14 http://www.scribd.com/doc/65724/Cowmercials BEN & JERRY SPRINGER'S ICE CREAM Our ice cream is made from cows that abuse drugs. These cows come from dysfunctional herds that have never known a day of happiness in their lives. You can find them stumbling around our farm with needles sticking out of their hindquarters, fake ID clips in their ears and chain smoking while pregnant. These are argumentative, slutty and violent cows who will kick your ass if you look at them the wrong way. It takes steeroid-driven amateur wrestlers to milk them and they only let their milk down when we promise them more BGH, crack, and opium in their feed. This Sat, 19 May 2007 02:04:49 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/65724/Cowmercials http://www.scribd.com/doc/35538/Remember-The-Alamoo REMEMBER THE ALAMOO SAN ANTONIO-The Great Barnyard War lasted six months and six days and ended on the sixth day of June at 6:06 a.m. It was at a fort called the Alamoo that the last bloody battle was fought between 5,000 Mexicows and a renegade band of 187 chickens and pigs. Animals were slaughtering animals all over the world and man was on the sidelines cheerleading and chowing down on the casualties. Cowmander in Chief Y.A. Tittle kept threatening to throw a methane bomb to the ozone and El Presidente Porque Puerco only egged him on by squealing, "go ahead and make my hay." The skies grew Sun, 22 Apr 2007 16:14:53 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/35538/Remember-The-Alamoo http://www.scribd.com/doc/35530/Is-Udder-Size-Important IS UDDER SIZE IMPORTANT ? The latest fad to sweep the bovine world is cowsmetic surgery. Specifically, I am mooing about the alarming increase in the number of cows having udder augmentation via silicone implants. Many small uddered cows feel that this is needed to satisfy their bullfriends and increase their milk productivity. To all this I say phooey! Any bull who doesn't love you for what you are isn't worth a roll in the hay. And any cow who thinks an udder full of silicone will increase her milk production is just plain dumb. The noted sexpert Dr. Hugh Heifer has just written a most inter Sun, 22 Apr 2007 16:07:03 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/35530/Is-Udder-Size-Important http://www.scribd.com/doc/35529/Calves-Of-The-Corn CALVES OF THE CORN The latest in a long line of tragedies to afflict cows is the current generation of calves who are in total rebellion against everything their parents stand for and in. Too many of our young generation have become juvenile delinquents and gone completely sour to the ideal that a cow's life can improve by working within the system. These days our young can be seen roaming the fields in gangs, destroying property, mocking their elders, abusing cowcaine and smoking the dreaded milkweed. They put tattoos on their underdeveloped udders with phrases like "Born To Die" and "Society Sun, 22 Apr 2007 16:05:30 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/35529/Calves-Of-The-Corn http://www.scribd.com/doc/35527/Miss-Piggy-Murdered MISS PIGGY MURDERED MAYFIELD-Miss Piggy, the vivacious porker porn star who entertained millions, was found hacked to death in her posh penthouse on Henson Drive last Thanksgiving Day. Also murdered were her long time co-star and live in companion, Kermit the Frog and a friend of the couple, Big Bird. The victims were all dismembered and various body parts stuffed into display cases, closets and drawers. On the mammoth refrigerator scrawled in blood were the words "Unthaw Walt Disney." Three large cowpies were found at the crime scene leading local pigs to deduce that the murders were either d Sun, 22 Apr 2007 16:04:16 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/35527/Miss-Piggy-Murdered http://www.scribd.com/doc/35526/Cowpone-Assassinated COWPONE ASSASSINATED DALLAS-Alice Cowpone, beloved leader of the Bossy Federation of America, was gunned down yesterday by a lone pig. The assassin, identified as Benedict Arnold Ziffel of Hooterville, Kentucky, was apprehended and is being held at Oswald's Slaughterhouse. The filthy swine is being grilled by Federal Bovine Investigators (FBI) for possible links to a sausage terrorist organization. Cowpone, age 46, was the top bossy in these United Steaks of Bovine (USOB) and in April won a mudslide victory over Joan McDonald for six more years of mob rule. She was in Dallas to lay a wreath at Sun, 22 Apr 2007 16:02:33 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/35526/Cowpone-Assassinated http://www.scribd.com/doc/31605/Rich-Flatulent- MUSE (moos) THE RICH & FLATULENT (CELEBRITY APARTHEID) Last month I went on tour to promote my new book, "A Hearing Aid Can Be A Sound Investment," and was shocked by the attitudes and behavior of those cows and bulls known as celebrities. This herd of actors, athletes, moosicians, politicians, writers and other assorted meatia stars/assholes live in a fantasy world far remooved from the average Joe and Bessie. They are a sickly lot who because of fame and fortune believe they are better than us. Their phoniness is in a class with Ma Bell and their arrogance is fueled by egos larger than the Sat, 14 Apr 2007 22:47:44 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/31605/Rich-Flatulent- http://www.scribd.com/doc/31326/I-Was-Sick-But-Im-Feeling-Butter -1MUSE (moos) I WAS SICK BUT I’M FEELING BUTTER You nearly lost your beloved windbag Guru Moo last year. It happened on Easter Sunday when I was with my pal Bugs Bundy searching for the "Ovum of Enlightenment" along the Chisholm Trail when I was stricken with severe pains in my abomasum (4th stomach). Pain, as we all know, means that something is wrong with the body. I only passed two courses in Pre-Med and those were Gall Stones & Gas so it was time to consult a physician to heal myself. Later in the week I arrived at the office of my Vietnamese Vet Lee Doc Toe and patiently awaited him t Sat, 14 Apr 2007 03:19:48 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/31326/I-Was-Sick-But-Im-Feeling-Butter http://www.scribd.com/doc/30312/Paul-McCowtney Sure I love cows. Who wouldn’t with over 1.28 billion of them all over the world buying my records. My dearly departed Linda and I always worried about the millions that are slaughtered every day. That’s why we read all the latest cow news in DAILY COW. They don’t accept corporate sponsorship and aren’t afraid to hurl cowpies at anybody. There will come a day when Helter Skelter is a reality and I hope this zine is there to chronicle it for all of us cow lovers. By The Way I Don’t Drink Milk What a zine! * Fri, 13 Apr 2007 02:29:09 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/30312/Paul-McCowtney http://www.scribd.com/doc/30309/Dolly-Partoff With udders like mine I have to worry about mastitis. From reading DAILY COW I learned that mastitis is an inflammation of the breast when they contain painful nodules or cysts of a rubbery consistency. I now have regular checkups with Dr. Denton who has a column in each issue and he says my hooters feel fine to him. Read DAILY COW and stay healthy. OHBy The Way I Don’t Give Milk What a zine! * Fri, 13 Apr 2007 02:18:06 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/30309/Dolly-Partoff http://www.scribd.com/doc/30302/Baby-Ruth Hi kids! It’s me the Great Bambino, speaking to you from the Field of Dreams. Did you know the game of baseball was invented in a cow pasture? That’s why all of us hall of farmers read DAILY COW, especially after a tough day smacking the cowhide over the fence. In this zine ‘nothing is real or imagined’ just like my existence now. So don’t strike out, pick up the latest issue of DAILY COW and hit a round tripper for me. By The Way I Drank Milk At The Orphanage What a zine! * Fri, 13 Apr 2007 01:56:15 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/30302/Baby-Ruth http://www.scribd.com/doc/30211/Cud-Meditations MUSE (moos) CUD MEDITATIONS It has been a long and hard winter up here on Mount Udder. My leathery disciples are outside grazing downhill in search of yet another Happy Meal. There is so much that is vile, disgusting, violent, vulgar and inexplicable in a cow's life today that I must give you some of my Cud Meditations to help you be strong in the dark days to come. These ruminations will give you hope and fill your tank when you are low on thinking gas. Moo them often and moo them loud! #1 In The River of Life I Will Not Try To Drown The Fish As the grim roper lassos me I will laugh in the de Thu, 12 Apr 2007 20:52:14 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/30211/Cud-Meditations http://www.scribd.com/doc/28302/The-Switzerland-Slaughterhouse (moos) THE SWITZERLAND SLAUGHTERHOUSE This will be my last column. These will be my last words. Your Guru Moo is approaching the last roundup and wants to share with you these last precious thoughts. Hard times have befallen us here on Mount Moo. My farmer has gone out of business and I have lost my family, my home, my job and soon my life. These last few weeks have been pure torture as I watched the trucks come and take away the milking machines, the farm equipment, the other animals, my brothers, sisters and finally me. All this happened so quickly. One day I was getting a tooth filled by th Wed, 11 Apr 2007 21:20:14 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/28302/The-Switzerland-Slaughterhouse http://www.scribd.com/doc/23480/Bully-Graham -1 I knew how to milk a cow long before I became a preacher. Cows are mentioned in the Bible. Remember the golden calf Mooses admonished his followers to stop worshipping? I could rap on forever about cows but my steak on the holy grill is about to burn to hell. Join another worthy moovement and be sure to read DAILY COW and get converted to the “Word of Moo” as told by their noted columnist Guru Moo. What a zine! * Tue, 03 Apr 2007 02:05:06 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/23480/Bully-Graham http://www.scribd.com/doc/23479/Cowleones-Cherry-Busted COWLEONE'S CHERRY BUSTED! CHICOWGO-Cherry Cowleone, thirteen year old daughter of Bossy Leader Donna Cowleone, was placed in a Calf-Way House last week after being busted by the DEA (Dung Enforcement Agency) for launching an atomic cowpie on Moscow. The cowpie, which destroyed the entire city and killed over 7 million cows, came without warning after it was activated from a missle silo located at a farm in Bullhead City, Arizona. The coworld shuddered when it learned that the young Cherry (a Grade A student) and three heifer friends (Patty, Amy and Lucy Sky) had fed some drug laced brownies to Tue, 03 Apr 2007 02:02:33 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/23479/Cowleones-Cherry-Busted http://www.scribd.com/doc/22423/Escape-From-Feedlot-9 ESCAPE FROM FEEDLOT #9 WACOW-Mass hysteeria reigns in this religious town as over 10,000 bovines from Feedlot #9 escaped when a deranged army of Brahman cattle stormed the gates and created a stampede to freedom. In a matter of hours Texas Rangers were dispatched by Governor's Sam and Whitney Houston to round up the escapees and disarm the scum. Casualties are heavy on both sides with the average weight scaling in at 1492 pounds. Local church going humans have fired up the "Holy Grill" and are barbecuing the dead in order to clear up the streets whose main arteries are clogged with beef. A Sta Sat, 31 Mar 2007 22:21:36 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/22423/Escape-From-Feedlot-9 http://www.scribd.com/doc/18422/Cows-Face-Extinction COWS FACE EXTINCTION MOO YORK-Daily Cow has learned that a resolution will be approved by the United Nations Security Council to exterminate all cows from the face of the Earth by the year 2000. Our exclusive report was hacked from UN files by computer expert Ted Williams who monitors human activity against cows. The resolution, approved in a fatuous cowference by all nations with the lone exception of India, will be released to the general public during the premiere of the Fall TV season. According to UN General Secretary Booty Booty Want Booty, "Cows will go. They will vanish and shrink. Cow Mon, 26 Mar 2007 02:17:47 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/18422/Cows-Face-Extinction http://www.scribd.com/doc/16648/Bossy-Tweed-Wins-Election BOSSY TWEED WINS ELECTION! MOUNT HUNGER-Bossy Tweed, a relative newcomer to the politicow landscape, was a surprise winner in this years election and will rule these United Steaks of Bovine (USOB) into the next millennium. Bossy, a fast-mooing and well-dressed Holstein huckster from Moo York City upset incumbent Donna Cowleone and third party candidate Joe McCowthy. The final results were Tweed *66%, Cowleone 42% and McCowthy 13% (*includes 5,000 absentee ballots cast for Tweed from a slaughterhouse in the Bronx). Ms. Bossy ran a smart campaign in platform heels focusing on clothes for cows, p Fri, 23 Mar 2007 04:30:50 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/16648/Bossy-Tweed-Wins-Election http://www.scribd.com/doc/16635/Gatesway-CEO-Has-Sex-With-Cow GATESWAY CEO HAS SEX WITH COW! NORTH SIOUX CITY, SD-The serenity of the bovine world was shattered today when local sheriffs officers arrested Bob Apple, the CEO of Gatesway Computers, and charged him with sexually abusing a calf. The robust manufacturing cowpany known for shipping their computers in boxes with a Holstein motif had sales of over $7.7 billion last year. Local Persecutor Ludvik Ramrod charged Mr. Apple with 13 counts of bestiality. If convicted the computer moogul could face twenty years in prison. As cows in this small state choked on their cud at the horrifying news, word up i Fri, 23 Mar 2007 04:08:13 GMT http://www.scribd.com/doc/16635/Gatesway-CEO-Has-Sex-With-Cow