The New York Times

I Am Not Your Tinder Fantasy

IT’S GREAT TO SPICE UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP! BUT QUEERS DON’T EXIST FOR YOUR PLEASURE.

It was early February and it had been a long week. It’s winter in Minneapolis, so every week is a long week. But those last few days had felt endless.

Padding into the bathroom in my gray adult onesie, I cranked the tub’s faucet to its hottest setting. Water at this temperature would have effectively boiled me until I was as bright as a giant pink Easter egg. Who cared. It was going to snow forever.

I applied a charcoal peel-off face mask. I poured myself a glass of $6.99 rosé from Trader Joe’s, because I know how to treat a fancy lady right. I grabbed my phone, unzipped my

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