The Atlantic

Dear Therapist: I Don’t Know How to Set Boundaries With My Parents

They say they’re trying to protect me and my brothers during the divorce process, but they’re dragging us into their problems.
Source: Bianca Bagnarelli / The Atlantic

Editor’s Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at

Dear Therapist,

I am 21, a college student, and the oldest of three boys. My parents have been going through a bitter divorce process for the past two years. They are at each other’s throats in court about financial matters that they refuse to disclose to us, supposedly to “protect us.”

We don’t feel protected though, because they blame each other constantly to us. Oftentimes, they’ll even ask us to mediate between them, sending messages to each other via us.

My mother, whom I’m

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